I love my family dearly, But right now I'm going through a Phase, where I'm with-drawing from people even my family at times, and I haven't been here too much either.
Since Peri/Meno I have lost some weight, I'm trying to gain some back. My Dr. says for my height 5'8 146 is a good weight, well my Father stops today and goes home and tells my Mother "She's Too Thin, She Look's Bad, She needs to put on 20 pounds and He knows I'm dealing with hormonal changes"
I go so angry on the phone when my mother told me this, I just went upstairs to bed and cried. Even My BIL told them She's Withering Away. While everyone else I see says "You Look Good Or Nice"
But a few of my family members thinks I'm starving myself to death I suppose, but Thats not it I have horrible anxiety at times with these changing hormones so I can't always eat when I need to, I have to eat when I feel like I can, So why don't they just leave me alone?
I'm doing the best I can here to keep my weight, Maybe they would feel better if I weighed over 200 pounds, had High Blood Pressure/ High Cholestrol and everything else that goes along with being over-weight and Yes I know that sounds horrible of me to say, but right now I'm hurt and upset.
Tell me If I'm being too sensitive to my Father's Remarks??? Of course hormonal changes effects our moods. Ladies how would you all feel about this??
Right now I'm dealing with alot of personal issues and peri, no wonder I'm with-drawing, and I don't like that either. Thank You All for letting me vent, I'm sure so many of you here can relate to me.
Love & Hugs
sdblue

sdblue,
I have been in your shoes.Everything that was said by my family and friensds rubbed me the wrong way.My mom was really bad,I had to tell her to back off because I could'nt take it.I knew she was just concerned, but that did'nt matter.The more they talked about my weight,the more I worried about my weight.I finally got to my desired weight ,plus a few extra pounds :blink.I can't get those off to save my life .I will keep you in my prayers.You will be fine!

Rhonda P

It's ok,honey!That is what families are for-to love you dearly and then nag you over every little detail.They mean well but it can be hard.
A little alone time helps actually and you can let everyone know that you need a little space at this time.
Your weight sounds good for your height.I actually had an aversion to food when Menopausal so would have soups,custards,yoghurts and smooth bland foods.
I also took a Multi-Vitamin.

Just one more thing to add.When I visit the Old People's Home and know that for some of them I am their only visitor-even though they have family-I feel blessed to be part of a family with all their warts and scars.Mine too of course!

So vent when ever you want too
Stay Well
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

((((((SD))))))))))))) haven't seen you in a long time. Aren't families great......especially for hurting our feelings. Sometimes they should just keep their mouths shut. At 5'8" and 146 lbs you're certianly not withering away. I had many periods of time that my anxiety was so bad I couldn't eat and lost weight. You're going through a lot of changes right now so take care of yourself....be good to yourself and if that means taking a little break from the family than that's okay.

Nice to see you here again.

Hugs again,
Karen

Hi, SDBlues,

You are doing just fine! Show your family your BMI chart (below) Are your father and BIL overweight by any chance? I've always been on the slim side, and I'm noticing that as more and more people in this society are becoming overweight and obese, the slender people must be looking even thinner in comparison! Do you agree? It's like we are becoming the abnormal ones, minority wise!

Despite a regular workout routine, I've developed a "menopot" belly over the last 6 months, (my BMI is 22.5 also) When I mentioned to my Mom that I want to loose 5 pounds, she will say, "But you are so thin... I wish I was as thin as you!" Like you, I have a hard time eating when I'm anxious. Just eat when you can. (preferably not when your Father and BIL are around!) Maybe try some protein shakes or smoothies. Like Elizabeth mentioned, bland foods. Take care of yourself and try not to take those comments to heart!

Height: 5 feet, 8 inches
Weight: 148 lbs
BMI: 22.5
Status: Normal
Normal Range: 123 - 164 lbs

jem

My family does my head in!! It took forever for them to believe the peri dx and now I feel I have to defend my behaviour down to enth degree........don't know what the answer is babe, but I am sick of feeling like a hormonal leper........Love me or lump it!!

Hope it improves sweetie, I know they love you as does my family.......just wish they could be more accepting

Good luck......I know how it feels to not want to eat!!!

i am 5,7 and 146 pds- and i feel fat, so i dont think that is skinny at all !!!!

I am learning ever so slowly how to pick my battles. I simply do NOT have the energy to fight them all anymore so I am letting the little ones go. NOONE can make you FEEL bad unless you ALLOW them to! I'm 5'7" and 207. How I would LOVE to be 147! Trust me sweetheart you are not too thin for your height. I'm sure you look marvolous!!!

Hi sherry i am sorry about this family issue of yours .Don't be upset its better then them saying your fat right?I have a tummy on me and i get remarks on my tummy from hubby and to me that hurts my feeling but he shouldn't talk his tummy is triple the size of mine lol. Don't feel bad sherry i seen you pics and to me you look good. Its you body and tell them all to bite off!!! lol Big hugs Terry

Hi hon! You look great...don't worry. It's quite normal too to feel "off" at this time in your life. You are a good person; just ignore the somewhat insensitive remarks as much as possible. It's okay to take a wee break from the world too just as long as you don't shun people. Quite often people hurt others and have no idea why, it is better to clear the air than just walk away too. Try and hold your head up and speak your mind.

Bless you,
Suzanne
<><

Hi Sherry,
You look great! Not to fat and not to thin. Don't feel bad about your families comments. Loved ones sometimes imagine things when they're worried.. their comments may not be welcome but better that they care unnecessarily then not care enough.
5' 8'' 146.. Good weight! Pretty pic.

I've learned that most people have their own personal motivation for being critical of others. When a group of teenagers hang out a car window screaming "LOOK AT THE FAT CHICK" when seeing an overweight girl, it has NOTHING to do with the girl, and speaks volumes of the character of the boys. They need to say something negative about someone else to make THEMSELVES feel good.

This isn't about you..... it's about them needing to say something for whatever reason that somehow makes them feel better about whatever it is they are going through.

((((Sherry)))))

I think that what bothers me most is my husbands side of the family and sometimes even my own children. I have struggled terribly these past few years with working outside of the home....most of you can relate to this....yet....there I went the other day to interview for a job that I am not even certain that I am going to be able to handle. Why you ask? Pressure. Everytime I turn around someone is sending me emails telling me about this job and that job.....constant questions about when I will be working....why are you only looking for part time? It is their way of telling me I am not pulling my end of the load......and it hurts dammit. My own daughter yesterday when I posted up on Facebook that I was going to an interview remarked "Well good....it's time to get back to reality". Ouch that stung. I don't think she meant it in a demeaning way.....but it still smarted. People just do not stop to think before they open their mouths.

Dear Blue,
Older folks never think twice when they hurting someone, well, my mom surely never hesitated, I was always etiher too thin or too fat, never good enough, LOL.
You are not being too sensitive, it is normal to feel this way, especially when you going through menopause and this alone is plenty on your plate, no pun intended.
Can you explain it to your parents, perhaps, their intentions are different and they worry about you, just tell them how you feel and explain you doing your best dealing with hormones.
I belived your mother can do explaining part to your father, as she has been there too.
Please, don't be upset, i am sure you look fantastic at your height and weight!
Big hugs to you,
I.

Hi Sdblue,
Try not to worry. The changes we r going through make us very sensitve. All the ladies at my church are angry with me. My kids think i'm mean as a rattlesnake. Strangers keep their distance cause I look so cranky. My loving husband just shakes his head at times. We will all get better with time. Do something nice for yourself. Please don't forget that we feel your pain and that we are all here for you, cause u are our SISTER in this meno mess. Lots of big hugs.

from,
menopaused

I apologize but just reading this post makes me giggle........rattlesnake.......people keep their distance. Oh my........u have just described me. Thanks.....I needed a smile.

Blue,

I know how you feel, as I got super skinny (for me) from the horrific anxiety. I dropped a lot of weight really fast and I honestly looked like crap. And of course the family would comment, although I wasn't ever hurt by them cuz I knew they were worried about me....and I was worried about me then too!! Don't you worry, your weight will improve, and if you are anything like me, you will end up TOO FAT!!!

You look wonderful, I have seen your pictures too! Don't let them bring you down and remember they are acting out of love, even if it doesn't feel like it....particularly your father. I am sure he only wants you to be healthy.

I am now trying to lose weight, and it is sure hard without the horrible anxiety! But I don't want the anxiety back.....

You do what is best for YOU right now. If that means withdrawing from people and having some "ME" time, then do it. I know anxiety can ramp up around others and peace and quiet is the only answer.

You are loved by many, remember that!!!

Hugs

Bluey, I love you fat, thin or anyways. (((((Hugs))))))

I've missed chatting with you.

Blue, It was not that long ago that my mother introduced me to a friend of hers. He laughed and said, "You didn't tell me she was healthy." From that point on, whenever my mom referred to this person, she always made a point of saying, " You know, the one who said you are healthy!" I finally told her, "Yes, mom! You have told me that 1000 times!" It cut me like a knife every time she said it to me! Some people are very insensitive! It's like they think WE don't know what we look like and it is their mission in life to make us aware. You have been through a lot, Blue and they are probably just concerned about you. Just tell them that you have eyes and you can see and when you want their opinion you will ask.

Don't you just hate it when people give unsolicited advice?

Blue - don't let it get you down kid - some people just don't understand the ups and downs of this time of life - that is why you have US! You are a lovely woman inside and out - do whatever it takes to be comfortable in your own skin!

xxxooo, CIC

Thank Ladies I Feel So Much Better Now. I knew you ladies would understand and so did My Mom "She told Him, She is going through her changes, she will be o.k." But like I said he done knew that but even though he's my Father I must remember He is a Man LOL and they don't understand what all this is like.
And You all are right, I'm fine with the way I am sure a few more pounds wouldn't kill me, but if it happens it happens and if it doesn't oh well I'm sure in time it will.
Hugs Everyone and Thank You For Stepping in and Lining me out, Sometimes I need that LOL.
Hugs & Happy Eating Or Not Eating
Love
sdblue

Simply said, it's your Dad's way of showing his love and concern for you. Many men of his generation just don't know any other way. Take it with a grain of salt and be thankful that you still have the old goat around!!!

R2

I can so relate to the weight thing....

I too have lost weight recently. I use to be real skinny, then gained for awhile. Well I would say within the past 6 months to a year I have lost some weight. I haven't weighed myself in awhile, but a last check I was 140 @ 5'7". And I get the comments from so many ppl, esp ones I work with & hubby's family. Wow, you are so skinny, or wow you really have lost alot of weight. Are you okay? You're not try to lose weight are you? And trust me, just by their tone, you get the point.

Now I know for a fact that a 140 @ 5'7" is not too skinny. Heck I am still 20 lbs heavier than when I got pregnant w/my son some 11 years ago. Hell too skinny was when I met my husband, 110 @ 5'7". So I am fine w/my weight. But it does bring back those memories when I was younger, especially in High School. OMG I was like 87lbs in 10th Grade. I don't think I broke 100 until after I graduated. PPL where so mean back then, I was called lovely things like "stick woman". For many years it did hurt. But you know what I learned to accept myself now. It just amazes me that ppl will say the darnest things to hurt others....

You are not too skinny, I bet you look great! And you should be happy w/that weight, I know I am.... Now if I could just stop everything from sagging south, I would be really happy.... - do you think standing on head 5 hours a day would stop the effects of gravity....LOL .........

Family members can be such total jerks....
A few years ago,when i weighed about 130 pounds,my sister called me to tell me that her daughter didn't know who i was when she saw me because i had put on so much weight.It hurt my feelings so bad,i am 5'7" and thought i looked good at the time.....
With my family,i can't win no matter what my weight is....i'm either too skinny/sickly looking or look like a cow to them.......they always,always comment on my weight.....the thing is though,my sister weighs about 200 pounds and i would never,ever make rude comments to her....

Becca,
When I met my husband, I was also 110. When I graduated from high school, I was 5'6", 105 pds. Like you, I was teased, especially in middle school and early high school, mostly by the boys. "If you turned sideways, you would disappear" and the numerous comments about being "flat as a pancake". (bra size 30AA). I would wear sweat pants under my jeans to make my legs look bigger, even on warm days. My mom was constantly nagging me to eat. At Christmas, she gave me those cheap 4 pd boxes of chocolate and multi-packs of nuts. I hated being skinny, and I envied my "curvy" best friend, who got all the looks from the guys. Since high school, she has been mostly overweight, and I've been slim and now, normal weight. (138) At a reunion, I told a guy friend about how self conscious I had been about being skinny, and he was surprised and told me that the guys had thought I was a "fox"! Wish I would have known that back then!

The thing that still bothers me, is that as a society, some people think it's perfectly fine to say to someone, "You are so skinny", but it's a major no no to say to an overweight person, "You are so fat". Such a double standard. Sorry for the rant, but this subject really gets me going! lol

jem

Yea that always got me too. People can be a trip. They would also call me a carpenter's dream, "flat as a board, never been nailed" - that only actually makes me laugh now, wasn't so funny then though... Actually did weight myself yesterday, OMG 132, haven't been that in years. I think the up and down hormones has a lot to do with it, and oh yea, cut way down on that beer.... ...

And moonlight, OMG I can't believe that someone, esp a family member would say that. Apparently there is a little jealousy there.

Thats another thing that gets me, why women can be so mean to each other. I find it really hard to find good "girl friends". Heck I use to have a really good friend for say 15 years, we still talk, our husband's are really good friends. But lately, she has been so how do you say, freakin down right cady. We were all at a B-day party a few weeks ago, and she literally yelled at me, "Beck, I was trying to speak", well OMG, you were not even the conversation in the first place. Then a little latter, a bunch of us were talking about the old days, and we were laughing and having a great time. OMG she goes off, ah can you guys keep it freaking down. I literally had to walk away, friend of my husbands said, damn what happen to you two, I was like I have no idea.... It took everything not to tell her off, but I just bit my tonge, due to my husband's friendship w/her husband. But damn, why can't we all just get along...

Okay my turn, sorry for the rant.... LOL

I used to have so many friends,i was always surrounded by a group of them every day....but then i decided to weed out the ones who were either A.)after my husband B.)causing problems in my marriage and starting problemsC.)out for themselves and what they could get from me or D.)in competition with me and always putting me down and bragging about themselves......turned out i didn't really have any "true" friends at all and i was lonely for quite a few years,but to me it was better than having the tons of "so-called" friends.I get pickier about who i allow in my life with each year that goes by.....i'm not snobby or snooty....just cautious...

A B C & D - so true, so true.... what's up w/that...

All I can say is thank God for this site...

Heck ppl now adays tend to think I'm a bitch, ah heck, ppl when I always meet them think of me that way. honestly I don't know why, I think it's just bcz I am very cautious of home I get "too" friendly with. I still have one really great friend, but sadly she moved away. We never had any issues like that, we were just GREAT! Dang I miss her...

Like I said though, it is great having this site, bcz you truly get to see the real side of ppl, not the side that everyone tries to project to the world. Would be great if all the money, and time, to do a big ole get together... Would be so kewl...

Guess I really didn't think about my extreme weight loss being related to the perimeno and the increased anxiety that came with it. Before this nightmare started six months ago, I would complain about my tummy when I laid down at night. Now I lay down and my body looks like a bag of bones! It just seems to reflect on the outside what's happening on the inside (so anxious and depressed, I feel like I'm slowly wasting away.)

As for friends and family, I know all the things they say are because they are truly worried about me and sincerely wish they could do something to help. The only problem I have right now is that my husband and I have always teased eachother. Now, if he tries to tease me to cheer me up, I always end up in tears. We're going to end up in counseling just to figure out who we are after all this.

Dear SDBLUE,

When you wrote «Since Peri/Meno I have lost some weight, I'm trying to gain some back. My Dr. says for my height 5'8 146 is a good weight», it sounded like if you were talking about me ! I am 52, and I lost around 8 to 10 pounds since last year, I am 5'8 too, and 148 pounds; work colleagues said the same remarks about me. «You lost a lot of weight, you lost your cheeks, etc.» It scared me, I thought I had some disease. I saw the doctor, had a check-up, an endoscopy, and nothing wrong. Anyway, it triggered anxiety about my health, and I hope that I will see the end of it in a near future. I guess I have to accept that my look changed, but I dread seing people I knew a few years ago and hearing them saying : «Oh.. you lost some weight, didn't you ?» Thanks for sharing your story, it encourages me.

It's funny because when people say "you've lost weight" it's usually meant as a compliment, and I was a little overweight before this started and was baffled at how much I had gained over the last two years. Now, when I weigh myself, or notice how baggy my clothes have gotten, or someone comments on my weight, it just reminds me how terrible this year has been. I should be happy that I'm back to a healthy weight, it just wasn't the "diet plan" I had in mind.

Im so glad to see that others have the same problem.......I was overweight and in the last 18months of meno I have lost 75 pds......anxiety being the biggest cause........everyone at work say "are you ok",,,,,,,I have had every test and scan done and have been scoped....docs say Im healthy except for IBS........but it scares me everytime someone makes a comment on my weight,........I guess if I gained all that weight back they would have something new to coment about.......they also tell me that they have never heard of people losing weight during meno........thank god for this site where there are other women going through the same thing as me........I would be in the looney bin if it wasnt for you girls.........Valerie

Yes, I read user reviews on antidepressants and they talk about coming off of them because of weight gain. I think to myself, "If it get's rid of the anxiety and depression, I'll take a little weight gain to go with it." I've lost about 30# since Christmas. My work clothes have gotten so baggy, I need to wear a belt, where before they were all a little snug.

I wish I had a nice family that made harmless remarks. I dumped all of mine. The sisters became vicious and one even told her children my name was NOT to be mentioned in her presence. She is the one who wanted to send me "wrinkle cream" to MAKE MY FACE WRINKLED. Anyway, I speak to an aunt and a few cousins, none of my siblings - and I wish people would stop saying "but blood is thicker than water" because I feel so weird when I explain how much they all became so toxic in my life.
If I gained weight, one sister would take thousands of pictures and email them to EVERYONE. If I lost weight I would hear her SCREAMING at her husband "I am not going out by the pool with her looking so thin" and I would feel nauseous at someone looking at my body that way.
I dumped them all. Right or wrong, I can't go back.
Today I just want to sit and sob, everything feels wrong, nothing feels right and it feels like nothing ever will again. I used to love my one sister, thought she was my friend, turns out she was pumping me for all my inside thoughts and emotions, to find out where best to hurt me, and then turned on me completely using everything I had ever told her. She said "you are no longer worth worrying about" ... it broke my heart, took me about 1 year to get over, but my husband said he was so glad to no longer hear me crying on the phone once a week as she told me what was wrong with me ... for hours ... and today, almost 2.5 years later, I am glad I cut her out of my life.
Sometimes family ARE fun and harmless ... mine have an "unkindness" in them.
Body image, HAHAHAH I am 5'6" and 158 lbs. Solid muscle of course. My darling brother phoned me from France to ask "are you still fat" ... as I am still trying to lose weight from some arthritis drugs they tried me on, not only did I balloon from 138 up to 180 but they destroyed my GI tract. I still have a way to go to get back down to about 145 - but didn't need to have tons of pics taken of me and emailed around the world.
I want my Mom. She is the only one with the unconditional love that is supposed to be "out there".

I've become super sensitve to ANY remark relating to my peri menopausal "look"... the hair loss, tired eyes, lack of interest in clothes, makeup and fashion that have become the norm for me now that I am almost 40. No I don't think you are being too sensitive. I am also a little too thin but worry constantly that I will balloon up if I have a normal diet. Tried having more food this summer, started feeling "poochy" and removed offending foods (wheat and dairy) People of all ages seem to comment because they are not in menopause or if they are they are exhibiting their own lack of sensitivity. Older people seem to think that getting older and dried up is OK--- ie, the whole "aging gracefully" thing-- but God forbid if you actually start to look OLD or tired, or exhibit anything less than super stellar enthusiasm or happiness about the beauty/looks thing. Really America is verrrrry hypocritical about the whole thing. OF COURSE I have no energy to dress or look pretty, I am losing estrogen and don't sleep well etc. In my opinon so long as these are the attitudes BHRT is the only solution. However I would not discuss HRT this with your family. They will never get it.
The person who said it's better to have no or few friends than to surround yourself with competitive, hypocrtical or mean people is so right on. I am so much more sensitive and emotional than I used to be. There is no way I will put up with comments about my appearance from anyone and probably including family who I don't visit often mostly for that reason. Perimenopause is complicated enough as it is without the extra layers of judgementalism/hypocrisy.

I completely agree that the hypocrisy out there is rampant. People who pretend to be oh so very concerned and they are only talking to you to get THE SCOOP or dirt, and then use it to feel better about themselves, or to gossip about you.
Work is saving me - I get up and do the exercises whether I want to or not (and trust me, I loathe doing them now, they are simple ones to stretch and help my back, flatten my stomach ha! ha! and I have been doing them since my early 30's) and have that hot shower, and then I feel about 2% better, but I look in the mirror and consider each day my gift of a NEW BLANK CANVAS. Because I have to dress for work - nothing fancy - some of the younger chicks here wear jeans and sweaters constantly - I have a collection of clothes that work for me, i.e., I see something that suits me, and I HATE shopping, well I buy 4 of them in different colours. I have a method, and with my fair skin and hair, I look like a ghost ... so makeup is my saviour. On the weekends I can trip around the house without anything, but work forces me to look HUMAN and on goes the makeup. I have organized my earrings and bracelets too, i HAVE to go to work, i HAVE to look clean and alert ... I would like to take this time to thank makeup. So in my case, I am forcing myself to do this and it works. Nobody can see that I am deathly pale, that my eyes are red rimmed from crying, so it gets me through a lot of days.

40 is young to be peri-menopausal, so you do have my complete empathy. You are too young to be feeling all of this, in your 40's you should feel nothing different than in your 30's ... I didn't, I partied like it was still 1979 .... so I feel for you that your energy level is low.

and i have never ever understood the need for people to comment on my looks, KNOCK IT OFF, i don't want to hear "oh my gawd are you ever sweating, your upper lip has beads on it... oh my look everyone, look how red susan's face is" .... honestly, i am amazed at why anyone would do this among the million other comments i have received - people are idjits!!

Family and friends who are so cruel absolutely devastate me ... I hear it from so many people that their "friends are their family" ... I am fortunate to have a few very close and dear friends. and my auntie.

When the worst anxiety hit at the beginning of this I lost some weight too.I hated the way people would say it.Like "you've lost weight[you must be sick]rather than"you look good"I think it's that they sense our vunerability.Once the worst of the anxiety was over the weight came back and then some and I can't get rid of it no matter what I do.I miss eating brownies without the worry.I went down to 145lbs at 5'7",I now am 155lbs and would love to be 140lbs minus the anxiety! [[[hugs]]]Lumz

I can totally relate to this thread: Following months of anxiety - shaking- stomach churning constantly I lost a lot of weight too. A couple of people said I looked great and well done for losing (I didn't tell them it wasn't intentional), they commented on how nice my clothes were etc etc - this gave be a nice feeling. However family (apart from my hubby) kept saying 'oh your too thin, are you ill, go to a Dr etc etc, I really didn't need to hear that - they all knew I was suffering from anxiety symptons and they also new I had been to the Dr. But they still used to phone each other saying I was too thin.

But...... as soon as my stomach churning and shaking subsided and my appetite came back i began to put on weight - Now all I get is you couldn't keep the weight off could you, diets don't work! My Mum and sisters and the rest say you look better now you're much bigger AARGH!! And one person said 'i think we both need to go back on a diet'!!! Why do people have to say such hurtful things, I would never turn to anyone and say you've put on a lot of weight etc etc. It's no one elses business.

Sorry just needed to rant.

Jackie

RANT AWAY - i mean my own brother, phoning me from France to ask me (among some other very personal things i laughed off) ARE YOU STILL FAT? i can think i snorted so loudly ... that he is possibly deaf in that ear ... so in my last letter to him ... i put the most recent picture of me and wrote "it was so kind of one of the Sisters Grim to have sent you pics of me while overweight (or FAT if you prefer), how very kind of them ... however, i am so sorry to have to tell you that NO, i am no longer fat. HOWEVER, i do have 3 zits presently (i then drew arrows to them to point them out) and i DO HOPE this helps to compensate for any sadness you may feel that i am no longer fat".

his statement gave my friends and some family members hours of enjoyment, just the sheer idiocy of it. at my age of 53, with my build and my lifestyle, i am probably going to hang in here, a tad overweight, 5'6" and now 158. don't think i will see 140 again, let alone 115 lbs. too funny. i just don't worry now, but never want to be any heavier. like you guys, i have girlfriends whose family were vicious when they LOST weight "you must be sick " blah blah .... i tell you, it is nobody's business to ever look at and comment on anyone's body, ever.

friday at last. our canadian thanksgiving is not until next weekend, but we couldn't wait, and are doing Tom Turkey on the smoker outside today, a gorgeous Canadian Autumn day, leaves are gorgeous, rainy and windy, perfect night for a fire and glass of wine and ... yes ... turkey and mashers and gravy and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH let's just enjoy it all, ok? body image is personal. sometimes i will put on something so tight and casually walk into the living room until my husband notices and he becomes hysterical as i pose for him and then i start laughing and blow half the buttons off of whatever i tried to squeeze into. remember, people who have this urge to hurt your feelings to it to make THEMSELVES feel better. sick, but just keep reminding yourself of that.

people who have this urge to hurt your feelings to it to make THEMSELVES feel better. sick, but just keep reminding yourself of that.

You are so right with that statement - I do try, and I have one person in mind right this minute who that definately applies to.

i put the most recent picture of me and wrote "it was so kind of one of the Sisters Grim to have sent you pics of me while overweight (or FAT if you prefer), how very kind of them ... however, i am so sorry to have to tell you that NO, i am no longer fat. HOWEVER, i do have 3 zits presently (i then drew arrows to them to point them out) and i DO HOPE this helps to compensate for any sadness you may feel that i am no longer fat".

That is brilliant, absolutely a brilliant come back - well done for thinking of doing that.

Jackie

I think the comment about our society becoming desensitized as to size makes sense. Thin ppl are becoming a rarity. Weight loss is not kind to our faces at this juncture due to declining hormones either. I know that -- but I do not need a very OW F telling me that "your face is thinner -- you have more wrinkles..."
(this was actually said to me). I do not even know why I just described her as a F. When I think on it, she has never been. And I had only lost 2 lbs, though I am normal weight -- 122 at 5-5, & am small boned.

I am also estranged from my sisters for too many reasons to name. My brother is not in my life either. This happened as a result of issues with the care of my mother when she was ill. My family was always dysfunctional, but others helped us to function. They have died or acquired severe cognitive decline. I do not let my siblings hurt me any longer.

It is easy to think our feelings do not matter to others -- but I allowing myself not to let their feelings matter much to me. Or at least their opinions. I know who cares about me & they get the lion's share of my love & my time. The rest can go...well, you know where...

I too am also estranged from1 of my sister and rarely talk to the other . I really have no friends left because I figure rather than be hurt by them its better to be alone . I have my BF and his family (who would never insult me) along with my 3 dogs,cat and other animals and that is enough for me . Seems like all the friends I had we just people who like to use me . one stabbed me in the back ,the other couldnt be bother to ever call me and say things that would hurt and the other would (now I have known her for ever )see some one over weight and go WOW and you think your fat look at her (mind you I wasnt fat always ) I would just look and think No I dont think I am fat but guess you do . Some times I really hate people !!!!! and the more reasons to love my dogs they are always happy to see me !!!

you guys all nailed it brilliantly, letting toxic family members and friends GO is a must. i literally have no idea why people feel the need to be so cruel and cannot just find a place in their heart and mind to like/love someone.

my uncle summed it up for me, he said that he felt as the youngest in his family of 8, and me in my family of 4, we got "overlooked" meaning nobody cared enough to take you in hand etc., too busy, whatever, and that we found our own way. and when we became "successful" meaning we didn't need their presence so much in our lives, it turned to negativity, it makes their blood boil that we were independent. so he said "complete and total indifference to them ... that is the place you have to reach" ... and that is where i am heading with them all, i "wish them well" in that i would never hope for something hideous to happen to them, but complete and utter indifference brings a great relief.

one lovely backstabbing friend told me something rotten to hurt me and sat back and smiled ... well, i thought "should i, or shouldn't i" ... (we were in our 20's then) and then i let her have it, and told her the DEAR FRIEND who had told her something about me, also told me 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 .... things about her ... and i watched her face go white ... and i said "an old saying Ciindy, is a dog who will fetch a bone will carry a bone" ... so never think that someone isn't stabbing you if they think nothing of stabbing me. and you HAD to pass it on to me to make me hurt ... with a SMILE on your face". we remained friends for a few more years ... but what i told her that i knew about her, that she thought was confidential ... slayed her and made her realize how the circle works (what goes around ...). too many people like to break glass houses, so i think every now and then when i used to just let rip, look out. it is easy to be a jerk, but gosh it must feel like h*ll inside your soul.