Hi ladies:

I don't even know where to start with this. I feel so angry, I don't really know why. I get up and I've only slept 5.5 hrs I'm furious. I have to dry my hair, I've furious. I have to give my dog her insulin shot, I've had it. I hate everything, I hate everyone including myself. I've started cutting people out of life. I can't tolerate their toxic selves. I can't tolerate anyone who is selfish, Oh my I just want to get them away from me. I think alot of this anger is about selfishness. Alot of the people in my life I've noticed are very narcissist. Its all about them. I'm 46 yrs old and i"ve spent my entire life taking care of everyone from the time I was 9, and i have to tell you I can't do it anymore.

If I may so honest, I've been very mad since Mothers day, it was awful. I have grown kids that still live in my house and I couldn't believe that they and my husband did nothing for me on that day. Oh I got 3 cards, but that was it. I cooked them dinner, I cleaned it up and they offered not even to help. I know this sounds very selfish on my part, but I make sure every one of thier days like bithdays, christmas, fathers day are all special. I agonise over gifts, parties so I know they feel special. So on mothes day, it was my final straw as they say. I haven't wanted anything to do with any part of them since. I don't want to cook, clean, talk, interact, help them in any way. I so very upset and hurt I just don't know what to do with myself. These people are adults, they know how to treat others, but thier mother is a whole other story. I've been there for them in everything, helped with it all, taken care of bills for them, rehad for one, I let them live in my home and I get nothing. I so mad, Im so hurt I don't know what to do. I'm now starting to see no respect from them. I've even told my husband I'm considering moveing out and being on my own.

I feel like with all the other things going on in my life, this stress and these hormones are making it all worse. I can't seem to get it straight. I think sometimes its just me, I accepect to much. I'm sorry to sound so selfish, but this is the only place I can be open and you all are the only ones who've supported me. I thank you so much for letting me vent and listening.

Hugs
Patty

((hugs Patty))

As wives & mothers we do seem to be taken for granted and it's not right. WE are not Keepers of the Universe!!
Take time for you and let your family pick up the slack from time to time.

Be strong!

Well, personally I think you have every right to feel mad about Mother's day. I was in your position a few years ago and I finally stopped over doing things for others. I'm not saying making the kids or your husband feel special on birthdays is over doing it but if they don't reciprocate then you probably need to do under others as they do unto you!

By the way making dinner on Mother's day and cleaning up as well is just SO wrong! Why are you paying their bills.. etc.?
Time to treat yourself to things that make you happy on a regular basis. We were never meant to be selfless.
And NO your i no way selfish!

You have every right to be angry. With this whole peri thing, it's already hard not to be angry and every little thing (for me anyway) but making dinner and cleaning it all up on Mother's Day...that would put me over the edge! Instead of keeping it in and letting it get to you, let go and start doing things that bring YOU joy. You deserve it. You are done raising your family. They need to start fending for themselves even if they do live with you. They are old enough to make dinner once in awhile, clean up the kitchen etc. Take time for you and make yourself happy again.

And like you did today, whenever you are at your wits end...you know you can come on this board and you'll have people on your side.

Hope things get better for you soon!

if I were you I would put my foot down.Is this your home?Then I would tell my adult children they needed to help out around the house or move out on their own.They are not little kids anymore and should start being responsible.I am so sorry you got treated that way on mothers day.It was not right and you should sit your hubby down and tell him how you feel.Tell him that he could cook or buy takeout every once in a while and then he and the kids should clean up.I hope you get some respect!GOD-bless

Fried:

I love your name, that fits to a t. Thanks for the support and ur right.....we are NOT the keepers of the universe. I'm thinking I may have a shirt made that says exactly that.

Hugs back at ya
Patty

Jalyn:

I thought about doing exactly what you said, not being so dotting on them on thier special days. I'm sure they would question where has mom gone, who has abducted her.

I think I may have said it wrong when I said I pay thier bills, I didnt mean literally all thier bills. I tried to help when they where out of work and would help them. But of course since mothers day, I've change my mind about that, and when have been asked for help with money matters, I've declined and said well get your priorities straight. Sounds mean I know, but hey I need help sometimes also.

Thanks for listening and ur support it greatly appreciated.

Hugs,
Patty

Jae

I know what you mean when you say, it hard not to be angry about every little thing. I know I seem to be. I did speak to my husband about it and he said well like you said, Its mothers day and your not my mother. Well I thought he's right about that, but come fathers day I hope he remebers what he said. I've started doing less for them at home and more for me. Of course now that has turned into "your so negative". Funny how when we do as they have been, we are the bitch. Oh well they'll get used to it.

Thanks for the support and your right I do have a place to come for help, everyone here is so wonderful.

Hugs,
Patty

Hi Patty,

I so can relate! Next year for Mothers Day I think you just need to lay off making any meals for the family ect........ and plan on doing something nice for yourself that day. Anyone asks wheres the meals ect.........inform them that its MOTHERS DAY!!!! Your day off, your day to enjoy yourself for all you have done for your kids. Oh sometimes you know they just don't get it unless you change your tune. So easy to get in rut after so many years of doing for others out of daily routine, habit , you get taken for granted. One year my youngest son who was grown did not remember me on my birthday o.k I was ticked so when his came around mom did not remember, needless to say he doesn't forget anymore. I don't know how old your kids are but you said they were grown and living with you, that in itself is not easy when you are having perimenopause symptoms. I also have a grown son that is living at home at the moment, even when they are helping out it really puts a damper on things. When you wrote that you were feeling so furious this morning I knew what you were talking about and how it feels, anyway I do hope that you are feeling better this morning and that the day will be better for you. Guess its just stuff to deal with, finding way's that may help us get through it the best. Not easy to say the least.

Hello Everybody

I am new to this site. I have been reading everything for days now trying to find some relief for sleepless nights because of hot flashes. I can't believe I am finally entering in on a conversation because of Mothers Day, but it hit a nerve. I too have been mad since Mothers Day. None of my grown up kids nor my husband did a thing for me on Mothers Day let alone say Happy Mother's Day. I finally got mad, probably due to the hormones and not getting enough sleep, and told them all how I felt. My husband once said to me too that I was not his mother. Well guess what ladies, he made me a mother now didn't he and I spent a lifetime raising his kids!!! (Our's) All my life I have doted on my family, took care of all their needs. This is suppose to be the best years of my life well it hasn't been. The menopause is unbearable. If I could only get some sleep. Now at the ripe old age of 59, and the periods are finally gone we are hit with this menopause. I am furious that there is no relief out there for it. They have damn Viagra for men!!!! Why the @%#& do they need Viagra when the woman is going through menopause and has no libido left. Who are they going to have sex with!!!! If MAN was smart he would find a cure for a womens menopause symptoms, get their libido going and everybody would be happy. Viagra, what a stupid stupid drug. I can see it for a younger man having problems but if you watch the ads on TV its nothing but older men. Its infuriating. Find something that will relieve menopause!

There I got that off my chest. Now let me tell you a little about myself. If am 59 going on 159. Can't remember how long I was in perimenopause but have been in menopause for about 2 1/2 years. I took HRT for two years. I gained 40lbs in the first two months. Real nice, it was my daughters wedding. My dress was made out of stretchy fabric, I looked like a whale. Wish I could say I have gotten over it but I haven't, I have pictures to remind me. Anyway, I went to five doctors. All blamed me that I was either eating too much and not exercising enough. Well that was all bull because I was dieting and exercising like crazy because of my daughters wedding. Then bang 40lbs in two months and the weight all went around my middle. I have always had a small waist, now I look like a barrel. I get furious when someone blames me for my eating habits or exercise habit. Its nice to blame the woman isn't it and not blame HRT or hormones. I also have a mother who never went through menopause. She breezed through it with no symptoms, so she has no sympathy either. As a matter of fact I get, take a pill and get over it.

I do have some questions for you ladies though. Is it true if you go on HRT that no matter how long you go on it you are only prolonging the process. That when you go off of it you have to go through the menopause symptoms anyway. Does the libido ever come back. Has anybody found anything to help you sleep beside prescription sleeping pills. I heard they were additive and I want something natural. I bought this stuff called Macafem. If you read up on it, it sounds so promising. Has anybody heard of it. I am on my second bottle. Doubled the dose and I still feel no relief.

Best Years???

AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!!!!!!!!

((((((((Patty)))))))))))))

I could have written this post with no problem. I hate it so much that anyone else feels like I do. I do not believe that you are being selfish - I do not think you expect too much. But mothers seem to be easily taken for granted. I have busted my butt for for others in my family for a long time but........

anyway, I did not mean to spill my beans but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and you have every right to feel as you do if you dont like it.

Jeaninne

Dear Patty,

I, too, could've written your post. I am so sorry you're going through that pain. Reading

the anger (and the very justified source of it!) coming loud and clear--"-who ARE these

people? Have pod people taken over the bodies of my family? How can they miss

the chance to share with me some of the loving kindness I've showered on them over the years?"


I wish there was an easy answer. Some of the board members will recall that I retired--

from the kitchen--several weeks ago. It is working. No one has been missing dinner,

the meals have been completely edible and somewhat nutritious, and I am a

LOT less angry.


Sending you a big hug and lots of Meno-sisterly thoughts

Jan

I know how you feel. I am not a wife/mom and have not spent years taking care of everyone but myself. However, I recently came to the revelation that almost all of the people closest to me are very much as you describe - ALL ABOUT ME, ALL THE TIME. I feel like I am not really a participant in a conversation anymore, just someone for others to talk about themselves to. I attribute this to being a middle-aged, slightly overweight woman in a culture where youth and beauty are more highly valued than wisdom, compassion, or other positive qualities. Once you are menopausal, you become "invisible" in the world.

I know how you feel. Same thing happened to me on mothers day. I invited them ovet for dinner and cleaned up after . No one helped. No one with the exception of my 11 year old got me anything.

Pattyfl, ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) to you. You have a right to be angry. It does seem to be a very "all about me" world these days. Everywhere I turn theres self-absorbed people. Like you patty, I was taught from an early age(13) by my mother that my role is to be caretaker to everyone. Its a trait that seems to stay with us and no matter how hard I try I'm always feeling guilt.

On mothers day you deserved to be treated like a Queen . Its hard to break old habits of taking care of everyones needs. I have not yet learned to love myself as much as I care about others.


Add menopause to the mix of emotions then we suddenly start to resent all these "me, me, me" people. I'm 55 and thru all the reading and collecting info on how to love ones self, I'm still struggling. Some days I just go in the woods or work in my flowers and say "to heck with it all"

Bless your heart Patty and know that I care about you


Love, Fin

P.S...... Best Years, my mom also told me "just go get some pills" no hugs no support. She says she never went thru menopause..