I really thought I had this better, I was doing so good, and like a slow train it has been rising up in me for about 2 days. I am 2 days into my cycle, and OMG ladies, I thought I was honestly going to die last night, I thought I was not going to wake up if I went to sleep. My lip trembles and the tears well up in my eyes as I write this, OMG I am SO OVER this. My poor poor son, he so bad wanted to spend time w/me last night, and it was all I could do to hold back the panic. They tell you in all the books, just go with, allow it to happen so you will see it can't hurt you. How in the hell do you do that w/a ten year old kid in the house, you cant!! I just wanted to run out of the house and walk and walk and walk. But I couldn't. Ladies oh God this went on most of the night. I would sleep a little, and woke up completely soaked, which of course scared me more. Honestly how do we know it's just anxiety, and all related to peri, how do we know, how do we know there is nothing wrong w/us medically. (I will tell myself, beck if this was real you would of been dead along time ago, it's not real, you are okay let it go) but when it's full blown it is just freaking horrible.

You know I once read, dont watch the news, and they are right. All that kept running through my mind last night is hell, look at Billy Mays, 50 years old, bam! OMG I hate it so much....

Today I am totally wiped out, gittery as hell. So what do I do, drink coffee, to which I know is the WORST thing that I can do when I feel like this. I get up and the Lucinda Basset is on Attacking Anxiety, as I sit in my bed and listen to those ppl talk, OMG that is so me, so me. But there is no way that I can honestly afford her program, not right now. I did read on the previous post about her book, heck I will get her's too, just another to add to my intensive growing collection.

The worst part is feeling like your whole world is crashing down on you, you can literally feel your heart pounding, God I hate that. It was so bad last night that I kept my Rosary clinched in my fist the whole night. All I wanted to do was get thru that hell.

Today I am going to see if my neighbor can watch my son, there are two doctors in my area, and I am going to stop by and see if I like any of them. That's what worries me, what if something is wrong, and I am just over looking it. And at the same time, I have been through all the "cardio" test before, and they all came back normal w/the exception of very mild MVP (of which I was told nothing to worry about and very common). My pressure has been up, but I honestly think that I am doing that to myself. And like OMG if I go to a new doctor now, he/she will think I am a nut. But I have to do something. Then your mind turns to OMG what if they do find something wrong... Ah it never ends.

IF I can go out ride my bike w/my son for hours, mow the lawn, shovel rocks out of my flower bed and wheel them to back of our yard, beat other kids at swiming and not miss a beat, shouldn't that tell me that over all I am pretty okay. I try to rationalize everything right now, and I just hate it...

I so wanted to come on here last night, but OMG I could not move.

Oh yea, and get this, my hubby wants to go camping this weekend, out in the middle of no where (we own property that we use to go to all the time, but lately I have been putting it off ever since the panic attacks came back)... I really really thought it was past. I trully understand why some ppl become dependent on drugs and alcholol, I really do, just some relief (no fear ladies not doing that), I hate drugs, but I did consider drinking a bottle of red wine last night, I really did, just to make it go away. But I also knew that it would just be even worse when the wine wore off...

Sorry, I just had to let it out, I had to. I have to find myself, I have to change this NO MATTER what, I am going to ruin my relationship w/my son and even perhaps my husband if I do not get this fixed.....

Becca .. sweetie .. big HUGS here for you !!!! your rational mind peeks in.. I see it in your writing .. you tell yourself you KNOW in your heart its peri .. you need something to take the edge off so that rational mind can take over .. Can the doc get you a xanex prescription ? a glass of wine in the evening ? just got out and walk or swim all that anxious energy.. I know this for a fact and you can take it to the bank ..repeat after me .. " YOU ARE NOT DYING" its PERI .. !!! Grab ahold of that little spark of rational inside of you and dwell on that !!!! you can do it .. I have faith in you !!



Maybe you can try the l-theanine too ?

Oh thank yo so much, you words basically brought me to tears (yes that will be next, everything makes me cry...) But at the same time it is very emotional.

I do have ativan 1mg, and I also have klonopine, and some other stuff (see doctor's have no prob prescribing me drugs, but just problem w/helping me find the answers I want). I do not know why I wont take any of them, sometimes I will take the ativan, cuz I know it does not make me feel horrible. But as I was recked w/panic last night, I took 2 Valerian Root Supplements, along w/like 3 cups of Valerian Hot Tea, so I was affraid to take the ativan on top of that. That's how anxiety is, you are affraid of everything. Heck I could of taken up to 5 Valerian, according to the bottle, but I was affraid to.

What is l-theanine... I have heard of that. I also was taking 5-HTP for a while, and stopped. See that's what happens sometimes, I start feeling better, and kind of fall of the wagon so to speak. Totally screwed up my diet yesterday(not to lose weight but trying to eat healthy), it's just hard, have NO appetite right now. I am still so tense, I can feel it in my body, try so hard to relax (now that just sounds dumb - trying hard to relax)... I so miss the old becky.... where is she.... does she even exist any more, I know she is down deep inside me somewhere.... Wish I was born a man...

Becca, this sounds like me just over a year ago. A total wreck, sure I was going to die.

Bio Estradiol stopped all this. Have you considered it?

No I haven't. Honestly kind of new to all of this, really am. Been looking for a new doctor, since my regular doctor told it all had to w/the "neurostimulators in my HEAD", and just prescribed me more drugs...

Please, please tell me more.... Actually this morning I emailed an Alternative Health Clinic, accupuncture and herbal. Although I do want to find a conventional doctor to look after my health, I also want to explore other remedies. I am hoping that if I go to this clinic, she may know of a good medical and/or do doctor...

I so look foward to the end of this journey... The thing that's driving me nuts right now, is my neck and chest muscles are so tight. It does not honestly feel like "heart" cuz no other symptoms, and when I stretch my arms I can feel it more pronounced. AHHHHH... When will this end... Make matters worse, I have costochrondritis (I injured my sternum so 12 years ago, and thanks to that I have a condition where the sternum and ribs connect, extra cartlidge, kind of like arthritis, but caused by injury), so it can flare up, which really makes me think I am done.... And yet again, if that we the case, I would been done a long long long time ago...

Thanks.. I am so sorry that I am going on and on, but it helps sooooo much... Luv all of ya's....

Yes .. you probably didnt ovulate so no progesterone .. hence the messed up neurotransmitters in the brain. Xanex is supposed to help The L-theanine will straighten that out ,, but makes me feel kinda zombie like .. at least not panicky.. everything you have described is exactly what I went through about 4 months ago and lasted through 2 - 3 cycles ,, I would start a period ,, wracking aches in neck and back ,, anxiety through the roof etc so I tried the l-theanine. it was ok .. but it did make me feel kinda weird .. I was ok with weird over nuts (go figure) ,, I feel like one big chemistry set these days. But The last 2 cycles I must have ovulated or at least recognize the crazy for what it is and my rational mind mostly gets to stay in charge so I dont seem as edgy. Also let the rational brain tell you ,, if you are worried about becomming addicted to drugs or alcohol your probably wont become addicted to drugs or alcohol. I ohly use these things for a few days when the symptoms are at their peak ,, then I ease off to see If I can come back to earth !! (yes I am with you about freaking out about taking things.. I dont know what all that is about ,, I even find out I freak out about eating things sometimes because I do have food allergies its nutty),, Also when this happens to me just like you the appetite goes right out the window .. We are here for you !!!!

Becca

I am new here but not new to feeling like this! I am totally in the same boat as you, you could have written my post and I could have written yours, right down to the clinging on to the Rosary for dear life. We are still alive and kicking or I should say trembling but we are and will be fine. We have anxiety on hyperdrive right now, I get all the panicky just reading and writing this but I wanted to reach out a shaky hand of help. Since you have young children at home with you, try to find someone who can watch him for the day, or let him watch videos and play video games for the day or however long it takes you to feel better and do not feel the least bit guilty about doing this!! It is fine and fun for kids to watch videos and play video games...it is not going to harm him in the lesat to have a few days doing this while mom is feeling a little tired. You HAVE to focus on you right now and getting yourself feeling better. You come first right now, by doing this you are doing the right thing for you and your family. So just decide right now that you are going to either have your son go be with friends or be at home watching the tube while you are in your area of the house allowing yourself enough self love to heal yourself through this rough patch. Then eat, force yourself to chew and swallow and drink something every two hours for as many days as it takes for your appetite to come back, mine was 6 days. I am terrified of taking medication for all kinds of reasons but I had to have relief so the ladies here helped me to be brave enough to take a small piece of my 10mg valium, probably 1/4 is what I took...I took the same amount the next night...I think it gave me just enough relief to let me begin to help myself in my thought processes. If you are at the point where you are clinging on by the second then you probably really should take some relief. I pray and pray and pray all day, I pray for peace of mind and mercy and I am getting it...force yourself to let go of the chatter in your head while you are praying and each time you sense the chatter, return your focus on the words of your prayer again and again, it WILL go away. Go to Bronwyn Fox's website and download her tape and listen to eat over and over and over. it only cost $15.00 and it is worth so much more.

You are taking all the right steps, you are there, all the thoughts and feelings are the just stress memories replaying in your head and thoughts of fear, and the physical symptoms are stemming from the thoughts as well, tell yourself over and over not to project fear onto the stress thoughts because you know that it is not an health issue, it is a stress memory issue and there is nothing to fear because it ALWAYS stops, it ALWAYS goes away...no matter how many times we experience it, it does stop and it stops because we let it go away long enough to think about something else. Remind yourself of this fact how ever many times you need to. For me it was constant for days, now it is not as often.

Tomorrow I see a bioidenticle hormone Dr. and I hope she will be able to offer some relief, I will be sure to share what I find out.
When I was in the worst of it last week, also on my 2nd cycle day, I sent out an email to this Dr. whom I have never met totally pleading for help so I am a bit embarrassed to go in but I am sure that she has heard it all, lol.

I will pray for all of our relief and peace of mind....boy, this peri is really something else isn't it!

Meg

Hi,
Does that happen when we don't ovulate? Yikes. I am considering L-theanine but reading what you just wrote about feeling "zombie" and "weird" would probably cause me to panic more since I am constantly "observing" and "watching" for how I am "feeling" at every moment and if I think or sense that I am feeling not "normal" the horrible wave of panic flashes through me and we're off to the races! lol...ugh.

Does Bioindenticle hormone replacement help with this? Please say yes.

Meg

Is Bio Estradiol a bioindenticle hormone replacement therapy? Sorry, I am totally new to this. Does it really help? I pray it does! How long does it take before it helps?

Meg

Yes Meg, I first read your post, and I almost highjacked it, cuz it was so me.... You kind of remind me of me, just reading your post. Yes, I do have my son playing video games right now. Funny thing is, (we have a very open communication). Last night, before it got really bad, I sat down w/him and had a talk. I actually overheard him one day talking to a friend, saying the dog has her period...LOL Well I took that as the right time to talk about mamma. I sat him down and asked him what he knew about "period". He looked at me and said OMG mom I can't tell you. Then he did. And he said you get that too don't you, and I said yes. I took that time to explain to him how when 1st get it, I don't feel so well, just a little tired (no didn't tell him that I turn into a raving lunatic...LOL). So this morning when he got up, we talked a little more, and said that I am sorry that I couldnt spend that much time w/him last night, I just didn't feel that well, caused my first day I am really tired. Weird yes having this conversation w/your child, especially a son, but I feel it's important for him to atleast try to understand...

And yes Didgens, I know that there is an issue w/my ovulation. My ovulation starts only like 7 - 9 days after the 1st day of my period. I call it shooting blanks.. LOL Not to get into the nasty details, ahhh, but I have read by my symptoms that is low progesterone and high estrogen. I also notice the more sore my breast are before my period, the more cramps I have, and all of this means the worst symptoms of panic and anxiety at the start of my cycle. Last month breast weren't that wore, cramps weren't that bad, anxiety not that bad. This month, really sore breast, really horrible cramps, really bad mood swings, hot flashes, and yep really bad anxiety and panic....

Meg that is great you found a doctor, what a blessing. I am still searching.... I did promise myself last night that I would find a doctor, for I was done. While searching I came across an office called Healing and Wellness Center, listed under GYN. I too emailed her. She is an accupuncturist, but I am going to give it a try. She truly understood my symptoms, I put the post under "alternative medicine".

Also Meg, believe it or not, only been on this site, for what two maybe three months. (Yea I post alot). But in all honestly, this site has been a Godsend. These ladies are great, and are ALWAYS here for ya. I really do not know what I would do w/o this site, I really dont. Well all need to get some kind of computer teleconferencing so we could all meet, wouldnt that be awesome. But seriously Meg, read the post, and you will see that there are some great women here. I honestly can't thank them enough!!! It's just means something when you know you are not alone, and there is always somoene to help or just listen. And Meg, wasn't it your post about your son being the paramedic, isn't that just the man thing. My poor husband tries so hard to understand, but he has surely let it slip a time or two about it just being in my head.... errrrr...

Yes, that's me, the one with the paramedic son; "are you just sitting there thinking about how and what you are feeling like mom?" "ummmm...well, yes, actually I am" lol!
It is so great that you have an open relationship with your little guy, I have always talked openly about life and all it entails with my kids also and it does help to know that I don't have to hide or feel uncomfortable when I get the "weirds". All of this peri/meno stuff is so involved and overwhelming and I am so Blessed to have found everyone here on this website! I am looking forward to my appointment tomorrow, it is with the Drs. Physician Assistant and not the actual Dr. herself, but I figure it's better than nothing and she must be on the "same page" as the Dr. right? Now I have to just have faith that the PA will know what she is doing and that I can relax and have faith and not feel like I need to research and do her job for her, lol, that is a big part of my problems, letting go and lettting other people take control. I feel like I have to look it all up and figure it all out myself, but if I just tell her my symptoms, then she should be able to take it from there, right? Sheesh.
I hope your day gets better and better!
Meg

Hey Meg, you know I see doctors doing that more and more with the Nurse Practioners. We have alot of that down here, and I often wondered to. Actually saw an add today for one. But you know, she is overseen by the doctor, and you know what just perhaps she will have a lot more compassion than most doctors do now-a-days. They have to go thru alot of additional training, that I know too. I had done Medical Billing for several years, and saw that coming. Apparently they can do everything that a doctor can do; however, they can't diagnosis or write prescriptions w/o the doctor's approval. I don't know if that is still the same, but I do know the doctor most oversee the treatment as in reviewing the medical records and such..

Good luck, like I said in my other post, something beats nothing....

Doing a little better, still pretty crampy though, ahhh... Just pray tonight is not a repeat.

Hi Becca,
Your last post sounded less frantic than your first,could feel your fear in it Bless you,

All I can say is just keep reading the posts it does help,but as me you probably when at your worst can,t take anything in, and just think the worst.

Have times myself Becca when I think I,ve cracked this,must be over the worst then BAM it just washes over you.

Awful horrendous place to be.

I don,t advocate drinking at all,BUT when I,m real bad I have a glass in the evening and it just takes that scary edge of it. Just takes me down enough to function semi normal.

I also have a youngster and some days I just let her do her own thing (within reason!!) and actually I think she quite enjoys it.

When these times come it seems just as scary as the first time and each time you think this is it.

Just to say I and all these great ladies feel as you do.

Take lots of care of yourself Becca

KathS

Yea for sure Kath S, this morning I was literally off the wall. I just couldn't believe it had came back on me like that, ah...

Yes, I will have a glass of red wine, then going to take my son for a walk. In the past the walks have done wonders, it's just be raining like every single day. I am little apprehensive about tonight, don't want to go through that again, and really apprehensive about my hubby's desire to go camping this weekend. I really don't want to get out in the middle of no where and wig-out, good Lord that would be horrible. But perhaps me getting out would do me good, Lord only knows.

I know I must say this all the time, but for sure would not know what to do if I did not have this site with everyone. You are all so great, you really are! Thank you from the bottom of my heart...... Thank you... and blessings on you all...

Becca,

Are you located in Florida by any chance?

Meg

[quote name='Megopause' date='Jul 1 2009, 09:37 AM' post='293735']
Is Bio Estradiol a bioindenticle hormone replacement therapy? Sorry, I am totally new to this. Does it really help? I pray it does! How long does it take before it helps?

Meg


Hi Meg,
I tried to private message you but it was turned off!

Kim

Hi Kim!

Oh no! Thanks for trying, is there something that I need to do in my settings?

Meg

If this is peri, it REALLY stinks! I have anxiety disorder and was resigned to being on my tiny dose of daily paxil for the rest of my life because it made life bearable, but in November it "stopped working". I've been having almost constant anxiety since then with "flashes" of panic to go with it. The worst part is that I wake up in the morning and if I dare to take a nap with my heart racing and my skin burning. I'm so terrified of falling asleep now, I won't take a nap (which I really need on the weekends after working all week) and I have to take neurontin and ativan to sleep every night. I really hate taking all these meds, but I can't function at all without them.

I went to see a gyn nurse practitioner who said that it sounded like I was having a "progesterone problem" but I've always had panic attacks during pregnancy when progesterone is highest. She recommended a bioidentical hormone cream, but there are such mixed reviews on whether it works, I'm afraid to try. If you start on a cream and it works, let me know!

Yes, bioidentical estradiol helps with those symptoms. But for many of us, progesterone causes those symptoms.

Hey Meg, yes I am in Florida, South Florida actually...


And me too, I think it's a progesterone issue. Me and my hubby had a long talk tonight, my God I am so blessed I have him, he has tried so hard to try and understand. When I started talking to him about how the different hormones effect us, the 1st words out of his mouth, well then you surely have way toooo much estrogen.. I truly see the pattern, I really do.

I have no idea again ladies what I would do w/out you.

At any rate, it is 10:30, and yes I had "few" glasses of wine, I know that it is wrong, I really do, but I don't want to go thru what I did last night. Right now, I feel calm, little fuzzy (I have no tolerance for wine LOL), but still apprehensive about the rest of the night. Ladies honestly, I just had to come in here, one last time, before I call it a a night, and say Thank YOU, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you all know how much you all helped me get thru this day, I honestly cant give you all enough thanks, it helped me so much, and to know I am not alone, and no I am NOT dying, and yes, this is all hormones, and yes I will get thru this, thank you and loves to you all, from the bottom of my heart thank you, loves to you all.....

I wish I could hug each one of ya, I really do....

Just wanted to let you all know that last night was much better, I was actually able to sleep. A few episodes of hot flashes, but no panic, which was nice. Little tired still today, (I am starting to think that I might also be a little anemic during my cycle, bcz I am so drained), little bit of headache, but again no panic. I can feel that I am swinging toward a better. I know that it is a roller coaster, hoping I can get something out of the accupuncture today...

Thanks again ladies, I just wanted to give you all an update...

Awsome !!

Becca and Meg, wow, ya'll sound like me!

I see a psyh. nurse practitioner and she prescribes me what I need to get thru life. I take Xanax to get thru the anxiety.....Its gotten better since I got on the Estrogen though (surgically removed my ovaries and woke up 2 days later in meno, made me beg for estrace!)

You are normal, you will live. It is called Health Anxiety and it gets worse in PeriMenopause. What I have found after 13 years of this, is I must keep my mind busy! Stop Googling health issues, get outside and walk as fast as you can for 20 mins, you need to learn to change your train of thought when you feel the anxiety coming! It works, I promise.

Ill be lifting you up in prayer hoping you find some calm!

Missy

I have been nagging my husband for a couple of weeks to go get the growth on his chest looked at ,, he just kept telling me " Oh its a blemish .. Im taking care of it .. look its gotten smaller " blah blah blah ,, ok so yesterday I really hound him to go .. today he went .. he calls me up afterwards and says " The doctor cut it out,, it was skin cancer" BAM ,, I started to freak out ,, feel the GERD kicking in even though he told me she said it wasnt the dangerous kind .. but I still was headed straight down the road at 1,000 miles an hour for a MAJOR anxiety attack ,, I got up from my desk ,,, walked away ,, and went over to another department and started immedaetly talking about something else compleatly ,, it worked ,, ok .. so now Im going to try that stratagy ,, just get up when I feel the panic comming .. walk around and do something else and stop thinking about what ever it is that is bringing it on, Even if I have to get up at 3 in the morning and start cleaning out kitchen drawers ..

Hi Becca! welcome to peri! It s*cks, but welcome anyway! A couple of questions? How old are you? Are you new to the peri roller coaster? I ask, because it seems that this anxiety cr*p is so new to you.

My story in a nutshell. I started peri at 41. Like you, the anxiety was alful! No words to describe! Noone prepared me for all that peri was and at 41 yrs!!!!

I am 48 now and for the most part, handling peri. Now mind you, not enjoying it, but handling it. I am on an anti-depressant to manage this time in my life. I dont like it but my son is 9 and I need to do whatever I can to be a present Mommy for him.

You are SO precious about hanging onto your Rosary. God sees your heart and will help you. He doesnt go about it the way we think He should, but He is faithful

Thank you so much Missy for your prayers!! I will pray for you too!! We need all the prayers we can get, that's for sure! I agree about keeping our minds busy, when I am focused on something other than looking for how I am feeling then I am doing great, no symptoms! But as soon as that anxiety thought gets triggerd somehow to rear it's ugly head I am back feeling all my symptoms yet again, so obviously if it were some terrible health issue then we wouldnt be able to be distracted from it...
Ugh, went to the Dr. today, I have to have lab work done on my 19th cycle day, but based upon my appearance and all of my symptoms she has diagnosed me with a Thyroid issue, Adrenal fatigue and low Progesterone. She gave me a packette of B12 injections and she gave me a thyroid test and if it comes back positive then I start a Thyroid supplement and after two weeks of that I begin some Thyroid medicine...she also gave me a Bio-identical Progesteron pill to take at night and to take it every two days and go up a dose each time until I find that I feel good and then stay at that dosage...I take it during the whole cycle.
I am wondering how the test results will turn out if I am already supplementing for a week before the tests but I guess they know what they are doing. I hope to God that it takes away my headache that I have had for a week straight and doesn't make it any worse! It feels like a bowling ball is inside my head. I also hope it takes away this horrible,horrible anxiety. So even before the labwork and before the medicine it came to $360!! What are we supposed to do any of us?! Now I am stressed about that too and looking around the house to see if there is something that I can sell to pay for my health!! bleh...I feel better that after hearing all of my symptoms she didn't tell me to go get a brain MRI or have my heart checked, so that is reassuring. Now I just have to get brave enough to take the progesterone pill tonight and do the B12 shot tomorrow!!!
Hope you are all feeling a sense of peace tonight!
hugs,
meg

Well, the kitchen drawers will be tidy anyway, lol! I will try that strategy next time..I will probably end up walking away from what I am doing or people that I am talking to quite a bit but if it works then I am all for it!! I am so glad that your husband got his skin taken care of...sheesh, men will walk around with things growing out of their ears without so much as a thought and one weird feeling and we have ourselves in pieces with anxiety over it, it's so completely unfair!

Bleh,
Meg

I had anxiety about 10 years ago, when my son was really sick. I looked at it as PTSD, because it was trama.

I go thru it, and out of now where, the past 6 months or so have been hell. So yea, I guess you can say I am new to it. Because this time I have nothing to attribute it to. Heck even when I had the anxiety back w/my son's illness, I think I had 2 or 3 panic attacks in what 1 years time. Heck I had that just a few months ago 3 nights in a row. Though I am doing a little better here past day or two, it seems that it is a constant struggle w/my mind. I will be fine, doing house work, what ever, and my mind starts going. My husband will ask me, hey babe, how do you feel, he has been asking that alot, cuz he see's me going thru this. Today, I almost snapped, the poor thing, I was like why you ask that, do I look ok, he was like yea, babe, I just no you got your "thing" (that's what he calls it) and you have been having a hard time.... My God what would I do w/o him, he has been great, I love him so much for just being him.


I have been nagging my husband for a couple of weeks to go get the growth on his chest looked at ,, he just kept telling me " Oh its a blemish .. Im taking care of it .. look its gotten smaller " blah blah blah ,, ok so yesterday I really hound him to go .. today he went .. he calls me up afterwards and says " The doctor cut it out,, it was skin cancer" BAM ,, I started to freak out ,, feel the GERD kicking in even though he told me she said it wasnt the dangerous kind .. but I still was headed straight down the road at 1,000 miles an hour for a MAJOR anxiety attack ,, I got up from my desk ,,, walked away ,, and went over to another department and started immedaetly talking about something else compleatly ,, it worked ,, ok .. so now Im going to try that stratagy ,, just get up when I feel the panic comming .. walk around and do something else and stop thinking about what ever it is that is bringing it on, Even if I have to get up at 3 in the morning and start cleaning out kitchen drawers ..

Oh Didgen's I am so sorry that you have to go thru that, you poor thing. My grandpa had skin cancer all the time, I mean all the time. He kept up w/it, and made sure they got it each time. He lived to be 99 years old! Any kind of cancer is scary for sure, but keep positive, I am sure you all caught this in time. And hey, you knew, and he finally listened to ya...

I was watching a Chirstian program last night, yea doing that ALOT more these days... But seriously, it was like God's little voice. I never seen this guy, and usually I don't watch those kind of stations, cuz to me they are always trying to see something... But I accidently found his channel. And for whatever reason I just listen for a few minutes, and this is basicallly what he had to say... (You know the silliest pray I have ever heard someone pray, God please heal me... Then he said, now before you start throwing stones at me, listen to what I have to say. Don't ask God to heal you, it has already been done, do you know what Jesus sat down at the right hand of the Father, bcz it is finsihed, it is done. What did Christ say as he died on the cross, it is finished. And then this preacher went on to quote, "by His wounds you are healed". He also quoted various other scripture whereas Christ had healed, and said according to your faith it is done.... This preacher went on to say, it is done, it was done 2,000 years ago. Claim it, demand it, tell sickness you have no right to be here in my home, in my body, because by the Wounds of Jesus I am healed). I don't know what that just stuck w/me, but it did. And I just kept that in my mind today so many times. I know Jesus was the same today as He was yesterday, as He was 2,000 years ago, and like He said, Why do you Worry, why do you fret. How many times did He say, You are healed, many, many, many. I am just going to hold on to that.

I also went for acupucture (yea I know jumping around...LOL); it was okay I guess, really really weird. She was great though, gosh I wish a doctor would listen to me like that. She said she wasn't sure if I was actually peri-menopause, bcz my periods are so regular (for some reason I can't make anyone understand that more me regular is not regular), but she did say it surely hormonal, that perhaps w/the endometriosis, and all the years will hormone treatment, my body just forgot how to make it's own hormone. I for one believe that has something to do w/that, but I also really believe I am in peri.... I really can't say it did much though, but I will give it a few more tries. I will post what she told me to do under alternative med, since I started a post on that....

If you think you have too much estrogen in relation to progestrone, alcohol makes it worse, as it is highly estrogenic.
I personally, don't think there is a ratio of E to P, it is always low estrogen that drives anxiety, but it is JMO. I had very bad experience with progesterone, but some ladies swear by it.
I figured that low dose xanax works better than alcohol, which makes me worse when it wears off, alcohol is not good remedy for anxiety/panic, xanax does better job.
Now, if I knew what to do with internal shakes and tremors on low estrogen days, it would be really good.
Best,
I.

I TOTALLY AGREE with you in regards to the alcohol. We had a get together last night, and had a few beers, and OMG my anixety is thru the roof. I will get thru today (bcz of the holiday and we are having a party), but starting tomorrow NO MORE ALCOHOL!!! My plan is to go on the Ativan for a few days, and take it from there. I am glad you posted this today, cuz I really needed it. The alcohol just makes a vicious cycle, and honestly it *****!!! I can't take the Ativan today, cuz I have a bunch of ppl coming over. Talking hubby out of going to camping to have a party here. I just need to get thru this day, and keep freaking telling myself I AM NOT DYING. God I hate this. When will it be over....

Thanks girlies....

Just had to come in for a moment, today has been hell. Constantly on edge, on the verge of panic. Finally took an ativan, dont know why I dont take it sooner or more often. But at any rate, just couldn't stand it. Waiting now for it to kick in. This just stinks so bad. Wish I knew the answer.

Coming on here helps, so I thought I would drop in. I hope you all had a good 4th.

But I do tell you what, as of today I totally give up alcohol. Had few beers earlier, then slept it off. Now I am worse than when I started. I wouldn't of even drank today, but everyone was parting having a good time, I just wanted to try and enjoy the day. But no doubt alcohol makes is sooooo much worse. I was worried about taking the ativan having drank earlier today, but I am surely not drunk or anything, and I just can't take it anymore. Feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. My poor family.

I have to find answer to this, I have to....

Hi honey......hope your ativan soon kicks in for you. I have been unable to tolerate alcohol since my attacks started. It is so nice to believe I am "normal" and sit down with a drink but I do pay heavily for it later. Know you are in my thoughts tonite.....xx

Thank you, I think it's starting to. Been having headaches lately too. Is it okay to take an Alieve w/Ativan? I know, I know, I worry too much - ah dah...

You should of seen me tonight, we were all in the back yard watching fire works, and OMG I was drinched in sweet.

Right now I still have the freaking restless feeling, like you affraid to lay down.

And alcohol is surely not worth it.

I can't believe it's this late and I am still wired, wow, just noticed the time...

Thanks for your thoughts hon...

It is perfectly fine to take Aleve with Ativan. U can trust me on that one too....I'm a nurse. Menopausal but yet a nurse. lol. Go find some headphones and some soothing music....lie down and let it take u away.

This may sound really wierd but, I seem to have more panic attacks when I am relaxed. Almost like when I'm stressed out I feel more normal, then when I begin to relax the panic sets in full force. The mind has more power over me than I can sometimes deal with. The last few days have been really bad. It all started with a pain under my arm, of course I began to think the worst. I couldn't get in to my Dr, so that set about more panic. This has been happening to me for around 13 years and I'm only 40. It all started when I had my second child it was so bad that I was eventually hospitalized for a week or so. Then it was blamed on being over tired. today is the 3rd day of panic attacks in a row. Logic tells me not to worry been here before and came out fine, but the more symptoms I have the more worried I get and then the worse the panic sets in. I really believe that chemical changes are a big part of it but when it happens to me all I can think is that I can't die my kids need me. then I think the worst possible outcomes and set myself off again. How do you change the way you think when panic sets in? I am open to any and all suggestions. My life is really good now I have a wonderful man and am getting married. Much different than before. I come here alot to read when the panic sets in and it does really help to know that I'm not the only one going through this. You ladies have helped so much, so glad I found PS.

I know exactly what you are experiencing with the panic and relaxing! When I first tried to meditate and listen to relaxation tapes I would become all edgy feeling and an almost aggressive feeling in my chest area...and panicky of course, that is always a part of the anxiety with me, can't seem to just have that crummy anxiety feeling in my chest without it's mate, the panic surge bolt through my body. When I was really bad about a month ago, and this continued for the entire month, I am just now feeling better for the last 5 or so days, it got to the point where I was in constant anxiety, no period of relief, I became so drained and depressed from it, I had zero appetite, I was dizzy and felt like I was floating when I walked, like being on a moving sidewalk and you are walking along with it so it feels weird...constantly checking how I was feeling and this only served to fuel the feeling, it was keeping it going, I know that for a fact now, but while it the midst of the crisis I was sure that I had a brain tumor or some other scary thing so I was unable to break the thoughts....finally I became so ehausted from it all that I thought," look, if I am going to go crazy, then please just let it happen already so I wont have to worry about it so much and scare myself"! "If I go crazy then I wont know it and I wont care" I actually had these thoughts!! Then I thought that was funny and realized that I am torturing myself and to let it go already, let go and let God. I decided that I didn't have to do anything to "save" myself from the feeling, they are only feelings, they are horrible feelings but they do and always will stop...we have to break the pattern of checking for them, this is the key. When you are in the moments of panic, tell yourself not to fear it...tell yourself over and over not to fear it, there is nothing to fear, just say to yourself, "oh well here it is that panic again, this is an anxiety attack and it will pass, there is nothing to fear, let it go" don't try to save yourself by doing anything other than reasuring yourself that it is nothing to fear, you are not ill with anything, you have anxiety and panic and that does not kill people or cause any permanent damage, all it can do is make you feel exactly how you already are feeling and that is it, that's the worse anxiety and adrenaline does, the rest is made worse by fearing those feelings are something other than what it is, a panic attack caused by us fearing the anxiety feelings and looking for them when we are feeling fine to somehow ward them off does nothing but bring them to our minds. When you find yourself checking to see how you are feeling, tell yourself, " it is just an anxious thought, let it go" and focus on someother thought, and do this however many times it takes, I was doing it non-stop literally, now I have to do this maybe twleve times a day, it works, it reprograms our minds to work with us and not against us. I alsp pray all the time, the more we pray the more powerful it becomes for us. Go to Bronwyn Fox's website and download her tape and listen to her over and over, prayer and Bronwyn have gotten me through this really horrible month. We are all works in progress, we have good days and not so good days, we just have to keep training our minds to think differntly than they currently do and we do this with practice and a lot of prayer. it will get easier, it builds upon itself. I can even do my meditation now and when I am not doing it well, I stop and go back to it later. it is like the little train "I think I can, I think I can" just say it over and over, let negative thoughts go, they are just programmed crap from the past, say "that was a negative thought" and let it go, son't even think about it after that....realize and accept that you have anxiety and nothing else is wrong with you and do the work it takes to get the mind back on track...pick your favorite comfort phrase and say it over and over. I say "peace" to myself with a nice deep breath when I feel it mounting and then I let the anxiety go and let it be what it is and I have faith that God is in control, I don't need to be. It's just our poor overactive stress system on hyper mode, we have to talk it down so to speak. Try to think of it as a bother and a bore and her we go again type of thing and not let the fear talk take over, because it will happily do so and we are in control of that factor of this, we canand have to tell ourselves not to fear the feelings.

Sorry for the long post and the preaching, I just sort of took off on this post and just realized that it became a self help session, lol!
I am sure that I will reread this over and over myself, but that's okay because I am worth the time it takes to get over anxiety and so are all of you!!

I am also on my third day of Progesterone, so far so good, I am experiencing less sever anxiety and when the panic jolts it is much more manigable, I can talk myself out of it much quicker.

Have faith, God loves everyone and if we come to Him and ask for Peace of mind, He will answer our prayers, he will lead you to peace, just keep praying.

Hugs,
Meg

This sounds horribe seeing how I just began Progesterone...any thoughts on why progesterone was the problem?

Sigh
Meg

Oh gosh, what was your terrible experience with Progesterone? I have been on the progesterone pill for 3 days now and would like to know what your experience was, please don't spare any gory details either. I took 12mg the first 2 days and last night it was upped to 2 pills. This morning I awoke with sore boobs and some stomache ache, I am also still having anxiety which I am talking myself into keeping in control...bleh.

Thanks very much!

Meg

Well, Miss Smarty Pants here telling everyone how to think and what to do got it shoved right back into her face last night/earlymorning with not being able to sleep, anxiety burning in my chest, having deep, weird, unhappy dreams when asleep and bolting awake with the rapid, hammering heartbeat and palpitations along with the adrenaline bolt and this is all before I was even really awake! It is so unfair to have this all hapen while sleeping, isn't it. Bleh. I was able to talk myself out of it a bit faster than usual thank God.
Do any of you get these weird buzzing type surges in your head? Kind of like when we have a fever? I am not sure about the Progesterone pills now, it was my second day of taking two before bed....I am supposed to up to 3 tonight...I think I was doing better on just one pill...?

Hugs,
Meg

OMG me too. It is so hard for me to relax, I sometimes honestly dread bedtime... It is almost always when I am lying down for the night.. Although the 4th was like almost all day.

Oh yea, that pain under the arm, what's up w/that. It feels like I bruised it on something, well of couse so I keep poking around in my fingers to see if I feel anything. Well then of couse I do, I know it's just a gland, and by me poking around on it makes it worse. I had this about over a year ago, would come ago. Went had the whole check up nothing.

Yesterday I was just exhausted, it's like you body just finally shutsdown from all the stuff. I honestly didn't even get out of bed yesterday, but to eat, drink, and potty... Other than I just layed in bed all day... I am still pretty lazy today. My period is over, finally. I think next month I am going to supplement w/some iron, cuz I just get so dang tired. Don't know if it's the anxiety or the heavy periods, probably a combination of both.

I should (I say should) have a few good days. Usually right have my period things start looking up for me (oh yea wait according to my Gyno it don't work that way, yea right)...

Been doing some researching today. I too keep going back to PROGESTERONE! I actually read an article today, (gosh it was long and techinical) but it did state that "Adminstration of progesterone before a panic challenge decreases the panic and anxiety response. I really say that there is something to this. You know the odd thing is, just after my son was born 1998, I had this really bad. I just chalked it up to the fact he had to be hospitalized, and have surgery. But it lasted for a couple of years, I am now starting to think that although the conditions in my life at that time played a role in my anxiety, but I am starting to believe it was also made worse by my hormones. And yet when I was pregnant, I felt GREAT!

W/my hx of endometriosis and all, I sometimes wonder if I am PMS or peri. Or if I am coming into Peri which is now making my PMS symptoms heightened. I find more correlation between my symptoms and PMS than I do w/peri. But I still say peri is bringing on the PMS. Panic and anxiety are pretty common w/PMS and PMDD.

So that's it. I am going to start on the Progesterone this month. Going to try a good bio-identical creme OTC, and start w/that. I surely don't want synthetic, I surely want bioidentical. Also everything I read states that do not use Progesterone right after your period. You wait 14 days, after you ovulate, then start the Progesterone. So I have about a week or so to find a good one, and start with that.

Like you all I just want my life back!

Also am trying to eat 6 small meals a day, which is truly hard for me, but they say from what I read it helps. I also read whereas Omega 3 crucial up to 3-4 grams per day, so will continue w/that. I wasn't taking that much, but I will up it for a month and see.

And going to get back to my evening walks, that seemed to be helping alot too....

I have heard that the progesterone cream can build up over time and become in-effective .. keep that in mind.

You know, I say that I am going to try it, then I get to reading on here on other topics, and see whereas it wasn't helpful. Don't know if I should try it, or not. The acupuncturist recommended Vitex which is a phyto progesterone, perhaps I should try that first.

I would love to get my levels tested, but financially right now, just can't, so I am trying to use my symptoms to determine what would best benefit.... Ahhh... The never ending cycle...

At anyrate, how are you doing today. Hope you are doing okay...

Im ok .. thanks for asking .. I'm curious about the Vitex Im going to look that one up ..I also heard of all things a comercial on the radio about a menopausel suppliment ,, I guess we are making waves out there about our outrage that the medical community has put little or no effort into figuring out this problem for us .. understandibly trying to get it right for every female is still going to be a little trial and error. Anyway the stuff is called Amberen and was being advertised by a nurse who needed something for peri. There are some posts here about it. I dont want to take anything that will keep my periods going though and am not sure if these things will do that ? I had a physically crazy day on sat with the fireworks booth,, but took anti anxiety meds before I went ,, then had to lean on the painkillers for my osteoarthritus after working for 12 hours. We grossed 31,000$ though so it was great.. Now that Im physically exhausted Im not really paying attention to the other symptoms Did you notice any benefit from the accupuncture ?

heres a Vitex article

http://altmedicine.about.com/od/herbsupple...ide/a/Vitex.htm

Yes, anxiety, panic, and peri all stink! Ever since I found out that so many of my new symptoms (I've had anxiety and panic before) point to peri, I've been trying to figure out which hormone I'm lacking (since no doctor I've gone to has been willing to order tests and I can't afford to buy the online test kits. It's funny (funny-strange, not funny-HA HA) that some of us anxious ladies do better on progesterone and some do better on estrogen. I think it's a cruel joke of nature that when we are so miserable the only option is TRIAL AND ERROR! Like any of us has the strength or the patience for that.

I had already been through at least four months of terrible, constant anxiety when the gyn said my symptoms were probably because hormones during peri roller coaster up and down and the only way to stop it was to take birth control to smooth out the cycles. Unfortunately, the bcp made my symptoms worse, and when I found out it can take up to three months for the body to stop producing progesterone and estrogen in addition to what's in the pill, I had to quit. I just couldn't take the increased anxiety anymore.

Well, I have been on 5 days of a Bio Progesterone Pill, the anti-aging Dr. said the pill formula would reach the brain faster to calm it down than the cream would...sounded good to me. I started with 12.5 mg and was to up the dose by one pill every two days until I reached 4 pills per night... I lasted until I was to up it to 3 pills and quit..on 1 pill I thought I felt ok, less anxiety although there was still that anxiety feeling that I get in my chest area that makes me feel like I want to yell or squeeze something if I concentrate on the feeling too long, but it was easier to talk myself out of that feeling and I also felt just relaxed and normal...nice and relaxed for bed without the bed dread, no waking up during the night heart pounding, etc... this was good I thought to myself, I have found the answer! Then the next day, still on one pill I felt the same...when I upped my dose to 2 pills I noticed that the anxiety was more often and a bit stronger, even reaching the panic attack adrenaline bolt level a few times...desperately wanting the Progesterone to be my answer, I thought that this was maybe just a bad day and it would have been even worse without the pills...that night I awoke to use the restroom and felt like I had cement bricks on my feet, like I was very heavy...fell back to sleep fine but I awoke the the racing pounding heart, adrenaline crap...ugh...I perservered through the day having moments of feeling really good and normal and moments of anxiety...I noticed my migraine headache was making itself known again and I had just gotten over from one and this is unusual for me to hae two so close together...I ususally get them just prior my period...still wanting the pills to be my saving grace I took the 2 pills again that night at bedtime and boy, I did not sleep well at all that night, bad heavy dreams, bolting awake, not able to get back to sleep...adrenaline...feeling too heavy again...paic attack, headache getting stronger...I awoke with the bolt, racing heart yet again, feel back to sleep, awoke like that again...drank some Natural Calm magnesium..and tried to just rest...A few hours later had an Occular Migraine attack followed by the headache...those are pretty frightning for me, even though I rationalize what is happening, it is scary to have vision problems and especially with the anxiety heart stuff going on too...ugh! I was wiped out for the day...then I had the dread of knowing that I was to up my dose that night to 3 pills! and I didn't know what to do! I didn't know if it was because of the pills that I was having this happen or if the pills were helping with what would have been something even worse and what should I do? I had some help making that choice from a friend on this forum who took the time to answer my email, thank you!! I did not take any Progesterone last night and I slept fine, woke up once, felt normal, fell back to sleep but I did wake up again this morning with a bolt but it was much less severe and did not last long, did not go into a full panic attack. So far I feel fine and normal while writing this, lol. No more headache when my Migraines always last at least 3 days. I go to have labwork done tomorrow for the first time to see where my levels are...then I am to go back to the Dr. in 3 weeks to be evaluated...I have no clue if the Progesterone caused the problems for me or if they were helping...in my gut I feel that it was not helping and it was making my symptoms worse...a hard part of all of this is all of the guess work, hopefully the lab results will be informative.
Hugs to all from the long-winded one,
Meg

Well, I'm glad you have someone willing to test your levels and I sure hope you're able to find an answer. This anxiety/panic/heart racing thing really stinks. I had been taking neurontin 600 mg with 1 mg of ativan at bedtime and it helped with the terrible morning anxiety. I thought I had found the answer to at least one of my major problems, but this morning I realized I was waking up with that agitated feeling and heart racing. I would doze off only to wake up with it again. Finally I took my blood pressure and it was high and my heart rate was high. Just can't get a handle on this thing and it's making me nuts!!

Well I don't know after reading that, I may not take, esp w/comment about endometriosis...

As for the acupuncture, really haven't felt any different. Contemplating going again, just don't know yet. Reading Joel Olsten's book, Your Best Life Now, which is pretty inspiring.

Feeling a little better, and at this point I am just going to continue to pray and faith that God will get me thru all of this. It surely has strengthen my faith in God, and knowing the best thing that I can do is lean on Him for his grace.

Alinam, I know it is crazy. One day I took my pressure it was every where. When I finally calmed down it was at 125/72, which is good, but before that it was every where including my pulse rate. I hate that the most. I have to imagine that if I truly had a "pressue" problem that I would not be able to bring it down in a matter of say 5 to 10 mintues. As I sat there and took my pressue, and as I felt the culf tighten on my arm, I could literally feel myself just surging w/anxiety, so affraid of what it would read. I think I actually almost worked myself into a state shock, for it was like 150/54 w/a pulse of 102 - what the hell is that - FEAR. Cause as soon as I made myself calm down, it finally went to 135/70 then to 125/72 pulse 80. I honestly believe w/o a doubt that our mind kind really get us going. I know that it also all goes back to hormones, cuz I was not like this before.

Walking and excercizing really helps, if feel really good when I get done. It's like all day this stuff just surges up in me, then when I go for a good long walk or bike ride, it gets rid of it.

Blessings on everyone, and again, I am just going to continue to pray and believe God to get me over this, and to restore my life to what it was and what I do deserve.

The only reason I take my bp at all is because I was a dummy and researching adrenal tumors. It said to take your blood pressure during an "anxiety" spell to see if the blood pressure was elevated. I came up with all kinds of wacky stuff, too. One day my heart rate was 140 after I'd been out of bed for five minutes getting dressed. I took my blood pressure and it was 104/80--no wonder I felt so terrible. So now I take it as soon as I'm awake before I get out of bed and again about fifteen minutes later. It's always high before I get out of bed then it plummets. I'm going to ask my Dr. about it but I'm sure she'll blow it off as nothing.

Since progesterone constricts blood vessels and elevates blood pressure, and estrogen dilates blood vessels and lowers blood pressure, it seems like my hormones just can't get it together when I'm asleep! Wish I could figure out what to do about it. I used to be very atuned to what my body was doing and what to do about it, now I haven't got a clue!