Hi Ladies I am sadder than sad. Both my children are leaving for college out of state in two weeks. My husband and I are beside ourselves and just don't know how we are going to handle them being gone. We are all very close and I can tell that the children are excited about going away and I can also tell that they have some anxieties about going away. Of course they would never say that to their parents.

I have heard all the stories that we will be able to have sex anytime we want and can come and go as we please. You know girls, with the way I feel about them leaving, sex is the last thing on my mind. It hard enough handling my own anxity but now I have my husband to deal with too.

I am in tears this is just too hard!!!!!!!!!!!!! Being in Peri and now the kid leaving I feel like I am a bundle of nerves. I could easily take a zanex and make it all go away but I try very hard not to resort to AD's for my feelings.

I need advice on how to get through empty nest.

Please help

Angel1

Angel,
Will your children have computers with them? If so, you can talk to them online (IM) everyday/night and can talk to both of them at the same time. There's also unlimited cell phone calls within the same plan, check that out if you haven't already signed up for this. Honey, I know how hard this is, I've been there now three times and it hasn't been easy any of those three times. All I can say is, it gets better. The empty nest is a bit overwhelming at first and you'll wander past their rooms and cry, think of them and cry, set the table for two instead of four and cry, and ... well, you get the idea! BUT if WILL get better with a bit of time. I did all of the above and by Thanksgiving it was ok. Not that I didn't miss them, of course I did. But I kept it all in perspective and kept myself busy. I went out with girlfriends, dug myself into some hefty projects around the house to keep my mind busy. You really WILL start to realize that you and your husband will have all this free time to spend on YOU (each other, I mean). That in itself is a bit scary if you haven't done that in awhile but it can be fun if you let it. Your kids will be homesick at first but they will adjust and pretty soon that umbilical cord will be much longer!!! LOL
I promise, it will be ok! Oh, and you know, colleges all have parents' weekend so if finances allow, you can go see them for a weekend. Hopefully, they will be at the same school or parents' weekend will be different dates. Hang in there, it's tough but not the end of the world.
I wish your children much success!
xoxo
Jan

do what i did, go to your local shelter and get the most pitiful, needy animal that you can take care of, be it dog ,cat ,bird or what ever fills your motherly needs....good luck

Angel1,
I'm there with you. When my daughter moved out and got married and my other daughter starting college I totally freaked. I'm still a mess. I don't work, so being alone at home makes it worse. I do see my daughters all the time but it's not the same. We used to all climb in my bed at night and just talk and act silly. We were such a three some. I don't have any advice but I do feel your loss. Let me know how you handle this...
(((((char))))

I really feel for you, hang in there!

My son (an only child) started his last year of high school this week. I'm already sad thinking of what it will be like when he goes off to college next year at this time.

My daughter (an only child) went off to college last fall and I was feeling about the same way you are. Eveyone told me how hard it was going to be. I have stayed home with her most of her life and I wasn't sure what I would do when she was gone. I have to say it wasn't all that bad. The first few weeks when my daughter was having some trouble ajusting to her new life was a bit hard but as soon as she was good I was good. She came home the first few weekends but soon after started to stay most weekends and by the end of the school year she didn't want to come home and I can't say I needed her to come home.

Dearest Angel1 -- I am going through the same thing right now. My son got married two months ago and I have been an absolute wreck. My family is very close as well and that has made it harder. I started a post on the anxiety board and got quite a bit of responses that helped me tremedously. I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am a mom, first and foremost, so we are left asking ourselves, "What do I do now?". Sex, you ask? HA! Farthest thing from my mind! I have had to resort to taking klonopin to ease the anxiety. Please don't torture yourself by not taking your meds. If a xanax helps, please take it, it will help you through this rough patch. Being in peri does make it a million times harder. Every little stressor and emotion is magnified because our hormones are out of whack. Please, also, talk about this to your husband. Mine had an awful time.......for about a week.....and then he has been able to support me for the past 2 months. Talk, talk, talk to your husband and friends and get exercise and if you need to, take a xanax to get some much needed relief. Just know that I feel what you are feeling and it helps to know that you aren't the only one. (((((MANYHUGS))))))

Dear Angel - Like so many others who have posted, I have been there, too. My daughter left 3 years ago for college. I missed her terribly. I couldn't walk in her room without crying. She adjusted just fine, which made it easier for me. This Sept., my 19 yr. old son is leaving for college, which means my husband and I will be alone. At times, I still long for the times when we were in the driver's seat and all my ducks were in a row. Now, I realize that I can never have that. It is hard, but a new page has to be turned. If you don't
"TEXT", then learn how. That's how kids communicate now and it is the best way to keep in touch with them. You'll be OK. Our thoughts are with you.

Angel, I have had 1 son go off to college and then get married in 3 years time -- thank goodness I have a 12 yr old son left and a dog as well.....they keep be busy and my mind off missing my older son, but we keep in touch daily thru emails and text messaging and I gained a daughter in law so that is a great plus!

Hugs, Barb

Use Skype-You load the software on both computers and not only can you talk, you can also see each other by purchasing inexpensive video cameras for your computers. You can then call Skype to Skype and the call is free.

I kinda dread it...I still have about 4-5 years but the quiet will be unbearable

Its very difficult when they first leave home. Mine went to boarding school for high school before going on to college. They came home on the weekends most of the time. But, it did make the college transition easier on me. Internet was definitely a lifesaver but found that cell phones don't always get answered due to their new college "independence". Ouch, that memory still hurts. Anyway, it does get easier with time. For me the MOST difficult transition was when I decided to convert their bedrooms for my own use. One is now a guest bedroom and the other my home office. My "kids" are now 24 and 26 and still come home for the holidays and various other times. There is still room, and love, for them but now the house is mine. I never felt the need to keep their room as a "shrine" as some of my friends had chosen to do. But timing is eveything in that regard. Hang in there as you are entering a new chapter in your lives. Best Wishes, JZZ

It is like all big life transitions. At first it is rough, but after a bit of time passes, you will accept and move on. After all, your job as a mom was to push them into the world. I always worry about women who don't work outside the home as it is even harder on them. Best to start preparing for your new life when they are 12-13 of you are a SAHM, so that it is not so hard when they do leave. At the other end, it is great to be best friends with your kids once they become adults and have their own lives.