Hi, it's Dee again and I am having a very hard time right now and just needed some encouragement to get me through.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
Full Version: Trapped in a bad place
Ah, Dee, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just know you're not alone, and you're not losing your mind. I've been going through very similar experiences the past two months. Yes, this is SCARY, the scariest thing I've ever been through. When I started feeling like you are, I hadn't been feeling well and my stress level was high. Medical concerns can send stress levels through the roof, and having patients wait a week or two for test results is a rather inhumane practice. I think that's what put me over the "cliff."
Your "altered state" is most likely caused from the chemistry of anxiety, which is a vicious cycle once it gets started. Simply put, stress hormones put your brain in a different mode (lower brain, fight or flight), and it's difficult (often physically impossible) to access higher level cognitive skills (cerebrum). In my readings, I have found that menopause's lacking hormones create an imbalance in the lower brain anyway. I am an educator and have spent many years studying brain function, which helped me identify what was happening with myself and motivated me to try some techniques that have been helpful such as BWE (Brainwave Entrainment) and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, http://emofree.com/newcomer.htm).
FYI: I am also using natural supplements, and I think magnesium has been especially helpful. I was on a low dose of Premarin (0.3 mg.) for hot flashes but have had to discontinue it because my MRI showed I'd been having TIA's (which information, of course, triggered more anxiety... for Pete's sake!). I'm also taking a low dose (20-30 mg./day) of Propranolol (a beta blocker) to help with heart palpitations and tremors (talk about anxiety!). This med affects / helps regulate the autonomic nervous system (lower brain), and a great side effect is that it also lessens anxiety (adrenergic surges).
I know these feelings are terrifying, but they're only chemical. You are still YOU! May I suggest a meditative or EFT exercise in looking forward (how you want to be) instead of back (how you used to be) and see if that helps you. Hang in there. May God bless us as we seek courage and balance.
A heartfelt hug,
JC
Your "altered state" is most likely caused from the chemistry of anxiety, which is a vicious cycle once it gets started. Simply put, stress hormones put your brain in a different mode (lower brain, fight or flight), and it's difficult (often physically impossible) to access higher level cognitive skills (cerebrum). In my readings, I have found that menopause's lacking hormones create an imbalance in the lower brain anyway. I am an educator and have spent many years studying brain function, which helped me identify what was happening with myself and motivated me to try some techniques that have been helpful such as BWE (Brainwave Entrainment) and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, http://emofree.com/newcomer.htm).
FYI: I am also using natural supplements, and I think magnesium has been especially helpful. I was on a low dose of Premarin (0.3 mg.) for hot flashes but have had to discontinue it because my MRI showed I'd been having TIA's (which information, of course, triggered more anxiety... for Pete's sake!). I'm also taking a low dose (20-30 mg./day) of Propranolol (a beta blocker) to help with heart palpitations and tremors (talk about anxiety!). This med affects / helps regulate the autonomic nervous system (lower brain), and a great side effect is that it also lessens anxiety (adrenergic surges).
I know these feelings are terrifying, but they're only chemical. You are still YOU! May I suggest a meditative or EFT exercise in looking forward (how you want to be) instead of back (how you used to be) and see if that helps you. Hang in there. May God bless us as we seek courage and balance.
A heartfelt hug,
JC
WOW What a fantastic reply Solatido. I wish you lived next door to me or was my sister, you just took the scary bits out there for me anyway,what a great explanation.
I hope this helped you also DD
Thankyou Solatido
I hope this helped you also DD
Thankyou Solatido
QUOTE (kath S @ May 19 2009, 02:21 PM) 
WOW What a fantastic reply Solatido. I wish you lived next door to me or was my sister, you just took the scary bits out there for me anyway,what a great explanation.
I hope this helped you also DD
Thankyou Solatido
I hope this helped you also DD
Thankyou Solatido
Yes, thank you SO much Solatido....I just needed to hear that. Everything you said. I know its chemical, its NOT me.....but isnt it so crazy how a chemical in our body can make or break us? At times the past few months I have literally felt like Ive been poisoned. But I know it is just my hormones. I am waiting for my results but I know I need to balance myself out. I just dont know who to go to to help me do it.
Please tell me what type of magnesium you are taking? And if you have further info regarding the positive brain techniques? I have never heard of that before.
Thank you both for responding to my plea!!!
Dee
I'm happy to think I might help someone with my post. After all, this site has certainly been helpful to me!
In response to your questions, I've been using Ionic-Fizz - Magnesium Plus, which is a powder I just add to my water bottle. It includes additional minerals and it's in a form that's easily absorbed. Be sure you're drinking 64 ounces of water per day so your body (thus mind) can cleanse. If you don't use this brand, be sure to use magnesium citrate because the ascorbic acid helps you absord the minerals. Exercising or going for a walk or run, depending on your fitness level, can help by using some of the unnecessary adrenaline in your body. Do it even if you really don't feel that you can. I'm finding that my corticosteroid level seems to be higher in the morning, so if I go for a walk early, I seem to have a better day anxiety-wise. Hope this helps.
You can learn more about EFT by clicking on this link: http://www.emofree.com/default3img_wip.aspx Yes, it's different, but try it for a few days... Create your own reality and positive thoughts of the future. You may be pleasantly surprised. Brainwave Entrainment is a scientifically-based form of mediation which synchronizes brainwaves using sound (and light). You can research it online and purchase CDs. If you're into this type of research, you can even purchase a computer program that will allow you to create your own recordings (Neuro Programmer 2). I will send you a sound file to try, DD.
In the meantime, take care and remember you're not alone.
JC
In response to your questions, I've been using Ionic-Fizz - Magnesium Plus, which is a powder I just add to my water bottle. It includes additional minerals and it's in a form that's easily absorbed. Be sure you're drinking 64 ounces of water per day so your body (thus mind) can cleanse. If you don't use this brand, be sure to use magnesium citrate because the ascorbic acid helps you absord the minerals. Exercising or going for a walk or run, depending on your fitness level, can help by using some of the unnecessary adrenaline in your body. Do it even if you really don't feel that you can. I'm finding that my corticosteroid level seems to be higher in the morning, so if I go for a walk early, I seem to have a better day anxiety-wise. Hope this helps.
You can learn more about EFT by clicking on this link: http://www.emofree.com/default3img_wip.aspx Yes, it's different, but try it for a few days... Create your own reality and positive thoughts of the future. You may be pleasantly surprised. Brainwave Entrainment is a scientifically-based form of mediation which synchronizes brainwaves using sound (and light). You can research it online and purchase CDs. If you're into this type of research, you can even purchase a computer program that will allow you to create your own recordings (Neuro Programmer 2). I will send you a sound file to try, DD.
In the meantime, take care and remember you're not alone.
JC
QUOTE (DollieDee @ May 19 2009, 09:56 AM)
Hi, it's Dee again and I am having a very hard time right now and just needed some encouragement to get me through.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
Dee,
You are not alone. Your post describes me to the tee. It is so scary and unlike ANYTHING I have ever experienced in my life. I just do not understand this and I will be so glad for it to please go away. So yes I understand completely. Peri/meno changed me into a scared little girl. I used to be a strong independent woman going and doing all the time. What you have described is the hardest part of all of this. I can take a few hot flashes and even dryness, etc., but when it comes to this discoloring of our perception and making everything "look" so weird and us feeling "detached", it is truly a nightmare. Believe me, Dee, I understand because I am right there with you on this stuff.
I just replied to mood swinger also on this same thing....
And yes, Solatido...I too recommend EFT to many people on here....although i don't think i have fully mastered it myself yet!!!
I hear all what you are saying Dee.....I feel everything you feel...or have felt.
One good note from me though......I AM getting better. So a little hope for you!
Caz
And yes, Solatido...I too recommend EFT to many people on here....although i don't think i have fully mastered it myself yet!!!
I hear all what you are saying Dee.....I feel everything you feel...or have felt.
One good note from me though......I AM getting better. So a little hope for you!
Caz
QUOTE (mood_swinger @ May 19 2009, 06:28 PM)
Dee,
You are not alone. Your post describes me to the tee. It is so scary and unlike ANYTHING I have ever experienced in my life. I just do not understand this and I will be so glad for it to please go away. So yes I understand completely. Peri/meno changed me into a scared little girl. I used to be a strong independent woman going and doing all the time. What you have described is the hardest part of all of this. I can take a few hot flashes and even dryness, etc., but when it comes to this discoloring of our perception and making everything "look" so weird and us feeling "detached", it is truly a nightmare. Believe me, Dee, I understand because I am right there with you on this stuff.
You are not alone. Your post describes me to the tee. It is so scary and unlike ANYTHING I have ever experienced in my life. I just do not understand this and I will be so glad for it to please go away. So yes I understand completely. Peri/meno changed me into a scared little girl. I used to be a strong independent woman going and doing all the time. What you have described is the hardest part of all of this. I can take a few hot flashes and even dryness, etc., but when it comes to this discoloring of our perception and making everything "look" so weird and us feeling "detached", it is truly a nightmare. Believe me, Dee, I understand because I am right there with you on this stuff.
Thank you so much for writing in response to my post. I have been going through such a difficult and scary time. I am so sorry that you know how this feels even though it helps so much to know that someone else knows the horror of it. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I, too, used to be an independent incredible woman. Oh my God, if you could have known me! I was so happy and bubbly and on top of the world. I just met a man last year and we fell deeply in love, it was the best time of my life. Then sometime last winter after going through alot of very stressful events I noticed I skiped a period and then everything started happening, all the peri symptoms hit me at once, but it wasnt until last month during my period when the world slipped away from me and I felt almost psychotic. I remember being on my knees begging to God to help me and I thought I was going to end up in a mental hospital. Somehow I made it through and now Im approaching another period and its all intensifying. I dont know if I can go through this again.
I am only 40 and I not only didnt I ever think Id be going through this now, but I never imagined that menopause meant going through unspeakable mental and emotional disintegration. Like you, I could have taken the hot flashes and whatever else physical changes I might have gone through.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you....please let me know if you ever need someone to lean on or talk to, and I will be here. The only thing that has helped me this far is knowing that there are people out there who are feeling for me and who I can help in return.
love and hugs,
Dee
(((((((((Dee)))))))))))))
I wish had some words of wisdom to say to you that would make you feel better instantly. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been feeling this way too and want so much to wake up one morning and feel like I did when I woke up 11 years ago. You know what I mean. I am not sure what normal is but I am pretty sure this is not it.
I have been complaining lately that it was unfair that no one warned us about all this. I am beginning to think they did not warn us because they did not know how to describe what we were going to experience.
I will say this, I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
Hugs to you,
Jeaninne
I wish had some words of wisdom to say to you that would make you feel better instantly. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been feeling this way too and want so much to wake up one morning and feel like I did when I woke up 11 years ago. You know what I mean. I am not sure what normal is but I am pretty sure this is not it.
I have been complaining lately that it was unfair that no one warned us about all this. I am beginning to think they did not warn us because they did not know how to describe what we were going to experience.
I will say this, I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
Hugs to you,
Jeaninne
QUOTE (DollieDee @ May 19 2009, 08:23 PM)
Thank you so much for writing in response to my post. I have been going through such a difficult and scary time. I am so sorry that you know how this feels even though it helps so much to know that someone else knows the horror of it. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I, too, used to be an independent incredible woman. Oh my God, if you could have known me! I was so happy and bubbly and on top of the world. I just met a man last year and we fell deeply in love, it was the best time of my life. Then sometime last winter after going through alot of very stressful events I noticed I skiped a period and then everything started happening, all the peri symptoms hit me at once, but it wasnt until last month during my period when the world slipped away from me and I felt almost psychotic. I remember being on my knees begging to God to help me and I thought I was going to end up in a mental hospital. Somehow I made it through and now Im approaching another period and its all intensifying. I dont know if I can go through this again.
I am only 40 and I not only didnt I ever think Id be going through this now, but I never imagined that menopause meant going through unspeakable mental and emotional disintegration. Like you, I could have taken the hot flashes and whatever else physical changes I might have gone through.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you....please let me know if you ever need someone to lean on or talk to, and I will be here. The only thing that has helped me this far is knowing that there are people out there who are feeling for me and who I can help in return.
love and hugs,
Dee
Dear Dee, I have been going through the exact same thing. I called my best friend from work the other day sobbing and asking her if it was possible if I was losing my mind. I have always had anxiety but this was something far far worse. I have been trying different supplements and had a few stressful events and not slept at all. I'm not sure if this is what threw me over the edge or not. Can I ask you if you've started any new supplements. Let us know how you're feeling. My heart goes out to you as well as to myself. I don't know how much more I can take of this>I am only 40 and I not only didnt I ever think Id be going through this now, but I never imagined that menopause meant going through unspeakable mental and emotional disintegration. Like you, I could have taken the hot flashes and whatever else physical changes I might have gone through.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you....please let me know if you ever need someone to lean on or talk to, and I will be here. The only thing that has helped me this far is knowing that there are people out there who are feeling for me and who I can help in return.
love and hugs,
Dee
Dollie,
I feel quite certain you are experiencing depression.. Have you spoken with your doctor about all this?
I was RIGHT where you are in 2004, in fact, I came in to Power-Surge asking for help, describing just the things you are describing! Depression brings a feeling of being disconnected, with strong sensations of derealization, lack of appetite, no interest in doing anything (at my worst, I couldn't even get into the shower - all I wanted was my bed). I also had terrible adrenaline surges (waves of nerves, with accompanying sensations of dread), and was terrified pretty much all of the time! It was the lowest point of my life.
Have you ever tried an anti-depressant? I was helped by Lexapro (it took about 6 weeks to really kick in). Also, the anti-anxiety medication Ativan helped me get through the earliest and most difficult stages of depression. Also, the books of Claire Weekes, especially Hope and Help for your Nerves, helped so much, because she describes all those feelings PERFECTLY, and give advice for how to cope with the terrible sensations.
My heart goes out to you - it's such a hard thing to go through. But I want to encourage you that I "hit bottom" in April 2004, but by July, was out doing all kinds of things again, feeling quite good! Don't lose hope - there are ways to feel better. If you can't take AD's, there are other approaches to try.
(((HUGS))) to you - please feel free to PM me anytime. I know how important support is during this phase.
JJ
Dollie,
I meant to say I think you may be experiencing CLINICAL depression. It's more intense than the usual symptoms of just feeling "depressed."
(((HUGS)))
JJ
I feel quite certain you are experiencing depression.. Have you spoken with your doctor about all this?
I was RIGHT where you are in 2004, in fact, I came in to Power-Surge asking for help, describing just the things you are describing! Depression brings a feeling of being disconnected, with strong sensations of derealization, lack of appetite, no interest in doing anything (at my worst, I couldn't even get into the shower - all I wanted was my bed). I also had terrible adrenaline surges (waves of nerves, with accompanying sensations of dread), and was terrified pretty much all of the time! It was the lowest point of my life.
Have you ever tried an anti-depressant? I was helped by Lexapro (it took about 6 weeks to really kick in). Also, the anti-anxiety medication Ativan helped me get through the earliest and most difficult stages of depression. Also, the books of Claire Weekes, especially Hope and Help for your Nerves, helped so much, because she describes all those feelings PERFECTLY, and give advice for how to cope with the terrible sensations.
My heart goes out to you - it's such a hard thing to go through. But I want to encourage you that I "hit bottom" in April 2004, but by July, was out doing all kinds of things again, feeling quite good! Don't lose hope - there are ways to feel better. If you can't take AD's, there are other approaches to try.
(((HUGS))) to you - please feel free to PM me anytime. I know how important support is during this phase.
JJ
Dollie,
I meant to say I think you may be experiencing CLINICAL depression. It's more intense than the usual symptoms of just feeling "depressed."
(((HUGS)))
JJ
QUOTE (kackle @ May 20 2009, 09:12 AM)
Dear Dee, I have been going through the exact same thing. I called my best friend from work the other day sobbing and asking her if it was possible if I was losing my mind. I have always had anxiety but this was something far far worse. I have been trying different supplements and had a few stressful events and not slept at all. I'm not sure if this is what threw me over the edge or not. Can I ask you if you've started any new supplements. Let us know how you're feeling. My heart goes out to you as well as to myself. I don't know how much more I can take of this>
Dear Kackle,
I am SO sorry this is happening to you also. It is truly the worst experience anyone could suffer through and I commend all the ladies here who face these feelings every day. I dont know where any of us get the inner strength to endure it, but the support and compassion from the women on this board have literally saved me from going into the hospital.
I dont think we are truly losing our minds, its the absence of the hormones that our brains were bathed in every day since we were conceived that is making us feel these intensely psychotic sensations. But with that being said, this experience has truly pushed me to the limits of my sanity. I know what you mean about being a sensitive person to anxiety. I think alot of us here have always been sensitive to stress and chemical changes in the body and that is why all of this has affected us on such an extreme level. As you said, something far far worse....worse than anything I ever could have imagined.
I do believe that anyone going through peri is extremely susceptible to any major (or minor) stresses as the entire endocrine system is in upheaval. Everything effects the way we feel now magnified 1,000,000 times. In the past 4 weeks, during the absolute worst of it, I cut out all sugar, all white flour, anything with any chemicals or preservatives in it, no snack foods that are junk foods, and limit my coffee to one single 8 oz cup in the morning (i just could not give it up entirely, as it is the one comfort I have).
Yes, i have started on a lot of supplements and while it has taken the edge off the major panic, it has not changed this eerie surreal feeling and emotional flatline I feel. There are so many moments throughout the day where I swing from bad to worse, to HORRIBLE, and then back again. But so far i havent seen any good moments. I think I really need bios, I know everyone is different, but my inner wisdom is telling me I need to try. I feel like I have severe estrogen deficiency. I almost dont even bleed at all during my cycle, even though I only skipped one period in November. I have all the classic signs of both estrogen and progesterone decline. Im so scared to make a move though because when you feel this mentally messed up you are so afraid of doing anything to make it worse. But then I think, what can be worse than this?
Please let know how you are doing and if you want me to share what Im currently taking, as it HAS helped take the edge off and greatly lessened the out of control panic.
Love and hugs,
Dee
QUOTE (joliejacq @ May 20 2009, 10:02 AM)
Dollie,
I feel quite certain you are experiencing depression.. Have you spoken with your doctor about all this?
I was RIGHT where you are in 2004, in fact, I came in to Power-Surge asking for help, describing just the things you are describing! Depression brings a feeling of being disconnected, with strong sensations of derealization, lack of appetite, no interest in doing anything (at my worst, I couldn't even get into the shower - all I wanted was my bed). I also had terrible adrenaline surges (waves of nerves, with accompanying sensations of dread), and was terrified pretty much all of the time! It was the lowest point of my life.
Have you ever tried an anti-depressant? I was helped by Lexapro (it took about 6 weeks to really kick in). Also, the anti-anxiety medication Ativan helped me get through the earliest and most difficult stages of depression. Also, the books of Claire Weekes, especially Hope and Help for your Nerves, helped so much, because she describes all those feelings PERFECTLY, and give advice for how to cope with the terrible sensations.
My heart goes out to you - it's such a hard thing to go through. But I want to encourage you that I "hit bottom" in April 2004, but by July, was out doing all kinds of things again, feeling quite good! Don't lose hope - there are ways to feel better. If you can't take AD's, there are other approaches to try.
(((HUGS))) to you - please feel free to PM me anytime. I know how important support is during this phase.
JJ
Dollie,
I meant to say I think you may be experiencing CLINICAL depression. It's more intense than the usual symptoms of just feeling "depressed."
(((HUGS)))
JJ
I feel quite certain you are experiencing depression.. Have you spoken with your doctor about all this?
I was RIGHT where you are in 2004, in fact, I came in to Power-Surge asking for help, describing just the things you are describing! Depression brings a feeling of being disconnected, with strong sensations of derealization, lack of appetite, no interest in doing anything (at my worst, I couldn't even get into the shower - all I wanted was my bed). I also had terrible adrenaline surges (waves of nerves, with accompanying sensations of dread), and was terrified pretty much all of the time! It was the lowest point of my life.
Have you ever tried an anti-depressant? I was helped by Lexapro (it took about 6 weeks to really kick in). Also, the anti-anxiety medication Ativan helped me get through the earliest and most difficult stages of depression. Also, the books of Claire Weekes, especially Hope and Help for your Nerves, helped so much, because she describes all those feelings PERFECTLY, and give advice for how to cope with the terrible sensations.
My heart goes out to you - it's such a hard thing to go through. But I want to encourage you that I "hit bottom" in April 2004, but by July, was out doing all kinds of things again, feeling quite good! Don't lose hope - there are ways to feel better. If you can't take AD's, there are other approaches to try.
(((HUGS))) to you - please feel free to PM me anytime. I know how important support is during this phase.
JJ
Dollie,
I meant to say I think you may be experiencing CLINICAL depression. It's more intense than the usual symptoms of just feeling "depressed."
(((HUGS)))
JJ
Hi JJ,
Thank you SO much for your loving reply. Everyone here is just so wonderful. I have never been more grateful.
Your not going to believe this, but when I first stumbled onto PS, your 2 year (200 post) thread on what happened to you was one of the first I read. I remember sitting at the computer straight for 2 days absorbing every word and couldnt believe how similar I was feeling. i sat there with tears streaming down my face, for my empathy of what you experienced and my joy at your victory in overcoming those "worst days of your life" I am hoping to join you in that new place as soon as I can.
You are right I am very depressed. I am not sure though if it is from the peri (and/or plummeting Serotonin levels), the PTSD that I suffered last winter, or just induced by the panic and living in a nightmare state (who wouldnt become depressed looking through a lense of horror day in and day out?) that has happened to me the last 2 months.
I have considered ADs as I know so many people here have done so well on them. I can tell you right now they scare me to death because I am soooo sensitive to everything. Also, I just had all these tests done and I need to wait fot the results. They did an entire endocrine workup and hormone panel and that has to show something. As soon as the labs come back I will know which way to go a little better.
I did get my basic blood tests back though and they said I was very low in Vit D. I started on a supplement they gave me last night and sstrangely felt a calm come over me that I havent felt in months. So right now Im going slowly and testing the waters.
Anyway, I want to thank you so much for sharing your story and your support. You are truly a testimony and inspiration for me to believe that this can and does get better.
God bless....
Dee
DollieDee, reading your posts took me back....back to when I first started on this peri road. I can truly empathize with your feelings from the panic to the derealization. I was 41 when I woke up one morning vibrating, woosie headed, panic attacks, which then triggered the depression. After seeing one doctor after another, with little success and certainly not a diagnosis that made any sense to me, I did a search on the 'net of my symptoms and learned a new word..."perimenopause". It was like the clouds drifted away and a beam of sunlight radiated down upon me, lol 
. I was dumbfounded, ecstatic, angry, happy... and relieved to know that there were other women out there who knew EXACTLY what I was going through.
It's been eleven years since that morning I work up vibrating and I've been high on the mountain top and down in the valley over those years...sometimes all within the same few minutes...thank God for the wonderful women here at PS who have and continue to provide invaluable information and such compassionate support and encouragement.
I won't bore you with what I've tried or what I'm using now, but rest assured in know that help is available. We are all so uniquely made and it's just a matter of finding what works for you whether it's prescription medication, vitamins, supplements, dietary or lifestyle changes or a combination of all.
God bless. You are in a good place now.
. I was dumbfounded, ecstatic, angry, happy... and relieved to know that there were other women out there who knew EXACTLY what I was going through. It's been eleven years since that morning I work up vibrating and I've been high on the mountain top and down in the valley over those years...sometimes all within the same few minutes
...thank God for the wonderful women here at PS who have and continue to provide invaluable information and such compassionate support and encouragement. I won't bore you
with what I've tried or what I'm using now, but rest assured in know that help is available. We are all so uniquely made and it's just a matter of finding what works for you whether it's prescription medication, vitamins, supplements, dietary or lifestyle changes or a combination of all. God bless. You are in a good place now
.
QUOTE (DollieDee @ May 19 2009, 06:23 PM)
Thank you so much for writing in response to my post. I have been going through such a difficult and scary time. I am so sorry that you know how this feels even though it helps so much to know that someone else knows the horror of it. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I, too, used to be an independent incredible woman. Oh my God, if you could have known me! I was so happy and bubbly and on top of the world. I just met a man last year and we fell deeply in love, it was the best time of my life. Then sometime last winter after going through alot of very stressful events I noticed I skiped a period and then everything started happening, all the peri symptoms hit me at once, but it wasnt until last month during my period when the world slipped away from me and I felt almost psychotic. I remember being on my knees begging to God to help me and I thought I was going to end up in a mental hospital. Somehow I made it through and now Im approaching another period and its all intensifying. I dont know if I can go through this again.
I am only 40 and I not only didnt I ever think Id be going through this now, but I never imagined that menopause meant going through unspeakable mental and emotional disintegration. Like you, I could have taken the hot flashes and whatever else physical changes I might have gone through.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you....please let me know if you ever need someone to lean on or talk to, and I will be here. The only thing that has helped me this far is knowing that there are people out there who are feeling for me and who I can help in return.
love and hugs,
Dee
I am only 40 and I not only didnt I ever think Id be going through this now, but I never imagined that menopause meant going through unspeakable mental and emotional disintegration. Like you, I could have taken the hot flashes and whatever else physical changes I might have gone through.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you....please let me know if you ever need someone to lean on or talk to, and I will be here. The only thing that has helped me this far is knowing that there are people out there who are feeling for me and who I can help in return.
love and hugs,
Dee
Dee,
Hang in there. I am hanging in there too. Low vitamin D is a cause of depression as well as all these hormone fluctuations. I hope you will have your adrenals and thyroid checked as well. I am like you. I have tried the ADs since this peri hit and for some reason my body chemistry just cannot tolerate them right now. Nor can I tolerate the BHRT because I still have my uterus and cannot tolerate the progesterone. However, you may be a candidate for the progesterone. The thing that is so frustrating about this is that our levels are changing constantly right now and it is hard to know what will help when. I have about decided to let nature take it's course. However, some women just cannot do this. I am so glad to be able to "talk" with you about this because sounds like we are going through the same thing. It is amazing what stress can do to us, sending us down that black pit of depression especially when we just do not have the reserves to handle things. I hope today is better for you.... love and hugs,
mood_swinger
Dee,
Hang in there, you are not alone. I'm going through the EXACT same things you are going through. I was always the kind of person who buzzed around all day, doing 10 things at once, always had jammed packed busy weekends planned, UNTIL NOW. I NEVER had anxiety or panic attacks or even knew much about depression until I hit perimenopause at 45, I'm now 47. I thought I had a brain tumor. Went to many neurologists etc, hoping to find something that was making me like this. I get that same weird feeling you have , disassocation, weird head feelings, bad sleeps, that last for days at a time, sometimes it feels like I'm not even in the room sometimes. Its like I left my brain home and came to work! It's very scary, I know! I feel like I went from a flower to a mushroom overnight.
I really hesitate going for HRT because my Mom, Aunt, and sister all had breast cancer and I would not be a good candidate for it. So I've decided to be brave and take the "natural" approach to getting through these darn hormone changes.
Things that help get me through this a little easier is trying very hard to keep my stress levels low, lots of sleep (even if I wake up at 2am with horrible dreams) , eating properly, not eating too much sugar , and very, very, very long walks in the park. Thinking about adding bike riding so it keeps my balance in check since I'm also having these wonderful balance problems now!
I do ALOT more praying now too and that really helps alot!!
Stay tough, and we will get through this!!!
This site is fabulous! I'm so glad I found it!!
Hang in there, you are not alone. I'm going through the EXACT same things you are going through. I was always the kind of person who buzzed around all day, doing 10 things at once, always had jammed packed busy weekends planned, UNTIL NOW. I NEVER had anxiety or panic attacks or even knew much about depression until I hit perimenopause at 45, I'm now 47. I thought I had a brain tumor. Went to many neurologists etc, hoping to find something that was making me like this. I get that same weird feeling you have , disassocation, weird head feelings, bad sleeps, that last for days at a time, sometimes it feels like I'm not even in the room sometimes. Its like I left my brain home and came to work! It's very scary, I know! I feel like I went from a flower to a mushroom overnight.
I really hesitate going for HRT because my Mom, Aunt, and sister all had breast cancer and I would not be a good candidate for it. So I've decided to be brave and take the "natural" approach to getting through these darn hormone changes.
Things that help get me through this a little easier is trying very hard to keep my stress levels low, lots of sleep (even if I wake up at 2am with horrible dreams) , eating properly, not eating too much sugar , and very, very, very long walks in the park. Thinking about adding bike riding so it keeps my balance in check since I'm also having these wonderful balance problems now!
I do ALOT more praying now too and that really helps alot!!
Stay tough, and we will get through this!!!
This site is fabulous! I'm so glad I found it!!
Here's a link from long ago... I posted this after finding a book dated 1882 at a yard sale. The author (a woman) wrote about the potential hells of perimenopause. It was such a relief to find it!
Please note that when she speaks of emotional stuff, she mentions CAUSELESS DEPRESSION.
Yes! My depression in 2004 was "causeless." My life was good, beautiful new baby granddaughter, good hubby, enough $ to live on, etc. Yet I sank lower than I've ever been in my life, at the same time that my body was hot flashing, not sleeping, buzzing, aching, weeping, etc. All the peri symptoms had hit, and they brought me down HARD.
The ONLY cause of my depression, I remain convinced, was..... hormones.
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=6829
(((HUGS)))
JJ
Please note that when she speaks of emotional stuff, she mentions CAUSELESS DEPRESSION.
Yes! My depression in 2004 was "causeless." My life was good, beautiful new baby granddaughter, good hubby, enough $ to live on, etc. Yet I sank lower than I've ever been in my life, at the same time that my body was hot flashing, not sleeping, buzzing, aching, weeping, etc. All the peri symptoms had hit, and they brought me down HARD.
The ONLY cause of my depression, I remain convinced, was..... hormones.
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=6829
(((HUGS)))
JJ
QUOTE (joliejacq @ May 20 2009, 09:05 PM)
Here's a link from long ago... I posted this after finding a book dated 1882 at a yard sale. The author (a woman) wrote about the potential hells of perimenopause. It was such a relief to find it!
Please note that when she speaks of emotional stuff, she mentions CAUSELESS DEPRESSION.
Yes! My depression in 2004 was "causeless." My life was good, beautiful new baby granddaughter, good hubby, enough $ to live on, etc. Yet I sank lower than I've ever been in my life, at the same time that my body was hot flashing, not sleeping, buzzing, aching, weeping, etc. All the peri symptoms had hit, and they brought me down HARD.
The ONLY cause of my depression, I remain convinced, was..... hormones.
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=6829
(((HUGS)))
JJ
Please note that when she speaks of emotional stuff, she mentions CAUSELESS DEPRESSION.
Yes! My depression in 2004 was "causeless." My life was good, beautiful new baby granddaughter, good hubby, enough $ to live on, etc. Yet I sank lower than I've ever been in my life, at the same time that my body was hot flashing, not sleeping, buzzing, aching, weeping, etc. All the peri symptoms had hit, and they brought me down HARD.
The ONLY cause of my depression, I remain convinced, was..... hormones.
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=6829
(((HUGS)))
JJ
JJ,
I loved reading that excerpt from the 1882 book, amazing!
Robin
That is an absolute treasure, JJ! Thanks for re-posting. Why does menopause continue to be ignored by so many physicians and publishers? Wouldn't it be great if we could all find a female, post-miserable-meno doctor?
JC
JC
Here's part of an email I sent to Dee that might be helpful to others:
This might sound weird, but I think we are going through a type of withdrawal from a chemical our brains are accustomed to, similar to what an addict might experience. We have receptors in our brains (for our AWOL female hormones) that are are literally "starving," and it takes quite some time and adjustment before our brains can figure out how to compensate for this. I think the stress of trying to figure out how to function without the hormones triggers the anxiety. Just a theory. The worst part about peri is that your homones aren't just dropping; sometimes levels are ALL OvEr tHe plAcE!
This hormone change is a painful reminder of the delicate balance our bodies and minds need to function in the normal range... very frightening! Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for help (temporary meds) if you can't get the anxiety under control. I think the excess stress hormones can do much more harm than the lack of estrogen. I am very sensitive to medication and prefer natural remedies whenever possible, but I know several women who've felt that prescriptions saved their sanity. The Propranolol I mentioned before (for heart palpitations and shakiness) has been just enough to take the edge off my anxiety, but I can only take 1/3 of what the doctor prescribed or my blood pressure drops and I get super tired. (It is not addictive nor an antidepressant, so I feel like I am in control.)
Here is a link that can walk you through the EFT process -- a faster way to learn. I don't have to do all of the steps he shows, but it's good training. Just substitute your symptoms for "feeling." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gmz-b2sV0Q...feature=channel
Thank you for your amazing posts. We will get through this and be wiser, healthier, more compassionate and more grateful than ever!
JC
This might sound weird, but I think we are going through a type of withdrawal from a chemical our brains are accustomed to, similar to what an addict might experience. We have receptors in our brains (for our AWOL female hormones) that are are literally "starving," and it takes quite some time and adjustment before our brains can figure out how to compensate for this. I think the stress of trying to figure out how to function without the hormones triggers the anxiety. Just a theory. The worst part about peri is that your homones aren't just dropping; sometimes levels are ALL OvEr tHe plAcE!
This hormone change is a painful reminder of the delicate balance our bodies and minds need to function in the normal range... very frightening! Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for help (temporary meds) if you can't get the anxiety under control. I think the excess stress hormones can do much more harm than the lack of estrogen. I am very sensitive to medication and prefer natural remedies whenever possible, but I know several women who've felt that prescriptions saved their sanity. The Propranolol I mentioned before (for heart palpitations and shakiness) has been just enough to take the edge off my anxiety, but I can only take 1/3 of what the doctor prescribed or my blood pressure drops and I get super tired. (It is not addictive nor an antidepressant, so I feel like I am in control.)
Here is a link that can walk you through the EFT process -- a faster way to learn. I don't have to do all of the steps he shows, but it's good training. Just substitute your symptoms for "feeling." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gmz-b2sV0Q...feature=channel
Thank you for your amazing posts. We will get through this and be wiser, healthier, more compassionate and more grateful than ever!
JC
QUOTE (DollieDee @ May 19 2009, 10:56 AM)
Hi, it's Dee again and I am having a very hard time right now and just needed some encouragement to get me through.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
Dee:
I posted a long PM to you back at the beginning of the month (actually my birthday and the day after) regarding my experience with DP/DR and what helped. Did you receive it?
Angie
QUOTE (DollieDee @ May 19 2009, 10:56 AM)
Hi, it's Dee again and I am having a very hard time right now and just needed some encouragement to get me through.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm so frightened...please help me.....if you can.
When all this first started, I had episodes of panic attacks, depression, that doom & gloom feeling, and days of dissassociation - BUT it was all very off and on and it seemed to resolve at least 80% about a week after my period ended. In the past 3 months, when these symptoms would hit, they would eventually subsided enough that it felt like my brain kind of returned to a semi-normal functioning state in which I was able to feel again, remember myself again, have bits of normal emotions and responses, etc.
BUT.....Ever since the panic when out of control last month and I had what felt like a true nervous breakdown and was hit with a sense of complete derealization/depersonalization, IT HAS NOT GONE AWAY AT ALL. No amount of time has changed or lessened these feelings and I'm starting to lose it. It's like the intensity of that panic attack was SO strong and so leveled me, that I cannot "come back" and I am feeling myself slip away and I dont know what to do or how Im ever going to get out of this bad place I am in. It is SO Scary!
For the last 30 days since the week of April 19th, I have felt like I'm walking around in a bad dream, I go to sleep and wake up feeling this way. Like there is a sensation of something creepy or evil or dark with me all the time, like I am trapped in another place from the rest of the world and i cant get out. Everywhere I go, and everything i see feels "colored" by this feeling, and it is so horrible, it's making me physically sick. The sensation is always with me. Even though i havent had a full blown panic attack in about 8 days now, this awful icky feeling (like just waking up from a horrific dream or coming home from a funeral) is with me constantly.
Even when I am having moments where I dont really feel DR/DP this weird feeling like being in an altered state and not being "me" is constantly there.
No matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, I feel completely empty, like I cannot connect with myself, a sensation of not being able to "feel" my memories, or thoughts, or emotions. I feel like everything in my mind has the same color to it...flat, gray, dark and I frantically try to recall happy moments or times in my past and its like I can see myself in pictures of those events, but no feeling that i am connected to it.
I swear to God this has to be the most horrible experience anyone can go through.
I really think that all the supplements the wellness center has put me on HAS helped to reduce the panic attacks to where Im able to function, but this feeling of darkness and like being in a place that is not really real with no attachement to my memories or feelings is destroying what is left of my sanity.
Can I feel this way without the anxiety? Is this a symptom of low serotonin? Low estrogen? Do you think if I go on BHRT some of this, at least SOME of it will fade in time.
I am still waiting for the labs to come back, so right now I am totally in the dark. I feel like I should go to a GYNO who knows how to really balance hormones and has experience in it, but I dont know where in NJ to find one.
Can anyone relate to any of this? And if so, what helped, or didnt? Did you EVER Feel normal, or back in the world again?
I swear I have spent the last 30 days crying straight. I have absolutely lost all sex drive. Everything is getting worse. I did not ovulate this month and everything down there feels as dry as a desert. Through ALL of this, that has never happened to me before. Is that just another sign that i could almost be menopausal.
Today is exactly a month from the day when all this started and I have not felt one bit better, in fact I feel more unreal than ever. Everything looks, feels, and seems strange and wrong and horrible.
Please tell me that this is a normal part of peri. I need some reassurance.
Thank you all so much for your kindness and support during this darkened time of my life,
Dee
QUOTE (joliejacq @ May 20 2009, 08:05 PM)
Here's a link from long ago... I posted this after finding a book dated 1882 at a yard sale. The author (a woman) wrote about the potential hells of perimenopause. It was such a relief to find it!
Please note that when she speaks of emotional stuff, she mentions CAUSELESS DEPRESSION.
Yes! My depression in 2004 was "causeless." My life was good, beautiful new baby granddaughter, good hubby, enough $ to live on, etc. Yet I sank lower than I've ever been in my life, at the same time that my body was hot flashing, not sleeping, buzzing, aching, weeping, etc. All the peri symptoms had hit, and they brought me down HARD.
The ONLY cause of my depression, I remain convinced, was..... hormones.
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=6829
(((HUGS)))
I did a google search for that book-Eve's Daughter. Here is it online.
http://books.google.com/books?id=oW8uAAAAY...snum=1#PPA35,M1
JJ
Please note that when she speaks of emotional stuff, she mentions CAUSELESS DEPRESSION.
Yes! My depression in 2004 was "causeless." My life was good, beautiful new baby granddaughter, good hubby, enough $ to live on, etc. Yet I sank lower than I've ever been in my life, at the same time that my body was hot flashing, not sleeping, buzzing, aching, weeping, etc. All the peri symptoms had hit, and they brought me down HARD.
The ONLY cause of my depression, I remain convinced, was..... hormones.
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=6829
(((HUGS)))
I did a google search for that book-Eve's Daughter. Here is it online.
http://books.google.com/books?id=oW8uAAAAY...snum=1#PPA35,M1
JJ
That should be here it is online.
Eve's Daughters or Common Sense for Maid, Wife and Mother.
http://books.google.com/books?id=oW8uAAAAY...snum=1#PPA35,M1
Dee,
I needed to write you and tell you how your post touched me. i read it to my mother and husband. They were both as touched as I was. You seemed to of hit my feelings. It was amazing to see someone put into words what I feel. I am not sure that I gave the depression part. Althou i could probley say I am when all the other things come up. I just want to feel better and I can seem to find how to.
Your words touched me and I needed to let you know.
thank you
I needed to write you and tell you how your post touched me. i read it to my mother and husband. They were both as touched as I was. You seemed to of hit my feelings. It was amazing to see someone put into words what I feel. I am not sure that I gave the depression part. Althou i could probley say I am when all the other things come up. I just want to feel better and I can seem to find how to.
Your words touched me and I needed to let you know.
thank you
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