I have been having alot of anger issues with my menopause, which I thought were getting some better. But all of the sudden, I am totally upset with my husband over things he has done all of our married life.(38 years of it) But for some reason, I just don't want to take it anymore. Nothing big, just the little stuff, that we all get irritated at each other for. Its like after all these years, I am so mad at him for things he has always done. Does this make any sense? I feel like most of my anger is geared toward him and no one else. I don't know if meno is the cause of my extreme anger or it is really a valid anger that has nothing to do with the meno. Has anyone went through this during your menopause years with your husband? I would love to hear from you. I don't know if he deserves me to be so cranky with him. I am just confused. Thanks for listening. Just little things that you find yourself thinking, I can't believe I put up with this all these years. But I have, and now all of the sudden its like I shouldn't have to.

Oh yes .. he has been getting the brunt of if for a few years now .. I think the best thing I have done is told him when Im really pissy that its hormonal, I have found a new hobby,, take my boys out shopping ,, encourage him to go do something without me ,, yesterday I had my lady friends over and we drank champagne I bbq'ed and he took the boys to lunch and a movie .. It was really nice. It comes and goes with my cycle though .. right now Im a wreck because my cycle is late .. and this is when everything goes haywire .. the body and the mind .. so its a struggle. Hang in there .. bite your tongue from time to time .. if you cant .. at least try to let it be known without yelling that "that was then and this is now and your not giong to put up with certain things anymore " ,, seems to have worked for me

im yelling right now as i type this , over something small but , im sure he deserves it some where in my mind..... you know how i feel? live with it or theres the door, i think he has learned to just let it go in one ear and out the other, and if i keep it bottle up inside im gonna really go postal on him !!!!

I went through a phase where everything my husband said and did irritated me. I felt angry for so many things he had done during our marriage that I almost hated him! I used to lie in bed at night and endlessly think about moving out with my cat and living on my own.

I understand now that as we move into menopause and beyond there is a very natural inclination to start to put ourselves first, to lose the nuturing instinct and to question all the things we have always tolerated in the past.
I went through a very tough surgical menopause where my feelings changed very fast. Where before everything was always about making sure hubby had his clean shirts, and that the dinner was always on the table etc I stopped caring about it all. I stopped feeling like I had to nuture everyone including my grown daughters. I was looking much more inward and asking myself what did I want.
I think this is why so many marriages end around the time of menopause, because women have an about turn in their natural instincts and need to re-evaluate their lives. They don't want any more to continue putting up with things they have done for so long.

In my case my husband took early retirement and without my even asking he started doing things around the house. He discovered he loved cooking and became quite happy to iron his own clothes and clean up.
Because I was so poorly for a while after my surgery (for endo cancer) he became the nuturer and now the balance in our relationship has changed and we are very happy with it. I only do things I want to do now and I don't care if the house isn't dusted. If hubby wants a shirt ironed then he does it himself. It is sooo liberating!

I think what you are going through is completely natural, and hopefully eventually the anger towards your hubby will go.
I would suggest you wait it out and don't do anything rash. You may find that eventually you can have a much better and happier relationship together than ever before. I know we have

janet c

This post has perfect timing!! DH has called me at least 4 times at work today and I feel crampy. He is lucky I can't reach thru the phone because I would choke him!!

Yes those little things make me want to SCREAM!!!! What gets me more than that is questions, questions and more questions!! WHY should I know why the kids are doing this or that or where something he is looking for is? I didn't fippin' have it.

I need a pill

I've heard and experienced first hand that when you are in menopause. Everything comes up for you to finally resolve unresolved issues including unexpressed anger. We just get to a point where we just cant take unfair treatment anymore. My husband is great to me and always has in most ways.
However he has the kind of temperment where if he is upset about something it comes out towards everybody. I've dealt with it because I know thats how he gets and its a small percentage of the time. Well recently he had one of his episodes and I said"Listen I cannot put up with that anymore. We will have a problem if you continue to spew your anger that has nothing to do with me towards me in my menopausual state.

So I think your right we cant put up with what we used to and thats all a part of the change. You have the right to tell your husband that you finally realize you cant and wont tolerate certain things anymore.

DH said this sounded like me ...

I don't agree

I agree with all the above posts. I have only been married 4 years to my 2nd husband and don't have 20 year history with him. But, I was with (not married) to a guy for 12 years, he was an abusive alcoholic that I had a son with. I stopped loving him very soon into the relationship, first he scared me, then I detached from him, then I left him a few times, he would come back promising a whole new life, he had changed, I let him back, who knows why and so and and so forth, blah, blah, blah. 6-7 years or so ago I was probably just starting peri, but, somehow as I grew in my career and felt more confident, I also grew a spine and the anger started coming back until the night he started choking me and I started slugging back, I didn't care anymore. I was not hitching my wagon to his declining star anymore. I left with my son and swore I would sleep in my car before I would go back to him. Who knows if it was peri or me just taking control of my life and taking my son out of this toxic environment, I just knew I had to get my son away from this. I have had various symptoms as I have moved forward in peri, right now I am in the "couch potato" phase with intermittent times where I get out to attend certain functions, it's getting better. I can't ever get mad at my husband, he is too good to me. But, thankfully, he leaves me alone ALOT, I could sit by myself and forget about the world sometimes. He is so comfortable in his own skin he just lets me be. He will make dinner, he washes his own clothes, as does my son. He does the dishes most of the time and I have someone come in and clean once a month. He comes in to check on me every couple of hours if I am holed up in our bedroom and asks me if I need anything and how am I doing and gives me a kiss? Can you believe with all that kindness sometimes I will look around him and focus on the TV.... then I remind myself to look in his eyes and connect with him when he kisses me. He will rub my back. I wasn't doing that much for him. I went from being abused to spoiled and I took to spoiled really well, lol. So, now even though I am secretly selfish and self absorbed these days and I don't really feel like doing it (which by the way I feel terrible about). I get up in the morning and make his coffee and last night gave him a little neck rub and head rub, he just melted and actually said "how come you don't do this for me that often". I realized even though I thank him profusely for everything he does. He needs a little TLC too. Uggghhhh, how selfish can a person be? I think I got so used to not doing anything for the abusive ex, it is hard to break that habit with the wonderful husband. I also used to salivate over babies especially little girls, always wanted one of my own (had 2 sons whom I adore). My sister had a little girl who is just the cutest little thing.....I thought for sure when she had her I would be all over her like white on rice..... guess what....not so much. I love her, but, I have no desire to babysit. When I see her I love on her and kiss on her. But, after a few hours I'm done. It's weird for me I have always been baby crazy. Anyways, sorry off topic. Take care of yourselves and the people you love, you'll need them when all this junk decides to move on. Mich

Glad your life is so much happier now Mich!!!

Thank you so much Fried. Hopefully, I can keep the anxiety/panic/depression under control with the AD and stay healthy and I will be good to go. I hope you are doing well too.

Hope you are having a good day today.
Mich

I also seem to have a lot of anger issues when it comes to my relalionship with my husband of 30 years. My fuse is very short and it doesn't take much for me to start dwelling on all his faults. (like I don't have any ) Then I start talking to myself, sometimes in my head and sometimes out loud. Things like......"I'm so DONE with his S**T!" or "I can't believe I've put up with this for 30 years!" or my favorite one....."You stole my youth!"
He knows when to stay clear of me pretty much now. I would really like to know if this anger will eventually go away, or will it just get worse the older I get?

I'm bi-polar when it comes to my husband> one day I can't live without him> the next day I want to push him in front of a train!

I seem to be CONSUMED by anger lately. I almost never yell at anyone, I don't often have temper tantrums (aside from the very rare rage episode ... ), I almost never even raise my voice to my husband (mostly because I'm afraid to -- he yells back 1000x LOUDER).... but I have this CONSTANT brewing anger and resentment INSIDE towards almost everyone in the world. I'm obsessed with it, almost. This anger. Perimeno has made it worse, more constant and more pointed, and closer to the surface, ready to explode. I fantasize the most awful vengeful things sometimes, people would be shocked if they knew. They think I'm so nice and mild.

I know it's really hurting me more than anyone else.

What do I do? (don't say 'see a therapist')

I'm too tired to do yoga anymore -- it used to help me a lot. But there's something else I'm getting at. What I REALLY want to do is complain and complain and complain. I have no desire (yet) to get over this. I want to wallow in it a bit. I want to fully experience my anger and emotions and then thrust it all out in a grand glorious explosion at all those around me who deserve it. I need this release. I don't need to calm down in peace and serenity, not just yet. I need to blow up. But I'd like to learn to express my anger more regularly so that it doesn't build up like in a steam kettle.

I almost dont even know the sound of my own raised voice, it's so rare (I don't know HOW to get openly angry. Tell me, can one practice this, somehow? Should I practice yelling? (like in my car?) Somehow yelling or raising my voice has never come naturally to me unless I'm pushed FAR beyond my edge of sanity. Then I'm like a wildcat. Luckily it only gets to this point about once every few years. And it's VERY scary both to myself and those around me.

Thanks everyone. (I feel an iota better just expressing myself in writing here... )

I hope you have a good sense of humor. I'm not going to tell you to see a therapist. I hate those idiots. I think you NEED to get REALLY MAD! If you yell in your car, make sure no one sees you. You don't want to scare other drivers! Have a pillow fight with a big pile of your husbands clothes. The next time you have the house all to yourself, walk around and YELL, CUSS, RANT AND RAVE all you want. Look in a mirror and pretend you're yelling at your husband! Find something that belongs to him that you're sure he won't miss (nothing valuable) and BREAK IT!


Does that help?

Id ot a lot of telling my husband off in my car on the way home from work,, it makes me much calmer when I arrive hmmm,, makes me think ,, maybe I'll go into the buisness of selling fake plastic blue tooths for the menpausal woman.. "You too can yell at your husband in the car and no one will think your crazy " !! .. whaddya think !!

LOL, yeah! Sounds good. Go for it, I'd buy one.

And thanks for the advice Texasgirl -- great!

- feeling much better today.

PATSY,
THIS IS----OH SO FAMILIAR TO ME..I SEEMED TO BE EXACTLY LIKE THIS IN THE BEGINNING (AFTER BECOMING POST--DUE TO RADIATION TREATMENTS)..I HONESTLY THOUGHT IT WAS RELATED TO ME DEALING WITH BEING A CANCER PATIENT...BUT THE MORE I READ HERE, I BELEIVE IT IS RELATED TO THE MENO RIDE WE ARE ON...I HATED MY HUSBAND SO MUCH FOR HOW HE HAD TREATED ME FOR YRS....ALTHOUGH I LOVED HIM TREMENDOUSLY (HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A VERY LOVING AND CARING HUSBAND --HE HAS BEEN A GREAT PROVIDER FOR OUR FAMILY--AND I HAVE NEVER HAD TO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME) BUT HE ALWAYS TRIED TO MAKE MY DECISIONS AND SUGGESTWHERE I GO AND WHEN TO GO AND WHEN NOT TO GO...AND I FINALLY REALIZED I HAD A RIGHT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS----HE HAD A VERY HARD TIME ACCEPTING ME AS THE NEW PERSON I HAD BECOME---BUT IT IS ALL WORKING OUT NOW..HE HAS ACCEPTED MY NEW PERSONALITY.....
AND I THINK WE ARE MORE COMPATIBLE NOW THAN WE HAVE BEEN IN YRS..
WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED NEARLY 27 YRS...ALL OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS HAVE BEEN THROUGH AT LEAST ONE DIVORCE===BUT WE HAVE STUCK TOGETHER IN THE GOOD AND THE BAD...AND IT HAS BEEN ROUGH SOME TIMES....BUT I WOULD SAY WE ARE STILL VERY HAPPILY MARRIED! WE NEITHER ONE HAVE ANY DESIRE TO BE APART...
BE FORGIVING OF HIS FAULS --BUT LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AN OPINION TOO....YOU BOTH NEED TO COMPROMISE!!! DONT GIVE UP ON EACH OTHER...THIS IS JUST A NEW PHASE IN YOUR LIVES!! YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT!! WOULD YOU REALLY WANT TO START OVER WITH SOMEONE ELSE???

Yes Patsy i have anger toward my hubby alot just for liitle things but to me its big things lol. I have a mother in law living here too and shes is second in line. I hear ya!!!

Can't say I've been irritable with him at all. What I can say...is that I wanna jump him all the time. hehehehehe...did I just say that?????

Must be my testosterone/estrogen imbalance.

I love the Bluetooth idea - you would sell tons!
LOL

Mary Beth