Hi Ladies,

I'm having such a strange day today. As some of you may know, I've been having horrible symptoms since October, that may be peri related but may also be due to lyme disease. After so many months of feeling this way, I don't know how much more I can take of feeling so mentally ill and messed up. I'm a single mother of a teenage boy who really needs me, but I feel like I've been useless. I also found out about a week ago that I'm losing the job that I worked so hard to get and loved so much. I suppose I should be happy that I'm not being fired outright, but I'm being demoted to a very part time position because they feel I just haven't been able to handle working. (I work at a school in a special ed classroom as an assistant,)

Anyway, when it comes down to it I'm doing a bit better than I was a few months ago, but I'm still freaking out about why I feel so strange all the time. (Depersonalization and derealization were the worst of my symptoms). Today I've been having hot flashes all day long and, while I can't exactly say that I feel the DR or even the DP as intensely as I have, I still have a "dark cloud hanging over me" sensation that I can't shake. I'm really freaked out that I'm not in any shape to find a new job and I can't afford my health care, let alone putting food on the table.

I've been trying to keep busy as much as possible and even managed to get out to a few different stores to get some much needed supplies. While I got a lot done, I have the disturbing feeling that I'm stuck deep inside my mind looking out and somehow can't connect to the world around me. I ran into some neighbors earlier and tried to force myself to have normal conversations with them, but felt so frustrated afterward. Although they probably didn't notice anything unusual, I feel like I'm a "talking head", not connected to my body or my "self". It is so frightening, because somehow if feels like I'm just going to fade away or, or like I just don't even really exist at all???

I really need help and support. Please tell me this is "normal" for menopause and that I will get better. I just posted in another thread about what a great night I had Friday, but then I've been sick and depressed ever since then. I don't know how much more I can take of feeling mentally and physically ill like this without having any idea how long this will last or if it will ever really completely go away. I'm scared, lonely, broke and can't stop wondering what the HECK happened to my brain (although my doctors insist that there is nothing "serious" wrong with me, other than the lyme and anemia, that is, sigh...)

Please tell me you understand and help me figure out how to get through this. I had my hormones tested and my doctor says I don't need BHRT right now. I also tried an AD (Celexa) and it was horrible, I literally started hearing voices that made me want to just die, so now I'm afraid to try other medication.

Help??? Please!!!!

Do you have family that lives close that can help you ? How old is your son ? Will you loose your health insurance ? Can you get assistance from tha state ?
I too have had times when I thought I was going to lose it. They put me on loranzapam and I use it when needed. It helped me through some hard times. These medicines sometime make you feel strange at first. menopause is a very difficult time in our lives and it seems as it will never get better, but it does, hang in there and stay on this site for help.
Praying for you and all the ladies on this site to get to the other side of hormone hell.
Glenda

Hi Glenda,

Thank you for your response. My son is 13 and we live with my elderly mother. Other than that I don't really have anyone that lives close who can help. And my mother, who's 88 thinks I'm making this stuff up so as not to take care of her, which adds significantly to the stress. I just can't handle that she's so depressed too and depending on me to help her.

I'm not losing my health insurance as I will continue to get COBRA at the group rate. However, it doesn't really help me much right now, because the HMO plan I have won't accept the lyme diagnosis and I'm seeing a private lyme specialist who's pretty expensive. As far as state assistance, I don't know. I've been too overwhelmed, but need to look into it.

Thanks again.

Cindy

((((BIG HUGS)))) i have walked a million miles in your shoes....and there is light at the end of the tunnel,things do get better.This can all be so frightening and challenging...

cross:

I cannot and will not say I know what you are going through. I will say that the DP and DR are difficult for me and I have days like that. I feel like I should be able to unzip my skin and it would feel better.

I agree that you should investigate what your state agencies can help you with to at least take some of the financial burden off of you. Please dont be afraid to try another medication to help you. The same one does not work for everyone.

Your mom is probably scared so try to be patient with her. Although if she is like my mom, I would be wrong.

I hope that you find relief quickly.
Hugs to you,
jeaninne

StitchNanny -

I have to say I totally agree with everything Jeaninne says here.
My husband got Lyme Disease and he responded well to a antibiotic that would make me so sick.


I too hope you find relief, some answers and some comfort soon.,
HUGS,
MaryBeth

I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Yes, many of us have been there, it is not easy, not fun. I started with bcp;s and xanax in between and starting feeling like myself again. It is a rough road and the whole work thing and your mom, AND and teenage son, makes it all very very hard. Keep asking what can be done, keep reading here and talking to your doctor to find something that will work for you.

I hope today is better.