Okay, I have the unfortunate luck of having a controlling, manipulative, bossy M.I.L.
I almost did not marry my wonderful husband because of knowing she would come with the package!
For 18 years I have dealt with much and most of the time I bite my tongue or let her do her thing- until lately.
I find it really hard not to bite back and keep the respect she so much demands!
Just cuz she's older should she get all the respect and me get nothing???
Okay so she calls the other day.
Out of the blue mentions Christmas and I tell her we have decided to go to my family (who live 2000 miles away) for the holidays as
we have not gone up there for like six years!!
So she tell me YOU CAN'T DO THAT! She says- I told Noel (my husbands brother, wife and two kids) was coming from San Fran.!
So I have to tell you. I have had to do all the holidays for my husbands family that lives here. None of mine do. I do Thanksgiving, Christmas,
and even New Year's Day. Clean and provide a pristine holiday atmosphere, shopping for all the food and drink, cook, feed them all AND even do all the cleap up!! SO when she said that- I exploded. She in NO way told me they were coming. YES I DID SHE said. No she did not.
Well were going and I could care a less if you like it or not. Well this went on and on. What really got me heated up-- I was really yelling- I mean I blew a gasket and all this pent up anger came out. She said things like- you said you never wanted to go back there again! HELLO- my family lives there and it's where I come from! And she also said- WHY would you want to go to Minnesota in the winter with all that cold and snow? DUH, MAYBE, just maybe I'm sick and tired of spending the holidays like it's the middle of summer and I want my two kids to experience a white Christmas now that they are finally a little older. THEN to really push me over the edge she says-- why not just wait and go NEXT YEAR? OKAY- my dad is 83 years old. Maybe HE won't be around next year. I can see those guys some other Christmas or holiday visit.
You know- I'm just so hurt and angry. I give it all to my husbands family. They get to see our kids all the time and for most all holidays. How can she be so selfish?? Not to mention she uses me to listen to all her crap that she feels bad about thru the years. I hear the same stories over and over.
SO GET THIS: Hubby comes home. Now hear is where the true anger really comes in and shows how manipulative this women is. I tell him about it and he say--
OH my dad was in the morning (at our business) and I told him we were going home for Christmas!!!! So what she did is- she already knew when she called that we were going and acted like she didn't. Once again trying to bully me into getting her own way.
I was supposed to take the kids over to her house and called and told her I would not be coming. Of course she says that's fine. When I asked her why she thought I was canceling- she said she had NO clue. Well once again I lose it. I just could not tell her what I found out with going off the deep end. I was so mad I was shaking. Guess what, she hung up on me! I'm just so full of anger. I just can't wait to blow out of town. But I still will have to do Thanksgiving. Thanks for listening. Sandy
Full Version: Can't hold back anger
Even though you got so upset......it felt good to speak up didn't it?Good for you!!!!
Good for you! I have a very sweet MIL who manipulates my DH very well... so I understand where you are coming from however I usually end up yelling at my DH. But as for you, this time, you are in control. Let your anger go, Keep a smile on your face and just think about your visit home. Don't let her rob you of that joy.
thanks for the support.
It's been a really rough year for us. Business has been very slow and I'm 46 and going thru menopause and enjoying all that has to offer.
The hot flashes are really bad and so are my ups and downs.
So she better get ready cuz I'm ready and willing to battle it out- I'm in menopause and my boxing gloves are on and ready!
It's been a really rough year for us. Business has been very slow and I'm 46 and going thru menopause and enjoying all that has to offer.
The hot flashes are really bad and so are my ups and downs.
So she better get ready cuz I'm ready and willing to battle it out- I'm in menopause and my boxing gloves are on and ready!
QUOTE (Sandy1206 @ Aug 1 2009, 05:45 PM) 
thanks for the support.
It's been a really rough year for us. Business has been very slow and I'm 46 and going thru menopause and enjoying all that has to offer.
The hot flashes are really bad and so are my ups and downs.
So she better get ready cuz I'm ready and willing to battle it out- I'm in menopause and my boxing gloves are on and ready!
It's been a really rough year for us. Business has been very slow and I'm 46 and going thru menopause and enjoying all that has to offer.
The hot flashes are really bad and so are my ups and downs.
So she better get ready cuz I'm ready and willing to battle it out- I'm in menopause and my boxing gloves are on and ready!
Good for you Sandy. I have a very sweet but VERY manipulative MIL. I always trusted her and felt close to her until the last year. She has done some incredibly mean things to my oldest daughter and now my husband that I just can't forgive her behavior anymore. I won't go into it right now (maybe later) but I have no reason to be in contact with her so I don't have any with her anymore. Simple. She lives several hundred miles away (along with the rest of his disfunctional family) so at least I'm spared the everyday BS that comes with having "family" close by. My family is a couple thousand miles away so we are on our own (32 years worth) and I LOVE it. I'm sorry you have to deal with your MIL but at least you've found your voice now. Use this meno rage to your advantage and maybe she'll back off! I hope your husband continues to be supportive of you. That would really stink if he took her side. That would be WW3 for me! Hang in there girl and keep those boxing gloves on...I'm thinking you'll need them.
xoxo
Jan
QUOTE (Sandy1206 @ Aug 1 2009, 03:09 PM)
Okay, I have the unfortunate luck of having a controlling, manipulative, bossy M.I.L.
I almost did not marry my wonderful husband because of knowing she would come with the package!
For 18 years I have dealt with much and most of the time I bite my tongue or let her do her thing- until lately.
I find it really hard not to bite back and keep the respect she so much demands!
Just cuz she's older should she get all the respect and me get nothing???
Okay so she calls the other day.
Out of the blue mentions Christmas and I tell her we have decided to go to my family (who live 2000 miles away) for the holidays as
we have not gone up there for like six years!!
So she tell me YOU CAN'T DO THAT! She says- I told Noel (my husbands brother, wife and two kids) was coming from San Fran.!
So I have to tell you. I have had to do all the holidays for my husbands family that lives here. None of mine do. I do Thanksgiving, Christmas,
and even New Year's Day. Clean and provide a pristine holiday atmosphere, shopping for all the food and drink, cook, feed them all AND even do all the cleap up!! SO when she said that- I exploded. She in NO way told me they were coming. YES I DID SHE said. No she did not.
Well were going and I could care a less if you like it or not. Well this went on and on. What really got me heated up-- I was really yelling- I mean I blew a gasket and all this pent up anger came out. She said things like- you said you never wanted to go back there again! HELLO- my family lives there and it's where I come from! And she also said- WHY would you want to go to Minnesota in the winter with all that cold and snow? DUH, MAYBE, just maybe I'm sick and tired of spending the holidays like it's the middle of summer and I want my two kids to experience a white Christmas now that they are finally a little older. THEN to really push me over the edge she says-- why not just wait and go NEXT YEAR? OKAY- my dad is 83 years old. Maybe HE won't be around next year. I can see those guys some other Christmas or holiday visit.
You know- I'm just so hurt and angry. I give it all to my husbands family. They get to see our kids all the time and for most all holidays. How can she be so selfish?? Not to mention she uses me to listen to all her crap that she feels bad about thru the years. I hear the same stories over and over.
SO GET THIS: Hubby comes home. Now hear is where the true anger really comes in and shows how manipulative this women is. I tell him about it and he say--
OH my dad was in the morning (at our business) and I told him we were going home for Christmas!!!! So what she did is- she already knew when she called that we were going and acted like she didn't. Once again trying to bully me into getting her own way.
I was supposed to take the kids over to her house and called and told her I would not be coming. Of course she says that's fine. When I asked her why she thought I was canceling- she said she had NO clue. Well once again I lose it. I just could not tell her what I found out with going off the deep end. I was so mad I was shaking. Guess what, she hung up on me! I'm just so full of anger. I just can't wait to blow out of town. But I still will have to do Thanksgiving. Thanks for listening. Sandy
I almost did not marry my wonderful husband because of knowing she would come with the package!
For 18 years I have dealt with much and most of the time I bite my tongue or let her do her thing- until lately.
I find it really hard not to bite back and keep the respect she so much demands!
Just cuz she's older should she get all the respect and me get nothing???
Okay so she calls the other day.
Out of the blue mentions Christmas and I tell her we have decided to go to my family (who live 2000 miles away) for the holidays as
we have not gone up there for like six years!!
So she tell me YOU CAN'T DO THAT! She says- I told Noel (my husbands brother, wife and two kids) was coming from San Fran.!
So I have to tell you. I have had to do all the holidays for my husbands family that lives here. None of mine do. I do Thanksgiving, Christmas,
and even New Year's Day. Clean and provide a pristine holiday atmosphere, shopping for all the food and drink, cook, feed them all AND even do all the cleap up!! SO when she said that- I exploded. She in NO way told me they were coming. YES I DID SHE said. No she did not.
Well were going and I could care a less if you like it or not. Well this went on and on. What really got me heated up-- I was really yelling- I mean I blew a gasket and all this pent up anger came out. She said things like- you said you never wanted to go back there again! HELLO- my family lives there and it's where I come from! And she also said- WHY would you want to go to Minnesota in the winter with all that cold and snow? DUH, MAYBE, just maybe I'm sick and tired of spending the holidays like it's the middle of summer and I want my two kids to experience a white Christmas now that they are finally a little older. THEN to really push me over the edge she says-- why not just wait and go NEXT YEAR? OKAY- my dad is 83 years old. Maybe HE won't be around next year. I can see those guys some other Christmas or holiday visit.
You know- I'm just so hurt and angry. I give it all to my husbands family. They get to see our kids all the time and for most all holidays. How can she be so selfish?? Not to mention she uses me to listen to all her crap that she feels bad about thru the years. I hear the same stories over and over.
SO GET THIS: Hubby comes home. Now hear is where the true anger really comes in and shows how manipulative this women is. I tell him about it and he say--
OH my dad was in the morning (at our business) and I told him we were going home for Christmas!!!! So what she did is- she already knew when she called that we were going and acted like she didn't. Once again trying to bully me into getting her own way.
I was supposed to take the kids over to her house and called and told her I would not be coming. Of course she says that's fine. When I asked her why she thought I was canceling- she said she had NO clue. Well once again I lose it. I just could not tell her what I found out with going off the deep end. I was so mad I was shaking. Guess what, she hung up on me! I'm just so full of anger. I just can't wait to blow out of town. But I still will have to do Thanksgiving. Thanks for listening. Sandy
Sandy, High five to you! My fiances mom is staying with us an she has been here about 3 weeks and I am waiting on her
constantly making sure she has 3 meals a day and entertainment and fun to take back to NY. I am worn out. I don't even treat my own family like this when they come to visit. She demands so much attention like a 5 year old. Well, she tells my fiance that I am ignoring her and that she feels I am being distant. Last time she told him that I was trying to starve her! This year, while going through peri, I just exploded too. I told the both of them that they were hallucinating and that they overstepped my boundries and that I have gone above and beyond the call of duty and that if I have to hear anymore of this BS, I will pack my stuff and stay somewhere else for a while and they can both fend for themselves! I even told my fiance that if this is the kind of crap I will have to deal with, he better find someone else because I am too tired and miserable for this kind of abuse!!!!!!!!!! Good for you. Just reading your post, I could feel myself getting worked up all over again. Thanks for sharing......Debra
Sometimes anger does us good. Good for you i have a MIL that lives with us and yes she can be manipulative but my hubby shuts her down. Take care Terry
been there done that, for a year i lived upstairs from my mil- never never again,...... just keep standing your ground.....
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