Hi Everyone,
There was a time when I was 'fancied', adored, loved, listened to, noticed in shops, I was a person................ now I seem to be invisible. I got a bit older, that's all. And now I feel that nobody notices me. My hair is a bit less thick, my face has a few more wrinkles... I smile more, but I may as well not be here. You know when men get older they are taken more notice of. I feel really fed up....................... my sexuallity is gone. I am really sweaty at night, my hot flushes make my life a nightmare.............. my husband loves me still and for that I am grateful, but I rage against it all. It gets me nowhere, because I have become invisible. My beauty is dead and gone. Alas.................what will I do? My hubby says I should grow old gracefully. I shall endeavour to try. I have been to hell and back and I don't want to go there again. When will the nightmare end??????????????????????????????????????????????Oh God where is thy wrath....... directed at me I think.

I am single and trying to continue dating thru this peri cr*p. Hang onto the fact your husband loves you and find the good grace to continue on within that loving embrace. Wish I could write more but have a less than stellar past few days. JZZ

Thanks JZZ............I value your reply. More than you know. Thank you for replying.

Do you ever feel that if you say yes, I feel invisible, that
either no one will notice,
or they will say things about how you should feel differently,
because they feel good?

And then a week later, you realize no one can be you - like your little penguin friends,
we all have days we look in the mirror and or hear a compliment or are told how wonderful you are
by a friend or stranger and think,
I'm not so bad,

and other days where someone we love or a stranger pays a compliment
and we think, you are just being nice, I'm a ugly obese jerk?

I do understand.....to not notice or to try and erase how another feels by changing the subject, (rendering your feelings invisible)
or by the worst one - telling someone they are too sensitive (as if any one of us has the manual for the universal scale of sensitivity)


So yes........yes.

And
HUGS,
MB

Yes I have noticed that lately. It *****.

((((((Fried))))))))))

Hi antique:

I really do feel invisible sometimes. Had not thought about it the way you put it. It feels bad alot of the time. The one thing that I really hate is when I am walking towards someone and I am looking at them and they "seem" to be looking right at me, I smile, they keep going and dont even notice. That feels so bad to me.

but, I am rewarded when I see someone who looks down and I smile at them and they smile back.

Remember something, you are not invisible here!
Big hugs to you,
Jeaninne

Yes just starting to happen to me too thought it was just me!

me too

Yes and I find it very disconcerting. Not that I want to be noticed exactly but for many years I was able to turn some heads, get that second glance, police didn't ticket me, men flirted and now.... it's as though I don't exist.... yet in my mind, I'm still the same person so I find myself behaving as though I would be noticed only to be brushed aside and it leaves me surprised every time... I'm not sure how to handle this new me. yes, it's very disconcerting.

Count me in on the invisible woman theory......why is it when I was young and beautiful, I didn't really know it, or appreciate it and now that I am not, I wish I had it back. Oh well, it is what it is and I don't like it!

Yeah, Jeaninne,
I hate that too - or when they give you that condescending smile like they are better than you.
Especially from someone 25 years younger. Or they look you up and down and up and down with thaf
face like they smelled inion breath.


MB

For years I've heard this theory that women get older, but men get more handsome... I don't buy it a single bit! There are soooo many goofy-looking older men out there! They don't look an iota better than their wives!

It's rare that there's a Paul Newman, who really does look gorgeous as an older man... Look at his friend Robert Redford! Now I love RR, but his plastic surgery makes him look like a freak, in my humble opinion. And without it, bet he'd look.... just old.

Nope, both women AND men get older and lose their beauty. It's hard to face, but we have two choices: grow old gracefully, being as attractive as we can, or start the round of plastic surgeries, which sometimes work well, and other times leave people looking like freakazoids... I'm going with the former.

(((HUGS)))

JJ

Hello everyone,
You are all SO supportive, with such positive thoughts too...thank you! I was feeling very 'down in the dumps'. I didn't reply straight off to everyone because I had to drive 9 hours to see my dad. He's been really ill and just got out of hospital and some young THUG threw a paving slab through his car window and he neede help to fix it. Some young people are just SO HORRIBLE. He was quite shaken by the whole thing. I stayed for a few days but had to get back to work. What is the world coming to...it was such a nice neighbourhood where he lived too...all older people in little bungalows. Sorry for venting on a different subject. Thank you everyone XXXX Antique X

Well, we have the double whammy(well, something like 70% of us do) we are older and fatter...just consider the people who are ignoring you. I have nothing to say to them anyway...I was in a coffee shop and the two clerks were carrying on about turning 25 and how they both were hoping to be dead before they got "really" old.... I pointed out that getting old is better than the alternative(we Know what that is right?)
One of these nincompoops said,
"Staying Young?"

I said I would rather be my age than their age again..and one of them actually said she would kill herself before she got as old as her mother..silly me I asked how old her mother might be(poor poor woman) and this dimwit said...
"uh I don't know, like 40 or something"

You care If THESE people do not "see you"..good grief WHY?

Yes - an those whose lives are going "well" by their standards only,
judging others lives using terms that show they don't even see that they do it.
At least if anyone is doing it on purpose and sees that they are,
it's not as bad as just plain being snide.

It's all ages, 20-90.........

I remind myself each and every day that every person that I grew up with is the same age as me......every beautiful women I see still has to reach the same age as me......I regret the amount of time I used to spend complaining about my looks and my weight when I was younger.....and really there was nothing to complain about. We are too hard on ourselves. I wasted hours fussing over my hair, my makeup....and all for what??
I am happy now that my hair takes me no more than 10 minutes to fix up. My makeup now takes me less than 20.....I used to spend upwards of two hours in front of a mirror just to achieve that perfect look. Again.....why?? To impress whom?
I am surrounded by people in my work who can see past the "fading beauty" (for want of better words) and see inside to the person who resides there now. I was not that person 20 years ago....it was all superficial.....it was all a farce.
I may not still turn heads but I have people come up to me all the time telling me how much I "glow" when I do my spiritual work. That to me is more of a compliment than a wolf whistle or a second glance.
Its all in perspective ladies.
Your husband loves you.......antique.......you have a beauty that the younger generation cannot match. Please remember that okay. I finally feel good in my own skin and it only took me 44 years to get there. That is too long. Oh to have the wisdom of my age twenty years sooner.

I was feeling this way but this week has perked me up. I got honked at by a passer by and a "here comes gorgeous" from a male coworker. Made me smile but blah that won't happen again for awhile if ever !

I didn't mind turning 50 and don't care if people look as long as they
don't look in horror. But the health stuff ( mine and others) is what
makes me feel invisibible, especially in a wheelchair. People act like
they caught plague if they even graze you, and yell apologies as if you
should not be there.


But if your husband loves you, you are not invisible.....
and Medium. I love what you wrote about spiritual work.

MB

Thanks for that Mary Beth. People still have a long way to come in overcoming their own prejudices. My cousin has been in a wheelchair all of his life. He is only a teen yet. His "disability" (I use that word sparingly because he is a gift....not a disability)
has taught my children and my nieces and nephews something that no school could ever have done. He has taught them to overlook the superficial and only see the person. Hopefully this will eventually cause a trickle down effect so that ultimately no one should be made to feel invisible.

The invisibility veil...yeah. I know about this, feel it. Live it
a lot of the time.

I'm aligned with all you have poignantly shared here. It is
amazing how we can "suddenly" feel unseen.

I almost said insignificant. Maybe there is truth in that, yes?
Seems like we lose the 'dew of youth' and the admiring glances,
so blatant at times, are all but non-existent. Compliments used to
be so plentiful as to almost be taken for granted. I know I didn't
consider that all of those things helped to reinforce my "place"
or had a hand in validating my existence. Until now...when after years
of noticing how often I seem to go 'unnoticed,' I stop short and say,
"how the hell did this happen?"

It almost goes hand in hand...and is interchangeable: The more
invisible we feel, the more our confidence diminishes; we don't
hold our heads up so proud like before--maybe even hope we
won't make waves--a vicious circle.

I think, we actually begin wearing that ol cloak of invisibility.
I know I do.

I think Medium at L has it right, though. And if I may add to her
thought, this part of our journey needs also to be about letting
our inner light shine. . .it just may take a little while to find out how.
Perhaps, one small way to start is to validate others we meet in the
course of our days? Helping someone else feel "noticed" can, I'm thinkin,
only serve to make our own presence fairly evident, eh?
(The ladies on this board get high marks helping one another
feel significant, I must say!)

Oh, and about getting looked at? An old friend once said to
me...Sure the younger fellas you see aren't lookin. But YOU are
missin the looks you're getting from the handsome older ones passin by.

Hi Yetta:

When did you start feeling invisible - was it late 50's - I am 52 and do not feel invisible - I get a lot of attention from men of all ages - it could be because I still look like a young woman - or youngish woman - and also mentally I don't "own" my age - I think that's a big part of aging - I refuse to think of myself as anything more than 37 - and it works - I almost got carded the other day at the liquor store - but also I have taken steps to look good and forestall aging - like a couple of skin peels and also some minor cosmetic work - and it has really helped - my friends who have chosen the "gracefully growing old path" are now coming around to my way of thinking - the problem with doing stuff in your 50's is that it is a bit late - you should be doing this in your thirties and forties - when most people are not even thinking of aging - I started prematurely aging in my 20's (at 25 I was mistaken for 36 once) and that horrified me so I started to get proactive - and it worked to my advantage - so now I look younger than I did in my 20's - isn't life strange and wonderful !!!!

BTW why is it so hard to say 60 - you are making me scared of that age LOL

Best

Lara

Lara said:
BTW why is it so hard to say 60 - you are making me scared of that age LOL

um...cuz it makes me think of all my aunts when I was little? 60=old aunties (just kiddin)
or maybe I simply don't like the idea of 60. Or, there is a definite bit of a 'slow-down' that
happens and it's a hard pill to swallow. Not to worry, Lara, I bet you'll be wearin sixty with
style when that time comes!

(Most of the difficult attitude things started well after being postmenopausal
for some years. I think I may have mentioned before somewhere about the
magic that is rendered by estrogen. When it really starts being minimal in the
body, well, that, it seems, is when a lot of the more visible crap starts that
lends itself to the 'invisible' crap. Geeze, that didn't make much sense at all.


I don't look or act 'my age' either, thank goodness for that.

LMP was early in my fifty-second year. My ob/gyn informed
me at my (age 54) checkup that I was "officially" postmenopausal.
(Oh good, is there a prize?)

Yes, Lara, your recollection was right--I never took HRT; really didn't
even consider it as I thought menopause was just the way of
nature, ya know...the give and take.

Over and above all the woes of menopause, saying goodbye to
periods was great, I have to say!

I think I read that the consensus is that women tend to go through
menopause around the same time their mothers did. I asked mine once,
and she said, "Oh that? I don't remember" (Guess it pays to live
well into your nineties you tend to take a pass on stuff that doesn't matter)

A note on the original topic .. its funny (not ha ha) that you would ask if anyone is feeling invisible.. but about 2 years ago when all this started and I didnt really know what was going on with me ,, I used to get this feeling like I was fading ,, that was the best way to describe it .. like if I would just let go ,, I would fade into the background ,, like parts of me were leaving ,, yup .. old and fading away ,,

Thanks, didgens, for gettin us back on track! I was
thinkin after my last post that we had veered off topic a lil

I guess, as long as we can give voice to our thoughts
somewhere~in some arena, we will never really fade away, eh?
We can always feed our own egos; but gee, validation feels so good.

Yetta:

What is LMP ? also I am surprised you did not take HRT since you are such a proponent of estrogen - though granted it is not the estrogen we make in our bodies - and I know a lot of women take the stance that menopause is a way of nature - but so were all the diseases before we didn't have a cure for them - sure women were supposed to have menopause - but then they died soon after LOL and didn't live to be 90 something - I have observed that women who are on HRT have more vitality to them and don't look as worn and tired in the face - they also don't complain so much about being invisible

Very interesting topic.

A few years ago I started noticing this phenomenon (I'm in my mid 40s now). I began to notice this sensation of invisibility especially when young men passed by me. Like they were simply looking beyond me. And now they call me "Ma'am" -- it seemed to happen overnight. Did I suddenly start (stop) exuding a certain pheromone/hormone?? Weird!

When I was younger I was always (I hope) somewhat attractive (at least that's what people would always tell me, but I never believed it). And when I was younger I HATED being looked at, or whistled at, I just HATED it. I WANTED to be invisible. So in a way, it feels like a wonderful dream-come-true now, to be able to walk around with this weight off, with this cloak of invisibility on!! But it's also a bit deflating. Very, as a matter of fact.

And it has caused me to hang my head in despair; I barely greet people for fear of being rejected. I just ignore them before they ignore me.
It has also caused me to put less care into how I look. In fact, many days I don't give a s*** anymore.

Oh well.

Just another thing to add to my long list of why life ***** now. I can't see ever feeling happy again. Or ever having the energy to even care.

Seems I passed the apex of happiness in my life around age 37-38 (and even then it was a crazy rollercoaster kind of 'happiness'). It's been all downhill since.

Advice anyone??? (I guess deep down I still care, possibly, but I put up a defense of not caring because I do NOT need that roller coaster again; had too much of that in my 30s)

(why is it that ALL these tons of younger women are SOOO attractive now? I guess I was the same as them then... but they seem far more put-together and poised than I was. And MAN there seem to be a lot of them now. Men sure have their pick! In contrast, I don't see all that many attractive men, young or old.....)

- pissy, pissy mood tonight.

I realized I was getting older when a mom in my daughters school yard said you must of been really good looking when you were younger.I didn't know how to take it.That was a few years back I would take it as a compliment now

I have not read this thread. I feel way too restless to read it now, but when I saw the heading, I am thinking. I would sure like to be invisible!

I am wondering if quitting my meds (BCP) is the reason why I feel this way.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. Not like before I started on the AD's, but a reminder of how it was before.

Irritable, restless, thoughts going haywire, wanting things that I will probably never ever have.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Hey there Eternal:

Don't feel so sad - you are still young enough for a "turn around" - you would be amazed at what a new spiffy haircut or "going blonde" can do for you. You are too young to become invisible to young men. I am 52 - that is 7 years older - and I am not invisible to men - young and old - LOL - and I am not alone - I see quite a few women in their late to early fifties still "holding sway" Nowadays there is a lot you can do. - and yes young women are gorgeous - but they are very insecure and think of themselves as ugly - I know I did not know how pretty I was when I was 25 - so cheer up - a lot of looking young is also in the mind - if you think young you will act young and project a young energy -

Take care and chin up

Aww! That musta been hard. I'm mad FOR you!



- feeling a lot better today...

Aw, thanks so much lara. Great advice, and it inspires me. I WILL try it. Part of my problem of course has been physical -- I just have NO ENERGY these days. I hope this passes.

But as it happens I felt a lot better today. I can never understand why I wake up tired one day (from the get-go) and the next day the cloud lifts and I'm worlds better. But I always feel as if I'm on the precipice, like any small thing could knock me down, even on a 'good' day.

I was supposed to start a yoga class again tonight (for the first time in many many months), but something screwed up my schedule and I can't go. But I'm going to try to do my own yoga session at home tonight! Even if I"m tired and my joints ache and my muscles are weak and my abdomen is fat and bulging and it's hard to bend, I"M GOING TO TRY ANYWAY ... for YOU, lara.

Anyway... thanks! I'll try to keep the spirit up. ((hugs))

Interesting thread! I just saw a book in Borders by a stylist who did makeovers on a dozen women 45 plus--lots of before and after shots. Because I am in peri, I can't remember the title .
It was fascinating to see how much a haircut and color, eyebrow shaping, new frames, or more subtle makeup could bring out the person's own unique beauty. Many of them looked radiant with the kind of glow that makes people--men and women--take notice. He wasn't trying to create wanna-be 25 year olds. That reminds me--I am overdue for a haircut appointment....

When people can drag my age out of me (50) I get the "No Way, you are THAT age" or "Wow, you look great for THAT age"..... So, apparently, I am at THAT age.... Yeah. I do have an adorable husband though, snagged him 4 years ago, lucky him, right before the _____ hit the fan, lol. Actually, lucky me more. He makes me feel visible every single day. I don't care if the young guys look at me or not (athough I do appreciate the younger guys, I'm not dead yet, lol, they are hotties and I always think that is the kind of guy I would go after when I was young. However, I gained wisdom over the years so now I have a handsome husband with character, kindness and who loves me unconditionally. I'm so fortunate. I don't like the little gray hairs that are starting to sprout, I don't like being chubby and I don't like this hormone nonsense. You can never go back so I am learning to live in the moment which has always been hard for me. I do feel for the women who are feeling invisible, 50 was a hard birthday for me, it's been a rough year. 50 felt really old to me, AARP mail was coming to me for g-ds sake, lol, all of a sudden you are at THAT age. I am adjusting but I can't say without having the love of my husband who is so loving toward me, I wouldn't be posting about feeling invisible too. Who knows. Although, I have always been an optimist about love and always felt I would meet my Mr. Right. It took me a long time but I had faith.

Very inspiring reply.

But I alREADy feel 50 So I have a feeling 50 won't feel bad to me once it arrives. I was extremely bummed to turn 40. That was a bad birthday for me. Now I'm like, "phh, 50, who cares.. bring it on." Don't much care anymore. (but that's a few years from now.. )

And heck, I've had tons of grey hair for years now (premature grey)... (I think I saw my first grey hair or two sprout in my mid-20s) (eeek!) But I hate the coloring business, sometimes I just let it go and sometimes I actually LIKE my shades of grey. )


Anyway, what can I say.. I'm enjoying your life, vicariously.

Jump on board, I will warn you, it's an E ticket ride, but, that E does not stand for Estrogen, lol. I have terrified myself this year, thinking I had every disease known to man and probably some I even made up. I have been up and down and up and down, I may as well of been on a roller coaster given how nauseous and anxious I was feeling 24/7. 40 was easy peasy for me. 50 was nasty, I think I am ok with 51, we shall see it's coming up in December. I'm glad you are ready to embrace 50, I wish I could have been like that. Oh well, that was then this is now.... Being 50 has been a journey and it is still ongoing, it is teaching me to live in the here and now and embrace the day and stop doing the "OMG" and "What if" dance in my head (ok, not all the time but I'm 75% better). I have had to take a leap of faith and go against my desire to take meds and give them a chance (glad I did). I am a work in progress every single day and I am perfectly imperfect. My next step is to start doing things that will make me healthier, i.e. walking for example. When my son asks me to drive him some where instead of saying "I guess" or "no, I'm not feeling well" (for like the 50 millionth time), I say "Sure, honey" more than the aforementioned. Instead of letting my husband cook dinner every night and do the dishes, I asked him tonight "what would you like ME to make YOU" and I did the dishes. Whooo hoooo, yeah me!! I know this sounds like what many of you all do on a daily basis and all of you who push on are hero's to me, cause put a fork in me but I was done. I don't do that stuff on a daily basis and haven't for a long time and the reason is because my husband doesn't judge me and just want's me to feel better and this is a way he feels like he can help me. He was at a loss when I was crying, anxious and pacing, he felt helpless. You know men are fixers, for my sweetie, taking care of that stuff was a no brainer for him. I have/had become so preoccupied with myself and the mysterious things that are happening to me. It's been an enthralling and terrifying bonding experience I have been having with myself. I really hope I come through this a stronger and more caring women than I ever was before. I need to be better than I was and I need to make changes no matter how small they are. There is no one in my house asking these things of me and that is why I am doing it because it's time to start trying to show them how much their sacrifices and love and support has helped. However, tomorrow I think I'll still let my husband make dinner, lol.... hey remember I said I was perfectly imperfect and I did do it today. I don't want to shock him or anything. Well, there you go another ramble from Mich, lol, hopefully I made some kind of sense here. Have a good night. Hugs to all. Mich

i did not read this topic, for one reason.............i've had that weird ass feeling for quite some time..........i am not walking in my own shoes anymore, that is the truth.....i look in the mirror, and it is just a mirror, i turn away.
i have to............. many loved one's turning to me for answers......they are asking someone who is trying to find her identity again, yet, why are we all on this webpage, we are asking ourselves the same oldddd, same old questions. this web page would not exist if we were happy and life is fine
i know who is gonna be the reflection in my mirror tommrow.(sp). "oh? is that really me?

I think that there are good days and bad days, bad weeks and even bad months. For some of us the bad is outdoing the good and then there are some where the scales are tipping more and more into the good. Maybe when you fully tip the scales into feeling like the shoes you are walking in are yours again then perhaps you stop posting. I kinda hope I don't do that because to me it's kinda like when you were young you had your girlfriends and then once a boy came into the pictures the friends went by the wayside... until of course the relationship crashed and burned and then you searched them out again and hoped they would envelope you once again into their circle and help you heal your broken heart or your broken spirit. I think this board is about women, women supporting women not only for hormonal issues but life changing issues. The starting point may have been hormones and the havoc it brings into many of our lives and then it evolved into so much more than that. At least that is how I personally see it. I would like to think this website will still exist to show women there is light at the end of this time of life and I don't mean the white light from the sky kind of light, lol.

I am just like you. I have diminished the anxiety and depression and panic. But, I still am trying to make friends with this person who is sprouting gray hairs, has aches and pains and who has to take an AD and Xanax to walk through my days. My life is not perfect. I have a great spouse that is true, but, ultimately, I have to make peace with a lot of things, aging being one of them, being able to admit I am lazy as h#ll (not something I am proud of), I thought the AD was going to make that go away, apparently is a character flaw I possess, I think I will now blame that on my ADD. I want to be a Queen of the World at 50 and sit on my butt for as long as I want, very attractive to my husband I'm sure, lol, but strangely enough for now, he appears ok with my newly created Queendom, hey at least he get's to be King of Menoland. On a serious note, I also want to be a more present mother to my son and a more present wife to my sweetheart of a husband. I am flawed and yet I am accepted and I am grateful. Somehow it all works in my home. My family is not typical how we do things, how we interact. Many people wouldn't run a family the way we do, but, we aren't stressed, so I'm cool. We are all these unique solitary people who live together with love but I started to realize that I had not been connecting with my son for some time, I mean I spoke with him, hey, you doing, how is school and we talked about stuff sometimes, it was the physical connection, the hugs, the kisses...so so important in my view. I was so emeshed in myself. I sometimes shake my head as if I am clearing the cobwebs out and momentarily wake up. I go into my sons room (he is 16 so this is tricky, lol) and i lay next to him and spoon him and just hug and connect with him and ask him how he is and we talk and I hug my little boy (in my eyes at least) and kiss him and tell him how much I love him. My kid is not a cookie cutter kind of kid, he certainly wouldn't be an actor on a Hannah Montana Movie, maybe the Twilight movies. So that gives you an idea. But, you know what he lets me do it and I know he loves it when I really "see" him. It is so easy during this time in our lives to live in an alternate universe to feel so disconnected by all that used to be so familiar, people we love, places we love, things we love to do. Some stuff we realize we have outgrown and some things we re-embrace. I easily slip into my own world in my bedroom, sitting on the computer. I have to figuratively slap myself in the face, throw cold water on myself and snap out of it sometimes. It's like life is in slow motion and I have hit the pause button. Except everyone else is moving forward, I don't like that I am sitting still yet the stillness is bringing me toward some kind of inner peace. I know acceptance of the changes will not happen overnight, I've made some progress accepting that I am aging, accepting there are things out of my control and learning to redirect my fears. When you look in the mirror really look, it is you in there, it is what it is and I'm sure it's beautiful. We are not 20 we aren't going to be 20, 30 or some even 40 again unless someone finally finds that fountain of youth. I know there are rumors that Suzanne Somers has found it, but....I will reserve judgement. I guess I really felt like babbling tonight for some reason hence my long posts. Believe it or not in person I am the exact opposite, I don't like to talk quite as much as I post. Writing has always been my release, just expressing whatever pops into my head. It's okay that you feel the way you feel, why not? Some women don't like to sit with feelings too long especially bad ones, I know I had a very hard time with that personally. I think you are where you are supposed to be right now, I don't think you can push through this journey faster than it is fated to take. You will eventually find balance and acceptance. If you need to pull back from people for a little bit then just do it. I pretty much told people what they could expect from me, I was gonna be flakey, I didn't want to talk on phones, it would be hard to make plans cause I didn't know if I would keep the plans. I could email ok, so if someone needed some support friend or family, to email me and I would be there for them. That was my compromise so I could give back a little of what I was getting. Ok, I am tired and once gain I wrote a story. I hope at least it entertains someone, cause when I get tired, I'm not sure some things make sense. I'm not even gonna proof read. Just know I don't have all the answers, I don't know what I am doing half the time and I hardly look in the mirror either. Take care Mich

These posts got me thinking. A year ago I felt crap. popped into a department store with a cosmetic area and the girl at the counter tried to make me feel worse. Okay some of it was my own doing. I had no make up on and my hair was greasy. I felt depressed frumpy and pasty faced. She smeared this revolting skin darkening product on my face and hearing I used botox she asked when I was going to give up and grow old and tried to sell me anti wrinkle gunk when I had no wrinkles just a bit of sagginess.
This episode depressed me to the degree I couldn't sleep the entire night as I felt that I had lost everything.
In a way the unpleasant encounter did some good. I talked to husband who said yes I had been letting myself go so he treated me to having cheek enhancement which did an awful lot to remove the miserable expression on my face caused by lack of cheek plumpness. I then saw my doctor who was unable to be helpful about hormones due to restrictions on practice. But again that was a blessing in disguise as I did my research and found out about bio identicals. Six months down the line I booked an appointment with an endocrinologist who got me nicely balanced and feeling heaps better.
I'm dealing with my baby fine hair (it has never been thick) by learning to create falls by buying,tinting, sewing and styling human hair wefts. It is great fun - as for being invisible - to hell with them. Other people are often so insular these days that everyone feels invisible.
I'm going to keep taking the hormones and playing the poker and the doom sayers who disapprove of my unorthodox activities can go jump in the river.
Only yesterday someone told me that I unlike most people didn't worry about my reputation and he wasn''t being complimentary. I just told him that I wasn't a reputation so it didn't matter to me.
Louise

Hi Louise:

I commend you on your attitude - and also the fact that you took matters into your own hands instead of moaning about your life - yes - a little bit of plastic surgery and hormones can go a loooong way in making you look and feel good - Was your cheek enhancement a "cheek lift" - or fillers in the cheek - and you were wise to go to an endocrinologist for your hormones - how is your skin looking now? You should also start using Retin A or Tazaroc every night for wrinkles (even though you don't have them now) and sun block during the day. A lot of people on PS mistakingly think that you need a lot of money to look good and that once you start you have to continue forever - and yes you do - but don't we do that with exercise or with our health - and what is the alternative - look old and be treated badly by people - like that nasty sales girl???
So good for you Louise -

Hi Lara
I do use sun protection factor 50 on my skin. I have never liked getting it tanned so I'm careful. I had a cheek lift with the fillers rather then nose to mouth lines. My endocrinologist also gave me a low dose oestrogen cream for my skin so no more pastiness and the colour is back. I would rather spend money on hormones and cosmetic surgery then buy clothes. I'm handy wwith a sewing machine and make most of my panties. Lovely sheer nylon chiffon since rebalancing my hormones rid me of dryness and slight incontinence.
Light exercise to firm my core muscles and I'm careful to avoid alcohol, sweets, junk food and soda drinks.
I must confess though for a few days after that awful encounter I was a bit sorry for myself then I started to fight back - decided that growing older was inevitable but aging badly could be choice
Louise

Louise:

You are like me - a logical thinker - its very true - if you take care of your face with hormones and cosmetic surgery you don't need to buy expensive clothes - cos everyone is charmed by your face LOL - also you exude confidence and therefore also look better - you see these women with old saggy faces who wear Chanel couture - they may be well dressed but nobody looks at them -

Take care

Lara

I hope I'm not called on this viewpoint because I've posted before in past years about feeling differently. This is how I feel today and I hope I can go on feeling this way, although in other places on the board a long time ago, I may not have felt like this.

Eternal Sally, this sentence of yours sums it up for me exactly. I HATED always being stared at by men, always having the tension of them bothering me, trying to start conversations or just making stupid comments. Some of them would be downright rude for no good reason. Now they leave me alone! AND I LOVE IT!! I can go to the gym and do my workout and no one bothers me. Before, they would have stared and said things that made me uncomfortable. I'll take being invisible any day.

I've been reading all of these posts and I can well sympathize with this issue of getting older. I never realized what this would be like until I was plunged into it. But then, I was busy living; why would I care what getting older would be like? I did notice, however, that some older people, men as well as women, often seemed bad-tempered and cross, and I used to hope I would not get like that.

Instead of worrying about growing older and how I look, I just set some different goals for myself that have nothing to do with my face. I decided to get into the best shape of my life. Now of course I know that everything hurts and there is more fatigue. But I don't care. I run every day no matter how I feel, and I slow down if it's killing me, "rest" for a minute or two by walking, and then force myself to run again. My weight is lower now than it has ever been in my life. I just dropped another size LOWER than I achieved in my thirties by dieting alone.

I added three dogs to my life, which was already happy with my dear husband, thank goodness. I've been lucky in having a wonderful marriage to someone who is still my best friend after 22 years. He and my three beloved dogs are all I need. I don't care how I look, because I'm too busy running down nature trails.

If you have outgrown what used to be important to you, set yourself some new goals. My dream is one day, maybe when I'm 60, to run a full a marathon. I'm 58 now, and I'll need to do a lot of half-marathons before that. But I love this; I love getting into the best shape of my life. Go out there and find your passions and DO them. There must be things that you've always wanted to do. DO them; none of us knows how long we have in this life. I never thought I'd be jogging at age 58. You all can do much more than you give yourself credit for; life STILL can be good and even better than ever.

What an inspiring post, CSugar! Best of continued luck to you in your running. That's amazingly great! Wonderful!

I've always been a late bloomer, so maybe by the time another 10 years has gone by I'll have figured out what it is I want to accomplish yet. Till then I'll just keep floating along, dipping my toe into different rivers and feeling hopeful. (I still feel too A-D-Dish to focus on any one thing!) Anyway, you've helped me feel all the best isn't necessarily behind me.

Oh - I did start yoga again (FINALLY) and have already been twice in the past week. I want to slowly gain my strength and flexibility back, for starters. The energy can't be too far behind. I know I probably need some hormonal balancing help too, but I think yoga helps in this regard as well (somehow). (doesn't it?)

Lara
I have always been highly logical. Just the other day my husband was discussing the power of positive thought with me and my opinion is that positive thoughts are fine but they need help along the way. Nothing suceeds like persistence and determination.My husband was talking about sick people healing themselves with positive thought and my take was - sure that sounds fine but I would prefer the attention of a leading specialist and knowledge at my disposal.
Louise

Dear Louise
Having lived with a Tarnished Reputation for many years!A white skinned woman in The Middle East who wears sleeveless T-Shirts and bright colours and kept my roots up to date I say good for you girl!
Had my neck tightened and a horrible glob of fat removed from said area.Also did a Tummy Tuck but unfortunately few hitches there!
Have been on HRT for years.Love high heels and pretty dresses and wearing soft but flattering make-up.
So you enjoy life- the way you see fit.After all it is your Life and You -not some silly man -get to make the decisions.

All the Best
Elizabeth

Dear 'C SugarGrove'
You are entitled to your opinion and I love the way you have kept in shape.I find Yoga great for that.
However,I have to admit that I always enjoyed attention.Know it is vain and probably silly but the good thing is that I have passions like Volunteer Work and these bring me great satisfaction too .
Dogs are wonderful friends and great companions.Unfortunately I live in a small apartment with no garden so am looking out for something larger.We always had labradors while growing up.They are adorable.
Thank God your husband is your best friend.That really helps.
Bet you will make it to a full Marathon too with your great spirit.
So Good Luck with that.
Stay Well
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth.

Dear Mich
I see where you are coming from
Actually I mostly made peace with my use of HRT,an AD and occasional use of Xanax when I found this Forum.I was too afraid to let anyone else know.
Was a fairly Social Butterfly,more by circumstance than choice, but now I find a lot of comfort in my own company.I do Yoga and go to a monthly Book Club.I love reading and can spend hours in a book.
Am not very good on the phone either.Sometimes,I admit,there are times when I haven't answered it.

What is a typical family? I honestly do not know.I was brought up with very little physical affection and made it a point to hug and kiss my two sons and a daughter at all stages of their lives.Yes they do like it too!

Sometimes it is a lot easier to explain your thoughts and feelings in the written word or just to one other understanding person
I think too,as you, that I would not like to drop out of this Forum just because I am Over Posted.It is good to give back and let other ladies,young and old know that we are all here for each other.
Forget proof reading!Haven't bothered with it for years
But please do keep on Posting

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth