Hi Girls, I just don't no what to do with myself anymore?All I do no is I want to just feel good. I'm tired of all this anxiety (altho it has gotten better it's still here), I'm tired of being fearful about things I shouldn't be fearing, I'm tired of feeling so lonely & sad.

I decided to email my Dr. to let her no how I have been feeling. She wants to up the progesterone from 15mg to 30mg. When I was wondering if this is my culprit, thinking I may back off of it, she wants to up it. She told me I do need to shower daily (HAHA, I do, but, told her I don't WANT to) & I need to engage in at least one activity a day. I need to quit being so hard on myself & allow myself to heal. If I wasn't in therapy already, she suggested that I find a therapist. I told her I felt like I am to young to be going thru this, and that I just need to accept that I am. I didn't mean that I need to accept that this is the WAY I am, but that I am GOING thru these things?She took it as me accepting me as the way I am. She told me that it is not good to be counter-poductive & looking at the future negatively is not good. She said that I shouldn't be feeling anything from the hormones, she felt I was dealing with other issues and it wasn't hormonal?I told her about being diagnosed with Bipolar a year ago in October. So, I'm wondering if she thinks this is the problem?But, at my consultation, she said she was leary about the diagnosis because I noticed it more so after my hysterectomy?I just feel so confused.

I am hard on myself, I no that. I don't think in my eyes that I can do anything right or good?It just really ***** to be this way. I always think my house isn't clean enough, I don't cook good enough meals, I don't do anything right, I don't take good enough care of my family. It is just stressful to feel this way pretty much most of the time. On top of that even tho the anxiety has lessend it feels so horrible. I never feel like I get enough sleep. I read the Adrenal Fatigue book by James Wilson, like my Dr. suggested. But, I really am clueless, I don't no what I am supposed to be doing or eating really?I just find it more stressful knowing that the whole Adrenal Fatigue is going on & not knowing what to do about it?

Anyway, I just needed to write all of these things down to share with someone who would understand.
Thanks for listening!
Amber

Amber,
Aaaah i feel for you,i think that we have all here at PS been feeling some if not all of what you are saying at some point or other and also it is hard to know wether our hormones are responsible for this.
i don,t know your circumstances but i know with myself i wonder wether i would of faired better thru this if i had been in full time employment and not had so much time on my hands to annalyse each twinge or felt so tired at 2pm most days,or been so lethargic i could hardly get myself out of bed most mornings.
Having said this i have read posts form women who have had to give up work as these symptoms have been so disabling.
All i know for certain is, this is the worst i have felt and i have been thru a variety of events in my life,i feel with this it is out of my control,i can,t JUST snap out of it,i can,t help thinking the "worst",i can,t stop myself being SO tired,i can,t stop my body aching/hurting.
And also i know this isn,t MYSELF i recognise in the mirror anymore,i see an empty face reflecting back at me.
I can,t offer any advice Amber only words that you are not alone,and how GREAT that we ALL have this fantastic site,to share our high,s and low,s of this journey.
Take care and keep posting Better out than in.
K x

Amber:

I cannot say that I know how you feel but I can say that I have felt hopeless and helpless in the past. I have felt that I had no control over my life at all and that nothing I did was ever enough to make it right. Anxiety has played some evil mind games with me over the last 10 years. Even now I know that it is anxiety but there are days when I believe that I am losing it.

I know this does not fix anything but am hoping that you know you are not alone.

Big ole hugs to you,
Jeaninne

Thank you for responding It sure helps just talking to someone!!Last night was rough. I forgot to take my Seroquel before bed. It was storming, so I laid on the futon with my daughter & fell asleep. I woke up about 1am, decided to go to my own bed. I woke up every hour. It was like a horrible flashback nightmare of what I had went thru for a few months that started In January. It made me fear that I am going to start having sleep problems. But, I think & hope that it was just because I forgot my medication. It helps me sleep at night. It was the most horrible night I have had in a few months. I don't wish to continue it!!!!!I won't be forgetting my meds tonight

I haven't been waking up with that horrible stomach ache like the butterflies in your tummy feeling for awhile. I haven't had to take the anxiety medication in over a week. This morning BOOM I was a mess. I had the butterflies in my tummy feeling, really nervous feeling & altho I couldn't sleep and was awake since about 4:30am laying in bed until 7:30 HOPEING to go back to sleep. I finally got up & took 1mg of Klonopin. Laid on the couch with my pillow & waited for it to kick in, and now I am feeling GOOOD again Thank god for anxiety medication I wouldn't have been able to survive without it!

The kids are in the kitchen making pancakes & eggs. They think they are chef's now HAHA. I am proud of them for wanting to be in the kitchen. And they are so proud after they cook me breakfast. I told them, they cook today, I will cook tomorrow!!Luckily, it's something they like doing together and the best part is...THEY DON'T FIGHT HAHA...Amazing???

I think today will end up being a good day, thanks to the Klonopin LOL..I'm so happy I have it.
I hope everyone has a great Saturday!!!
Amber

Dear Amber,

One thing that I have learned is that we all have seasons in our lives.
There is a time for everything and to every thing a season.

Many times we are too hard on ourselves. Because at one point in our lives we could do everything and get everything done with time to spare. Is it possible that you are judging yourself by when you were at your best? ...And now that you need a resting time, you are fighting against it?

I know that I always judge myself and come up short because at certain times, I was Super-Women. I expect to be Super-Woman every day. LOL! I sometimes look back when my house was picture perfect. At one time, I always used China and served my meals in courses on heated plates. The salad bowls were chilled and the glassware, too. Now, with my schedule, I am lucky to make a salad! LOL!

However, many times I look back at what I used to do, and mourn the loss. I also come up feeling short; I just am not doing good enough. Then I remember that life has many seasons. I am sure when the children are gone, I will once again have the time to pursue my hobbies and serve on China again.

Perhaps many things are not as important as we would like to believe. Perhaps there lies the problem? We inadvertently assign unrealistic expectations of ourselves. When did we develop the "It has to be Perfect Syndrome?"


It's funny, but I don't do this to others. I appreciate all that they do whether it is a little or a lot.


Also, I might add that there is usually a root cause with anxiety and depression. Many times it comes from unresolved anger. It can come because of the frustration of being unable to change things. Look deep within yourself. See if you are angry.

Maybe, just maybe, I am talking more to myself than you. LOL!
Take what works...throw away the rest,

Your friend,
Shebee