Hello -
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
Full Version: Oh Please Help!
QUOTE (Anna1970 @ Jun 16 2009, 06:22 PM) 
Hello -
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
Oh my my.......you do need to take a big breath. Relax. You are describing something extremely normal. If not for dents I would have little shape to my boobs lately. lol. I am very asymetrical......really annoying when buying bra's.....that too is very normal. Every time I get undressed my boobs have changed shape......they get the oddest lumps, bumps and dents that I have ever seen and I assure you that we are not alone in this. What they tell you to look for is dimpling.......or a pulling in like a marble bag effect.......that is different from dents......and even then....most dimpling is completely normal. Please try to settle yourself down.....this will be fine I assure you hon. For two years I was absolutely horrified because I had an "ulcer" in my mouth that would not heal. I refused to see a doctor because in my mind it was mouth cancer. I looked at it every single time I was near a mirror......so much so that I actually caused a TMJ type of disorder from opening my mouth so wide so often every day. One day I had to go to the dentist. He asked me to open my mouth and I went into a full out panic attack. Almost fainted. He settled me down and asked me whatever was wrong and I burst into tears. Told him I had mouth cancer and that I did not want to hear him say the actual words. He leaned me back......brought in his associates....along with their equipment to check for mouth cancer......opened my mouth and had a look around. He finished up with me sweating buckets.....shaking like a leaf.......looked at me and said "You have a discolouration near your tonsils that is a result of a dental procedure years ago" . I was like.............what? I still to this day will get weeks where I just have to go check the area again.....still convinced. That was 9 years ago. Long time to live with mouth cancer I think. Honey please........try not to panic. Try to think positive. I wasted a long time worried about this that and everything. It is simply not worth it.........its not easy I know......trust me I know........but acknowledge the fear and then let it go. Keep doing this until it becomes a habit. Acknowlege and release. Let us know how your ultrasound goes tomorrow and take care of you.
Anna sweetheart-I hope I am replying to your frantic post in time!
Please please do not worry. I can tell you now there will probably be nothing wrong. You are doing what I call "what iffing"
For some reason during hormonal ups and downs we always go looking for trouble. The thought that breast cancer is a terrible disease becomes "what if I were to have it?" Then a terrible panic attack ensues because we are imagining it as a reality. It is another take on the fear of fear syndrome-where we terrify ourselves with our own thoughts and it feeds on itself. I should know-I did it all throughout my life and it was all a hormone inbalance.
I had a mammogram three years ago-my first one -and terrifyingly I was recalled. They wouldn't tell me what they had seen on the x-ray. Rather strangely, over the phone the nurse said-"one breast looks different from the other". Well it would -wouldn't it if they were recalling me-what a silly remark
Anyway I started really examining my breasts and I noticed that my right nipple was twice the size of my left. I googled and by the end of that evening I had Pagets disease of the nipple (cancer of course)
I was in terror by the time I got to the hospital the next day. I remarked to the nurse about my nipple and she looked at me oddly and said-what? I can't see anything wrong. I said I had noticed it was twice the size of the other one and she said it was completely normal. It had probably always looked that way-it was just I had never looked so much at my boobs before.
The problem was tiny calcifications which were nothing to do with my nipples and were deep in the breast. They turned out to be benign but I had imagined all sorts of horrid scenarios!
Good luck when you have your ultrasound. You don't need it because you will be fine. You are just "what iffing". I promise you sweetie. Let us know how you get on and when they tell you all is normal you must BELIEVE them!
janet c
Please please do not worry. I can tell you now there will probably be nothing wrong. You are doing what I call "what iffing"
For some reason during hormonal ups and downs we always go looking for trouble. The thought that breast cancer is a terrible disease becomes "what if I were to have it?" Then a terrible panic attack ensues because we are imagining it as a reality. It is another take on the fear of fear syndrome-where we terrify ourselves with our own thoughts and it feeds on itself. I should know-I did it all throughout my life and it was all a hormone inbalance.
I had a mammogram three years ago-my first one -and terrifyingly I was recalled. They wouldn't tell me what they had seen on the x-ray. Rather strangely, over the phone the nurse said-"one breast looks different from the other". Well it would -wouldn't it if they were recalling me-what a silly remark
Anyway I started really examining my breasts and I noticed that my right nipple was twice the size of my left. I googled and by the end of that evening I had Pagets disease of the nipple (cancer of course)
I was in terror by the time I got to the hospital the next day. I remarked to the nurse about my nipple and she looked at me oddly and said-what? I can't see anything wrong. I said I had noticed it was twice the size of the other one and she said it was completely normal. It had probably always looked that way-it was just I had never looked so much at my boobs before.
The problem was tiny calcifications which were nothing to do with my nipples and were deep in the breast. They turned out to be benign but I had imagined all sorts of horrid scenarios!
Good luck when you have your ultrasound. You don't need it because you will be fine. You are just "what iffing". I promise you sweetie. Let us know how you get on and when they tell you all is normal you must BELIEVE them!
janet c
Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply and throw me some lifelines! It helps tremendously to hear there is someone out there with noncancerous dents! I am going to try hard to what-if some GOOD outcomes so I can get back to being mentally and emotionally present for my children. Will let you know how the ultrasound goes.
Thank you!!!
A.
Thank you!!!
A.
I have been through the "the doctor is wrong, they must be missing something" routine many many times. It is very hard at his time to get our minds to rest. That is my biggest enemy, I have a hard time relaxing. I have imagined many many diseases in the last two years and so far, I am good to go. Luckily. I really believe you are fine. trust me on this, doctors usually jump to action if they are worried about something, they dont' want to take the chance of being sued, usually they err in too much testing, so try to rest assure you are fine. Do you have xanax or something to take tonight and tomorrow? It may help you get over the hump.
Hang in there, you will be fine. Let us know how it goes.
Hang in there, you will be fine. Let us know how it goes.
QUOTE (Anna1970 @ Jun 16 2009, 07:22 PM)
Hello -
What do I do?
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
What do I do?
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
STOP!
Yes, I said, "STOP!" Do no read any medical sites or watch the news for one week.
Your breast are fine. Your kids are fine...your dog is fine. Your mind is not. When starting down the peri-meno road, racing thoughts are normal. Your hormones go up and down...all day...every day. This causes us to not be able to shut down. I think that you are dealing with a hormonal imbalance. Have you had your hormone levels checked lately?
I see that you are playing the "What If" Game. I know it well. I used to play it years ago.
The what if game? It is a game that you are always thinking, "What If this ......" It is the most miserable game in town!
Your thoughts have run away with you. ...and there is a perverse pleasure in allowing them to do this.
I remember that I would be riding in the car...I would look out and think..."What if we get into a Wreak?" Then my thoughts would go from there. I even went so far as to think about our funerals! LOL! The list goes on and on.
This nasty little game causes untold distress. You are living your life in the what if... world. There are enough problems in the day without adding to them. Past is past...future is future. Now is where you should be living.
To stop this game, you must rein in your thoughts. You can refuse to think on negative things. By playing a new game, you can stop the old. The new game is this: every time you have a negative thought, you need to say 2 positive thoughts out loud. LOL! Oh, but this game is much harder. Instead of thoughts controlling you, you can control them.
Now...where did this fear come from? Exactly WHEN did it enter? Let's find the root....and let's up-root it.
Is it a reasonable concern? You have had doctors opinions...but the root is still there. Where did it come from?
Pin point it and deal with it.
With so much information on the net, we can find the most odd diseases. Medical students often have many of them. LOL!
For example, the student reads about brain tumour which is associated with headache . If, by coincidence, the individual suffers from a headache, he or she may presume they have a brain tumour. It is not limited to medical students; anyone who reads medical material is susceptible. However, it is most frequently observed in medical students.
Now don't you dare think that I am being mean to you. I am not. Probably no one else here or anywhere will tell you what I have dared to say. ...it is just that I have played this horrible what if game before. It is NOT FUN!
Oh, I would have paid a pretty penny if someone would have told me how to stop it. Oh, and watch out for Cyberchondria! LOL!...I played that one, too.
With all my love...
from an old women to a young one...
Shebee
...and please don't stop coming to this site. It is a wonderful place with so much information. Almost all of the women here are nicer than me. LOL! I tend to spout off what I am thinking without thinking.
At 39, you are probably starting to have peri-meno symptoms. I wish that I had found this site long ago. It would have help me tremendously. ...and don't feel like your post was stupid. You have real concerns, and it is good to get advice. Here is a big hug after I beat you up. Sorry....
Sheebee you just said what I really wanted to say....................we all have done it.....are you are right. The only way to rein it in is to STOP. Kudos.
do- not google your symtoms !!!! all roads lead to the big C .... which is rarely the case, but your mind will take you there , instead come here and read, read , read.....
Now from someone who has actually had breast cancer .. YOUR FINE .. what sheebe said
QUOTE (Anna1970 @ Jun 17 2009, 02:22 AM)
Hello -
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
Dear 'Anna'
Calm down sweetie!This is anxiety rearing its ugly head as the hormones begin to fluctuate.
By all means have the Ultra-Sound.It will give you the confidence that all is well.I have had the Ultra-Sound as have very small breasts-no density.It was painless and a great way for the Gyno. to examine my breasts.
Breasts vary from woman to woman but if the Doctor had any real concerns they would have immediately acted.
So God Bless
Deep breaths.
Warm Hugs
Elizabeth
Thank you, everyone!! You were all correct. I had the ultrasound this morning and it showed absolutely NOTHING. Everything was perfectly fine. The radiologist was very kind and took a long time talking to me. He told me that while nothing in medicine is 100%, he was more than 99% sure I don't have cancer, and if I were his wife, he'd tell me it was time to STOP WORRYING. So....I am turning the computer off and going to the beauty salon for some relaxation (and some long overdue hair color!). After that, I am going to concentrate on being grateful things are fine and not creating any more unnecessary dramas!! Thanks so much to all of you...I look forward to learning a great deal here!!
I am so glad you are ok! And it wasnt anything serious....But you do realize, you probably need to see someone about this anxiety of yours right?
I am not casting stones, I have the same issues. I had a polyp on my cervix a few years ago and I cried and didnt eat for weeks until my GYN appointment. I KNEW IT WAS CERVICAL CANCER!!!!!!! I made a will, I said my peace with God, everything......
and you know what?
BENIGN, Cervical Polyp, HIGHLY COMMON.....Nothing more. Cut out, classified by the lab, and thrown out!
So I know how you feel hun.....or shall I say...FELT!
Please see someone about the anxiety, there is no reason to deal with this. There are meds you can take that will alleviate your unneccesary worrying....I should know, I love my meds!
God Bless you!
I am not casting stones, I have the same issues. I had a polyp on my cervix a few years ago and I cried and didnt eat for weeks until my GYN appointment. I KNEW IT WAS CERVICAL CANCER!!!!!!! I made a will, I said my peace with God, everything......
and you know what?
BENIGN, Cervical Polyp, HIGHLY COMMON.....Nothing more. Cut out, classified by the lab, and thrown out!
So I know how you feel hun.....or shall I say...FELT!
Please see someone about the anxiety, there is no reason to deal with this. There are meds you can take that will alleviate your unneccesary worrying....I should know, I love my meds!
God Bless you!
QUOTE (Anna1970 @ Jun 17 2009, 09:55 PM)
Thank you, everyone!! You were all correct. I had the ultrasound this morning and it showed absolutely NOTHING. Everything was perfectly fine. The radiologist was very kind and took a long time talking to me. He told me that while nothing in medicine is 100%, he was more than 99% sure I don't have cancer, and if I were his wife, he'd tell me it was time to STOP WORRYING. So....I am turning the computer off and going to the beauty salon for some relaxation (and some long overdue hair color!). After that, I am going to concentrate on being grateful things are fine and not creating any more unnecessary dramas!! Thanks so much to all of you...I look forward to learning a great deal here!!
Dear 'Anna1970'
Thank God everything is alright.Am very pleased to hear that
I agree with 'Army Wife' that you must work on your Anxiety levels to try and lower the stress.
What about some Counselling or even Yoga and Meditation.
Stay Well
Elizabeth
QUOTE (Anna1970 @ Jun 17 2009, 02:55 PM)
Thank you, everyone!! You were all correct. I had the ultrasound this morning and it showed absolutely NOTHING. Everything was perfectly fine. The radiologist was very kind and took a long time talking to me. He told me that while nothing in medicine is 100%, he was more than 99% sure I don't have cancer, and if I were his wife, he'd tell me it was time to STOP WORRYING. So....I am turning the computer off and going to the beauty salon for some relaxation (and some long overdue hair color!). After that, I am going to concentrate on being grateful things are fine and not creating any more unnecessary dramas!! Thanks so much to all of you...I look forward to learning a great deal here!!
Great news...and I am so glad that you are having a day to yourself.
...and by the way, I think that it took courage to write your post and share with us. This is such a neat site! Here is a big welcome from all of us!
Shebee
Glad that everything is fine 
I think many of can relate to what you are saying, but yes you are okay, you really are. I would highly recommend that you perhaps read some books that will help you w/these thoughts, not to say they are truly not hormonal related, cuz I am sure that is making them so much worse. Look for books like The Power of Now, or The Secret, and Dr. Wayne Dryer (I love him). Though you may not agree w/everything that you read in these books, for one, reading will move your thoughts. I find my self reading all the time, and I make sure that I am reading something that is going to lift me up, and not bring me down.
At night try some Valerian Root, it does wonders for my anxiety, as does Herbal Tea.
Another thing to, I started to take steps to better my health. By eating better, taking supplments, and long walks (which again do wonders for anxiety). My anxiety really goes off the charts when I ovulate, and even though this month I did have it, and yes it ******, I didn't experience it as long and not a single panic attack.
Do things that truly help your body - mind & soul. Another thing, smells do me wonders. I actually planted some lavendar plans in a garden about a month ago. I will go outside and run my fingers thru the lavendar, and left up to my nose, OMG I love that smell. Scented candles and/or incense is great too.....
I drive my hubby and son crazy. Some days I will put on my Indian Flute CD (surround sound of course ;-), get my incense going, and candles... Drink a nice hot cup of Herbal Tea, and let me tell you it does wonders. They give me a funny look, and I just ask that they go in the back yard, or perhaps hubby take son for a 15 minute bike ride. And I just sit there, does wonders.
Find what helps you, and know that you are not alone. This too shall pass. When I read the Power of Now, one thing that really stuck w/me, think only of this moment, you are only in this moment. It resounded w/me, cuz somemany times I was so worried about tomorrow, and what I was so worried about never happened, so I wasted that moment w/worry. Trust me, oh trust me, I know it is a long hard battle, and yep we all have a good days and bad days. But try to find something little every day that brings you a little peace, because you so deserve it...
Peri & menoPAUSE is starting to mean just that to me. I need to take time to hit the PAUSE button. I hate every horrible panic and anxiety, or horrid thoughts that I have had, but at the same time, it has made stop and take a good hard long look at myself, and see the things I really needed to change....
Good luck, blessings on you sweetie, and just know that yes you are fine!!!! Along w/your family!!!! I can so relate!!!
At night try some Valerian Root, it does wonders for my anxiety, as does Herbal Tea.
Another thing to, I started to take steps to better my health. By eating better, taking supplments, and long walks (which again do wonders for anxiety). My anxiety really goes off the charts when I ovulate, and even though this month I did have it, and yes it ******, I didn't experience it as long and not a single panic attack.
Do things that truly help your body - mind & soul. Another thing, smells do me wonders. I actually planted some lavendar plans in a garden about a month ago. I will go outside and run my fingers thru the lavendar, and left up to my nose, OMG I love that smell. Scented candles and/or incense is great too.....
I drive my hubby and son crazy. Some days I will put on my Indian Flute CD (surround sound of course ;-), get my incense going, and candles... Drink a nice hot cup of Herbal Tea, and let me tell you it does wonders. They give me a funny look, and I just ask that they go in the back yard, or perhaps hubby take son for a 15 minute bike ride. And I just sit there, does wonders.
Find what helps you, and know that you are not alone. This too shall pass. When I read the Power of Now, one thing that really stuck w/me, think only of this moment, you are only in this moment. It resounded w/me, cuz somemany times I was so worried about tomorrow, and what I was so worried about never happened, so I wasted that moment w/worry. Trust me, oh trust me, I know it is a long hard battle, and yep we all have a good days and bad days. But try to find something little every day that brings you a little peace, because you so deserve it...
Peri & menoPAUSE is starting to mean just that to me. I need to take time to hit the PAUSE button. I hate every horrible panic and anxiety, or horrid thoughts that I have had, but at the same time, it has made stop and take a good hard long look at myself, and see the things I really needed to change....
Good luck, blessings on you sweetie, and just know that yes you are fine!!!! Along w/your family!!!! I can so relate!!!
So happy you are fine. That is great news. I agree that getting the anxiety under control is a good idea. the stress isn't good for you either, sweetie. Think of it as helping your whole system to be calmer, a body works better when it is relaxed. Trust me I know. I have been there and still go there many times. Enjoy your day.
QUOTE (Becca233 @ Jun 17 2009, 05:47 PM)
Some days I will put on my Indian Flute CD (surround sound of course ;-),
LOL! I prefer chanting monks. LOL!
What great information!
Thanks,
Shebee
Fantastic news-you must be feeling so relieved. Try not to do any more"what iffing" sweetie, it is so self destructive 
janet c
janet c
Hello -
I'm back. I'm sorry I'm back on this particular topic, but I am driving myself bonkers and need to let it out somewhere! You ladies were SO nice last time, so I hope my little vent here won't drive you bonkers, too!
So. The dent. I did a good job all summer of not worrying much, but the last few weeks I just can't seem to stop thinking about it! I guess I realized it had been three months since I noticed the little dent and had all the tests, so time to make sure it wasn't getting worse, right? By checking it 250 times a day, and feeling for lumps 250 times a day, which is making my breast hurt, which reminds me I'm supposed to be worrying, and on and on and on. Such a waste of time and energy, but hey, a hypochondriac mind is nothing if not persistant, right? Half the time I think the dent actually looks a little less denty - and on bad days, I just can't tell. Maybe I'm going blind, too?
Having had good test results, I am not presently in a panic, I am breathing, eating and functioning normally, but I feel like there is a dark cloud following me around - like I'm waiting for the bad news to catch up with me. The thought that doctors sometimes make mistakes and mammograms sometimes miss things is making me nutty! I've seem four doctors about this - two are radiologist who specialize in diagnosing breast cancer and all seemed very careful, thorough and took me seriously. All have real medical degrees, lots of experience and actually saw my dent or wrinkle or whatever the heck it is, and none of them were concerned. The radiologist who did the ultrasound went so far as to tell me that while nothing in life is 100%, he felt more than 99% sure I didn't have cancer. The radiologists told me that cancer can cause dimples and dents, but not until the tumor is REALLY large, and it would be hard to miss a really large tumor - especially in small breasts. Now surely a person with a rational, properly functioning brain would be relieved and believe these doctors. I want to be a person with a rational, properly functioning brain! Instead I am hung up on some things I read before going to the doctor, while doing some self-destructive googling. "Dimpling is a worrisome symptom." And, "Dimpling and indentations are not always, but frequently symptoms of cancer." Dr. Google never saw my dent, so why do I believe him more than the REAL doctors?
Why do I think I can't live with anything less than 100% certainty about whether or not I have cancer? I let my beloved daughter play outside without much worry, even though I can't be 100% certain that she won't be kidnapped, but I can't handle not having 100% certainty about cancer. Is it because I feel like it is MY responsibility to catch any serious illness as early as possible, and any mistake on my part would be unforgivable? I have young children and I just can't let them down by dropping dead! The trouble is, I doubt even an autopsy would fully convince me!
What to do about all this? Good question. A few years ago I was sure I had MS and eventually I tried buspar and it did help. Proabably I should try that again. But I keep thinking that it would be irresponsible to bury my anxiety about this with medication before I've done everything possible to be as close to 100% certain as I can that I don't have cancer. Have I done enough??? Do I need a second opinion? Has anyone been to a breast specialist? How do I find one? What would a breast specialist do that hasn't already been done? My phone book is full of plastic surgeons who do breast implants, but surely that isn't the right person? I had to beg for the ultrasound, so can't imagine anyone being too thrilled about making a referal for me to yet another doctor. Then there is the thought that if I tell my internist that I need buspar for my breast cancer anxiety, he might not take me seriously the next time! Not to mention that silly though this is, I feel a bit embarassed admitting to the doctor that I have a mental health problem! (Trying hard to appear reasonable and well adjusted, you know!)
Whew. There it is, in all it's craziness! I've done a lot of reading here over the last few months and know there are others here who also have a hard time with health anxiety, and I guess it helps to think someone else out there might understand all this. I have no doubt that I've done enough thinking and it's just time now to take some action. Just as soon as I'm sure what that should be....
Thanks for listening and thanks for any thought you have on all this....
Anna
I'm back. I'm sorry I'm back on this particular topic, but I am driving myself bonkers and need to let it out somewhere! You ladies were SO nice last time, so I hope my little vent here won't drive you bonkers, too!
So. The dent. I did a good job all summer of not worrying much, but the last few weeks I just can't seem to stop thinking about it! I guess I realized it had been three months since I noticed the little dent and had all the tests, so time to make sure it wasn't getting worse, right? By checking it 250 times a day, and feeling for lumps 250 times a day, which is making my breast hurt, which reminds me I'm supposed to be worrying, and on and on and on. Such a waste of time and energy, but hey, a hypochondriac mind is nothing if not persistant, right? Half the time I think the dent actually looks a little less denty - and on bad days, I just can't tell. Maybe I'm going blind, too?
Having had good test results, I am not presently in a panic, I am breathing, eating and functioning normally, but I feel like there is a dark cloud following me around - like I'm waiting for the bad news to catch up with me. The thought that doctors sometimes make mistakes and mammograms sometimes miss things is making me nutty! I've seem four doctors about this - two are radiologist who specialize in diagnosing breast cancer and all seemed very careful, thorough and took me seriously. All have real medical degrees, lots of experience and actually saw my dent or wrinkle or whatever the heck it is, and none of them were concerned. The radiologist who did the ultrasound went so far as to tell me that while nothing in life is 100%, he felt more than 99% sure I didn't have cancer. The radiologists told me that cancer can cause dimples and dents, but not until the tumor is REALLY large, and it would be hard to miss a really large tumor - especially in small breasts. Now surely a person with a rational, properly functioning brain would be relieved and believe these doctors. I want to be a person with a rational, properly functioning brain! Instead I am hung up on some things I read before going to the doctor, while doing some self-destructive googling. "Dimpling is a worrisome symptom." And, "Dimpling and indentations are not always, but frequently symptoms of cancer." Dr. Google never saw my dent, so why do I believe him more than the REAL doctors?
Why do I think I can't live with anything less than 100% certainty about whether or not I have cancer? I let my beloved daughter play outside without much worry, even though I can't be 100% certain that she won't be kidnapped, but I can't handle not having 100% certainty about cancer. Is it because I feel like it is MY responsibility to catch any serious illness as early as possible, and any mistake on my part would be unforgivable? I have young children and I just can't let them down by dropping dead! The trouble is, I doubt even an autopsy would fully convince me!
What to do about all this? Good question. A few years ago I was sure I had MS and eventually I tried buspar and it did help. Proabably I should try that again. But I keep thinking that it would be irresponsible to bury my anxiety about this with medication before I've done everything possible to be as close to 100% certain as I can that I don't have cancer. Have I done enough??? Do I need a second opinion? Has anyone been to a breast specialist? How do I find one? What would a breast specialist do that hasn't already been done? My phone book is full of plastic surgeons who do breast implants, but surely that isn't the right person? I had to beg for the ultrasound, so can't imagine anyone being too thrilled about making a referal for me to yet another doctor. Then there is the thought that if I tell my internist that I need buspar for my breast cancer anxiety, he might not take me seriously the next time! Not to mention that silly though this is, I feel a bit embarassed admitting to the doctor that I have a mental health problem! (Trying hard to appear reasonable and well adjusted, you know!)
Whew. There it is, in all it's craziness! I've done a lot of reading here over the last few months and know there are others here who also have a hard time with health anxiety, and I guess it helps to think someone else out there might understand all this. I have no doubt that I've done enough thinking and it's just time now to take some action. Just as soon as I'm sure what that should be....
Thanks for listening and thanks for any thought you have on all this....
Anna
ok .. heres some advice from someone whos had breast cancer .. stop worrying about it. everyone has creases .. no one is symetrical.. get your annual mamogram hopefully your center is digital or is going digital soon.
Hi Anna--
Over the years, I was sure I had (imaginary) breast cancer, ms, and ALS so I am very sympathetic to what you are going through. I got over a lot of it, ironically, by having a few real health issues (most recently a patch of skin cancer on my face) that I dealt with fine when push came to shove--I didn't turn it into a deadly melanoma in my mind, just saw a derm and got it surgically removed so I now have a little Harry Potter scar on my forehead.
Sounds like your breast was looked at with a fine-toothed comb just a while back by trained MDs who look at dozens of breasts a day. No nothing is certain, but that is probably as certain as you are going to get in this lifetime.
Reading your post, I get the sense you have lots of anxiety and obsessive thoughts and it is all being channeled into worrying about your breast. Do maybe ask your doctor about an anti depressant or anti-anxiety medicine. They are not for everyone, and not a simple answer to everything but you shouldn't for a minute worry about how you appear to your doc by discussing them with him. I read somewhere that ADs are among the most prescribed drugs by family docs. I know my doc a bit socially from around town and he didn't bat an eye when I asked to be put on Celexa--he said his wife was on it.
You might also consider seeing a counselor too to help you find strategies to break the cycle of your obsessive health worries. Speaking as a veteran, I think there is almost an addictive quality to the cycle--terror, followed by sweet relief.
Wishing you well! Please stay off the 'net--except here
Sissy
Anna
Sorry to see you are still worrying about your breast. You do know that if you were given a cast iron guarantee that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with it you would be relieved for about-at most-a week and then you would find something else to worry about?
I know this because I used to be the same way and it is only since post menopause that I no longer play that game. Now I will tell you this- I was always obsessing about my health-all my life I had been a hypochondriac but then I actually got endometrial cancer and had to have a surgical menopause in 2006 and I was not allowed any HRT.
One thing I noticed afterwards was that even though I had been really ill I no longer obsessed about my health and I came to terms with the cancer very quickly
When I got the all clear this March I was offered an estrogen patch. Apart from the fact it made me feel dire I noticed straight away that I started the hypochondria again. It's what estrogen does to me.
So now I stay away from it and I am able to think clearly and I do not obsess about my health.
Your posts could have been me 15 or 20 years ago and I do feel for you because it is really hard to resist those feelings that rise up-especially if they are hormonally fuelled.
I so agree with Sissy's comment about the addictive quality of the cycle-terror followed by sweet relief. Very aptly described
You really do need to step back and look at what is going on inside yourself here. You have had all the tests, you do not have breast cancer but you can't seem to let it drop.
This isn't about breast cancer-it is about something in your nature that is causing these obsessive thoughts. It may well be you are sensitive to your hormones as I was. Whatever it is you certainly need to find a way to cope with your illogical fears as they are ruining your life.
I hope you do try counselling. You need to find a way to unmask the horrid obsessive fear and see it for what it is!
Good luck
janet c
Sorry to see you are still worrying about your breast. You do know that if you were given a cast iron guarantee that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with it you would be relieved for about-at most-a week and then you would find something else to worry about?
I know this because I used to be the same way and it is only since post menopause that I no longer play that game. Now I will tell you this- I was always obsessing about my health-all my life I had been a hypochondriac but then I actually got endometrial cancer and had to have a surgical menopause in 2006 and I was not allowed any HRT.
One thing I noticed afterwards was that even though I had been really ill I no longer obsessed about my health and I came to terms with the cancer very quickly
When I got the all clear this March I was offered an estrogen patch. Apart from the fact it made me feel dire I noticed straight away that I started the hypochondria again. It's what estrogen does to me.
So now I stay away from it and I am able to think clearly and I do not obsess about my health.
Your posts could have been me 15 or 20 years ago and I do feel for you because it is really hard to resist those feelings that rise up-especially if they are hormonally fuelled.
I so agree with Sissy's comment about the addictive quality of the cycle-terror followed by sweet relief. Very aptly described
You really do need to step back and look at what is going on inside yourself here. You have had all the tests, you do not have breast cancer but you can't seem to let it drop.
This isn't about breast cancer-it is about something in your nature that is causing these obsessive thoughts. It may well be you are sensitive to your hormones as I was. Whatever it is you certainly need to find a way to cope with your illogical fears as they are ruining your life.
I hope you do try counselling. You need to find a way to unmask the horrid obsessive fear and see it for what it is!
Good luck
janet c
Anna,
I can so relate to what you are saying,I,m having very similar issues,have been for the past year.
Have been to numerous Dr,s all have examined me,had blood tests done,went to a breast specialist who thoroughly examined me,but no mammogram done (think i may pay private to have one) as like you it just looms over me like a "dark cloud" even when I,m occupied it,s always hanging around, and ruining my life with this constant fear.
Mine is twingey pains buzzes,aches. Just drives me to distraction. I,ve scoured these boards for similar things,but still fills me with dread when I read anything!!
I do understand your fear I truly mean that.
But on a positive note you have had some very wise replies.
yet it is hard to get your head round logic sometimes when you get into this frame of mind.
I could rip my head off my shoulders somedays to stop these thoughts.
I do think counselling would be a good route to go as suggested to you Anna. You need to get your life back and if by talking through things does this and helps you to deal better with the worry, then it can only be a good thing.
Wishing you all the best with this
KathS
I can so relate to what you are saying,I,m having very similar issues,have been for the past year.
Have been to numerous Dr,s all have examined me,had blood tests done,went to a breast specialist who thoroughly examined me,but no mammogram done (think i may pay private to have one) as like you it just looms over me like a "dark cloud" even when I,m occupied it,s always hanging around, and ruining my life with this constant fear.
Mine is twingey pains buzzes,aches. Just drives me to distraction. I,ve scoured these boards for similar things,but still fills me with dread when I read anything!!
I do understand your fear I truly mean that.
But on a positive note you have had some very wise replies.
yet it is hard to get your head round logic sometimes when you get into this frame of mind.
I could rip my head off my shoulders somedays to stop these thoughts.
I do think counselling would be a good route to go as suggested to you Anna. You need to get your life back and if by talking through things does this and helps you to deal better with the worry, then it can only be a good thing.
Wishing you all the best with this
KathS
This is such a great thread! Lots of great advice here. I, too, have the medical anxiety/hypochondria tendency and have tried various things to deal. I recently had a breast cancer scare (ironically, that was never one I worried about, lol!) and a biopsy, etc. During the "real deal" I found myself appropriately concerned and serious but NOT panicky/anxious/jittery/adrenaline addicted. I handled it the way I would WANT to. (And all is well, and BTW, I have a little denting too -- it is aging).
I really like the way the ladies here have pinpointed what really needs attention: the anxiety itself. That is the real problem, and EVEN IF the worst is true (cancer, etc.) it would STILL be the main problem! If you can get it managed (note I do not say eliminated), then you can handle anything, even the worst.
Here's THE LIST:
Yoga
Reading
Medication
Therapy
Exercise
Support
Avoiding Dr. Internet/news
Sense of humor
(not necessarily in that order)
I really like the way the ladies here have pinpointed what really needs attention: the anxiety itself. That is the real problem, and EVEN IF the worst is true (cancer, etc.) it would STILL be the main problem! If you can get it managed (note I do not say eliminated), then you can handle anything, even the worst.
Here's THE LIST:
Yoga
Reading
Medication
Therapy
Exercise
Support
Avoiding Dr. Internet/news
Sense of humor
(not necessarily in that order)
Oh, my. I'm so sorry to hear of so many of you suffering with worry. I, myself, have been there so many, many times, and still visit that dark place occasionally. I have found over the years that mental anguish and fear is really the most offending culprit at this stage of our lives. Once you finally becoming menopausal and you realize that you are not immortal, all the fears rear their ugly heads. I fight it every day, just like you all do. There was a Bob Newhart spoof on TV once with him playing the part of a psychiatrist or psychologist (I don't remember which -- wasn't his comedy show) and he looked at his patient and gave his advice, which was as, someone suggested above, STOP!!!!! I laughed out loud when I saw that, and realized this was really pretty good advice. It kind of stops you in your tracks and gets you out of that momentum of thinking negative thoughts.
Anyway, my dear, dear ladies, please try to enjoy your lives. Focus on the lovely things there are to enjoy, and try to stay mentally healthy. It's the biggest battle of all.
Hugs,
Meryl
Anyway, my dear, dear ladies, please try to enjoy your lives. Focus on the lovely things there are to enjoy, and try to stay mentally healthy. It's the biggest battle of all.
Hugs,
Meryl
QUOTE (Anna1970 @ Jun 16 2009, 06:22 PM)
Hello -
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
I'm new and apologize if starting a new topic wasn't the best place to post, but boy do I need some input/a fresh perspective.
I'm almost 39 and the mother of an 8 and a 4 year old. I've always had health anxiety, and in the past have survived imaginary MS, Lyme Disease, melanoma, kidney failure, thought my daughter had retinoblastoma at one point (she needed glasses!) and worried that my son was autistic (he's merely a late talker.) The autism scare even had me in the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I am mentioning this by way of explaining that when it comes to worrying about health issues, I can become quite irrational - and boy do I know it. The internet has become the bane of my existence, and while I've learned the hard way that information on the internet can be accurate, it's often not complete or the right information for ME and my unique body or situation. Nonetheless.....
Here's the latest: about two weeks ago I noticed when I raise my arms over my head, there is a little spot right below my right nipple that looks a bit more creased or indented than the same area on the other breast. Both sides sort of do the same thing with my arms raised, but it's much more noticable on one side than the other. I saw my Gyn right away (and had been there less than a month before for a regluar check-up) and she did a breast exam - she said she didn't see or feel anything of any concern, all women are asymmetrical, I am getting older, and sent me for a mammogram to ease my mind. I had the mammogram the next day (there was a cancellation) and showed the dastardly dent to the mammogram technition so she could get a good picture - she said such asymmetry/creasing is something she sees commonly and didn't think it was a concern (of course she's not the doctor!). The mammogram was normal, they saw no changes from my baseline at age 35. The breast I'm worrying about is actually a bit smaller than the other (always has been - and I am slim and have rather small breasts anyway) and the mammogram shows that the worrisome breast has much LESS dense tissue than the other. I also think the dented one is starting to sag a smidge more than the other. (And isn't that depressing!!)
Meanwhile, I read all sorts of horrible things on the internet about dents and dimples - some sites said there could be a benign cause, but most say dents and dimples are often caused by cancer. Some sites say with aging, the ligaments which support the breast can stretch unevenly and cause this sort of thing. (Has ANYONE else noticed this with age??)
So, my husband and I discussed the dent with a friend who is a radiologist - he used to work at a diagnostic breast clininc. His advice was to have a breast ultrasound because it gives more assurance the mammogram hasn't missed anything, but he thought an MRI would not be helpful where there is no lump since MRI's produce so many false positives. He said if the ultrasound is normal, stop worrying, he's seen lots of dents and other oddities on lots of women without cancer. My gyn refused to order the ultrasound, said it wasn't needed but I could seek a second opinion. I went to my internist, who did the WORLD'S MOST THOROUGH breast exam - must have spent at least 15 minutes looking and feeling. He said the same as my gyn - no lump, no concern about the crease/dent. He agreed to order the ultrasound if I promised to quit worrying when it's normal. The ultrasound is tomorrow, and I have been doing nothing the last two days but looking at the dent, comparing my breasts and scouring the internet for some HOPE that this is not cancer.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe. I'm afraid the ultrasound will find something, and equally scared it won't! I do get to talk to the radiologist afterwards, but this is only considered a screening ultrasound, since the mammogram didn't show anything. I'm afraid the ultrasound and chat with the radiologist will make me feel better for a day or two, but then I'll be right back to the internet, panicking that I do have cancer and no one can find it (and then I'll lose my breast, my hair and keel over, leaving my poor children motherless, and leaving my poor little daughter with her own lifetime of breast cancer fears. ) The only good outcome tomorrow that I can imagine is that the ultrasound shows something entirely benign that explains the dent (if there really is one - I've looked so many times I'm not even sure anymore. Uh-oh, maybe I need to be researching vision problems!)
My husband and mom both say if the ultrasound is fine, I should have faith in the four doctors who are telling me to relax - they've really seen me and reviewed my tests, and should know better than some person on the internet. On the otherhand, the John Hopkins breast cancer site (which is reputable, right?) is the site that tells everyone with a dent to keep testing, even when other tests are normal.
What do I do? I don't even know anymore if what I'm seeing is what's really an indentation or dimple! I have no idea if this is new - haven't been examining my breasts in the mirror much before now. If the ultrasound is normal, do I need anxiety medication, or yet another opinion?? What can be done if no test shows ANYTHING? Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I have read that breasts change throughout our lives, hormones, breastfeeding, the passage of time, all can change the shape, texture, etc. of breasts. What do normal slightly aged breasts that did a lot of breastfeeding look like???
Sorry to be so long winded, but no one at all to talk to about this and I am losing my marbles!!!
[quote name='Shebee' date='Jun 17 2009, 07:33 AM' post='290628']
[
I remember that I would be riding in the car...I would look out and think..."What if we get into a Wreak?" Then my thoughts would go from there. I even went so far as to think about our funerals! LOL! The list goes on and on.
I LOVE THIS SHEBEE, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE (oh sorry caps were on) that was this morbid, there i would be with tears streaming down my face, already dead at my own funeral, going over all the songs i would have playing ... and it is so true, when you read the symptoms, you have it ALL!! my mom made me read a book called "The Washer Woman's Knee" probably written in about 1920, and in it the fellow is studying to be a doctor, and has everything in the medical book, EXCEPT the Washer Woman's Knee syndrome, and he panicked about that.
All the worry won't change the outcome, but boy does it get inside of us easily, sometimes it is hard to calm down, but SHEBEE i love your advice, and everyones!
stay cool ....
[
I remember that I would be riding in the car...I would look out and think..."What if we get into a Wreak?" Then my thoughts would go from there. I even went so far as to think about our funerals! LOL! The list goes on and on.
I LOVE THIS SHEBEE, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE (oh sorry caps were on) that was this morbid, there i would be with tears streaming down my face, already dead at my own funeral, going over all the songs i would have playing ... and it is so true, when you read the symptoms, you have it ALL!! my mom made me read a book called "The Washer Woman's Knee" probably written in about 1920, and in it the fellow is studying to be a doctor, and has everything in the medical book, EXCEPT the Washer Woman's Knee syndrome, and he panicked about that.
All the worry won't change the outcome, but boy does it get inside of us easily, sometimes it is hard to calm down, but SHEBEE i love your advice, and everyones!
stay cool ....
I was put on celexa/citalopram , just a low dose of 20mg and it helped quite a bit. I was fed up with trying to live with dying! I needed help to break the cycle
and I think you do too. I no longer worry quite so much (it never completely goes) about every new dimple, patch or tiny lump on the outside, because I could easily have something on the inside that can't be felt or seen. My mind goes to this idea sometimes, but I quickly occupy myself with something else. Much better than the energy draining past when I constantly felt the dread.
and I think you do too. I no longer worry quite so much (it never completely goes) about every new dimple, patch or tiny lump on the outside, because I could easily have something on the inside that can't be felt or seen. My mind goes to this idea sometimes, but I quickly occupy myself with something else. Much better than the energy draining past when I constantly felt the dread.
Hello -
I wanted to say thank you to all you for taking the time to read my post and offer such thoughtful replies. I have read through them all several times, as well as doing an awful lot of reading at power surge in general. This is a great place and I'm grateful to have found it and all of you.
I called my Dr. and got a prescription for some anxiety medication. I hope it won't take too long to start working. I also made an appointment to go talk to my Dr. about my anxiety and about where to go for a second opinion. I know this might be overkill, but I think I'll rest easier if I know I have left no stone unturned. I have read lots and lots of posts here about mammogram call backs and further testing, and it does seem that doctors really are trying hard to be extra careful and not miss a thing - that thought is comforting. All my mammograms have been digital - I understand they are more accurate and that's a good thing, too. I just wish I had a better answer for WHY there is a dent other than "we can't see anything suspicious on the mammogram or ultrasound. Must be aging!"
Didgens, I hope you are now healthy! I also hope I didn't say anything insensitive.
KathS, I feel for you, I really do. I hope you get an answer to your aches and pains AND find a way to get rid of your black cloud, too.
Getreal - hope I am not being too nosy here, but do you mind my asking where your dents are and what they look like? Are they more noticable with your arms raised? I was told mine was age related, but I would feel better if the darn internet said that too. (What a double-edged sword the intenet is!)
Just wanted to pop in and say thank you to all of you for caring enough to take the time to reply. It is a big help to know I'm not alone in my worries and a big help to have somewhere to come where I can admit I have these worries, even when they sound a bit silly sometimes. Thank you!!
Anne
I wanted to say thank you to all you for taking the time to read my post and offer such thoughtful replies. I have read through them all several times, as well as doing an awful lot of reading at power surge in general. This is a great place and I'm grateful to have found it and all of you.
I called my Dr. and got a prescription for some anxiety medication. I hope it won't take too long to start working. I also made an appointment to go talk to my Dr. about my anxiety and about where to go for a second opinion. I know this might be overkill, but I think I'll rest easier if I know I have left no stone unturned. I have read lots and lots of posts here about mammogram call backs and further testing, and it does seem that doctors really are trying hard to be extra careful and not miss a thing - that thought is comforting. All my mammograms have been digital - I understand they are more accurate and that's a good thing, too. I just wish I had a better answer for WHY there is a dent other than "we can't see anything suspicious on the mammogram or ultrasound. Must be aging!"
Didgens, I hope you are now healthy! I also hope I didn't say anything insensitive.
KathS, I feel for you, I really do. I hope you get an answer to your aches and pains AND find a way to get rid of your black cloud, too.
Getreal - hope I am not being too nosy here, but do you mind my asking where your dents are and what they look like? Are they more noticable with your arms raised? I was told mine was age related, but I would feel better if the darn internet said that too. (What a double-edged sword the intenet is!)
Just wanted to pop in and say thank you to all of you for caring enough to take the time to reply. It is a big help to know I'm not alone in my worries and a big help to have somewhere to come where I can admit I have these worries, even when they sound a bit silly sometimes. Thank you!!
Anne
Hello -
I wanted to say thank you to all you for taking the time to read my post and offer such thoughtful replies. I have read through them all several times, as well as doing an awful lot of reading at power surge in general. This is a great place and I'm grateful to have found it and all of you.
I called my Dr. and got a prescription for some anxiety medication. I hope it won't take too long to start working. I also made an appointment to go talk to my Dr. about my anxiety and about where to go for a second opinion. I know this might be overkill, but I think I'll rest easier if I know I have left no stone unturned. I have read lots and lots of posts here about mammogram call backs and further testing, and it does seem that doctors really are trying hard to be extra careful and not miss a thing - that thought is comforting. All my mammograms have been digital - I understand they are more accurate and that's a good thing, too. I just wish I had a better answer for WHY there is a dent other than "we can't see anything suspicious on the mammogram or ultrasound. Must be aging!"
Didgens, I hope you are now healthy! I also hope I didn't say anything insensitive.
KathS, I feel for you, I really do. I hope you get an answer to your aches and pains AND find a way to get rid of your black cloud, too.
Getreal - hope I am not being too nosy here, but do you mind my asking where your dents are and what they look like? Are they more noticable with your arms raised? I was told mine was age related, but I would feel better if the darn internet said that too. (What a double-edged sword the intenet is!)
Just wanted to pop in and say thank you to all of you for caring enough to take the time to reply. It is a big help to know I'm not alone in my worries and a big help to have somewhere to come where I can admit I have these worries, even when they sound a bit silly sometimes. Thank you!!
Anna
I wanted to say thank you to all you for taking the time to read my post and offer such thoughtful replies. I have read through them all several times, as well as doing an awful lot of reading at power surge in general. This is a great place and I'm grateful to have found it and all of you.
I called my Dr. and got a prescription for some anxiety medication. I hope it won't take too long to start working. I also made an appointment to go talk to my Dr. about my anxiety and about where to go for a second opinion. I know this might be overkill, but I think I'll rest easier if I know I have left no stone unturned. I have read lots and lots of posts here about mammogram call backs and further testing, and it does seem that doctors really are trying hard to be extra careful and not miss a thing - that thought is comforting. All my mammograms have been digital - I understand they are more accurate and that's a good thing, too. I just wish I had a better answer for WHY there is a dent other than "we can't see anything suspicious on the mammogram or ultrasound. Must be aging!"
Didgens, I hope you are now healthy! I also hope I didn't say anything insensitive.
KathS, I feel for you, I really do. I hope you get an answer to your aches and pains AND find a way to get rid of your black cloud, too.
Getreal - hope I am not being too nosy here, but do you mind my asking where your dents are and what they look like? Are they more noticable with your arms raised? I was told mine was age related, but I would feel better if the darn internet said that too. (What a double-edged sword the intenet is!)
Just wanted to pop in and say thank you to all of you for caring enough to take the time to reply. It is a big help to know I'm not alone in my worries and a big help to have somewhere to come where I can admit I have these worries, even when they sound a bit silly sometimes. Thank you!!
Anna
Ugh. I seem to have posted twice AND spelled my own name wrong. Sorry!
Hi! way to go on taking on the anxiety! I am sure the health obsessing will lessen as you get the anxiety managed. As to the dent, it is on the outside "3 oclock" on my left and is definitely more pronounced if I raise my arms. Kinda looks a bit like a sag line, lol but I am not really sagging (I am a 36A after all!)
But I hope I am not "feeding your beast" with that -- the idea is to stop focusing on that and start focusing on underlying stuff and anxiety. It is time to tackle that! Best wishes!
But I hope I am not "feeding your beast" with that -- the idea is to stop focusing on that and start focusing on underlying stuff and anxiety. It is time to tackle that! Best wishes!
QUOTE (getreal @ Oct 6 2009, 11:31 PM)
Hi! way to go on taking on the anxiety! I am sure the health obsessing will lessen as you get the anxiety managed. As to the dent, it is on the outside "3 oclock" on my left and is definitely more pronounced if I raise my arms. Kinda looks a bit like a sag line, lol but I am not really sagging (I am a 36A after all!)
But I hope I am not "feeding your beast" with that -- the idea is to stop focusing on that and start focusing on underlying stuff and anxiety. It is time to tackle that! Best wishes!
But I hope I am not "feeding your beast" with that -- the idea is to stop focusing on that and start focusing on underlying stuff and anxiety. It is time to tackle that! Best wishes!
Thank you SO much for this post! Not feeding my beast at all - taming him, actually! Your dent sound just like mine - and I'm a 36A, too - how on earth could something so small sag??? Hearing that there are, indeed, others with perfectly healthy age-related sags and dents is just what I need in order to think about this more rationally.
Thanks so much for sharing - you made my day better already. Now I am going to go rearrange my basement and dig out my treadmill so I have no excuse not to walk this weekend when it's supposed to be snowing here! I am determined to manage this worry better!
Anna
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