I am a hairdresser who has been in the business for a long, long time. Most of my clients are my friends. I do have some (what I call) 'emotional bullies' in my clientele. I met one lady last night at 'walmart' and she attacked me verbally right there in the aisle because I did not inform her that someone we knew died and she blamed me for not making it to the funeral! I told her that I have tons of calls coming into my house everyday and that if she was sooooo concerned about how this person was doing - why didn't she call me? I've got so many other things to take care of (including Family) and I don't think it is my responsibility to be in touch with allllllllll these people.I simply forgot to phone her in all the confusion.

I was so mad all day that i've been 'spitin'poison out of my mouth. I allowed this emotional bully to ruin my day. I have been doing her hair for 30 years ( and putting up with her) and I just wish she'd go away.I wish I had the guts to cut her bangs right off - but I have never reverted to that in all the years I've been a hairdresser. I was going to write her a letter and tell her how I felt - but I decided to vent here before I do anything. I want somehow to let her know NEVER to do this to me again.Do you guys ever have a hard time speaking up? I am soooo tired of people pulling at me .I do some of her family and they have had the same trouble. I just want all the nasty people out of my life!!!!! I am sick of them all. Ihave so many wonderful people in my clientele and if I tell her how I really feel -I will lose someone who I have known for 30 years! God - what do I do. I am trying so hard to live a simple life and have nice people around. hellllllllllllppppppppp!
thank you so much for letting me 'vent' tonight. I am 55 years old and tired......... hugs to everyone
P.S. please treat your hairdresser nice - you do not understand the pressure we can be under!

Hi princess:

I am sorry this happened to you. (((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))) You certainly did not deserve to be treated like that.

I have to say I do not know what this lady's problem is except that she felt left out of the loop for some reason.

But something else I have noticed from being in a public service industry as well as my daughter is that people you deal feel loike they can treat you whatever way they want to without regard to your feelings. I do not really understand but it is something that has not ever changed.

I hope that the next time you see her that you tell her that she upset you and hurt your feelings. Also let her know that you are her hairdresser and not her social secretary. Maybe she will get the message.

Hugs to you,
Jeaninne

In my honest opinion it would be WAYYYYYY easier to simply drop her as a client. You state you would be losing someone you've know for 30 years but it does not sound like it is much of a loss. JMHO

Hi Princess!

GREAT to meet another "hairdresser"....I also do hair and I own the Salon. I work long hours and have very close clientele also. I know how that is....somedays we are just wiped out from pleasing everyone. Once in a while, these strange and awful messes happen with those "special" clients (we all have them).

My best advise is to cool off, let it settle down to where you can think straight and not react. It's these types of clients that will NEVER leave, right? I have them too. But clientele is like a family, and when you make a decision, just remember that it will affect you and everyone that knows her, it's such a domino thing....be careful.

You are very right, people pull us in many different directions and rarely understand how completely swamped we are most of the time. I think that most will NEVER UNDERSTAND this, so it is a burden that we have to carry, part of this trade we are in. Otherwise, I love my job and I know you must love it also.

I hope you are feeling better today!

Hugs, Juliann

Dear princess,
Take a deep breath and EXHALE. You deserve to be ticked off. It sounds like you are a people pleaser and do your best to keep good relationships with friends, family and clients. Thats a real balancing act. There comes a time and I believe midlife is the perfect time, to re evaluate who is SERVING US! I don't mean as a slave or as some personal or selfish motive. People add or subtract to our lives everyday. They either lift us up and enrich our existance, or they can tear us down with abuse or wear us down with negativity. Some are just neutral and float in and out of our lives pretty much unnoticed. When we were younger, we could recover easier from that back stabber or bad mouther or abuser. We could move on quickly and chock it up to the jerks in the world. Now, in the second chapter of our lives we must question ourselves and ask whether or not we have the emotional luxury of letting someone abuse us, use us or hurt us at this point in our lives. I just went through this with a very good friend, or so I thought. She was down and out and a single mom who I partnered with to go into business some years ago. Everything was going great except for the fact that she would run short on money and I ended up lending her $7,000 and on top of it she borrowed my brand new lap top computer that I had just purchased for $1,600. Our business was severly effected by the mortgage crash and she went to work in a retail store. I had to go on disability and pretty much lost everything between my health and career. She never paid me one dime in the last couple of years. I tried to get my computer back several times and she refused stating she really needed it. Well so did I and I was sick of how she used me. I kept my mouth shut and it just festered inside of me. I thought to myself that if I made a stink she would bathmouth me to others or I would lose her as a friend. Then I thought to myself, "the hell with it" she is NOT a friend but a FRIENEMY and I was willing to take that chance instead of to continue to compromise myself. I decided to cut her as a friend out of my life and take the chance. Either way, it was bad. I drove to her house and very business like told her to get my computer and give it to me. I told her that as a friend I was always there for her. I reminded her of the $7,000 she borrowed and never paid me back. I reminded her that she now had an excellent job selling medical equipment with a fat base plus commission. I reminded her that it was my computer and it was wrong that she took it from me and never returned it. She and her son looked at me and did not say a word. She handed over my computer, it was beat up and the cord was trashed. It cost me an additional $150 to fix. I went home and was proud of myself that I finally, for once stood up for what I believed to be right. I figured she would never talk to me again, a quite frankly, I could not have cared less. A few day later she called me to apologise and I accepted. I don't know if I will ever see my money again but thats the breaks. Encountering rude people who are abusive take a chunk out of your spirit, energy, health and mental well being. I have chosen to distance myself from HUMAN LEACHES as to preserve what little energy I have during this perihell. In the end, you may lose a client or friend, but then again, you may gain their respect or worse case scenario, you may never have to put up with their crap again! Be true to yourself. Debra

Hi :-)
I personally don't have any trouble speaking up, but I have trouble in other areas. Everyone has their "troubled spots"

This is the way I see it, I'm a firm believer that the universe/God/Mother nature (whatever you believe) is always pushing us into balance and this is an area where you're out of balance so you're going to keep being faced with these issues until you finally stand up and face them.

People like this woman are the type to place blame for every little thing wrong in their lives. They are so emotionally dysfunctional, they search out the person who is the best "punching bag" who's going to take their sh&t.

Now having said all this, YES, dump her a^ss as a client, no explaination needed b/c none deserved. You need to find your balance/courage to not allow your energy to get ****** into their toxic energy. So what if you lose a client and her income, trust me, in the end, you end up paying with this with your self worth anyways.
Kick her to the curb

Keep us posted

wow, the word "s*ucked" got edited!? I didn't know it was a bad word......ugh!

Dear 'princessgod'
Some people are just the right candidates for a rotten hair cut and disastrous hair colouring!
I understand your anger but honestly try to let it go.She may be heavily Menopausal herself and overacts without realising it.
The thing is you have built up a business.You have some wonderful clientelle.
She would probably speak very nastily about you if she were confronted and you might lose customers.She does not have any power over you,unless you let her.

So remember all the good people in your life.She is not worthy of your irritation.I suspect she is a very unhappy lady.
Just wash her hair with cheap shampoo and smelly conditioner and 'Blow that Girl right out of your hair"

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

So remember all the good people in your life.She is not worthy of your irritation.I suspect she is a very unhappy lady.
Just wash her hair with cheap shampoo and smelly conditioner and 'Blow that Girl right out of your hair"


I agree with Elizabeth, especially the last part!!!

Hugs,
jes

Give her a tube of hair removal cream, tell her it,s conditioner....

Seriously, I think you (if you can) should ring/speak in person which ever is easiest for you,and tell her how this made you feel,let her know how rude she was being,without being rude to her (if possible) this may make her realise how unfairly she spoke to you OR if she is so awful anyway,she won,t come back.

Sometimes you have to tell people how you feel or it can just eat away at you.

I also think when you work in this sector, people tend to think of you for their sole purpose only.

KathS

Hi! Peri seems to be the time in life when we do our emotional house cleaning. enough is enough. We are gaining more wisdom of what we can tolerate and what not.
I have toxic people in my life and I have gone "no contact' with some and "little contact" with others.
There are people who feel they have the right too say anything that dare comes to their head. She must see you as one who does not deserve respect. She might see you as less than her. You serve her with her hair.
Draw the boundries where ever you feel it is needed!!!

Princess, I think you should drop her as a client and move on after you've gotten over this anger. I know that right now you think you will be angry forever, and you probably continually re-live the episode in Walmart so that it keeps firing up again and again, but in time you will feel better when you, and only you, are ready. Then hopefully there will be some closure. I'd say it's too toxic for you to have a good client relationship with her now; you've mentioned wanting to retaliate, which is perfectly normal. But that may lead to other problems you don't need, so maybe it's best now to just terminate it. The thing with this is that you've had no chance to get back at her. It's human nature to "equalize" the score, and so frustrating when something happens one-way like this and we feel like we are just "taking" it. It's probably why you feel like writing her a letter. As a matter of fact, this is a VERY good thing to do when you're angry and there is no simple way to direct it at the target because of consequences. Write a letter, read it, go back and revise it, and spend as much time on it as you need. You'll notice (if you're like me) that your anger begins to dissipate after you've worked on the letter a while. I've written many a letter (and e-mail) that never got mailed, because it would cause further problems, but it sure as shootin' helps me feel better.