Hi all,

I'm sorry to be posting so much about this, but I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride and having ongoing really bizarre symptoms. As I've said (probably ad nauseum) I'm really not sure if this is peri, lyme disease, anemia, or something else much worse. A couple of weeks ago I started taking estriol and it seemed like I was doing a little better...I actually found myself smiling and laughing a little for the tirst time in months.

The last few days though, I feel like I've been sinking into a horrific depression, but the strange thing is it feels "physical" more than mental or emotional. I've also been having really weird sensations in my head, that are so hard to describe. It's almost like I have a band over my head. It's not that is hurts or anything, but it's like a heavy weight keeping me down, both physically and mentally. I also have this kind of odd sensation, sort of off balance, but not quite dizzy.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I am so frustrated because I just haven't felt myself since last summer. I suppose I'm grateful that I'm not having the horrific derealization, shock sensations and other terrible neurologic symptoms I had for months. But I am really starting to worry that I have some kind of permanent damage to my nervous system. I've had all kinds of tests and the doctors say there's nothing serious to worry about. But at the same time my HMO doctors said there was nothing wrong, 2 private docs I've seen say I have lyme disease and probable coinfection with babesia.

I just don't know any more. I'm trying so hard to stay positive, but especially since I jost got laid off on top of everything else, I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take. I want my life and my self back!!!!!

((((((((cross))))))))))))

I am so sorry that all this is coming down on you at one time.

I have been having some of the same symptoms as you lately especially the feeling off but not actually dizzy. Feeling like I am not actually there has been awful too.

You are not alone and I kn ow that it is hard but hang in there. I know that menopause magnifies everything. I am finding that now with my disease. Went to the doctor two weeks ago and she told me that there was nothing they can do for me and said that from now on we can only monitor the progression and treat the pain. Will have to deal with things as they come. All I could think about at first was how awful this was and not what I wanted to hear.

So let us deal with all this crap together. I feel like that is the only way I will get through this. If not for the PS sisters I would have lost my mind a while back. I still feel that way some days but it is better.

Hugs to you,
Jeaninne

Hi Jeaninne,

Thanks so much for replying to my post. I agree without the friends I have been making here, I think I would have completely lost it months ago.

I don't mean to be a bug, but I'm curious what you meant when you said you don't feel actually there. Can you describe it a little more? I guess I'm wondering if we're experiencing the same thing. I have this persistent feeling of somehow not being "real". That's not even it exactly, because I do know that I AM real... the pain, sadness and fear I've been experiencing remind me of that.

But I have this horrible sensation of not being connected to my own head or body. It's almost like I'm a bunch of nerve impulses, but they're not contained in my own head as "me". It's also kind of like I don't really have eyes, but am somehow deep within myself somehow aware of the outside world, but there isn't even really a "me" per se.

OMG!!!! How CRAZY is what I just wrote??? I guess somehow I feel like it's OK to tell my PS friends about this. But have any of you REALLY experienced this kind of stuff, or am I losing my mind for real? And if any of you have experienced this kind of insanity, does it ever really go away?

I need some serious help...PLEASE!

Thanks,

Cindy

Hi Cindy:

Yes and Yes!!!

I do experience what you are talking about. I feel unreal and sometimes the place I am in physically feels unreal. Almost like being in a movie by accident and no one else can see you but you can watch all the stuff happening. It is so incredibly hard to describe!!! Sometimes I feel like I am not real and that I am just kind of hanging around without a physical body attached to the mind. I wish I could explain it better but I dont know how.

I just know it is so strange and is very scary.
Now for the good news!!! It does go away. I used to feel that way everyday of my life but now, I only feel that way maybe two days a month.

So hang in there. You can do this and you are NOT CRAZY!!! I swear you are not. Remember woman is strong and together we will get to the other side of all this crap!

Hugs to you,
Jeaninne

Jeaninne, refresh my memory, what did you get diagnosed with? I also wanted to chime in on the feeling like I am not really there. I was at the store today standing in line and I literally had to have this bizaar conversation inside my head, asking myself if I was really in line or was this a dream. How stupid. Its as if people are all around me and I hear their voices and I understand whats going on but I feel like I am in this twilight state and my senses cannot fully experience or obsorb the reality playing out around me. I find myself touching stuff, using my cell phone, fiddling through my purse to actually make my body move to remind myself that I am real and I am experiencing real time. This is the most terrifying thing to deal with. It almost reminds me of those dreams where you are not awake but you are aware that you are trying to wake up and you are literally having a conversation with yourself about this while still dreaming but still aware. Am I making any sense or have I simply falling over the edge into insanity? Debra

OMG, Debra, I do that too! I also find that I touch my face a lot and massage my arms just to keep reminding myself that I am real. I'm so sorry that you're experiencing that too, but in a strange way it is so reassuring to me that I'm not the only person doing things like that. It's also reassuring to hear that others have gone through this during peri, because at times I get terrified that this is the lyme imfection eating into my brain.

BTW, on a more positive note, an old friend called me today after not speaking with him for something like 15 years. It was SO "normalizing" to talk to someone who remembered me from a time when I used to smile and laugh a lot. In fact he said that he had found some old photos of us from a comedy show we went to. We had some good laughs on the phone tonight and it really did give me a little ray of hope that maybe one day soon I can start laughing regularly again.

Thanks again ladies for responding. I'll be hoping and praying for us tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Cindy

Dear Cindy
I am sorry you are going through such a rough time and yes I so believe Hormone fluctuation plays its part.And no you are certainly not alone in that feeling of not 'being quite there'physically or emotionally'
I would describe it as watching myself from a distance as if I were in a play.
The mind is very clever,though totally annoying,but this unreal feeling is simply an escape route so that we are protected from completely breaking down.This has nothing to do with being mentally ill and with time and patience it will get better.
And no there is no Lyme infection creeping around your brain.Many Doctors have reassured you and if they though something really dreadful was going on you would not be Posting with us today but in a Hospital undergoing all sorts of tests.


One way to help yourself out of this stage is to join something that involves group activities.Aerobics,Yoga,Cooking Classes and so on.This will calm the mind and spirit and put you in touch with others which is very good.
You laughed on the phone so it is time to laugh and live more


Give yourself a chance!

And remember we are all behind each other here
So keep Posting and let us know how you are doing

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

I had this for a good 3 years. Its gotten better in the past 2 years, now it kind of goes in cycles along with the 'bad' days instead of 24/7.
I'm an expert on this feeling of detachment, out of this world, unreal, twilight zone......it's called surreal......hence my name surreallife.

It does get better and I think Joyceveronica said it best...'The mind is very clever,though totally annoying,but this unreal feeling is simply an escape route so that we are protected from completely breaking down.This has nothing to do with being mentally ill and with time and patience it will get better.'

I completely understand what you're all talking about. I wake up every day and feel like I'm detached. I take my anxiety medication and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. I hate feeling like this...it's quite scary at times. As for feeling like you have a band over your head, I've had this for over 3 years now, every day, only I describe mine as it feels like I'm wearing a tight cap on my head. I got a diagnosis of New Daily Persistent Headache a few months ago for this and there is nothing they can do but try different meds and I've tried a bunch of stuff already. I hope you feel better soon.

Dear PS Friends,

I realize that this isn't going to just go away completely overnight. But, I do have to say that this morning I am feeling SO much better than I did yesterday, I'm having a hard time believing it! I just re-read your posts, once again, and feel like your words are what have made the difference.

I have to admit that I'm still feeling a little "tweaky" if I think about it too much. But it's a beautiful sunny day today and I'm getting set to take my dog for a much needed -- for both of us -- long walk. I pray that this feeling lasts, it not forever, then at least for today, LOL. Because, if it does, then I'll know that I can and WILL feel this again.

So one again, my friends, pray for me and I'll pray for you and TOGETHER, let's pull each other out of this darkness and back into the light, so that we all begin to feel the joy, love and serenity we were meant to experience as the -- ahem -- mature and wise matriarchs we really are.

Best,

Cindy

cross

Just a thought-could it be the estriol? I am unable to use more than a tiny bit now and then because it makes me feel dreadful
All the symptoms you describe I can relate to. When I first use estriol I feel almost euphoric but I soon come down into anxiety, depression and wooziness. I feel like there is a wall in my head-it's horrid!
Maybe it is that? Could you try leaving it alone for a while? If you do, you might find, as I do, that you can't stop crying for a day or so, but then your head will start to clear.
This is just a suggestion-I may be wrong but........

janet c

Dear Cindy
Hope that you and your dog enjoyed your walk
I too believe in the power of prayer so you are on my list.

Stay in Touch
All the best
Elizabeth

Hi cross18,
Yes, I too have had that detached unreal feeling that everyone is speaking about on here. As a matter of fact, it is the one that causes the most anxiety. It is so scary. Are you all SURE that this does pass in time? This feeling is what makes me totally feel as though I am losing it. Hang in there with the rest of us. Just want you to know that I understand and we are not in this alone. It is very comforting to know that others are going through similar things and that we can support one another.

hugs,
mood_swinger

Thanks, Janet, but for me I think the estriol is helping. I've only been taking it less than two weeks and overall I notice a lot of improvement. What I did decide to cut out, at least temporarily, is the progesterone cream that I was also using intermittently. I think I forgot to mention that. But one of my doctors had said to use it, even though the doctor who prescribed the estriol said that was all I should take because I already tested as having too much progesterone.

I guess as someone else has said, we're all very different, and I think my body needs the estrogen right now. :-)

BTW, I just got back from the walk and am still feeling pretty good. I think I'm going to go back out for a while for lunch, with my elderly mother who has a hard time getting around. Keep your fingers crossed, and I'm still praying for everyone else...

Cindy

Hi Cross, big hugs ((((((cross)))))) to you sweet cheeks.......Feel free to pm me if you want talk..

I do this too!!!!!!! Constantly fiddling around with my hair, my face, my purse, looking at magazines or whatever is near to touch, stuff I could care less about but it makes me feel like I am really there!!!






Hey Debra:

I was diagnosed with systemic sclerosis aka Scleroderma Diffuse.