QUOTE (Bookworm56 @ Sep 2 2009, 05:18 PM)

An ache comes along and I'm sure it's fatal.
I just turned 53 and I am so depressed. I feel like my best years are behind me. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.
I feel nervous and panicky most of the time. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't count on friends--so many have deserted me over the years I guess I'm just afraid to reach out anymore. The days are getting shorter and I can't seem to handle it at all this year.
I know some of this is hormonal, but perhaps old crap is rearing its head too.
I am in therapy, but I guess I should have started sooner so I'd be more "along" with it already.
How do I stop the sad thoughts and the fatalistic thinking???? I'm great at giving advice, but not great at self pep-talks and affirmations....

My dear Bookworm...
You don't.
I believe that you are in "life review." Life review is a time in our life that we look back over things. It happens many times to us. A death, a betrayal, having a baby, getting old, and etc. can throw us into this miserable state. It's really not a bad place to be because it gives us an opportunity to effect changes.
Many times old hurts come up. We can do a few things with these.
Push them back down....
Put them back on the shelf, or confront them head on and deal with them.
The choice is yours.
If you choose to push them back down or put them on a shelf, it's ok, but remember that they will come up again and again...until you deal with them.
In life review, we go through the "death" type feelings. You know...denial, angry....acceptance (& etc.) How fast you go through this process is up to you.
Ok....were old...we have had crummy friends....we don't feel like exerting the effort to reach out at this point. Big deal.
(Actually, it is a big deal!)
Depression is a choice. Usually depression seeps in because of unresolved angry or due to situations that we feel that we do not have any control over. Our hormones also play a part, but look to the women who are suffering and they still seem serene. Don't you wonder HOW they do it?
When you have terrible thoughts you can choose to entertain them or kick them out.
However, I have noticed that there is some perverse pleasure in dwelling on them. I would suggest that you punish yourself when a bad thought arises. For every bad though, you must say two wonderful thoughts OUT LOUD. Believe me, this is very effective. Soon your mind will start refusing to dwell on the bad. It takes a strong will and discipline to do this to your self, but the results are amazing! Just make a commitment and try it for a few days.
LOL! Life has a funny way of changing our actions and thoughts. It's ok to shut down for a while. Just like the seasons, our life has seasons, too. They are ever changing. This is a time to decide what you really like doing. Then just step out and start doing them. (before you die....LOL!) Life is really fun or can be, if you let it. I don't think that you are ready for BINGO, just yet. Hang in there...and just do one little thing that makes you happy...even if you have to force yourself to do it.
Best wishes,
Shebee