This has been the worse month I have ever experienced in my life. I have had some terrible times in my life but this is as close to the dark as I have ever been.

I can't find joy in anything, in nothing. I'm depressed but I don't even get the luxury of exhaustion (sleeping all day would be a welcome relief), I am full of anxiety and panic. I am unmotivated and unmoved to do anything about it. I feel hopeless and listless. Sometimes I want to just bawl my eyes out but no tears will come. There is no relief. I was taking Xanax and it helped, but, I feel like it could spiral out of control and could be causing rebound anxiety, muscle tension and the depression. I tried an Ativan but didn't like how that made me feel. Took a Klonopin this morning and feel crappy too. But, I felt like this before I tried the 3 different meds. I only took the Ativan .5mg once and the .5 Klonopin once. I guess I will hear what the hormone Dr. has to say and hope against hope that he can balance me out somehow. I'm truly scared. I cannot imagine a life like this. I feel like I am doing a disservice to my husband, my son and myself. I feel so guilty for bringing this kind of negative energy into our lives. It feels evil and all consuming. I don't even have the capacity to fake it anymore. I feel like it is dragging me down into the very depths of it and I am so worried I won't be able to crawl out. I feel terrible for dumping this on you ladies too but I guess I know there are many of you that have been where I am and have found your way back. I pray and hope I will be THAT person. I want to find a spiritual place to go to and I am finding that so hard to do as well. My coping reserves are depleted, they are just depleted.

I got up the nerve to call on my hormone blood work and they emailed the results to me. The Dr. is supposed to call me later to discuss it.

My cortisol was high 23.9 range 2.5-12.5
My Dhea was low 37.5 range 85.-350
Estradiol was 39. within range though on low side 34.-400.0
FSH 8.5 Normal range 2.8-11.3
Free T3 3.6 Normal range 1.8-4.2
Progesterone 0.2 low range 6.0-24.0
TSH 2.28 normal range 0.40-4.00
Total testosterone <20.0 Range 20.0-81.00
Vitamin D 25.9 low range 30.0-100.0

Areas of obvious concern CORTISOL, DHEA, ESTRADIOL THOUGH WITHIN RANGE STILL ON THE LOW SIDE AND THE OBVIOUS PROGESTERONE PLUS VITAMIN D

Can any of the above areas of concern cause all these crappy symptoms. Please refrain from diagnosing any illnesses and I am just not up to hearing it. However, any input on the anxiety, depression and aches and pains would be appreciated.

Thank you ladies for listening to me and allowing me to share the deepest darkest part of my being today.
Mich

((((big hugs)))) to you.....

Thank you moonlight!! Hugs are always welcome.

Mich,
I think your Estrogen is really low too. I know the Hall Center wants it over 100 but more like 250 so I would definitely ask him about that. So sorry you are still feeling bad, but you are not alone, girl. At least it looks like there are things that you are definitely lacking and that could be your problem. Hang in there. I am sending many prayers your way.
Bev

Yeah, that's what I thought too. I'm sure he will make mention about it. I wonder if I am getting close to actual menopause based on those numbers. It does make sense that I am struggling the way I am given those numbers. I sure hope Dr. Reiss has a good game plan for me and that it works. Thank you for your good wishes. I am a little bit afraid of BHRT but I think I may be more afraid of feeling like this forever. I do wonder though if you can manage to get through this if you balance out eventually. I know it is probably healthier to keep your hormone levels at an optimal range. But, who knows really. I sure don't. I think the Klonopin is wearing off a little and I'm not as "icky" as I was. Still feeling crappy but somewhat more bearable.... at least for this second in time. I know laying on the couch 24/7 is not exactly the best medicine in the world. Mich

I meant if you could get through this naturally without BHRT if that would be better than BHRT?

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I felt the very same way on Thursday of last week. Fortunately, I've been feeling a bit better on and off since. I've been dealing with anxiety and had been taking xanax (just .25 mg per day), but too was concerned about taking it too much and then having rebound anxiety. I am hoping to get my results for homone levels sometime this week and part of me is hoping they are off - at least there would be an answer as to why I'm feeling this way.

I've been taking BHRT, just progesterone and a little bit of DHEA and to be honest I'm not sure it's helping me much. Then again, don't know maybe I would be bouncing off walls somewhere if I didn't take it.

Wait and see what your doctor says and hopefully he/she can get you back on track. You know you will get through this - it really stinks right now, but eventually there are brighter days ahead. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Joan

Thank you so much for your kind words. I spoke with the office and they told me that the Dr. reviews the files (my blood work got there last Thurs) and if the Dr. had seen anything outrageous he would have called me himself. He didn't, I called today after working myself up to it. It just looks like typical declining hormonal levels which probably accounts for most of my issues. At least that is what I am hoping. I sure hope he can help me with the right hormones. He is a well respected and pretty well known hormone Dr. so I hope he knows his stuff and I hope my stuff responds to it... They will call me tomorrow just to go over the numbers. I have a follow up visit on Saturday, hopefully he will have a game plan in place that I will be brave enough to follow.

So I am watching Golden Girls and I am sorry but you can be in the depths of despair and that show can get a chuckle out of you. I love Sophia and Dorothy, their dynamic is a crack up. I can only hope to grow old like that group of ladies. Fictitious though they are, lol.