Hi

I can't believe the change in my personality. Up until about 2 years ago I was a happy, confident, hard working, very social person. Today I am mostly sad, not confident at all and can't seem to make a decision, I barely make it through 7 hours at work and outside of my loving, understanding (thanking any deity that is responsible) husband, I see no one.

Some friends call and force me out and others are bewildered. I don't know what to say to them.

These changes remind me of how I felt at 14 years old. I was what people call today a "cutter" I was so angry and depressed at that age (due to family problems etc) that I cut myself to relieve or redirect the pain. Does anyone else feel like this is another "pubescent" stage?

Having read so many of the posts on this site I now realize that perhaps I have been slowly slipping into this for a couple of years now.
i will admit that I have depended on alcohol to "take the edge off" lol....well most of my adult life. And because of a Anti-Candida diet I am not allowed to have it. Which is just unfair if you ask me! lol..

Anyway all responses welcome.

Maura
P.S. I have been through most of the books listed by Dearest. Anyone else have other recommendations?

yes i too see changes except for the good, i was always very shy never out spoken, but lately ive been loud and not giving a rats petunia to speak my point.... and not being afrdseee--- (sorry, cat on key board ) afraid to voice my opinions and speak up... i love it.....

yes,this phase can be very hard to accept....but we have no choice but to accept it and learn to roll with the changes and do the best with what we have been dealt.I personally am doing much better since i decided that i can't and won't let this control me or my life.At first,i became a hermit and fell into a daily routine of fear,anxiety and panic....but,i realized that whether i stay home and hide or get out and live,i'm still gonna have these symptoms,so i may as get out and live....

Yes Maura,
I too struggle with the person I have become always worrying,anxious,scared. I,m full of what if,s.

It is a hard time and not one that many people I really know understand,as I have read on here others look and watch other ladies seemingly getting on with their lives and you feel very alone.

Yet who know,s some of these ladies may look at us and think we are carefree and getting on with it?

Moonlight has the right idea,to try and push forward,because sitting in worrying isn,t going to change anything. I wish I was in that mind set hopefully one day We will be able to do that too, and am glad to read this is possible.

Has your Candida diet helped you?have you noticed any changes? Hope you have.

I think also to embrace the good bits like NC said,however small. I use to charge around the house armed with dusters/mops/an array of cleaning products,dashing from one room to the next,now I let the dust settle and quite like seeing the cobwebs billowing in the breeze and if the cushions aren,t plumped HEY who cares? I use to care that I didn,t care? but not now.

Take care Kath

What a great attitude! But how do you do it? I mean I have dealt with anxiety before, but this is the mother of all anxieties and now have become very depressed because of it. I find my world becoming smaller and smaller. I don't want or am fearful of doing just about everything - except sleep, that seems to at least get me out of this life that I no longer find any joy in.

I want so much to turn this around, but just can't seem to do it.

That's great NC! Some good can come of these changes. Are you still experiencing some Peri symptoms?

Hi moonlight

That is a fabulous attitude! I hope I can get there soon. I guess part of my problem is that I was really unwell in March and April and part of May and I am still afraid to go somewhere...thinking something "terrible" is going to happen to me. It's not logical...I know that...but I guess I need to deal with the fear and anxiety I still have. Thanks for letting me know how you are getting on with life, I have very much felt like my life is on "hold" my business has come to a stand still and I think my boss is wondering what the heck happened to his "great worker".
Thanks for the input.

Maura

Hi kath

Thanks for your reply. I can't believe the fears and what if's...overwhelming. Worrying is a long standing tradition in my family, oddly enough learned from my father...he worried and still worrys about EVERYTHING..and has a great deal of fears and anxieties as well. I learned from the master that there is always something to worry about. I think this change is all encompassing for me. I am trying to break old patterns that are counter productive.

Candida...nice little yeast isn't it? Well until it takes over your intestines. I think I am in a chicken and egg situation here. I had a candida overgrowth from some antibiotics, then the found my Cortisol and DHEAS levels were too high and now I am going through these peri symptoms. So I am not sure if the high stress hormones have thrown off the Est. and prog. or whether this is peri for sure. <sigh>
Funny I am the opposite..I have been sitting on the couch for months now and my house is a wreck..so I finally just decided to get off the couch and start cleaning. Certainly the exercise can't hurt and maybe it will help my digestive issues?

Thanks
Maura

I did it in baby steps....seriously,i was in such a bad state that i would have a panic attack just from hearing the phone ring...or even having to shut the bathroom door to take a shower....i couldn't shop,couldn't be out in public period because i was so caught up in that fear,anxiety,panic cycle....I took baby steps....would go to the grocery store and pick up a few items and go through the express lane....even if i had to go everyday until i got all the groceries i needed...I would go out in stores just to be around people....at first i would turn and run out the first twinge of anxiety i felt,but i started making myself stay instead of running..each time i stayed longer and every little hurdle i jumped over helped build my confidence and made me wanna try more.Then one day i realized that when i was at home,i still had the anxiety and panic...and i was still gonna have it in stores,so i just accepted the fact that i would feel that way when i was out...i had to get groceries...what's the worse that would happen anyway?i would panic in front of strangers?so what.I would pass out?so what!...i would die?so what!at least if that happened i wouldn't suffer anymore,and you only die once...once you force yourself to do the things you fear,it gets easier...not at first,it takes time,but i promise it does get better.I'm not gonna lie,i do have days i still have anxiety,but i keep going,i force myself.I keep doing the things i would normally would do cause i have no other choice unless i wanna just be a hermit.And personally,i think alot of my anxiety was because i was so self-absorbed...my anxiety was all i thought about,all i read about,all i talked about,it became my whole life.I read in a book that the best way to overcome anxiety is to help others....not only does it help them,but it makes you feel good about yourself.It also puts your focus elsewhere.....so volunteering is a great thing..or helping a neighbor or a kid...or anyone....even if you have anxiety while doing it,do it anyway...
I'm sorry if this all sounds stupid or even sounds like a simple solution....it may sound stupid,but it works...it may sound simple,but it's definitely not.It takes alot of work and focus...you just gotta re-direct all the energy and focus that you're putting into your anxiety right now...(and if you're as bad as i was,i was putting 100% of my focus and energy into the anxiety.which just makes it worse)...hope this has helped.

I can't believe the change in my personality. Up until about 2 years ago I was a happy, confident, hard working, very social person. Today I am mostly sad, not confident at all and can't seem to make a decision, I barely make it through 7 hours at work and outside of my loving, understanding (thanking any deity that is responsible) husband, I see no one.

I have dealt with anxiety before, but this is the mother of all anxieties and now have become very depressed because of it. I find my world becoming smaller and smaller. I don't want or am fearful of doing just about everything - except sleep, that seems to at least get me out of this life that I no longer find any joy in.



Hi - I totally agree with everything said here - its exactly how I have been feeling and how I have become. I am at my happiest and am most content when at home, or out with my family. I find social situations really hard, my confidence has all but disappeared. When I am out in a social situation I have the most horrendous painful stomach pains I can't wait to get home.

I hope this will change - and with the wise words from moonlight and NC about taking the focus from ourselves and volunteering and helping others - this is a great idea as a starter and something I will attempt to do.

Good Luck to everyone.
Hugs to all

Jackie

You make sooooo much sense. I have had a terrible time of it. But, you are right I am self absorbed over this. In my defense I realize after blood work that my levels are pretty much rock bottom and that is part of it. Also, I have some physical issues, twitching and aching feet which preoccupy me with what disease (please don't diagnose me, lol, health anxiety up the ying yang) I may have even though this all started right at the time my periods started getting wierd. I'm pretty sure sitting on my butt is not helping me physically any more than it is helping me mentally. All I have time to do is focus on every ache and pain I have. I'm going to try and work up to your method of dealing with this. I may be feeling a little more up to that because for the first time in a month I woke up without feeling jittery or anxious, though I am still twitching all over the place. But, I try to focus on the fact that I can walk, type, speak intelligently (I think, lol) and structure a sentence half way decently. I need to handle my anxiety/panic and then if I do have some physical issues after the fact then I will deal with those. I carry a lot of what if's and worries that I need to address or let go of. Thank you for the words of wisdom, they really hit home. Keep on keeping on as they said in the olden days, lol...

It,s sounding nothing like stupid,its sounding like a great deal of sense Moonlight.

Sometimes we can,t see the wood for the trees can we.

Thankyou moonlight for that post.

KathS

AWWWW,((((big hugs)))) thanks....

BIG hugs back with cherries on top.

Funny how some posts just make you STOP and think.

Thankyou again

Hi moonlight!

No this does not sound stupid at all..it's a very detailed and helpful posting of how one might attempt to get some semblance of life back!

Thanks so much for sharing this with me/us. It sounds like we have a lot in common.....

Maura

Your post has helped many others, I'm sure, and I know it's helped me.

Thank you very much, Moonlight!

Very well put, everyone, especially Moonlight! You are so right: focusing on others is a great way to break through this madness, although it may seem impossible at first. I've been making myself get back into this for the past couple of months, and it is helping my confidence and easing my anxiety. If confidence is lacking, what better way to build self worth than to feel we are making a difference for others? I get extremely depressed when I feel I'm not making a drop of difference in this world...

Another thing that's helped me a lot is to identify the anxiety as a PHYSICAL symptom while accepting that it does affect my thinking. I can actually feel a burn around my middle (adrenals) when my anxiety is bad. If I can remember that the anxiety is caused by a chemical/hormone imbalance, I can reassure myself I'm not going crazy and push through it. Does that make sense? If I can manage the anxiety, I can manage the other symptoms, although uncomfortable.

Hugs to all,

JC

Have you read Hope and help for your nerves? It's dated (and as such references electric shock therapy too much for my tastes) but the advice is excellent.

And though these books really have nothing to do with perimenopause, I've found them both to be really great reads for me right now:

Letting go of the person you used to be

and

Eat, Pray, Love

You can Google them to read about them and see if either is of interest.

Hang in there. We're all just flat-out confused as to where the h*** the old "us" went.

xo

sukie

Is this not the lesson? Is it not the strongest that experince the hardship? That our strength is tested byond our endurance, because it CAN and we WILL survive?........we are not given anything that we cannot deal with......despite its horror in the thick of it......

My lesson.......for all the years that I ignored myself........peri has FORCED me to reconsider......who I am, not what I can do.

Through this, we are ALL destined for greatness.........we have been given a gift(wrapped in terror, no less ) to SEE.......to fight with spirit, to gain momentum that no-one or no thing can stop......to speak our minds........to infinitely FEEL who we are......

Yep, I hate it, but I love it too......

Take care, babe......

Hi Maura, your post has an eerie familiar ring to it. I forgot all about that wierd thing I also went through around 16 where I would lock myself in my room and shut the curtains and smoke a cigarette blowing the smoke right out my bedroom window. I thought of really bizaar things and I remember thinking alot about death. I also felt an immense amount of shame all the time and always felt like I was about to get into trouble. Doom and gloom. By 16/17, I had a full blown eating disorder, it first started with anorexia and prescription diet pill abuse that I got from my girlfriends mom. Then it turned into bulimea. Geeze, nobody even knew what the heck either of these problems were. I go through a ton of guilt to this day thinking I ruined my body back then and now the damage is showing up during peri. I obviously, did not handle the hormone thing and was going through some sort of black depression. I would just close off and go inside myself. Just a year or so earlier, I was captain of my track team, a cheerleader for a couple of years and a star gymnast. What the hell happend in such a short period of time. After the eating disorder thing, I started getting severe panic attacks. It took me years to recover from such a bizaar time in my life. I did it by myself with no intervention other than God. I went on to have 4 children and I became a fitness nut again but this time with common sense. I never dieted again and today cannot even believe that was once me. Still, I hate the person I have turned into. A recluse, on disability due to my low back and colitis, no real hobbies anymore and no real interests. I just want to sleep. At least you have a job to go to so that you feel productive and somewhat normal. I worked in the Dental and beauty industry and was talented at my job. I had so many friends and peers. Those days are only a distant memory. In fact, its like another lifetime. The big question is this: How do we turn this around and get off the bench and back into the game?

Dear Ladies,

I just told my best friend of 30 years that I am now agoraphobic! Where did this come from? I rarely leave my house or bed. I have every symptom you have.

I hope everyone feels a little better sometime.

Be well,
Bella

Bella,

I'm kinda working toward that. Tomorrow morning I have to take my son to court for a ticket and I am already dreading leaving the house. The morning is my worst time of the day, although today was hairy through most of it. I feel safe at home and I guess for now it is my way of keeping some sort of control of external influences. I am not quite 100% agrophobic, but I do not like to stay out where ever I am going for very long. I do hope this passes. I know that the best thing is to force yourself to go against your inclination to hibernate because the more you give into it the more of a habit it becomes. I'm allowing myself a little bit of time to decompress and not over stimulate myself. I limit phone calls too, talking on the phone (except on a good day) because it gives me anxiety. This is the freakiest time I have ever experienced in my life.

moonlight:

that helped me so much, thank you---- baby steps

boo