I have two teen age daughter 17 and 14 and a son age 12. I am so hateful to them lately. I know they are not the easiest to get along with but I am their mother and am supposed to be their soft pillow to land on when the world is after them and instead I am the one that seems to cause them the most pain. The 14 year old and I can't hardly stand to be in the same room together. And I find myself with all of them being hateful so they will just go away and leave me alone because sometimes dealing with all of their drama is just too much. And the only time my husband seems to want to have anything to do with me anymore is when he is wanting sex and for some reason I just can't stand the thought of sex anymore. I thought it was because of the antidepressant that I was on but have since decreased my dosage of that and am now able to orgasm but I just don't want to. I just want to be left alone! What kind of mother and wife am I? I hate being like this.

((hugs)) I have felt and sometimes still feel like you do.

Maybe you should have a family pow wow and talk to them about all of this and lay down what your needs are through this difficult time.. they may be more understanding then your giving them credit for,, but if you dont explain it to them they just wander around not knowing whats "wrong" with mom.

I agree with the above. My husband and I had a heart to heart talk on Friday. He was feeling like I didn't appreciate or even love him anymore. I told him that I do and sorry I made him feel this way. I told him why I am the way I am and that I sincerely do not want to be this way. He has finally realized that when I am at my lowest that is when I need the most help not more strife. Please sit with your family and discuss how you are feeling.

Dear 'sunnylou'
You are a good mother going through a difficult and emotion stage of life.
I honestly feel no harm in sitting them all down with some ice-cream and explaining them how bad you have felt recently and are relying on their understanding and support.Kids are great at being helpful when they are spoken to.
Same goes for your husband.No harm in telling him you are going through a 'dry' stage and that it is nothing personal.

Please be gentle on yourself.Do not beat yourself up.
This feeling of wishing to be alone is very common at certain stages of women's lives.
Believe me,things will ease up.
Have walked your path along with all our wonderful Power Surge Sisters

Keep Posting
God Bless
Eliabeth

I agree with the others.Honesty is the best policy in peri.I told my kids,even the 8 year old, what was going on with me.I told them I was having problems with my hormones and that sometimes I would not be fun to be with.They were very understanding,and my hubby knows there will be times when I have no sex drive what so ever.Tell them you will need a little more help around the house.I bet they will surprise you and be great.GOD-bless

sunny,

I have a story that put it all in perspective for me, I'll call it: When Perimenopause Hit Me

It was just 4 years ago and I was out of town with the whole family celebrating my new sil's graduation from law school....I snapped at my sil when she showed up late and insisted we wait for her for dinner (who I love dearly), was a snappy little biotch to my fil and his wife while riding in the car to the after graduation party and the finale? I got soooooooooooooooooooooooo mad at my two sons who were being boys and picking each other while walking thorugh the quaint town my daughter and sil lived in I absolutely flipped out on them (never mind the particulars but suffice to to say it was u-g-l-y ....)

And the ride home (6 hours worth) was accomplished is absolutely silence by me and this from a woman who will be still talking about something 2 hours after I'm dead LOL (it's a long standing family joke I never stop talking)

I unraveled after that and was short, moody, unreasonable and ready to run away from my life in a NY minute...hubbie would tell me he was going to leave and frankly, I didn't give a damn.....nope, I would have packed his bags and lined him up with an apartment THEN sent the kids to live with him!!!!!!

Fast forward 4 years, a couple spent sharing my woes with others in here and I've gotten past that ugly period....

The funny part is, I've got a friend who is 4 years younger than me and we work together as well and she has been showing signs of the meno monster in the last year....I go home and tell my husband how bad she is getting and one day he said, "I remember a women I know who acted like that once.." and I asked him who and he smiled and said," You really don't realize how bad you got did you?"

Nope, I didn't. I just knew I hated everything and one in my path...well, hate is a bit harsh..how about "Tired of being the mother, wife, cook, laundry girl, taxi driver, housecleaner, nurse/doctor, etc etc etc...everyone LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!"

Yeah, that about covers it....

You are not alone nor are you crazy....

I hope this story makes you smile

Hugs,
Momz

Thanks momz and everyone else -

I am hopeful that I will get through this and still have my family love me on the other side. I do think it is some sick, cruel joke that god makes us go through this crap at the same time our teenagers are going through their crap. I don't see how anyone can survive this without being a little dysfunctional.

I know exactly how you feel!!!!

My hubby was after sex last night and as usual I found an excuse not to.Kids are off school and driving me MAD.He buggers off fishing and expects sex late at night when I am so tired.
Anyway,today I got my period {I,m perimenopausal} and decided to try and talk to hubby about my feelings of being alone and resentment that he doesnt spend enough quality time with me.....and maybe if he listened and just waited a bit longer {I am awaiting hormone tests} we could sort our sex life out.
We tried to talk,........ I tried to explain why I wasnt 'in the mood' last night by telling him a few things about the Menopause and he cut me off completely and asked what was for dinner....
I felt like putting my hands around his neck...
instead I ran upstairs and burst into uncontrollable tears
He later asked what was wrong with me and I said I had so much on my mind {in the hope he would want to comfort me...} he has just gone out the door,like he usually does when confronted with emotions
my daughters are upstairs screaming at each other,my house is a tip and I just want to go to bed.
My son is out and usually,as soon as he walks through the door,we argue...
Is every day like that for you too?

Honey.I have had days like this and am sure most of us ladies completely understand what you are going through.
As you are Prei-Menopausal the fluctuating Hormones can cause great stress and anxiety.
Unfortunately a lot of men do not get it
Why not print out some of the Posts here and let him read them
Also maybe you could try some Herbal Supplements,under your Doctor's guidance,that might help.
You could look into BHRT if you are interested in going that route.

Also try taking a short walk every day,keep caffeine to the minimum and avoid alcohol.All these are stimulants and can up the jitters.

Remember you are not alone
Come here often to share information
Warm Hugs
Forget the house.Get the girls to help out and try to get some rest

God Bless
Elizabeth

thank you so much Elizabeth
I have just tried talking to hubby again and I now feel like I want to leave him!!
GOD MEN ARE SO SELFISH!!!

Amen to that Sister!
Why do we all get mixed up with them!
Hugs
Elizabeth

You know I decided to log on here this morning. I have come to the conclusion that at 48 years old I am now having mood swings. I go from sadness to happy to crying to angry. My daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. For years I have always been the understanding mother but I think my husband and daughter are on my nerves. I am easily irritated and don't know why. My daughter's cell phne broke and you would think it was the end of the world. I don't know what's bipolar and what's just can't take things not going her way all the time. UGGGG. I just need to get away from everyone and everything. I am on the pill but I am still having these feelings and they are getting more intense lately. Sorry if I', rambling but like you I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE !

I'll joint this boat ride. I've been like that for a few years. I love my son dearly (9 yo) but for some reason after 20 years I just am not connected to my husband at all. No sex for one year and before that maybe only 2-3 times. Why? I just never felt like it. It hurt. I didn't feel anything. And I also have had many issues since I stopped working 6 years ago. My son also gets easily irritated and I just can't stand it either. I mostly want to be alone, reading about ways to get myself well, like these boards, my thyroid board and books. I sometimes think that I am mentally ill. I don't know. But I do think it's all hormonal and it seems on the rare occasions that I have 2-3 glasses of wine I feel great. Now I know why 40 years or so ago women drank a lot, probably when they got to this point. But I don't do that. I just try and be alone as much as possible. School starts next week, so I'll have my 6 hours to myself. My husband is very unhappy because I don't connect with him and he has no where to go because financially we can't afford two places.

For me, I feel like he could have been more supportive and caring to me when I started going downhill. But he always takes the opposite side to things and makes me feel stupid, so I just rather not even talk to him about anything. Mostly I get annoyed when I try to talk because he interrupts to get the talking over. Women need to vent and need a supportive husband to listen and give a hug and help out when they see you dragging your ass around in a bathrobe and feeling irritated. They know. They can see we are not the woman they once knew. So they should come over, hug us, and say, " I know you are having a bad time, what can I do? Go lie down, etc. etc. But, no, that never happens. So I'm so done and also JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!!!

I have been taking agnus castus for nearly a week now and am sure it is working.....
I dont feel half as depressed and have some extra energy,which I havent felt like in a few years at least...
can it work this quick??
if it lessens my period I will be elated