I'm new to posting, but you have been preserving my sanity for several months now!

My DH(63, retired 8 yrs) and DS (20, home from college for the summer) are clueless and not likely to get one anytime soon.
Polite requests for help with garbage, hauling laundry down to basement, loading dishwasher have fallen on
jaded ears---"Mom's on the warpath again--it'll blow over" or "I'm waiting for the commercial, hon". At the most I get 24
hours of assistance before it falls off their radar screen.

I went so far as to draw up a list of what needs to happen for minimal standards of living and DH, after getting the list, said,
"I'll have to look it over and see if I want to sign up for any of the items".

At this point, I finally realized that needed to do something before there was bloodshed.

This morning I announced that I was retiring after 30 years of planning, capturing and hauling home the food.
I would no longer be roasting it or serving it. Immediate protest.....I said, "I think two of you can manage to replace one of me".

Happy retirement. Take care of yourself - even if it means eating out for awhile. Leave them to their own devices. Close your eyes to the upcoming household disarray and I bet they eventually will get the message! Best wishes in your retirement. Jzz

BRAVO!!!

Sounds like you should....I get tired up picking up after the whole family!!

I tried NOT but geez whiz I can't stand the mess!!

Right on sister! I'm right behind you.

I hear you, loud and clear!!!!!

I have told my family it would be the equivalent to "dying and going to heaven" if I EVER came home to dinner ready and waiting for me....

Has anyone taken me up on it?

(tap, tap, tap) I'm still waiting!!!!!

I right with you. I announced last week I was on strike with 12 yo DS due to his gross disrespect and inability to be cooperative without lots of argument. DH does not lay down the law and support me with rules about his behavior and in fact is perceived by DS as Mr. Nice Guy and I'm the Big, Evil Mother. I'm quite weary of it so told DH that until we could stand together to get DS behavior under control, he can just take care of his laundry, meals, driving him places, homework, etc.

DS is an only child and so we were able to say yes to many of his requests and desires (can we stop at Dunkin' Donuts on the way home from school, can you take me to (fill in the blank), can you buy me such and such snacks at the store, etc) Now, I automatically say no to everything, and told him until I see a few weeks of respecful talking to me, no arguments, and cooperation, I would continue to say no to everything.

Menopause and puberty do NOT mix!

Okay, this is a little wierd because I just had this same discussion with my 13 YEAR OLD DD, ONLY CHILD! I'm on strike as well, plenty of food in the pantry, plenty of food in the frig, dear exhusband in the den, go for it!!!!!!!!!!! She had one meal yesterday which he did cook for her. After hearing her say shse was hungry and me explaining to him at 9:30 p.m. last night that she had not eaten since, he went and fixed her somethng to eat! Of course, in her words SHE WASN'T THAT HUNGRY but she scarfed it down in 5 minutes lol!!!!



((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

TJ

I hear you! Children during puberty try their mother's souls, don't they?

People are tippytoeing around this house--we will see how long it lasts.

tealover!!!

Way to go!!! I did the same thing some time ago. If I "feel" like making dinner, I will. If I don't....well make your own!! I have a grown man and a 19 year old son, who are perfectly capable!! Unfortunately they don't really make "wise" choices, eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, frozen pizza, mac n cheese, Japanese noodles....I mean where are the veggies?????? Last night it was burgers, but no salad or any other veg. So I guess it is a good thing I cook sometimes!!!

Idiots!!

yes, this cooking thing that they simply take for granted:

making a list of things you can think of to make (i struggle on that one all of the time)
going food shopping ugghhhh....
hauling and unloading the food
prepping food
making the damn food
serving it
cleaning up

it's not a chore, it's a huge daily pain in the butt!

It's funny you should be writing this now. Still have my 22 year old son living at home. He works and goes to school. I lost my job last year and I think since my daughter got married and moved out I feel useless. I have always did everything for them. To the point of actually putting loosleif in my son's college binders. My daughter was very independant and did for herself. So she didn't allow me to take control of everything for her. I wake him up for classes because he shuts his alarm off and then goes back to sleep. Yesterday he had me and my husband running around looking for his car keys and blamed me because I'm constantly "fixing" things in his room and putting things in wash. I know it's my fault and I have to let him sink or swim. I also make meals around his school and work schedule. I just feel badly for him because he has IBS and needs the big meal way before work or class so his stomach will not act up. So it's like I'm chained to the house and making his dinner at 2:30 in the afternoon. I know, I know it's ridiculous. Also making his bed and putting all his clothes away. I think it also helps me feel useful. I got so hurt last night when he yelled at me. I know I have to stop doing for him. I just feel like he's under pressure and was never organized. I know I'm not doing him any favors though. It's just hard to let go of my "job" as a mother. Even when I was working I did all this. I also recent that it feels like all I do is clean up after everyone, do loads of wash and cook, cook, cook. But what do I do all day then?

Your post hits so close to home It's hard to let them make mistakes ...but they have to.

WTG!!!!!!!!!! I want to do that too.

Oh Pattimay! What do you do all day? Take care of yourself instead of everyone else!!! If you're not getting any gratitude for what you do, then don't do it. A 22-year-old is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, including working around any dietary restrictions he has - he's had 22 years to figure out what and when he can eat. Go sign up for an interesting class at your local community college, or go to the library and catch up on your reading, or go for a hike . . . what were your dreams before you were a mom? This is the time to pursue them. If nothing else, find some local charity organization you can volunteer with - at least then you're giving to someone who will appreciate it! But I really think this is the time to put your needs first. You deserve the kind of care you've provided your family all these years.

my husband thinks whoever cooks should clean too ,, (yes ,, he's still alive),, I put my foot down on that one and pointed out that the person that cooks (me) also
makes the grocery list
buys the food
hauls the food home
puts the food away
washes the food
prepares the food

he still grumbles ,, but does the dishes

Way to go i feel like doing the same thing my mil lives with hubby and i and she is capbale of helping out a bit in kitchen but all she does is sit on her fat A$$ all day and reads books and watch tv. Its every frickin day she ask are you making dinner tonight or are we gonna eat what we find. I say i cook when i cook you will know when there isn't any dinner. I am getting fed up i am a picky housekeeper so i can't leave dishes but gee whiz theres others around to cook. As a matter of fact i am not cooking tonight we have enough leftovers.Its hard having a mil live in the same house i am just irratated. sorry for nagging.