Once again my husband is in a sulk over our 19 year old daughter She'd had a nice day out with a friend but because she hadn't asked his permission all hell broke out!! Of course I was in the wrong because I let her out Of course started of about that but then turned into row bout other things said some nasty things but why does he not get it that she is a adult, it not even that he cares that much just his stupid control thing he's got!!! Men!!!!!!!!!!

It is hard for mommy and daddy to let go of children, but we do a great disservice by holding on to them. By 19, you have either raised your daughter to make good decisions or not. At 19 she should be responsible and mature. Many kids are on their own by this age.


She should also be preparing to move out of your nest and fly a bit. You really don't want your daughter to still be living at home when she is 35. LOL! If you have not started a hope-chest for her, now would be a great time. Start collecting items that she will need for her own apartment or home. This mentally gives them the idea that they will one day have their own home and are expected to Move Out. LOL!

There should be rules of your house, too. When older children live at home (even if they are 35...it is YOUR house), they should be required to "check in" with you....and call if they are going to be out late. You do have the right to know where they are and who they are with. This is for their safety and your sanity. You should establish a curfew (flexible) so your household and schedules are not interupted. This is common courtesy.

As for it turning into a row, perhaps you could set some ground rules for fair fighting? Past is past and should not be discussed during a fight.

Best wishes,
Shebee

While I do agree there has to be a certain level of respect among all if you are all adults I don't tend to agree that you have the right to know where they are at all times (sorry Shebee, it's just my opinion). These are some very very tough financial times and I am finding a lot of kids can't afford to move out on their own and actually see some moving back home because they can't afford to live on their own! I do not think your daughter had any obligation to tell her father she was leaving. It would be nice and considerate if she did so he would not worry but she has no obligation. Ground rules like being in for the night by midnight or whatever time seems fitting and if they are not back by then they are gone for the night. Your house does not have revolving doors and should be respected as such. It sounds to me like your husband and daughter are having a power struggle. My husband and 18 year old son still living at home are doing the same thing. It is NOT easy, I will tell you that! Right after he turned 18 he started this cocky "I can live my life on my means (yet at mom's expense..hmmmm ), talk any way I want and do what I want." Whoa, let's put on some reins here. One this is MY house and adult or not you WILL respect that. Two, you will get the exact same level of respect I get from you (did this for the next week and he attitude improved DRAMATICALLY!) Three, while you ARE an adult now that does not make me your "buddy". I am mom and dad is dad and it will always be that way so there will be no less disrespect allowed than when you were 12 and trust me I can still whip your ass if I feel the need to! (eyeballs got wide at this point and we were in a heated conversation and he soooooo studily actaully informed me I could go to jail...hahahahaha! I looked him square in the eyes and all I said VEERY QUIETLY was "bring it on". Nothing, nope, nada. I think I scared the crap out of him! Suddenly I am standing alone, conversation is over and things are MUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHH better now! LOL! I do now the best thing I ever did for my son was learn to stay out of his power struggles with other people. THEY are adults let them handle it!

Sorry and I feel for you. DH & DD is constantly butting heads!!!

I am pretty sure as Dads they want what is best and the letting go is hard.

good luck.

It is a power struggle And I know I shouldn't bring things up from the past but I get so mad at him
She had told me where she was going and he was at work anyway!

Ladybugs, I love your opinions. At least you have one! LOL!

As for knowing where they or at least what their plans are, I need this for my sanity! I suppose that I am somewhat parinoid. Not long ago a girl was kidnapped in daylight with other people aroundShe was in a parking lot and killed.
Even if my mother lived with me, I would want to know where she was going. LOL!


Ladybugs, you are so funny I could just see your son's eyes widen with disbelief. LOL! I had a similar experience.

Shebee

ask him what he is afraid of ? we are all driven by fear ,, he definately is afraid of something he isnt talking about ,, that she has grown up, that hes loosing her,, etc etc. you get it .

We are going to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with our son (18yr) next month. He seems to want to come home whenever he thinks