Power Surge Forums > Finding Spirit through Peri

Starchild

Jul 24 2009, 01:02 PM

I have always been a spiritual person, but my peri-menopause experience has been what has brought Goddess into my life fully and forcefully.

Six years ago while in the middle of the worst panic disorder ever, I developed agoraphobia. I could not leave my house without my husband, I was breaking down every other day, I could not cope or function, most days I could not even get out of bed.

I was at the end of my rope and I was feeling extremely suicidal. I pulled out an old book from my teens about Spirituality, and I began to read and did not stop until I was done the next morning. Then I pulled out another, and then another. Until I had re-read all my spiritual books again. I began to meditate again, something I had not done regularly for years. And I began to breathe.

In breathing I rediscovered my own center and balance. And while it did not take away the anxiety/panic/depression, it helped me to see just how much I was repressing within my emotional makeup.

I had a difficult childhood, and I had stuffed a lot of it down deep within my psyche as I got older, never truly dealing with my feelings, my fears.

So while I began in a panicked attempt to be "normal" again, I ended up taking a spiritual journey into myself, through my childhood, into my psyche. It was life altering, and one I continue to take to this day - the journey is infinite and I discover something new about myself every day.

At age 37 I am still shocked when someone makes a crass comment about how I am "too young" for menopause, as though they must know my body better than myself. I see myself in a new light, I have been the maiden, and the mother, and now my body is moving towards it's crone phase, the triune nature of the moon Goddess in transit.

While there is much to gripe about regarding the symptoms of menopause, and I could go for eternity without another internal tremor, or palpitation, or hot flash, or emotional meltdown, I am so very grateful that this process has taken me on the journey it has.

Through this hell I have learned to endure.

Through this transformation I have found my inner butterfly.

Through this fluctuation I have discovered balance and center.

There is nothing the Goddess can give a woman that can not be endured, for we are WOMEN and we endure so MUCH.

I am thankful that my body has life in it, that I improve with age and wisdom, that I understand who I am better through the cycle of my aging rhythms. And I hope you will take a moment to be thankful for all that you are and know and have yet to discover too. There is excellence in even the most horrible experience - for we learn from it.

In deep Love,
Dee

mydarling

Jul 25 2009, 02:20 AM

QUOTE (Starchild @ Jul 24 2009, 01:02 PM)

I have always been a spiritual person, but my peri-menopause experience has been what has brought Goddess into my life fully and forcefully.

Six years ago while in the middle of the worst panic disorder ever, I developed agoraphobia. I could not leave my house without my husband, I was breaking down every other day, I could not cope or function, most days I could not even get out of bed.

I was at the end of my rope and I was feeling extremely suicidal. I pulled out an old book from my teens about Spirituality, and I began to read and did not stop until I was done the next morning. Then I pulled out another, and then another. Until I had re-read all my spiritual books again. I began to meditate again, something I had not done regularly for years. And I began to breathe.

In breathing I rediscovered my own center and balance. And while it did not take away the anxiety/panic/depression, it helped me to see just how much I was repressing within my emotional makeup.

I had a difficult childhood, and I had stuffed a lot of it down deep within my psyche as I got older, never truly dealing with my feelings, my fears.

So while I began in a panicked attempt to be "normal" again, I ended up taking a spiritual journey into myself, through my childhood, into my psyche. It was life altering, and one I continue to take to this day - the journey is infinite and I discover something new about myself every day.

At age 37 I am still shocked when someone makes a crass comment about how I am "too young" for menopause, as though they must know my body better than myself. I see myself in a new light, I have been the maiden, and the mother, and now my body is moving towards it's crone phase, the triune nature of the moon Goddess in transit.

While there is much to gripe about regarding the symptoms of menopause, and I could go for eternity without another internal tremor, or palpitation, or hot flash, or emotional meltdown, I am so very grateful that this process has taken me on the journey it has.

Through this hell I have learned to endure.

Through this transformation I have found my inner butterfly.

Through this fluctuation I have discovered balance and center.

There is nothing the Goddess can give a woman that can not be endured, for we are WOMEN and we endure so MUCH.

I am thankful that my body has life in it, that I improve with age and wisdom, that I understand who I am better through the cycle of my aging rhythms. And I hope you will take a moment to be thankful for all that you are and know and have yet to discover too. There is excellence in even the most horrible experience - for we learn from it.

In deep Love,
Dee

WOW Dee........ that was really something! You sound as though you've "found" yourself, and just that alone, is worth everything! During peri, we tend to almost LOSE ourselves....... and it seems to be a journey or self re-discovery, self re-defining..... so, I'm so glad you were able to do this, to find that balance ... that "inner butterfly" ... that is so great!
I agree with you, we have to take time to stop, and be thankful for all that we are, and know....and have!

joyceveronica

Jul 25 2009, 10:48 AM

QUOTE (Starchild @ Jul 24 2009, 09:02 PM)

I have always been a spiritual person, but my peri-menopause experience has been what has brought Goddess into my life fully and forcefully.

Six years ago while in the middle of the worst panic disorder ever, I developed agoraphobia. I could not leave my house without my husband, I was breaking down every other day, I could not cope or function, most days I could not even get out of bed.

I was at the end of my rope and I was feeling extremely suicidal. I pulled out an old book from my teens about Spirituality, and I began to read and did not stop until I was done the next morning. Then I pulled out another, and then another. Until I had re-read all my spiritual books again. I began to meditate again, something I had not done regularly for years. And I began to breathe.

In breathing I rediscovered my own center and balance. And while it did not take away the anxiety/panic/depression, it helped me to see just how much I was repressing within my emotional makeup.

I had a difficult childhood, and I had stuffed a lot of it down deep within my psyche as I got older, never truly dealing with my feelings, my fears.

So while I began in a panicked attempt to be "normal" again, I ended up taking a spiritual journey into myself, through my childhood, into my psyche. It was life altering, and one I continue to take to this day - the journey is infinite and I discover something new about myself every day.

At age 37 I am still shocked when someone makes a crass comment about how I am "too young" for menopause, as though they must know my body better than myself. I see myself in a new light, I have been the maiden, and the mother, and now my body is moving towards it's crone phase, the triune nature of the moon Goddess in transit.

While there is much to gripe about regarding the symptoms of menopause, and I could go for eternity without another internal tremor, or palpitation, or hot flash, or emotional meltdown, I am so very grateful that this process has taken me on the journey it has.

Through this hell I have learned to endure.

Through this transformation I have found my inner butterfly.

Through this fluctuation I have discovered balance and center.

There is nothing the Goddess can give a woman that can not be endured, for we are WOMEN and we endure so MUCH.

I am thankful that my body has life in it, that I improve with age and wisdom, that I understand who I am better through the cycle of my aging rhythms. And I hope you will take a moment to be thankful for all that you are and know and have yet to discover too. There is excellence in even the most horrible experience - for we learn from it.

In deep Love,
Dee

Dear 'Dee'
What a very inspiring life story you are sharing with us.
You are blessed to have such deep spirituality and belief in your life.
Yes it is so transforming to put yourself in His hands and know He will keep you safe
Unfortunately for me this was not enough to sustain me.The anxiety,insomnia plus varied other symptoms drove me positively crazy.I have to be truthful.
Yes I am older and hopefully somewhat wiser but HRT plus an anti -anxiety Meds have played their part in my slow but sure recovery..

I did endure but obviously it was not enough.
I applaud you on your wondrous journey and trust you will have the Spirit to see you through all the stages...

May God be ever with you
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Lara47

Jul 25 2009, 07:13 PM

QUOTE (Starchild @ Jul 24 2009, 12:02 PM)

I have always been a spiritual person, but my peri-menopause experience has been what has brought Goddess into my life fully and forcefully.

Six years ago while in the middle of the worst panic disorder ever, I developed agoraphobia. I could not leave my house without my husband, I was breaking down every other day, I could not cope or function, most days I could not even get out of bed.

I was at the end of my rope and I was feeling extremely suicidal. I pulled out an old book from my teens about Spirituality, and I began to read and did not stop until I was done the next morning. Then I pulled out another, and then another. Until I had re-read all my spiritual books again. I began to meditate again, something I had not done regularly for years. And I began to breathe.

In breathing I rediscovered my own center and balance. And while it did not take away the anxiety/panic/depression, it helped me to see just how much I was repressing within my emotional makeup.

I had a difficult childhood, and I had stuffed a lot of it down deep within my psyche as I got older, never truly dealing with my feelings, my fears.

So while I began in a panicked attempt to be "normal" again, I ended up taking a spiritual journey into myself, through my childhood, into my psyche. It was life altering, and one I continue to take to this day - the journey is infinite and I discover something new about myself every day.

At age 37 I am still shocked when someone makes a crass comment about how I am "too young" for menopause, as though they must know my body better than myself. I see myself in a new light, I have been the maiden, and the mother, and now my body is moving towards it's crone phase, the triune nature of the moon Goddess in transit.

While there is much to gripe about regarding the symptoms of menopause, and I could go for eternity without another internal tremor, or palpitation, or hot flash, or emotional meltdown, I am so very grateful that this process has taken me on the journey it has.

Through this hell I have learned to endure.

Through this transformation I have found my inner butterfly.

Through this fluctuation I have discovered balance and center.

There is nothing the Goddess can give a woman that can not be endured, for we are WOMEN and we endure so MUCH.

I am thankful that my body has life in it, that I improve with age and wisdom, that I understand who I am better through the cycle of my aging rhythms. And I hope you will take a moment to be thankful for all that you are and know and have yet to discover too. There is excellence in even the most horrible experience - for we learn from it.

In deep Love,
Dee

Dear starchild, Please share more on how you got to the place your at. I too am a spirtual person and believe that menupause is about resolving issues and part of our journeys. I had a very difficult childhood and believe that there's something I'm supposed to be resolving but I'm stuck in knowing what that is. I read spirtual books and meditate but the answers aren't coming. I've been having severe anxiety attacks and vertigo. The vertigo gets worse everyday.
Today it has been constant with maybe

10 minute intervals in between. I'm afraid of becoming agoraphobic. I was in the grocery store the other day and was spinning so bad I almost had to leave my groceries.l

It gives me hope reading your post. You seem to have alot of wisdom for 37 I would love to hear any advice or suggestions on becoming unstuck in my spirtual journey.

Lara