Hi friends,
I have not posted in a while. I have been in so much pain that I feel like I am losing my mind. After the 4th MRI and 6 x-rays, I finally have a firm diagnosis. At some point in time, I fractured my low back. I was so active as a kid and teen with gymnastics/track and field and even an adult with my Marshal Arts training and all that I don't remember anything significant. Anyway, the injury healed over time but left me with a Spondolisthesis. It's a dislocation of the upper vertebre over the lower. It's graded. Mine is a grade 1 and 2 when I bend or lift my legs. If it degenerates from there you can have loss of bladder and bowel and it can be dangerous. It also causes my vetebre to dig/pinch into my spinal chord. They also found out that by my body trying to compensate, my pelvis has rotated and caused my left leg to become 10 mm shorter. Then add to that Severe facet joint syndrome along with Degenerative Disc Disease and you have the full picture of why I have been in this disabling and excruciating pain. I am seeing an Orthopedic Surgeon in the morning and also a Neurosurgen. I live in a constant state of pain. I have not had a pain free day in years and I think it has worn me out mentally and physically. I just denied that this was a real problem. I kept thinking I would wake up and it would all be gone. It started in 1999. Here I am 10 years later and I am so mad at myself for letting this thing get this bad to the point of no return. My docs told me that they are unsure if this can even be corrected by surgery. The problem is that I look fine. People expect so much out of me and anything that has to do with bending, walking or lifting puts me into pain oblivion for days. I have burning pain shooting into my groin/crouch area. My hips burn and ache to the point where it wakes me up at night and I now walk like an 85 year old woman. I wear a back brace all day. I have always been so athletic and active that my kids with the exception of my 8 year old who sees me deal with this every day probably thinks I am making this up. I can't lift my grandchildren anymore without paying for it for days and my 23 year old has refused to speak with me for over a month now because I refused to take my grandson overnight to babysit. He called me "SELFISH." My doctor has now referred me to a Pain management clinic and I have been loaded up with strong pain meds, of which I have refused to take. My girlfriends sister died last year of an accidental overdose because she was taking pain meds for her back, she was 35. I am so glad the doctors have been straight forward with me. I needed to hear the truth. Not what I wanted to hear, but at least that this pain is not in my head or from depression. Having peri has only made this more of a hell. I broke down sobbing everyday for the past week. I have to lay on an inversion bed and have my 8 year old pull me to create a traction. It is horribly painful but does help temporarily. When he leaves the room, I just lose it and cry because the pain is ridiculous and because this is what my life may look like forever more. Its become too much to bear lately. Sorry this is so negative but right now I just need to get this off my chest and set forward a plan to recover my life back. Thanks friends for listening................Debra

i feel your pain, i have 2 bulging disc and a tear in my disc also, i have mild spondo, i dont have constant pain ( thank you lord) but when i sit or stand too long it comes to me, i have chosen to take the meds and they help but that is my chose, i dont have any real help for you just to let you know you are not alone, i too have people that want it all and think , oh you look fine one day and cant move the next that you are making it up, or people that are making it up for reasons of there own, make it worse for people like us, ok , ttyl bye

Debra, what have they given you for pain? If you have not been offered Neurontin...ask. It's for nerve pain. I also believe it is non addicting.

oh one more thing - i got this great shiatsu pillow made by homedics that is great, sold at walgreens for $40 and well worth the money, treat your self to it you wont be disappointed..... go ahead you desreve it.......

OMG, you poor thing. I've had low back pain most of my life -- fell and pulled some muscles when I was 14, and it's given me trouble ever since (and being 60 lbs. overweight doesn't help it a bit). But most of the time, mine is just nagging. I get bouts when it's really bad, but I'm not NEARLY in the same amount of pain as you are. I'm so glad you finally found out what's going on. Maybe now you can get some treatment to make your life a little easier.

Hi Debra:

I know what it is like to have a problem and not be able to find out what it is! when I finally got my diagnosis I was devastated but at the same time I cried tears of joy because as I told my doctor, it was not in my head or because I was anxious. There really was something physically wrong with me and I was not a loony toon.

So congrats on the diagnosis, I am a firm believer in if you know what is going on you can deal with it better.

Now I will pray that you and the doctors can come up with a treatment plan that works great for you.
Big hugs to you,
Jeaninne

(((((Debra)))))

I have back issues since a car accident several years ago, so I understand back pain.

I don't want to be Captain Obvious here, but have you tried chiropractic and/or acupuncture? They have been my best ally against this and keeps me functional.

The H E double hockey sticks to anyone who doesn't believe you and as for that 23 year old--when you have a good day and can lift your leg without pain be sure to give him a swift kick where the sun don't shine.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

My husband has spondo, it's horribly painful. He had a time when his one foot was dropped, he had no control over it. Thankfully he was able to recover with traction and spinal decompression treatment. He hasn't needed surgery, and hopefully never will.

My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine living in that pain forever. I sure hope the doctors can help you heal.

Hi my friends:
I tried to get into the PS website but for some reason it was down and I couldn't get in. I wanted to thank each and every one you you ladies for your positive and encouraging replies. I wanted to answer each one of your replies but apologise that I am posting one her for all today. I wanted to let you ladies know that I saw an Orthopedic Surgeon, who operated on my father and his prognosis was devestating for me. He looked at my MRI and exrays and said that my back problem was the worst that one could have. He said the only treatment was to put Titanium Rods in my low back and fuse my L4-L5 together because my back was completely unstable with the Spondolysthesis. Unfortunately thats not where it ends, the Spinal stenosis is further complicating my pain and along with it I have severe arthritis and bone spirs at the sites. I also have Severe facet joint syndrome. He said that even though the surgery is up to 75% successful in treating the pain and anchoring the spine, the other problems I have could cause me just as much pain or the vertebre above and below the rods may give out over time and then there would be other serious complications. I got to my car and sobbed. I have been crying since seeing him and I have to pull myself out of this. He told me without the surgery I would probably end up not being able to walk at all. I am getting a second opinion and have even found a Laser Spine Institute in Phoenix that treats my condition without all the painful titanium rods and fusion. They claim the highest success rates/mortality rates and infection rates and are even more successful than the Mayo Clinic. Problem is that I don't have the out of pocket money needed that my insurance company wouldn't pay because they are out of network. Let alone the money to pay for out of state accomidations. I need prayer. My doc also gave me the paperwork to file for a disability sticker for my car. I can't believe this is my life! I was an athlete for crying out loud. I tell you all this much.....I won't give into this without a fight. If I have to use a wheelchair to shop, so be it. If I have to ask for help, then I will. I will research treatment out until I can't Google any longer. Maybe there is a hidden gift somewhere, such as overcoming this and helping others who are morbidly embarrassed about having a "hidden disability" like I am. I have always been a little too proud to ask for help and I ran myself into this situation by not getting medical intervention sooner. My bad. Today, my too proud attitude just flew out the window with my old life I once knew. Oh and by the way, the surgery requires a week long hospital stay and up to 18 months of recovery time.

Consider getting a second opinion. That would be my first step. Not all doctors agree on treatments. The second thing I would do would be to appeal to your insurance company and see if there's any way they can pick up the tab for that other option you mentioned.

Also, as I asked before. Did you already go the chiropractic/acupuncture route?

I wish I had a magic wand to take all your pain away! (((((hugs))))))

Hi Bookworm, I am being treated by this fabulous chiropractor near my home. She has a decompression bed that gives me relief if only temporary, but she is the one who told me about this new laser surgery. I have had 2 opinions by MD's who say Titanium Rods and fusion and I am going to a Neurosurgeon for a 3rd opinion. I Googled the Laser surgery and found the Clinic in Phoenix. I have a feeling I am going to have at least 10 opinions before I feel confidant about any surgery. Oh, I did try Acupuncture. I didn't notice too much of a pain difference but I did have massive bruising on most of the needle sites. I wonder if he was doing it the proper way. He is a chinese Neurosurgeon that was recommended by my friend. Not one needle was used on my back or even in that area. He put them in my hands, forearms and legs and head. Thank you for your reply, bless you friend..............Debra

I know this would be absolute last resort, due to the cost and travel time. But if you can swing it, take a look at what the Texas Medical Center offers. Houston had one of the finest medical centers in the world. There HAS to be someone here who can give you some hope. And who knows --- they might be on your insurance plan. I've included the link below.

http://www.houstonmedcenter.com/TMC-Directory/

(((DebraD)))

Cindy