I'm so sorry to be a broken record here, but I need support and words of encouragement right now. For eight months now I've been experiencing horrific neurological symptoms, especially a chronic sense of derealization and depersonalization that truly has been making me feel like I lost my mind. According to my doctor and therapist I've got lyme disease, peri-menopause, anemia and post-traumatic stress all going on concurrently. Any one of these alone would be hard enough to deal with. Having them all at the same time has led to me having a complete physical and mental breakdown from which I was starting to wonder if I would ever emerge. Things got so terrifying and for me, I haven't been able to decide if I'm more afraid of dying or living.
Because I'm a single parent, I struggled to keep working, but ultimately lost my job anyway. While I wasn't fired -- I guess they realized they couldn't do that when I was so sick -- I was "reassigned" to a VERY part time position at the school I work at in the fall. Now, with all the budget cuts to CA public schools, it's possible my position is being phased out altogether. I'm not really in any position right now to be doing a new job search and it's overwhelming trying to figure out if I'm eligible for unemployment or disability.
But that's not even the worst of it for me right now. Under normal circumstances I know that I'm intelligent and capable and would find a way to figure out solutions to my problems. Now, however, I feel like I've completely lost myself and can't even remember who, or even what, I am. Last year this time I was very stressed -- planning for my son's Bar Mitzvah, worried about some medical issues and
trying to get a better position that paid more (I got the job, but now lost it, sigh) -- but never felt like I wasn't able to keep it together. Now I find it's a struggle to even get out of bed, walk the dog, or go to the grocery store.
For reasons I believe I've mentioned before, I can't take ADs or anti-anxiety meds right now. I am taking antibiotics for the lyme, herbal concoctions recommended by my doctor for co-infections, probiotics, bioidentical estriol, iron, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D (precription for 40,000 IUs that I take once a week), GABA and a homeopathic remedy (aconite) that's supposedly good for anxiety. I've also started having a few sips of red wine a few nights a week because it makes me sleepy.
I feel like the meds and supplements are starting to work in that I do feel like I'm starting to come back into my body. However, I'm finding that as I'm coming "back", I'm feeling a profound sense of emptiness and depression at what a mess my life is. Not only do I feel like a nervous wreck, but I find myself getting into existential debates in my own mind about the meaningless of my own life and I am feeling terribly lonely, confused and scared.
I guess what I'm asking for is lots of prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement. Thanks so much, my PS friends!
Full Version: Broken Record
QUOTE (cross18 @ Jun 18 2009, 11:45 AM) 
I'm so sorry to be a broken record here, but I need support and words of encouragement right now. For eight months now I've been experiencing horrific neurological symptoms, especially a chronic sense of derealization and depersonalization that truly has been making me feel like I lost my mind. According to my doctor and therapist I've got lyme disease, peri-menopause, anemia and post-traumatic stress all going on concurrently. Any one of these alone would be hard enough to deal with. Having them all at the same time has led to me having a complete physical and mental breakdown from which I was starting to wonder if I would ever emerge. Things got so terrifying and for me, I haven't been able to decide if I'm more afraid of dying or living.
Because I'm a single parent, I struggled to keep working, but ultimately lost my job anyway. While I wasn't fired -- I guess they realized they couldn't do that when I was so sick -- I was "reassigned" to a VERY part time position at the school I work at in the fall. Now, with all the budget cuts to CA public schools, it's possible my position is being phased out altogether. I'm not really in any position right now to be doing a new job search and it's overwhelming trying to figure out if I'm eligible for unemployment or disability.
But that's not even the worst of it for me right now. Under normal circumstances I know that I'm intelligent and capable and would find a way to figure out solutions to my problems. Now, however, I feel like I've completely lost myself and can't even remember who, or even what, I am. Last year this time I was very stressed -- planning for my son's Bar Mitzvah, worried about some medical issues and
trying to get a better position that paid more (I got the job, but now lost it, sigh) -- but never felt like I wasn't able to keep it together. Now I find it's a struggle to even get out of bed, walk the dog, or go to the grocery store.
For reasons I believe I've mentioned before, I can't take ADs or anti-anxiety meds right now. I am taking antibiotics for the lyme, herbal concoctions recommended by my doctor for co-infections, probiotics, bioidentical estriol, iron, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D (precription for 40,000 IUs that I take once a week), GABA and a homeopathic remedy (aconite) that's supposedly good for anxiety. I've also started having a few sips of red wine a few nights a week because it makes me sleepy.
I feel like the meds and supplements are starting to work in that I do feel like I'm starting to come back into my body. However, I'm finding that as I'm coming "back", I'm feeling a profound sense of emptiness and depression at what a mess my life is. Not only do I feel like a nervous wreck, but I find myself getting into existential debates in my own mind about the meaningless of my own life and I am feeling terribly lonely, confused and scared.
I guess what I'm asking for is lots of prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement. Thanks so much, my PS friends!
Because I'm a single parent, I struggled to keep working, but ultimately lost my job anyway. While I wasn't fired -- I guess they realized they couldn't do that when I was so sick -- I was "reassigned" to a VERY part time position at the school I work at in the fall. Now, with all the budget cuts to CA public schools, it's possible my position is being phased out altogether. I'm not really in any position right now to be doing a new job search and it's overwhelming trying to figure out if I'm eligible for unemployment or disability.
But that's not even the worst of it for me right now. Under normal circumstances I know that I'm intelligent and capable and would find a way to figure out solutions to my problems. Now, however, I feel like I've completely lost myself and can't even remember who, or even what, I am. Last year this time I was very stressed -- planning for my son's Bar Mitzvah, worried about some medical issues and
trying to get a better position that paid more (I got the job, but now lost it, sigh) -- but never felt like I wasn't able to keep it together. Now I find it's a struggle to even get out of bed, walk the dog, or go to the grocery store.
For reasons I believe I've mentioned before, I can't take ADs or anti-anxiety meds right now. I am taking antibiotics for the lyme, herbal concoctions recommended by my doctor for co-infections, probiotics, bioidentical estriol, iron, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D (precription for 40,000 IUs that I take once a week), GABA and a homeopathic remedy (aconite) that's supposedly good for anxiety. I've also started having a few sips of red wine a few nights a week because it makes me sleepy.
I feel like the meds and supplements are starting to work in that I do feel like I'm starting to come back into my body. However, I'm finding that as I'm coming "back", I'm feeling a profound sense of emptiness and depression at what a mess my life is. Not only do I feel like a nervous wreck, but I find myself getting into existential debates in my own mind about the meaningless of my own life and I am feeling terribly lonely, confused and scared.
I guess what I'm asking for is lots of prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement. Thanks so much, my PS friends!
No wonder you feel that way!! That is normal.I am praying,and I hope you take some time today to just trust and rest knowing things will get better.GOD-bless
Just to say I hear you as do all the women on here.
Bless you and just hang in there things WILL get better
Kath x
Bless you and just hang in there things WILL get better
Kath x
QUOTE (cross18 @ Jun 18 2009, 08:45 PM)
I'm so sorry to be a broken record here, but I need support and words of encouragement right now. For eight months now I've been experiencing horrific neurological symptoms, especially a chronic sense of derealization and depersonalization that truly has been making me feel like I lost my mind. According to my doctor and therapist I've got lyme disease, peri-menopause, anemia and post-traumatic stress all going on concurrently. Any one of these alone would be hard enough to deal with. Having them all at the same time has led to me having a complete physical and mental breakdown from which I was starting to wonder if I would ever emerge. Things got so terrifying and for me, I haven't been able to decide if I'm more afraid of dying or living.
Because I'm a single parent, I struggled to keep working, but ultimately lost my job anyway. While I wasn't fired -- I guess they realized they couldn't do that when I was so sick -- I was "reassigned" to a VERY part time position at the school I work at in the fall. Now, with all the budget cuts to CA public schools, it's possible my position is being phased out altogether. I'm not really in any position right now to be doing a new job search and it's overwhelming trying to figure out if I'm eligible for unemployment or disability.
But that's not even the worst of it for me right now. Under normal circumstances I know that I'm intelligent and capable and would find a way to figure out solutions to my problems. Now, however, I feel like I've completely lost myself and can't even remember who, or even what, I am. Last year this time I was very stressed -- planning for my son's Bar Mitzvah, worried about some medical issues and
trying to get a better position that paid more (I got the job, but now lost it, sigh) -- but never felt like I wasn't able to keep it together. Now I find it's a struggle to even get out of bed, walk the dog, or go to the grocery store.
For reasons I believe I've mentioned before, I can't take ADs or anti-anxiety meds right now. I am taking antibiotics for the lyme, herbal concoctions recommended by my doctor for co-infections, probiotics, bioidentical estriol, iron, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D (precription for 40,000 IUs that I take once a week), GABA and a homeopathic remedy (aconite) that's supposedly good for anxiety. I've also started having a few sips of red wine a few nights a week because it makes me sleepy.
I feel like the meds and supplements are starting to work in that I do feel like I'm starting to come back into my body. However, I'm finding that as I'm coming "back", I'm feeling a profound sense of emptiness and depression at what a mess my life is. Not only do I feel like a nervous wreck, but I find myself getting into existential debates in my own mind about the meaningless of my own life and I am feeling terribly lonely, confused and scared.
I guess what I'm asking for is lots of prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement. Thanks so much, my PS friends!
Because I'm a single parent, I struggled to keep working, but ultimately lost my job anyway. While I wasn't fired -- I guess they realized they couldn't do that when I was so sick -- I was "reassigned" to a VERY part time position at the school I work at in the fall. Now, with all the budget cuts to CA public schools, it's possible my position is being phased out altogether. I'm not really in any position right now to be doing a new job search and it's overwhelming trying to figure out if I'm eligible for unemployment or disability.
But that's not even the worst of it for me right now. Under normal circumstances I know that I'm intelligent and capable and would find a way to figure out solutions to my problems. Now, however, I feel like I've completely lost myself and can't even remember who, or even what, I am. Last year this time I was very stressed -- planning for my son's Bar Mitzvah, worried about some medical issues and
trying to get a better position that paid more (I got the job, but now lost it, sigh) -- but never felt like I wasn't able to keep it together. Now I find it's a struggle to even get out of bed, walk the dog, or go to the grocery store.
For reasons I believe I've mentioned before, I can't take ADs or anti-anxiety meds right now. I am taking antibiotics for the lyme, herbal concoctions recommended by my doctor for co-infections, probiotics, bioidentical estriol, iron, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D (precription for 40,000 IUs that I take once a week), GABA and a homeopathic remedy (aconite) that's supposedly good for anxiety. I've also started having a few sips of red wine a few nights a week because it makes me sleepy.
I feel like the meds and supplements are starting to work in that I do feel like I'm starting to come back into my body. However, I'm finding that as I'm coming "back", I'm feeling a profound sense of emptiness and depression at what a mess my life is. Not only do I feel like a nervous wreck, but I find myself getting into existential debates in my own mind about the meaningless of my own life and I am feeling terribly lonely, confused and scared.
I guess what I'm asking for is lots of prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement. Thanks so much, my PS friends!
My dear
I am sorry about your job loss.You are certainly dealing with a great deal of stress at this time what with Peri and Lyme at the same time.
This depersonalistion feeling is quite common so try not to let it scare you .It is the mind's way of preventing you from totally losing so it allows you to take a back seat and observe.Not a nice feeling but it will pass.Also the feeling of emptiness and depression will sit on your shoulder for a while and God willing the Herbal supplements will do their work.
Do not be discouraged.We have all walked or are still walking this path with all its twists and turns.
You are on my Prayer list.
God Bless
Elizabeth
P.S.Congratulations on your dear son's ;soon to be Bar Mitzvah.Rope in family and friends to help
Keep in touch
Hi threre...Ihave been on the run all day and getting ready to pick up a friend from work. I decided that I had better have some lunch and a computer break....and saw your post.
Oh, I am so sorry that you have had such a hard time. It will get better. One day you will look back on this period of your life and it will be just a bad memory.
The lyme is awful in itself. Add to the mix the rest...and disaster! I know that you would like a 24-hour cure, but lyme is nasty. The "cure" is slow...very, very slow. Even the antibiotics would make you feel bad without anything else going on.
Since you are already taking thousands of pills already...LOL!...I would suggest b-12, too. You might ask for your doc for b-12 injections. They are incredible and would help you mood and energy level.
You have every reason in the world to be depressed. Once there, as you know, it is hard to climb back out. It is much easier to just keep tumbling down. Climb out.
Have you ever heard of LucindaBassett? Do a google search. Although I think that most of your symptoms are due to everything that you have, she can help you at least get your thoughts straightened out....or at least come to a symbiotic relationship with them. This will help you a lot.
Hang in there...there really is hope. Life has a funny way of changing. Don't let one bad day (month, year, decade....LOL) ruin your life.
Sending my love and prayers,
Shebee
Hugs to you. Hang in there.
QUOTE (sunnylou @ Jun 18 2009, 11:56 AM)
Hugs to you. Hang in there.
Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. It really means a lot to me to feel like I'm not alone with this.
BTW, I haven't had a period in a couple of months, but just started spotting a little while ago. I'm actually feeling a little bit better now that I started bleeding a little. Maybe this deep depression is PMS to the max. Wow, it's crazy to think that maybe the worst and the weirdest of all of this insanity really is due to hormones???? (I'm 52 and until about two months ago was bleeding almost non-stop...which is what my doctors believe let to the anemia in the first place.)
Lots of hugs back at all of you.
Cindy
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