hi,

I don't know if this is related to menopause or just normal thoughts at this time in life, either way it is really causing me some depression I think.

Did anyone ever watch a movie (romatic) and have it leave you with a feeling of missing something in life/relationships I know they are movies and reality is that much more goes into real life than they show in movies i.e. bills, children, basically the stresses of life, but did you ever have that feeling afterwards of looking back and wishing for different choices. I guess some would call them regrets, but I don't know if mine are so much regrets....that is such a strong word, maybe if my earlier part life had been more pleasurable I wouldn't have these feelings. My husband is great, could use a little romance, but what can I expect as our relationship has been basically me going through peri. meno @#%#%. He is my second husband, married 5 years 3 of which has been a nightmare for both of us as far as my body is concerned, who would have expected this to happen, but even so he stands by me trying to help......in turn our romatic life has become a distant memory, I don't mean sex either but romance, the kind most women want. Do you remember the feelings you had when you first met...the butterflies, the heart pounding IN A GOOD WAY and not because of a hotflash, quesy feeling....the only time I get these feeling now is when I have a panic attack, somehow it just isn't the same. I know these feelings fade for most if us as we again get into real life, but why does it have to...my mom says it is normal. I thought I lost it in the first marriage because of the relationship dynamics and when I met my husband now I was for sure we would never lose that feeling of newness, but it has faded, he says it is because of all the camotion from the effect hormones have had on us and he loves me the same now as he did when we married, but I miss that feeling and by the time menopause passes, if it does, I feel we will be too old to care anymore. What if something happens to my husband when I come out of this and we miss out time together.....these thoughts.......I wish they would go away.

The other feeling is getting older, maybe this is the main feeling and the above is secondary or this feeling effects the above, now that I think about it I think this is true for me. My dad always says the alternative is...well you know and when he has a birthday he looks at it as good. AS my body begans to show signs it is failing me I get really depressed. We can never go back and enjoy our youthful, spry age again whatever that was for each of us. Again as stated above some of my younger years teens through 20's weren't something I want in the forfront of my memory, I wish they had been diiferent. Why do we have to age...die. I believe in God and trust there is a place after this, but still the feeling remains. Forgive me ladies as you see I am in a really sad place right now. I watched a movie and it had such an effect on me....not the first time this has happened with a movie, but this one was really strong and I suspect it is becuase of where I am in my life. Well I hope i didn't bring you too down as we don't need help nowadays......thanks for listening. HUGS MIKKI

Hi Sunflower,
So sorry you're feeling so sad right now. I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to movie and yes they can have a tremendous effect on your mood and thoughts even knowing they are just that, a movie. They strike a chord in you and sometimes it's hard to shake. Do you mind if I ask what movie so I can avoid it for the next, oh I don't know, peri-meno years!?!?
I look back too and wish I had done some things different and worry about not making the best of the time I have now. It is hard to keep a positive outlook when you have so much going on in your body.
Hang in there, you aren't alone and we're always hear to at least listen (((hugs)))

Thanks.....I am sure the time of life is at least 80% why I am so saddened by this stuff, I was thinking(maybe too mcuh lately) that also when people get these feeling they decide to change it by doung some of the stuff they feel they missed (not an affair) but you know like being adventerous(sp) doing stuff they would never normally have done, going places they never had gone.....but I can barely drag mself to the store, so there blows any hope of acting on some of my dreams. Even doing the things that gave me enjoyment before just as simple as going out and dancing(which I used to love to do...it felt so free) now the spinning ball makes me more dizzy than I already am.

The movie was Twilight.....I had no desire to see nor read the books my daughter, mother and best friend have been so persistant on me doing. My BF even borrowed my daughter the series of books and told me to read them....once I start I will not put them down....they just looked oeverwhelming...I mean 700+ pages in one was not my idea of light reading and saw no way I'd finish it let alone the rest of them so I just didn't. My daughter begged to buy it this past sat. when it came out....we did and she is like watch it with me....alright so I prepared and brought down something else to do just in case I got bored....needless to say I was glued to the tv and was crying at points, the music, for me, was moving and put just at the perfect points for special effect......it stirred something in me I wish it hadn't. I am reading the book now, because I can't not read it.

Anyway I just feel like I wish I could take action on some of the things I would love to do before it is too late......

wanted to add flirting with forty had some of the same impact on me, not as intense though. It was a lifetime movie.

I think that maybe we need to slow down sometimes and think to ourselves - all in good time, all in good time. And maybe this time in our lives is meant to do that for us. We feel like we have to rush around trying to fill up our lives, do things we didn't do, experience new things. Isn't that what you see and read all the time? But, maybe, just maybe, we are meant to just linger a little while and feel the feelings. They are scary, I know. I miss my mothering (my children are grown), oh how I miss that. I miss the importance of my life when they were all growing up and I was busy taking care of them, a home, and teaching dance. Retirement, although sweet, can often leave me feeling purposeless and drifting. And, I know that I must find ways to fill myself back up again. But isn't it possible that before we can do that we need to feel ourselves and be quiet with that? Who are we? What do we want? What is our new definition? Not easy when you felt it so strongly before - that sense of purpose. If we were nurturers, how do we fullfill that need? If we were creative, where can that go? If we were business minded, how can we keep that part of us alive? We are so used to rushing through our lives as we met everyone else's needs that maybe we need to stop, not wrestle with it all so much, and let the answers come. I don't mean not working on it or towards it, but resting with it in our souls, getting comfortable with who we are and what we want. Where does this next phase lead us? Often when we stop struggling so hard the answers come more easily.

Yes, sometimes I miss the romance and all of those feelings. We live at the beach and I watched one young couple hugging on the beach one evening and said to my husband - oh I miss that feeling. And even as I said it I realized what it is we do have. No it is not the "can't wait to see him" feeling of first romance, but it is the blessing of knowing that my very best friend is standing next to me and that his hugs still mean the most and make me feel the best.

And yes, I think we all worry about losing our husbands at this point in life. It is a scary feeling as life seems to be more fragile than it felt in our 20's and 30's. We have heard more scary stories, known people who have lost a loved one, and sometimes faced our own mortality worries. But remember how it felt in your 20's or 30's? We worried then about what if we died - who would take care of our kids? Who would love them like we do? And we worried about what if something happened to one of them. How would we possibly survive that? I have friends who did and I marvel at how they get up in the morning. So, our worries are different than at other points in our lives. They all revolve around security and safety I think. And, they are all part of the nuturing part in all of us - for those we love and for ourselves.

There are no easy answers and I wish there were. But, there is comfort in sharing. There is comfort in knowing we are not alone with these thoughts, sadnesses, worries, and fears. For we aren't. Is it not just part of the womanly human condition? And why do we get so scared of that? After all, they made us take care of those we loved, they are part of who we are.

When I was younger I used to say that when I got older I wanted to be like Helen Hayes. My sister used to laugh at me. She was like -" Helen Hayes? We are only in our 30's and raising young families. Why are you thinking of Helen Hayes?" I guess because whenever I saw her on some awards show she always seemed to carry herself with such grace and dignity. She seemed so comfortable with her aging and like someone you would just want to sit down and talk to about life and how she handled it. We know it was not easy for her having lost a daughter, yet she smiled and graced people with that smile. So muh wisdom behind those eyes. I am still trying to have that grace and I sure would like some young woman to sit in my garden, lean over and say, "Tell me how you did it. Tell me how I can make it. Tell me how to find the peace." I doubt that I could tell her that right now, but how honored I would be if she asked me!

If you need a movie to fill your soul, watch "Fried Green Tomatoes". Beautiful movie, beautiful message.

Sorry for rambling. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Maybe we just need to rest, not sleep, just rest in ourselves for awhile. The answers will come, even if they are painstakingly slow!

Dor

Lovely message Dor.....you are right..the answers will come, have faith.

I know exactly what you mean !! I watched Twilight myself for the first time last night and It did not leave me feeling very happy, more like unhappy.Usually I am very carefull as to what I read, watch now a days.With all the hormones being out of whack I never know when a movie is going to upset me (sounds crazy I know) but it is so very true.I am recovering from a bout of depression with no meds simply because I dont want the S/E so for a few weeks I didn't even watch T.V. just beacuse I was trying my best to filter out anything that might help me stay in that deep dark pit.YUCK !! Anyhow just be more carefull what you watch, if my kids and hubby are watching something too violent or scary or dramatic I simply leave the room and go take a walk or soak in the tub( my latest addiction, feels so good to soak the stress away ).I find I am much happier and less emotional this way...remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS