Hello All,
I am 52 years old and have been in peri-menopause for a couple of years now. I has some sort of hormone test at my Dr and am not yet considered in menopause but am close. (No period in about 6 months after a few years of having them only quarterly.)

I ended a 25 year relationship this summer. We did not have sex regularly during the last 10 years or so and what sex we had was pretty much oriented to orgasm and not much intimacy or loving.

I am with a new partner (woman) who is several years older than I and already in menopause, taking hormones etc. For the first time in forever I am with someone who is a wonderful loving person who take the time and is really interested in pleasing me. However I am finding my body is really different now and I AM SCARED TO DEATH ....

It don't have issue with orgasm and we use lots of lubrication so vaginal dryness is not an issue, but I am finding the problem is with feeling the generalized "horniness" or just desire aka turned on...... For example, it used to be that if I can go some breast stimulation, I felt really turned on...Now it feels like someone is rubbing me with sandpaper... It used to be that there would be a time of the month where I could count on just feeling totally into being sexual, now I just have hot/cold flashes and feel anxiety/panicky... It used to be that with a moderate amount of clitoral stimulation, I was just feel blissfully lustful...now nothing....

Help, I am feeling scared and totally inadequate and terrified my new partner will find out and thing I am a dud...(Well, that is what I am thinking about me anyway...)

Is this stuff a manifestation of menopause and changes in hormones??? I always thought that b/c I can have orgasms, I was not having any problems...now I am wondering...

thanks

I'm 52 to! My sex drive is in the ditch toooooo!

I read a article awhile back that having a female partner doing menopause was actually easier > more comforting since you're with another female who is understanding!

Have you talk to your partner-doctor?

I know it must be tough and even frustrating since your in a new relationship!

I don't really have any advice> but I can send you a big ole hug!

Thanks a lot. I have to admit, when I read the posts by a lot of these women describing their mates and being unsupportive, demanding, etc., I feel very sad for them.

During peri hormones do flip-flops.
I remember feeling so sexual sometimes I couldn't get enough. Other times I couldn't feel anything even when I wanted to.
Don't forget that testosterone dips at perimenopause too and if the balance between tesosterone and estrogen is all wrong you will temporarily lose your libido.
I agree with Snowmoon-another woman should be far more understanding.
If your partner is using hormones then she went on them for a reason. She would probably understand what you are going through and you should be able to discuss the problem surely?
I have found since my surgical menopause even with hormones I do not get "horny"in the way I did when I was younger and ovulating. I am not sure many women do. I think what happens is that you make an initial effort and once you start the feelings click in.Maybe you should stop expecting quite so much of yourself and accept things will be a little different at menopause. Still good-but different.

janet c