I hope you guys don't mind a really long whiney fest, but I could use a few extra hugs today. Some of you may remember that I went to see a nurse practitioner a couple weeks ago who ordered a bunch of labs, including hormones and cortisol levels, and I was very excited to get the results to see where we could start with this peri-problem. (I've had horrific anxiety, panic, and depression since the Sunday before Christmas.) So I went to see her on Monday and she told me they were all "normal" and that whatever is happening is not "just" hormones. Then comes the obligatory question, "When was the last time you saw a psychiatrist?" I looked her straight in the eye and told her, "Friday." He's the one who gave me the Seroquel xr that nearly sent me off my rocker! (I've been on zoloft for several weeks and had just gone up to 100 mg a week and a half before.) So I asked her if she would be rechecking the hormones mid-cycle (since these were done on day 4 of my cycle). She said there wasn't any need because these were all normal. She referred me to a psych nurse practitioner that she "sends all her patients to", and referred me to a new gyn (my third) to follow up on a tiny fibroid they saw on the ultrasound. She wants to see me back in six weeks and I'm thinking to myself, "Why?" I was referred to her by my primary doctor because she was their "specialist" in HRT. I told them I would call back for an appointment, but I haven't. I'm lost.

My husband keeps saying that he thinks I should just stick with this dose of (generic) zoloft because he thinks it's helping, but I wake up every morning tense and shaking, I've had more heart palpitations this last week, and I cry every day about everything. For the last few days he's been making comments about having a "normal" marriage and being "lonely". (In his defense, I haven't been able to be intimate since all this started in December because I'm either depressed, anxious, panicking, irritable, or I feel like my skin is on fire every time something brushes against me.) I've tried so hard to make up for it any way I can. We went as a family to see Chaco Canyon (famous ruins a few hours from home), to his sister's wedding in Texas, his high school reunion (another three hour car trip). We've gone to the zoo, aquarium, children's museum. All of this has been terribly difficult for me because of the constant anxiety I'm having. By the time we're home again, all I can do is cry because of the stress build-up. He said the only reason I did any of those things is because I wanted to spend time with the kids and I told him it wasn't true. He apologized, but I still feel like a poor excuse for a wife and mother. I haven't always been able to hide that I've been crying from the kids and I know my nine year old is worried. I know it's almost impossible for my husband and kids to understand what I'm going through, but I just don't know what else to do to get better. (I've seen three Gyn's, my PCP half a dozen times, a counselor numerous times, psychiatrist about a dozen times, tried four different AD's, an atypical antipsychotic, benzo's, mood stabilizers, vitamins. . .) I don't have the strength left to do this anymore, to try one more med, or argue with one more doctor. . .

Anyway, here are the labs (on day four of my cycle)

Estradiol 129 (range ND-300), Progesterone 0.4 (0.3-1.2), DHEA 46 (25-220), Testosterone 0.8 (0.1-6.4), % free testosterone? 0.49 (0.5-2.0), AM cortisol 10.6 (7-28), FSH 7.8 (2.8-11.3), Free T3 3.3 (1.8-4.6), Free T4 1.13 (0.85-1.68), TSH 2.06 (0.40-4.60), thyroid antibody-negative.

Angela

I posted a nearly identical post to this a few weeks back. My hormonal "expert" told me that my levels were perfectly normal. She then suggested that I was depressed and gave me a list of psychiatrists. I came home in floods of tears...I had been so excited like yourself on entering the office. Only to come out feeling like my life had just ended. I went through it in my head for nearly the week to follow.....am I depressed and in denial? Am I crazy and don't know it? Then I came to the conclusion that we as women are not listened to....I tossed out my list of psychiatrists and will keep right on trucking until someone DOES listen to me. I am NOT depressed and it ticks me off to no end that they fall straight into that diagnoses. Someone has to do better than this. THIS is not good enough anymore!! You hold on sweety.......I know exactly what you are going through....we will all get through this together!

I ain't no dr, but apparently the numbers in the (#) are the normal range... It does not take a rocket scientist to see that you are indeed "borderline' in some of these test... You and both KNOW that are hormones swing all month, and I don't know about you, but on day four of my cycle, surely ain't my worst. Heck that's my "bliss" time in comparison to ovulation and right before my period...

Angela... My doc told me the same dang thing, oh it's all in my head (and she REFUSE to run hormone levels at all!). She said sense I was have my period on a regular basis, my levels had to be normal, and that it's the "neurotransmitters in my head". I so wanted to tell her neurotransmit this you, well you catch my drift. I specifically asked her, then please explain why this happens in cycle w/ovulation and before my period, "oh well, I really can't tell you, oh but bla bla bla bla bla".

Furthermore, fine, if she wants to tell me at 42 that I am not in peri, fine, than I have one heck of an issue w/either PMS/PMDD!

My point is this, hun, we know our bodies like no other, even my hubby finally admited he thinks it just straight anxiety w/o any hormone issue. WHATEVER, I know my body, I know that I have NO reason to be anxious, and this came out of the freakin blue. I also know that I fit to a tee every dang symptoms for peri none to man. How the heck is palpitations caused by anxiety, no it's the other way around, it's the dang palpitations that brings on the dang anxiety.... Well apparently, from the dr's my heart is fine, so I did the big no-no I GOOGLE (lol), (perimenopause palpitations) OMGish, page after page after page of this being one of the MOST COMMON symptoms of peri..

Honestly I wish dr's would get their heads out of their you know what, and see it for what it is. Heck look at the pool that was done, so we are all nuts, we are all having the same symptoms, well all have one thing in common.... We are all relative to age based upon our symptoms. How many peri/meno sisters have come on here and say yea, I have/had that, come on, don't let the dr's fool ya hun. Don't...

You or your insurance is paying this doctor... Get a little hormonal and tell that dr, regardless you want your levels check more than once in a month. And you know what if they keep coming up "borderline", then guess what. And heres another thing I don't get either, just like BP and all the other test they run; how do they know what is normal for you body, what your body is use to. For all you know for your whole life you had high progesterone, and now it is borderline...

You hang in there girlie, okay, and don't let them mess you...

You take care, and blessings on you...

thanks you guys. I really needed that. Maybe I should have listened to the last gyn I went to and started the bHRT, but I was terrified of touching another hormone after what the bcp did to me until I knew what my hormone levels were. I know one thing--I want off this roller coaster! I want my life back. I want to be a good wife and Mom not a blubbering lump.

Did you guys ever find anything that helped?

Hon, if I really found anything that truly helped, I could retire, I think I would be a millionaire....

Have made some changes, have seen some improvement. Still have my days. I just keep the Faith, and keep praying, and try so hard to take care of my body....

You are on the low end of your major hormones. Find someone that will treat your symptoms and not the numbers. By the way AD never helped me with the symptoms it just made me lethargic and fat! Progesterone, b-12, omega 3, magnesium/calcium, d3 and now a little dab of Testosterone and I am feeling pretty darn good for the last six months. I always suggest a consult with Pete from Bellevue, he can recommend doctors or he can work with your current doctors to prescribe BHRT.

What forms of BHRT do you take? I thought the survey showed that the BHRT wasn't very helpful? Maybe I should look again. It's been a week or so.

Thanks for the advice. I truly appreciate all the support from the wonderful PS ladies.

Angela

See that's what I thought too.. Thank you.... She is on the low in, and heck, she was only in day 4 of her cycle... Heck at day 4, my hormones probably great..

She said there wasn't any need because these were all normal

May I rudely say she's an idiot? Why is it that alot of us know more than these so-called "experts".

I too had semi-normal ranges and still went (and am still going) through hell so she has no clue what she's talking about. When I was in my 40s, I had doctors tell me I couldn't possibly be in menopause because I was still having regular periods. Now that I'm in my 50s, I hear that I am indeed in menopause even though I'm still having regular periods. WHat????? What difference did my age make??

I agree with the other poster. Find someone learned in dealing with the symptoms.

As for your husband, this time I don't mean to be rude but he needs to read some of the posts on here. Or let him talk to me and he'll come away very thankful for you and feeling really lucky he's not married to ME! LOL There is no way I could have managed a single day of your vacation schedule, let alone all that you did. He should be more grateful and compassionate.

And it's not like you're not trying to fix it.. I must agree though, give the Zoloft some time to work, unless you think any side effects are just unbearable.

I hope you find your answers...... soon!

FRUSTRATINGLY ENOUGH, I THINK THE PEOPLE WHO COME TO THESE BOARDS EVERYDAY ARE THE ONES WHO STILL FEEL HORRIBLE. THE ONES WHO FOUND WHAT HELPED THEM PROBABLY DON'T COME AS OFTEN. I JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT REALLY TRULY WOULD HELP ME. I ALWAYS THINK THAT EITHER PEOPLE FEEL SO MUCH BETTER SO THEY ARE OUT LIVING THEIR LIFE AND DON'T NEED POWERSURGE OR THEY HAD A COMPLETE BREAKDOWN AND CANT COME. IF I FIND SOMETHING THAT HELPS, I'LL YELL IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!!!!!!!!!LOL

I agree when your feeling well you are out living your life. It would be good to hear from people who have had success whether it be via AD or BHRT or whatever. Also, probably true if you have finally joined the white coat brigade you probably don't have your typing fingers handy if you get my drift, lol. This is complete craziness. Again I ask who the hell did we piss off anyways?? I guess coming here could be a downer sometimes because you are right most of us are posting (me personally lately like a million times) are looking for support and answers and MIRACLES.

I will join you on the rooftops if I find the miracle cure for this nonsense. Take care!!

I agree with both of you! Although I've tried to remind myself that IF I ever find something that makes me feel better, I'll visit PS regularly to offer hope and advice. I don't know who or what I p**^d off but I sure have given God an earfull or two.

I really appreciate being able to come and post and whine. I'm just afraid that people will get really tired of hearing nothing but whining from me and stop reading my posts. (I have abandonment issues.)

here is what has helped me:I am on a low dose bcp,sprintec,I take magnesium supplements,have cut my salt and sugar intake down,lowered my caffeine intake,stopped nutra sweet(it was making me sick)I try to walk everyday for at least 30 minutes.I read my bible and go to church more.All of these things have really helped.Your dr was not very educated in womens health,and if I were you I would find a new one.As for your hubby,sit him down and tell him everything,show him this site,and maybe just maybe he will see the truth.GOD-bless

I've seen so many doctors and nurse practitioners I've nearly lost hope that I'll find one who is knowledgable in women's issues.

I've stopped drinking sodas (mostly because I only like Colas and I'm avoiding caffeine like the plague). I've tried to walk during my breaks here at work, but it tends to trigger my panic (not sure whether it's because it raises my heartrate or because it's so hot), I go to church every Sunday and cry all through the service. . .but I have heard good things about magnesium, and also heard someone who did well on sprintec. Maybe I'll head that direction.

Thanks for the advice

Angela

I,m right there with you I just tried Effexor and had horrid sideeffects still feeling them my MD said he had nothing left to offer me due to mt sensitivity to the meds and HRT he called A COMPLEX case due to no ovaries and can,t take HRT so where does that leave me??? Noone can help me !!!!!!What am I going to do???????????

Sweet Lil, I wish I knew. I wish I knew what to tell either one of us. What happened to you with effexor sounds like what happened to me Friday night when I took the Seroquel. I was so excited to try it and the after effects were so horrible. I cried for three days, not just because of how terrible I felt, but because of the disappointment. The psychiatrist I'm seeing told me once that he didn't see the point of me going back on something I'd tried before and not done well on. Unfortunately, I've been on nearly every SSRI ever made because every doctor has their own pet drug that they give everyone. So I started on a TINY dose of zoloft and have slowly gone up. Some days I feel better and some days are downright crummy. At the moment, I'm going to stick with the zoloft and hope that it gets better. I've also made an appointment with a different psych provider (a nurse practitioner). Hopefully, he'll be able to help.

Maybe it's time to find a new doctor?

Ang

Boy oh boy, I sure hope I respond to something. Thank goodness, I do have xanax and if that is all that's gonna work, then so be it. I took my first Lexepro at 11:00 felt nauseous and a little anxious, took a xanax about 2 hours after. I'm getting to the time of day that I generally calm down, but, that is just this week, it always changes with me. I just want a little mental peace. Enough to function. Seriously, if my face melts off and my boobs sag and I gain 20lbs, right now I would trade peace of mind for all of that. I want to feel peaceful. My masseuse uses Effexor and swears by it. Said it was a miracle for her. She tried it once and it didn't work, but, then tried it again and it did. So, sometimes that happens. I do hear good stuff about Zoloft as well. I guess there is good about all of them if they work for that particular person. You can always find horror AD stories. Don't google. Take the meds and make your own determination if it works or not.

Good luck and my heart goes out to us all.

Good luck with the lexapro Mich. I hope it works for you really quickly. I know how you feel about the face melting, etc. When I go the psychiatrist and tell him the medication isn't working, he always asks me what I want to do. So I have to do lots of research before I go. I'm always reading that people stopped taking their meds because of 10# weight gain or because it made them "tired" all the time. At this point, I don't care if I gain #50 or have to sleep twelve hours at night, if it would get rid of this terrible anxiety/panic/depression without actually giving me side effects that my body associates with anxiety/panic/depression, I'd take it! And I wouldn't quit taking it EVER!

Again, good luck.

((((((((((Mich))))))))

((((((Alinam))))))) Thanks for the support. I know it is funny to me that people will back off a drug because of some weight gain. Now, I am already chubby so I really do not want the weight gain, but, what good is skinniness if you can't even put that slinky sexy dress on or those cute tight blue jeans on because you can't leave your house or even feel like washing your hair cause you are so darn miserable. I just want to break the anxiety/panic/depression cycle. I hope I can regardless of where I am at hormone wise. If Lexapro doesn't work I will keep trying until I find something, this ship is not gonna sink (hopefully) well if I gain a ton of weight I might sink, but, lets think positive shall we, lol???

I am sorry that the walks make you panic,They usually help me stop being anxious but we are all different.I hate anxiety,it drains the life out of a person.Xanax helped me a great deal back at the worst of my peri symptoms,I really hope you find some relief.GOD-bless

Mich
I totally agree with you . I'm very thin and would give anything to be able to eat. I have horrible anxiety which gives me no appetite. I bought a bunches of clothes and now I don't wear them because I don't care what I look like . I wear t-shirts and sweat pants no make-up. I take Paxil and had to up the dose a month ago. At first it worked but when I come across a stressor the depression starts back up. I hate being miserable. I know it's hard to keep a positive attitude. I would give anything for this to stop.....
(((((char))))

I feel so much for you. I just want to work up to a point that i will go to the Dr. get whatever tests I think I need to give me peace of mind. Hopefully if I can do that and hopefully get a basic clean bill of health than I can just work into acceptance about this thing called "change of life". My anxiety provoking stressor is health anxiety. Any weird ache or pain or whatever throws me into fear which ups my anxiety levels. Since I have a phobic fear of Dr's and testing I just sit in a cycle of worry and do nothing to allay those fears instead I sit doing nothing but thinking and percolating in my fears and irrational thinking. I just wish I would get so tired of this my brain would just give in and say go to the Dr. and let them do what they will. Arghhh. We will get through this, we gotta believe that right???

(((((((((group hug))))))))))

I know how you feel. I just hope that I come to work looking somewhat presentable, but since no one says anything, it's hard to tell. They may just have gotten used to me looking terrible. I steal my husband's shirts to wear around the house. If only there was a center of excellence that provided inpatient care to women who were having serious mental health issues complicated/caused by hormone imbalances. I could have used that about 25 years ago, too.

Ang

Ang
I'm with you....
((char)))

Even some sort of group therapy (sorta like a 12 step program for menopausal women) I know this site is sorta like that, but, to actually have real women to meet with sharing their trials, tribulations and solutions would be awesome. Meet for coffee, have a meno buddy so to speak, kind of like a sponser (ok, this thing is telling me I didn't spell sponser right, how the heck is it spelled, lol?) I feel like we are the forgotten people, like what's the big deal if once vibrant and productive women drop off like flies? It should matter more. There should be more education and more research on this. No one should have to suffer like many of us do.

Angela


It looks like you are borderline low on some things. My levels were a lot like yours, yet I was clearly not normal. I was not crazy or depressed or a hypochondriac either. My periods were fairly regular and etc. I looked OK on paper.

My doc uses the test to help guide him, but he treats for the symptoms, not by the numbers. I am on Estrogen, Progest., Testosterone, DHEA, & Pregnenolone. I feel wonderful. Mover over 26 year olds! I feel about 22!
As soon as I started BHRT, I noticed big changes. Instead of being a pathetic invalid, I became 120% (+) functional again.
I have no symptoms. I did have almost all of the meno symptoms including migraines. I was a mess! With hormones, I am on the go from morning to night.



My advice would be to find another doctor and ask if they treat by numbers or by symptoms. They really do no have any clue about what amount of hormones you were running when you felt good. Do not let the doc get away with this.

Before I changed doctors, I would call back and insist on a trial of bio hormones. Estr. Prog. & Testosterone. You can reason with them or try. Tell them if there are no changes in how you fell in 2 months, then you can always stop. YOU are PAYING them. Let them know that if it does not help, you are open to their suggestions.

Shebee ...I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

My hormone Dr. won't even give me a trial (I have to get a pelvic ultrasound, which I KNOW is the correct thing to do) but I am phobic right now about medical testing. I was hoping he would give me a month or so of it and then I would be more balanced and less irrational and would get the pelvic ultrasound. However, no such luck. After spending 1087.00 with this guy, he wouldn't even get on the phone to explain my blood work or answer questions, he kept having his office asst call me and she couldn't answer any questions I had. Would have to go back to him and call me the next day and STILL not answer my questions. The only way I could speak to him was to go back in and spend another $350.00, $crew that!! At the very least I should have been able to speak with him directly regarding my blood work and he could have given me some suggestions with regards to the D3 deficiency and what I could do to get cortisol levels down even if he couldn't treat me with the hormones because of his standard of care requiring the ultrasound. He didn't even want to help me get to a place that I could get pass my fear. I feel like i wasted a heck of a lot of money with him. Is there anywhere you can get BHRT without doing the pelvic or is that totally a no no?? Right now I just started Lexapro and hoping that will balance me out enough so I can be proactive about myself without fear.

I did see a gyn nurse practitioner once that told me (without checking any levels) that it sounded like I had a progesterone problem and offered me a compounded hormone cream. I was terrified to start using it because no one had checked to see what my hormones were doing. I told her I was uncomfortable starting a progesterone cream with no estrogen, so she called in a combination, but I don't know how to interpret the doses. I guess my main problem is that my anxiety is already so bad, and I've had bad reactions to several AD's and a low dose bcp, I get myself into a panic when I think about trying anything new. Do the bhrt creams work? Would that be a good starting place? I'm just really scared of everything, but that you so much for your reassurance.

Ang