I hear all the time about people who hold up under awful circumstances and, as people say "is like a rock. Never says a word". Why can't I be like that?! I can't seem to go a half-hour without complaining to someone about how my body aches or how I slept so poorly or how bad my palps have been or how bad my most recent panic attack was. Why can't I just be all Taoist and "go with the flow"? I want to accept this "change of life" as a normal part of my transition from middle age to geezerhood. I can't seem to. Anybody else like this? What did you do to fix it?

I'm sure you're going more that a half hour without complaining. And, isn't it better to vent sometimes than to hold it all inside where it'll eat at you? Bottom line is that Peri/meno is utter cr*p for many women and can be a tough ride. My best friend used to listen to me vent (all the time) and finally told me "enough and that I was being too negative". wahhhhhhhhh, no fair. But, you know what? I got the point she was making. Venting in appropriate amounts is ok. It was then I learned to talk about the negatives in a more positive way. Not always easy but do able with practice. Best Wishes, JZZ

I think sometimes we get in a habit of complaining. It is something we have been doing so regularly we don't even think about what we are saying, you know what I mean??

My sister and her DH went on a canoe trip one year and the weather was horrible, rained the whole time. They made a pact at the beginning of this trip that under no circumstances would either of them complain or say anything negative. It was a brutal trip, extremely unpleasant....they were wet and cold for 2 days! But they managed to keep their pact. In the end, they remember this trip with smiles because they fought so hard NOT to whine!

The point of my story is that you can "teach" yourself to not complain, and after awhile it becomes a new habit. And when you don't allow yourself to say negative things, often your mental attitude becomes more positive as well!!

Webalina, I'll pass on a suggestion my hubby made that I try to use (ok, not always successful).

Instead of looking at the hours you feel lousy, each day think and talk about the time you felt good - even if that time was only a few minutes. This really helped me change my perspective. Even the first day I realized that I felt OK more of the time than I had thought. I just kept doing this every day. After a fairly short time, I'd tell him I'm having a bad time but that it was OK, I knew it would pass. I still do that today without even thinking about it.

Here is a quote by Jim Rohn which I find very helpful:

"What we ponder and what we think about sets the course of our
life. Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to change it
all. Any day we wish, we can open the book that will open our mind
to new knowledge. Any day we wish, we can start a new activity. Any
day we wish, we can start the process of life change. We can do it
immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.

"We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if
the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we
can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment
over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The
choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we
continue to nourish the cause. As Shakespeare uniquely observed,
"The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves." We created our
circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the
responsibility to make better choices beginning today."

On that note...I have decided as a form of discipline to take a week long hiatus from this board mainly to see if I can direct my thoughts elsewhere. It has become a habit for me to obsess about all this peri stuff so we'll see...

There is some very good advice here...some which I will take too, I am far too whiny!!!

Although I must admit I am beginning to know when to hold my tongue around certain people that never seem to complain about their 'symptoms'.....and when they do, it makes me feel so much better and I can relate and sympathise and reassure them!

I have a little voice in my head now that says to me 'NOT NOW" and 'I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS'...this helps when I am too negative.

Caz

I am always complaning these days. i am sure people are sick of it, I know my husband is, but when you feel lousy, you just do and it helps to say something. Feel free to pm me whenever you need to let it out, then maybe if you have a buddy here, you'll feel better and not do it as often around people. It's just a thought.

Gee, I don't have a clue. Why can't you stop complaining?

LOL!

Could it be because you are stressed out to the max, your hormones are messed up, your adrenals are shot, your thyroid likes working when it feels like it, endless nights of no sleep, hot flashes, panic attacks, cold flashes, losing your hair and etc. & etc.? When these things start hitting and don't stop, it makes us feel "crazy."

I can't imagine why you don't just shut up and smile. LOL!





Ok...look on the bright side:
In thirty years from now, these hard times will give us something to talk about!




I think that one day we will all be more accepting of meno symptoms, but when they start hitting and don't stop, they are a bit overwhelming. By talking about them, we seek reassurance that we are not going to die. This is a normal thing to do. However, when you start to realize that people are not picking up your calls or avoiding you, you learn to shut up and just bear it. Don't you wish one of the older ladies that have lived through menopause would just put their arms around you and let you know that it is going to be OK? Perhaps their meno experience was so horrible that they have mind blocked it? ...or just too painful to have to think about it. This is the case with me and migraines. I can barely talk about them; they were so horribilis et terribillis!



I am so thankful for this board. Since we don't know each other in our personal lives, it is easy to be truthful with each other.


Don't you find that in some bizarre way that you have a closer bond with the powersurge ladies than your closest friends?


I remember having one of my first migraine headaches; I truly thought that I was going to die. It was that bad.

Then something even worse happened. I realized that I was not going to die, and I was going to live and have to endure the pain.

LOL! This must be the case with menopause.

Here is a HUG,
Shebee

Shebee, you said it! I thought I was going to die, then realized I wouldn't and wasn't sure which was worse !

I'm grateful to all you trying to find a way to stay positive through this. PS and you all have been there for every weird symptom and event I encounter on this journey. Most of the women in my day to day life do not/did not suffer to the degree I am. I find myself thus quieter about my personal life with them because I know they cannot relate and I would imagine it makes them uncomfortable - like they might catch it with too much exposure .

Please stay at PS and lets all continue to support each other through the insanity. Sometimes that may include an appropriate whine or too, but often it is a ray of hope or recognition of a good day.

WOW! You girls really came through for me! Everybody gave different advice and every bit of it makes sense. Thank you so much, y'all. PS chicks are AWESOME!!!!