Hi all,

I am going through meno (or peri, not sure), age 52, and it has been 7 months since my last period. 4 months before this last period was when this terrible nightmare began.

Anyway, there have been so many changes that have happened and SO quickly I might add. It is so rough to take so many fast changes all at once. I am dealing w/ all the 34 symptoms at the exact same time and they all began around the same time. However, some come and go and seem to have a mind of their own....

But the one thing that baffles me is that I cannot stand to be alone now. I am an only child and have always been independent, very confident, and come and go as I please. I have never had a problem w/ boredom at all. I have always been "comfortable in my own skin." As long as I had a good book to read, I never felt alone or was bored. We run a home based business and I have loved talking w/ the customers on the phone and keeping up my work in the office, taking breaks to do laundry, etc.

Well, meno changed all that! Would you believe before this mess hit, my husband went to Europe w/ his family for 3 weeks and I had a ball here just me and my dog! I went out shopping, to lunch w/ friends, and even went down to a neat B&B cottage out in the country for a couple of days by myself!

Well, for the last 11 months I cannot stand being here alone. Sometimes I would not even let my husband leave the room I was in. What in the world is this about??? I have turned into a scared little girl. For about 4 months I would not even drive my car for fear of a panic attack at the wheel. What a nightmare to be here alone and scared to go out anywhere. (Used to LOVE to shop... hey, no more... could care less about the "latest" styles now.) We have no children (endo and fibroids prevented this) and therefore no grandchildren.

Well, has anyone else gone through this and does it get any better???? I sure hope it gets better!!!

Thanks in advance for replies and hugs to all,
mood_swinger

I think it is normal to feel like this.Your body is going through a lot of changes.I like being alone more now than before.Don't be so hard on your self.GOD-bless

I GET IT!! I, too, am an only child. Very independent, very confident, very happy doing my own thing my whole life. I would drive across a couple of states by myself, no problem!! Now I can't drive to the store down the street without my teenage son or husband behind the wheel!! It's nuts!! I'm 45 and feel like an old woman!! I feel SO needy, so unlike the woman I have always been. I HATE being at home alone, want to have someone at home all the time, and feel panic over simple things I used to love to do. I'm hoping this gets better, too. I still have periods, although they are changing. I wonder how long I will have to live this way? I have 32 of the 34 symptoms which all started about the exact same time five years ago. I would love to hear from someone who went through this and saw that it got better! I don't like the new me!! I cry too much and feel like the weakest person.

Hi Everyone!

Well, I'm 4 years post now but for about a year or so after my period stopped I was exactly the same way. I would call my husband and beg him to come home from work. I would really nervous if he had an appointment in the evening. If he even talked about going out-of-town I would panic!

It was hard to believe how needy and clingy I was. I was frightened of everything.....and I hated to be alone. Now I'm totally back to normal even though I've never been very independent, I'm feeling much better about taking care of myself (at least for short periods).

DianaJJ

DianaJJ
When you say you are totally back to normal, do you take HRT? I am trying to do this w/o it due to severe side effects. So this lasted a little over a year after your last period? I am glad you are better. I agree, I can't bear to think about my husband going out of town... He even had to cancel a trip because he was scared to leave me in the shape I was in! All this makes no sense to me. Thanks for replying.
mood_swinger

Lady E,
Yes, I went through that stage of always wanting to be alone starting about 10 years ago, but when the periods stopped and I am going through meno, that all changed. Trouble is, all the withdrawing I did during peri comes back to haunt me now that I want someone around.
mood_swinger

Dear Mood Swinger,

No, I'm not on HRT. I tried Bioidenicals when my symptoms were unbearable but I was never able to get them balanced and it made everything worse! It just took time and finally about a year after my periods stopped, I started having more "good" days and finally I got back to normal. Now I have an occasional bad day but I would say most of my horrible symptoms are gone.

I've always enjoyed being alone too but I just couldn't tolerate it back then. I was so anxious and it was so hard to relax. It was like I was on "high alert" all the time. I couldn't even settle in and concentrate on reading books which I've always loved. I needed my husband to go everywhere with me. Now I'm fine with shopping alone and traveling....I really feel like my confidence it back.

I had insomnia which was very unusual for me since I could alway go right to sleep and be out for 8-9 hours. I would wake every hour or two with a pounding heart then give up at 4 or 5 am. Now I'm able to sleep just like I used to.

Hang in there, I'm sure things will improve.

DianaJJ

Dear 'mood-swinger'
This is a classic symptom that hits many women during this stage of our "Menopausal Careers !"It is almost like a feeling if someone stays with me nothing can touch or hurt me.This is a perfectly normal experience and yes it does get better by time.
I clearly remember being terrified to drive, and God Forbid a passenger.Could not use the elevator as I knew it would get stuck I would be too politely British to scream and my body would drop out days later when they finally pried the doors open

It is called Vulnerability as awareness of age comes to roost. and we face up to the fact that we are no longer invincible.
Tell your husband and a close friend how you feel and let them give you as much company as possible.
Then try a sort walk to the nearest shop.Just buy one thing and then go home.
Try to extend the journeys a little further each day or so and when you see that nothing is really going to happen,it won't
Be gentle on yourself

Warm Hugs
Elizabeth

Thank you, Elizabeth, for your kind replies to my posts. You are a big help to all the women on here like me who are in the midst of this menopause madness. I am going to do my very best to take a short drive today to Wal-Mart, very close to our house. I am hoping and praying that I can do it. (There are really no shops, etc. within walking distance.) I did drive by myself to church last night which is also close to our house and made it fine. Little by little, with all your help, I will get through this!!!! Believe me, I am trying. Thanks again and hope you are doing well today.
love and hugs,
mood_swinger

I feel for you, as I have also had to gear myself up for a short trip to the store, etc. It is overwhelming! But you can do it! It sure helps to hear of those women who get better over time, doesn't it? It gives us hope!
My mom, who passed away eleven years ago, would always tell me, "This, too, shall pass..." and I keep holding on to that.
My best to you today!

That's ok. sweetie
You will get through and we are all behind you.
I am sure you are trying very hard.
I am doing well.

Keep Posting
And don't keep anything inside

God Bless
Elizabeth

Wow! I was so glad to read your post Mood_Swinger. I too hate to be alone and it makes me sad and very depressed when I am left alone or not paid any attention. I never use to be like this. I was a single mom for over 15 years, and bought two homes on my own, was independent and happy with myself and didn't mind being alone. I started having feelings of loliness about 6-7 months ago, but it has gotten worse through the months and now it's almost intolerable. I am in perimenopause by the way. My poor husband has to hear me complain daily about how alone I am and that he does not give me any attention. Our lives are very busy since we both work fulltime, and all our kids are in sports. My husband is a travel softball league coach for my 13 year old step-daughters team. My 8 year old step-daughter also plays travel softball, and my 16 year old son plays soccer for his school and referees. Fortunetly, he can drive himself to his practices and for his referee job. We are constantly gone running the kids from one place to another. When we are home I put so much strain on my husband by demanding time of him. Whether it be cuddling and watching a movie on TV, talking or making love upstairs in bed. It's not that I do not love our kids, it's just lately I feel selfish and want to be first. I know, smack me now, lol He loves me so much but I am driving him nuts with all the demands I have been putting on him. When he doesn't give me attention or displays his love to me I get irritated and angry and shut down. I wind up going to bed crying. He will typically come up and then when I express my feelings he gets angry at me for not understanding that we have to put the children first. I fully understand that our children come first, but I cannot explain why I need him so much lately and why I am so dependent on him to satisfy my needs. It is almost scary that I have become so needy.

Is this what perimenopause does? How do you deal with these feelings? How do I stop being so demanding on my loving husband who just wants to take care of his family (including me)?

Maria

Dear Maria
Menopause is a very hard Task-maker and can make clinging irritable ladies out of the best of us.
So please do not be so hard on yourself.Maybe a few activities could be cut back on you and you and your husband could catch a movie and dinner every month or so.
This will allow calm time to explain to him what you are going through
This needy feeling comes because sub-consciously our minds make us believe we need to have someone with us to be safe.
Life is changing.Hormones are fluctuating so this is what happens
So stay strong
Know you have all your Power Sisters behind you who understand and care.
God Bless
Elizabeth.