Hi everyone,

This is a follow on from my thread about wisdom......it contains certain elements of religious dogma, so please do not read on if this offends you. It is not my intention to start a conversation about doctrine nor belief, although I do welcome everyones opinions. I am simply trying to stay within the guidelines so I am not censored for I desperately need to tell this story, to unburden my soul, yet again.

I had a dream last week.......of such potency and premonition, I thought I had slipped in to psychosis.......but reality had not left me, if anything this is the most 'real" I have felt in a long while, even if it is not always pleasant.

A vampire appeared before me and I knew and felt with every cell of my being that it was God before me in the guise of a vampire.......he was very distressed......it was silent as he said to me "You must listen to me. I have the answers to the Universe, to Life. It is VERY important that I tell you. A low frequency rumbling started around us. It was pitch black......like blackness that has "personality" and a velvet to the touch.....heavy blackness, but not malignant.

The vampire became afarid......."I must get this message to you, my very life depends on it"........and he starts to tell me........the sound gets louder and louder to the point of deafening. We are both crying and reaching for each other as he yells and yells to tell me the answers. I am so afraid and heartbroken, the grief so bad that I feel it will stop my heart. He is reaching and screaming and it is deafening with the....NOISE. I am screaming "Don't you leave me!! Tell me the answers!! WHERE IS GOD!! So help me........ show me GOD!!"

I wake covered in sweat and loathing and pity and heart stopping grief.........clutching my chest and crying. My patner wakes and says in alarm "What is wrong" and I say "God was here.....I have left him alone for so long......why me?" My partner looked at me in that special way that he reserves for me, that I am unique and a little disturbed ......."Oh babe, you got to go back to sleep"........I mean, what do you say to that?

The next morning, I walked around numb and in a fit of despair........so I did what I have not done for years, I rang a priest.......and he was wonderful.

I understand the nature of dreams and believe me I analyzed, for I am a creature of logic and science. I do not bend lightly to dreams........the conclusion was that this was a message.......I asked the priest "was it God?" and he said "Why not? You know in your heart if it was........but dreams are also a reflection of experience" and it got me thinking........

When I was in high school I excelled in Theology even if my faith was lagging.......my "scientist" battled with my faith.......it was not that I did not believe necessarily, more that it did not fit my intellect. Despite the fact that I used to fight with the priests and nuns about dogma and philosophy, there was talk of me completing a Bachelor of Theology and entering the convent. I had a strange love affair with God......but I considered that maybe over time, I would become more faithful and it would match my passion for Theology.

At 16, I lost my mind to a degree.......the horrors of my childhood rose up, my mother was having an affair and the moral and spiritual outrage I felt was extreme. The priests had me in hours of Confession which only made me more distressed so they recommended to my head master that I see a psychiatrist. But my mother pulled me out after one session due to secrets being exposed I'd say........so I rebelled and the nuns cried and I was aggressive towards them.......my lovely priests and nuns, I screamed at........while in agony, I shunned dogma, I shunned God and went into years of hell and mental illness. I was not angry with God, but our love affair was over.

So after this dream, all of that part of my life came back and I wondered, what kind of nun would I have made? Has God returned to give me a kick in the butt? Is it all malfunctioning hormones? If it is, then I would be lost.......for I will never forget the loudness and potency of that dream.....

I am very respectful of all peoples personal views.......so please respect mine. I have had an unusual relationship with divinity and this dream has more than profoundly effected me........so please be kind in your responses and know that I have much religious knowledge regarding doctrine.......your spiritual and instinctual response to this dream is what I am looking for.

One more thing........the priest said to me "God resides in the heart......not necessarily in the head. You must start using your heart and listening to it" Nice......I get that.

Also, my name is Hebrew for "Unique to God".......or......."not others like it".........yep, got goosebumps when I heard that.

So thanks all for listening.......

Michah

OK.......................................................................

I think you are on to something. I did a quick search on the symbolism of a vampire in one's dreams and it said that one possible interpretation is: "The dream vampire may therefore symbolize a thirst for knowledge or it may have some piece of wisdom to impart." This certainly seems to be the case with your vampire.

They say that menopause is often a time when women become more aware of their spirituality and that many of our symptoms are messages from our bodies telling us that there is a need for change in some aspect of our lives. Perhaps it is time to explore your faith further and renew your relationship with God.


Keep us posted.

OH Michah! wow! Yes, your name DOES mean that .. i am also very proficient in theology and the study of ancient Hebrew and Aramaic, and I noticed your name right away! I am also, a God lover! Have been, for many years.
l love Him, He is so cool, and loving! I think your dream was quite interesting! I have studied dreams for years, I think they tell us a lot about ourselves, and I certainly do believe God communicates with us that way....that happened many times in the Bible as I'm sure you're aware of. I like your priests response "God resides in the heart, not necessarily in the head....You must start using your heart and listening to it" .... i couldn't agree more. He talkes to us, in our hearts.

I have had so many very real dreams, especially during peri. While I think that to some degree, this dream MAY HAVE been hormonal, I also "feel" in my own heart, it was spiritual. We tend to put God in a box, where we "think" He belongs, and then, we go ahead and invent all these different ideas about how He would talk to us, or what He would think etc....
but in reality, He is MUCH more than we could ever even imagine....so, I don't know why people assume He is this way, or that. Your priest is cool...I like his spirit. Most people of "faith" would never say that the vampire may very well "represent" God ,bec. we're conditioned to think, that a "vampire" is evil (which, obviously, is true, i mean, vampires really dont run around doing good deeds!..lol.. ) , but, you know what I mean. I think the priest was trying to tell you that, maybe in some way, God was trying to talk to you, and perhaps, during this peri time, your peri brain kind of converted this "scene" into a vampire....but, hey, so what? To YOU, and that's what's important here.....is the way YOU see it ....to you, you felt in your HEART it was God ..... and in the end....it did a good thing, because it brought you back to revisiting your relationship with Him ..... Michah, God Bless you ... keep going ..... don't stop .... you had that dream....for a reason!!!!

P.S.....just to add here ...... I've had many "weird" and strange dreams that wouldn 't fit into the conventional picture of God....but, I knew it was, i knew it was Him....and that's what counts!!!!!

Hi Micah:

Everyone has a unique relationship with God and it cannot be compared to anyone else's relationship. Your dream interested me because the vampire said to you that his life depended on giving you the answers because literally a vampire is someone who is lost to God. So it makes me wonder if the vampire is "your soul". I am not saying that you are lost to God, only that maybe some where in your spirit you are afraid that you are lost. I am wondering if God is calling you to Him. I mean maybe He is asking you to come back to Him without all the responsiblities of "religion". To come back to Him with a pure heart and not all the analyzing that can come with education.

I hope that I have made sense. I had a hard time getting my thoughts into words that I could type. Anyway, I know that you know in your heart (as the Priest said) whether that was God speaking to you or not. I will pray for your peace in heart, mind, and soul.

Hugs to you,
Jeaninne

Thanks for that.......what a fascinating piece of information.......thank you for taking the time to research that Ms. Anxiety........

Makes ALOT of sense.......yes, i am still thinking about it all.......much appreciation for your kindness in responding......

Michah

Michah ..... to me, the "darkness" that surrounded you, that began to eclipse you and God, is the darkness one feels when they don't know the answers to life, when they don't know the answers to "why"....when they don't know the answers to what is happening in their life etc......that began to crop up again, to try to drown out His voice to you, to block Him from you ..... it seems to also represent, the "mind".... perhaps being to intellectual, which you mentioned .... your scientist mind. ..lol...which is good really, it's intelligent ..... but to much of that, and we block out the heart . I think what happened with your mother, really affected you, as it naturally would anyone. This says to me, that there was still a part of you, deep within you, that God knew was still in there, a part of your "heart" that could be reached, that He could once again be a part of .....
the "noise"....? well, that's obvious,,,,that's the "noise" of life.....that loud rumbling, that gets louder and louder as we get older and older and live through so many things .... I think the vampire becoming "afraid" was you, perhaps being afraid that God will leave you, which you screamed out to Him, ...... you are now thinking "does she think the vampire was me all along?".....might be. BUT, I will say this much...... Michah, I believe this was from God, yes I do. You know in your heart, don't you? Don't focus to much on the "details", that God was a VAMPIRE...things like that, bec. that'll just serve to degrade the overall message coming to you ..... most of all..... it says to me, that this is a cry from YOU, to Him.... from the deepest parts of you, perhaps your subconscious .... He knows there is still that part of you, deep inside, that He can still reach.....
when I dwell on this more, I will be back to give you any more insights I may have ..... but in the meantime, like I said before....just keep going .... you're headed in the right direction.....

Thank you everyone........I knew it was right to post this on here.......I knew that I would get heartfelt, intelligent responses from all you wonderful women on here........I want to repsond in kind, but my head is pounding, I am teribly tired and so I will just say this for now.....

All the years after I left God, I subconsciously kept searching. Like a computer that trawls threw codes of data to find the key.......I was not aware of it, but life experinces kept throwing it in front of me......chance and unusual meetings with wonderful priests and nuns.......seeing divinity in strange places......getting through terrible danger only to survive......and other obscure things......

But the conclusion I came to and what frightened me so........is that all that time I subconsciously sought God.......suddenly He found ME.......

Powerful stuff........thanks again all......hope that makes sense...

Big Hugs to all of you.....

Michah

PS(sorry Texasgirl if I spun you out .......I did try to warn people)

that is whats called vivid dreams, i too have them some times, ive also was hospitalized with meno- phychosis a couple years ago, wouldnt wish it on my worse enemy....i wouldnt put too much thought into the dreams, its what it is a dream, there was only one person that was good at analizing dreams and that was daniel-i beleive your dreams are your minds way of releiving stress and fears......

Don't mind me......I stay in the twilight zone lately. If your dream was meaningful to you, that's all that counts.

I think that God has never left you and in some way you never really left God completely. You were just taking a hiatus so to speak maybe now you are open to his embrace. Dreams represent many different things, sometimes it is to work out problems, sometimes they convey messages. For example, I never grew up with my Mom, I was in foster homes. I would see her now and again. She was mentally ill, not a street person per se, she would live in these crappy apts. I had some vague memories of her some ok, some not. I hadn't heard anything from her, nobody in the family had. But, one night I had a dream and my Mom looked perfect, beautiful and healthy like she was in her youth, and she said to me "I'm so sorry I wasn't a good Mom to you, I'm so sorry and I love you". It was so real and I felt she was finally at peace and I KNEW it meant something, she had such an unhappy life. Some 6 months later, we found out after a search that she had died around the time I had the dream. I had already related the dream to my family prior to knowing this, it was strange, but, I have had these kind of strange things happen before. When I was in 6th grade, out of the blue I started telling my classmates that my Mom was going to have a baby", again remember, I had had no contact with my parent's for a long long time (in foster homes) but through my grandmother I found out that in fact my Mom did have a little boy who ended up dying probably of SIDS. Other stories but I won't bore you with them.

I believe with all my heart whatever you are feeling or dreaming is the truth of your heart and you keep listening and keep dreaming....

Thanks for sharing mydarling........you have a wonderful personal relationship with the Divine It heartens me when I see this.........yes, it is interesting that immediately I jumped to the hormone defense when I experienced this.......I felt overwhelmed by the implications of "visiting divinity".......I just simply believed I was not worth it. But I know in my bone marrow what it was.......that is why I rang the priest, not my psychologist!! Whether God exists or doesn't does not relate to me now........I have seen and felt too much over the years relating to divinity that even my scientific mind cannot process it. I am either psychotic and functioning quite well or I have divine experiences........the science does not necessarily add up, as much as I might want it too.....

So I think that I am experiencing now a delicious ascent into believing, of resuming a relationship with God that I had forgotten, even if I struggle with it sometimes.........but that is the lesson is it not? That faith is unconditional, like true love is.......and that is my lesson.

Thanks babe.......love it!!

Michah

I believe the Bible is the living Word of God and the best source for finding answers. The dream obviously has awakened a new desire to have a relationship with God so why not open His book and with prayer and openness of heart read it in your search for answers? I find He answers most all of my questions this way.

I do believe He can come to us in dreams, and as you read the Bible you'll notice that most godly men/women when confronted with angels were frightened, angels probably aren't the cute litte things we imagine. And while I believe that He may give us dreams, send angels and many other forms of communication, I think His Word is the source He uses most often. His Word tells us He delights in a searching heart and responds generously when we ask and seek. Why not sit each morning for a minimum of a month reading His word, talking with Him and asking Him your questions.

My prayers are with you and may your journey be filled with amazing joy,

Thanks averyone again........given me much to think about.......

My apologies if I seem like I cannot respond to everyone.......

I will say this.........for all the posts I have read, I see a continuous thread of faith, of belief, in whatever people believe in......

It is conviction, that I was looking for, whether it be of God or logic or both........

I am starting to understand that I can marry faith and logic together.......without losing my belief in either...

Peri my answer to returning to faith? Well, well.......what an amazing lesson.

Can't thank you guys enough.......

Much love,

Michah

Hi there...
I am not an expert on such things...and I have no faith myself...but reading your story, I found myself comparing you to Mother Theresa. At least in the area where her faith and searching were concerned. You probably know that while she labored tirelessly for the ill and dying around her, she personally struggled mightily in the area of faith. I think it would be fascinating to know more about her story. Sometimes greatness springs from struggle and the "dark night of the soul".

Joseph, as well as Daniel, interpreted dreams. What an amazing gift to have.

mood_swinger