I can't believe I've done this! I didn't really think I had that many meno issues since at 55, I don't have hot flashes. No period, either, due to hysterectomy.

Anyway, I worked at a non-profit for several years, part time. They were downsizing and I saw the handwriting on the wall and quit before I was let go. I took another PT job that was a horrid fit and quit that around Christmas. In a fit of desperation, I started applying to things that I knew were not for me - mainly FT jobs. I was offered one and have been at it for 5 weeks. My anxiety level is through the roof and I now have the beginnings of a possible ulcer and a resurgence of a sacroiliac joint dysfunction ... I'm in pain! It's too many hours and a level of bookkeeping that I have no experience with. I was not given a job description and no one told me during interviews what the financials entailed.

My family is frustrated with me for taking and quitting jobs, but they see that it is just about impossible for me to relax when I'm not working. They all think I should be on an antidepressants, but I'm too leery of the side effects. I've tried a few for very short periods and felt worse, so I quit.

I know the only good solution is to quit (again) and wait for something that fits and doesn't compromise what I want my life to be. I'm so afraid to make that call. I did tell the woman who is training me that I didn't think it was working out for me and that I may be leaving. She is retiring and just wants out and this will set her departure date back. I feel guilty. Guilty for her, for letting everyone down, and that, I guess, is why my tum tum hurts so bad.

So, sisters, am I a meno-mess or just plain nuts?

I should add that I live in a new town, know very few people well and have no family around me at all.

I appreciate any comments.

Bella

You are not crazy nor meno nuts. You just aren't happy doing what you are doing. After all the life you have lived aren't you entitled to do what feels good to you? Stop beating yourself up. Women too often are people pleasers (me included), but you also have to please yourself. If this is miserable then quit and find something that you would enjoy doing. It is certainly not worth the anxiety and the pain you are having. It isn't wrong to do what is right for ourselves, in fact there is everything right with it.

I am sorry you are in a new town with no family around. That is an adjustment in and of itself. So be a little gentle with yourself. It really doesn't matter what other people think. What matters is what you think and when you are happier doing what you want to then you will be over all happier. I totally understand how you are feeling, but we will all cheer you on to go and do for you. That is not selfish or nuts. It is just good caring for yourself.

Dor

Thanks for the kind words, Dor. You are right. I've been ignoring the physical warnings and am now dealing with a flare of IBS. Finally, tonight I called the board pres to give notice, but wouldn't you know it, I get the answering machine. I need to get this settled and start letting my body heal. This has been going on for way too long. And then, I have to figure out how to live verrry frugally

(((((((((((Bella)))))))))))))))))

You're doing the right thing by getting a job that is more suited for you. Please don't beat yourself up. I don't see that you quit so many jobs - where is that coming from?

I will pray that you find something that works for you.

Hugs again,
Karen

Hi kar4242,

Thanks for the hugs; I need them ... and the prayers!!!

I finally told them today that I wasn't staying. The deal breaker this weekend is pain again in the elbow, wrist and hand that I had twelve long weeks of PT for last summer. I just can't chance another debilitating bout of tendonitis. Using a mouse for prolonged periods seems to cause it. I have to finish out two weeks and it's going to be so awkward. People have been very nice and welcoming. I told them it was for health issues, though. As to quitting jobs - we've been here four years and I've had five jobs, one was for three years, though. I just can't seem to find the right fit to accommodate the health issues yet not be bored out of my mind! But I keep trying. Now, I need to try to be content, relax at home and let my poor body heal. Unfortunately, I think these two weeks may be stressful for me. Sigh.

That's not so terrilbe Bella. Praying you heal and find something that suits you.

Hugs,
Karen

Bella,
Do what you need to do for your well-being. You have to take care of yourself and what others think is really not the point. Your happiness and health is.
The ones close to you should understand that and the people at your present job.. are just short term work relationships most likely forgotten anyway.
Good luck!