Hi Ladies! I have been reading this site since February and although I've never posted until now, it has been a reassurance time and time again! I'm posting today because I got the strangest thought. I remember when I was about 12 years old and hearing about menstruation for the first time. I thought to myself "Ewww...I do not want to start my period!" And now here I am, 45 years old, and every month I am so glad to see my monthly visitor! Believe it or not, I am sad to that in just a few years, I will no longer have my periods. Is that strange?

Aside from that, I will not miss and do not look forward to other perimeno symptoms. Recently, I've been experiencing some derealization but not too bad. For example, I've been waking up the past few mornings forgetting what day it is! Also, anxiety causes me to have the worst thoughts about being ill an dying. But reading all the posts on here has kept me calm about all this, amazingly enough. So thank you all for posting your experiences on here for all of us to share.

Dear' Jaemama'
Welcome to the site and I hope you will post often.
Actually,it does make sense when you say that you might miss your periods because when they stop it is accepting an entirely new phase of your life and 'mourning' the old one.

You sound a very positive person so I hope your journey through Menopause will be smooth.

All the Best
Elizabeth
P.S. Am always forgetting what day it is and telephone number forget it!

Hi Jaemama,

Welcome! I am so glad you decided to send your first post

I had the exact same feeling when I was a child! I remember thinking I so did NOT want to start my period. I heard all my girl cousins talking about it and me thinking, no way, Im not goint to go through THAT! It seemed like such a violation of my childhood and my carefree way of life. I thought No.. I dont want to become some grown up "lady" with a period....can you believe that? LOL. Now, at 40, and in the middle of what I believe is soon to the "end" I am mourning this loss more than you can imagine. So, no, it's not a weird thought at all.

Aside from dealing with multiple mental/emotional/physical symptoms that perimenopause has wrought, many of which have recently debilitated me and robbed me of what should have been the happiest time of my life.....its also the psychological grief I am dealing with as I am forced to leave behind something that is so much a partof me. I have had mild peri symptoms since I was about 37, though I didnt recognize them at the time because my periods seemed completely normal (same length, same flow, same everything since I started)and my sex drive was in over time. But over the last year as multiple symptoms creeped in things became harder and harder to ignore. When 6 months ago I started being hit with hot flashes and non-stop panic attacks, that is when I became desperate for answers and started researching which led me to this wonderful site.

The past 5 months, my cycle has become lighter and lighter, even skipping a month or 2 until I am now barely cycling at all, just more of spotting as it feels things are winding down to the end. Last month was the first time I ever experienced vaginal dryness, a complete and utter loss of sex drive, I did not ovulate and did not experience the normal sensation of dischharge that I used to get during that time. Everything down there feels like it is closing shop...slowly but surely and its a loss like I can't describe. It has affected me so emotionally and I thought I might be the only one who felt that way. Its such a strange feeling to know that something that has been a part of me since I was a young girl, and has in some way, helped to define my sense of womanhood, is leaving us never to be experienced again. Now I think back to that time as a child when I dreaded the thought of leaving one phase of life and entering another and I cant believe the poignancy of it all....Maybe its because I am only 40 and so many women I know of were/are still cycling well into their 50's, maybe its because I never had the chance to have a baby and so many of my women friends had their first child in their early or mid-40s. I dont know. Its just such an emptiness, a feeling of dysfunction, a feeling of self loss on so many levels. Like I will no longer belong to that part of the world anymore. I look in the mirror and I still look young, though I no longer feel it. I wonder what happened? I was told I was on the verge of premature ovarian failure. At 40??? It just doesnt make sense to me. I started menstruating when I was 14....i thought the theory was the later you started the later you stopped. I keep thinking if ony this happened just a few years later I would have been more ready, I would have....I am tortured with why now? why now? I was in the middle of planning my (first) wedding, my new career, renovating a new apartment, a new circle of friends, I was in the middle of "life".

Anyway, please keep posting and know that you are far from alone on this journey....if you havent figured that out already

Please keep in touch..... I would love to hear how you are doing.

Love & Hugs....
Dee

I'm going to miss having my periods too when they end. I'm 47 and still in peri. They were always non problematic and on time every month. Seemed like a normal event for so very long and wil be strange to not experience anymore. So, no I don't think its strange to miss having a period.

Dollie I noticed that you posted about not having children due to POF. An infertility dr can help in this regard if you want to still have children. A women can be fully menopausal and still undergo IVF (using donor egg and SO sperm). This is allowed up until the age of 50 yo here in the US. I know that you're dealing with alot currently but wanted you to know that some things are still possible. Best wishes, JZZ

I love this site and all the ladies here! Thanks everyone that replied to my post. Perimenopause is indeed a journey. I had my youngest child 3 years ago at the age of 42. A year later, my dear Mom passed away suddenly. After her death, I was grieving so bad and had many physical symptoms. I chocked them up to stress and grief but looking back, that was probably the start of peri symptoms. Since then it hasn't been too bad. I don't have the classic symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats etc. I did skip a month back in Feb but have had a period every month since then. I feel like my headaches have increased. I had a CT done etc and everything is ok in my head...physically anyway! hehe Emotionally, there are times were I feel this awful not rage but anger. Like I have no patience but I try very hard because I don't want to freak my family out. Have experienced mild DR like when I volunteer at a bingo hall. I'll look around and just feel like everything is so unreal. Like I'm watching a movie instead of actually being there. With my libido, well my dear hubby is 10 years younger than me so even when I'm not "in the mood" I give in to him and eventually get into it and still enjoy being with him.

Since I've been on this site and getting alot of reassurance, I've learned that attitude has alot to do with how we get through this journey, this phase in our lives. Do any post-meno sisters have any positive experiences they can share?

God bless us all!