I am so confused, hurt, terrified, sad, depressed -- so much going on at one time, when it rains it pours! My hub is back in the Cardiac ICU with failing kidneys, low heart function, fluid -- the docs keep saying he is living on borrowed time. My older son has decided to move 1,000 miles away with his new wife so she can be with "her" parents, and they are leaving in 3 weeks. I think it is a mistake, but it doesn't matter what I say, his mind is made up. My heart is broken, I know that it will be a long time before I see him because it is too far to drive, and flying is too expensive, not to mention I am scared of airplanes. I haven't told my younger son or my hub, I don't want to break his heart while he is in the hospital, the my young son is just going to be devastated. I have been having issues with fibroid pain but waited until the other day to see a doctor, now I have to get an ultrasound to see what is going on with me. I don't have time to be sick, I have to work, take care of my elderly mother and my younger son, and my hub. I have to keep going, I don't have a choice......I sit here and cry and feel sorry for myself and feel guilty for that. Everyone has it so much worse than me, how dare I think that way. I saw a therapist last week but can only go 3 times because my company will only pay for 3 visits thru a program, and I cannot afford the $50 copay for each visit. It did feel good to talk to someone who actually listened to me, but the whole time I sat there, I was thinking of the things I should have been doing instead of that. Ok, I think I have rambled on enough - thanks for letting me bend everyone's ear.

Hugs, Barb

I'm so very sorry you're going through all of this. I lost my dad to congestive heart failure so I understand. Your certainly having alot of things happen all at once and that makes everything so much worse to deal with. Please talk to your therapist about either waving the co-pay or helping you find someone who will take you on a reduced/and or free payment schedule. Also, sometimes many insurances will only authorize 3 sessions at a time but will add as needed. Again ask your therapist for help with the insurance company. She wants to help you and get paid. Please keep the focus on your health so that you can spend time with hubby. Continue therapy. Then take everything else (kids, mother, work) one thing at a time. Right now you and your husband are what has to be the focus. Sending you a big heartfelt hug, JZZ And I wouldn't tell the hubby about son leaving. We shielded dad from many things and it was the right decision.

I'm so sorry for all you're going through! I pray that God will give you the strength to walk through this, knowing He is always by your side and you're never alone.

Someone sent this to me by email. I'd like to share it with you:

Cherokee Legend -
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him, and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sunshine through it..
He cannot cry out for help to anyone.
Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own..
The boy is naturally terrified.
He can hear all kinds of noises
Wild beasts must surely be all around him.
Maybe even some human might do him harm.
The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.
It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.
It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.
He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone.
Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us.
When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
If you liked this story, pass it on.
If not, you took off your blindfold before dawn.

Moral of the story:
Just because you can't see God,
doesn't mean He is not there..
'For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Also, you can contact a local hospital, the Salvation Army or Catholic Charities to find a therapist who takes payment on a sliding scale of what you can afford. Please look into that. Support at this time is so important! Good luck and big ((((hugs))))) to you.

Oh no, prayers for your husband and you too of course.

Barb, I am so sorry you are dealing with all this. It's too much for one person to have to deal with alone. I hope you can find a therapist who will take you on a sliding scale and don't you dare feel bad about it. This is a LOT of stuff for anyone to deal with alone............ and for the length of time that you have been going through all this!! You are a very strong woman, but we were not made to carry such loads by ourselves.

I remember when my daughter left here and took my grandkids 600 miles away. It just about killed me. I didnt even know how to survive. They were my life! I did survive, but I know how you feel! It cuts deep!!

Try to take care of you as much as possible. Your health, mental and physical, is just as important as everyone else.

Many hugs,

bev

Barb:

I am sorry for what is going on. I cant imagine.
I will keep you in my prayers along with your family.
Big hugs to you,
Jeaninne

((((HUGS AND PRAYERS))))

(((((Barb)))))...I am sorry to hear about your husband being back in the hospital, and everything else that is going with you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers. Love, gb

Barb hugs i will be praying for your hubby and you and family.

Barb,

I am so very sorry. You have so much on your plate to deal with right now. Don't feel guilty, you deserve to feel bad, I mean who wouldn't??? You have had such a rough ride for the past several years, you are amazing! You have handled it all with strength and quiet dignity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing something to help yourself get through a difficult time! Nothing at all. You will be in my thoughts. Hugs

((((((((Barb))))))))))) I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. You're husband has been struggling for a long time now and I can't believe all you have had to endure, basically alone. And your mother on top of it. And now your son moving so far away....well, isn't that the last straw. Now you with fibroid pain. My gosh, you need someone to lean on too. Anyone would feel the way you would Barb...please don't beat yourself up over how you feel. I wish I was closer so I could help you. I can only offer an ear if you want me to call you. You have been so strong through the entire situation with your husband, it amazes me. Shed those tears....it might make you feel better. Just let me know if you want me to give you a call. I'd be more than happy to just listen and try to give you as much comfort as I am able to. You are very special to me and I hate to see you suffering so.

Praying for you and your family.

Oh Barb you poor thing! I understand how sad you are with your son leaving in the mist of everything! My daughter moved to the west coast we live in the east .....
Maybe you can see the therapist every 2 weeks?
Take care of yourself! Hugs!

I can't believe I missed this thread till just now. My heart goes out to you and your husband, mother and sons. When I read about your troubles and all the responsibility you're having to bear all alone, it makes my complaints seem petty. I'm praying for you to be strong and for your son and daughter-in-law to feel some compassion for your situation. Take good care of yourself because no one else can. I'm glad you took the time to see a Dr. I hope your life calms down soon and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

(((((((((((((((( Barb )))))))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to drop by and let you know you and your hubby are still in my prayers every day and
Thinking only good thought for you.......HUGS

Love,
Mary Beth

Thank you to all of you wonderful ladies.......each time this happens, it gets harder to deal with, especially when it all hits at once. My 12 yr old son and I are going to the hospital tomorrow (1 hr drive), then onto my older son's (2 hr drive) to visit with him since he will be moving 1,000 miles away in 3 weeks -- my younger son is very upset, he cried last night but would not talk about it. My hub cried on the phone as my son told him he was moving, he fears he will never see him again once he moves, made me very sad. Thank you for all your prayers, I truly appreciate all of you!

Hugs, Barb

My heart is hurting for you and your family, Barb. I wish your older son could put off moving away just for a little while. It is obviously hurting your hubby, and I'm sure he doesn't need that on top of all he is currently dealing with. Love and gentle (((hugs))) to all of you.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

ohhhhh 2 sons

all i can offer is a big hug

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((2sons)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

and my prayers for you all

Pooks

just one last thought - I know you mentioned that you dont like to fly but to invoke flight attendant practice... You know when they are going throught the safety and emergency rules before take-off... they always say put on your own oxygen mask before attending to others.... THERE IS MUCH WISDOM IN THIS

you must take care of yourself first - not to the exclusion of others of course (and it might feel somehow selfish) but what good are you to anyone else otherwise?

keep posting

i will be praying for you.

My heart goes out to you. I"m so sorry you have so much to deal with. I'm sending you good energy. Try and take even a few minutes each day to literally stop and take some deep, deep breaths. kathleent

Hi Barb,

Just wondering how your husband is doing?

Praying for all of you.

Hugs,
Karen

I am sorry that I am just now responding to your post. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. This has to be a most stressful time for you and I wish I had some comforting words of wisdom for you. Take care and God bless.

2 sons: I feel so bad about your situation. I know you have been dealing with your husband's and mom's ongoing medical issues for a long time now, while at the same time working and caring for the son still at home. You are giving so much of yourself in all this, and as Pooks says, you need to try and care for yourself as well. I'm not sure what to say, except that I'm thinking of you and miss our instachat conversations.

wow... there are no words ... I am soooo very sorry. My prayers are with you LOUDLY.... (((((((2sons)))))))

Barb,

Sending many hugs and healing prayers your way!!

God Bless
Tara