Okay, those of you who've been through this. I need some input if possible.

I hadn't even given much thought really to where my daughter (the bride) will dress for the wedding, here?, her place?, the church? Just hadn't even given it much thought, doesn't matter much to me really.

But the photog e-mailed to ask what time to be at the church, and if that is where she will be dressing? I didn't know, so I had to ask her.

She as by here tonight. She said "oh that reminds me, yes, I do plan to dress at the church, but <groom's mom> wanted to know what time to be at the church, and I told her probably about 4:00 and that I want her to come to the back where me and the bridesmaids are, where we're getting ready so she can <wink wink, nudge nudge>, be a part of things", so mom just take your Xanex or whatever you need to and **** it up and deal with it, it'll be okay, I had to do what I could to include her".

Now, the truth of the matter is that it's all I can do to be around the woman, after how she's behaved and tx'd me like I'm the evil mean witch who planned this whole thing with an iron fist (I didn't do a darn thing in any of this wedding that wasn't in consultation with the bride and groom, ............ but at this point I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't easier on them to let me be the heavy for decisions that have been made that she didn't agree with). It's all I can do to be around her for the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, the reception. Now, I have to be around her, in the back where my daughter and her bridesmaids will be getting ready. Ugggh.

I didn't say a word to my daughter, because she is doing as she should *including* her future mil, and that's been her mil's beef all along, that she wasn't *included*. So fine. I never said a word to my daughter that I didn't like that. And I won't.

I won't be rude, and ugly about any of it. I will be cordial and go about my business. But where can I go .....................<those of you who've weathered this stuff before>................ where can I go, what can I do with myself that I don't have to subject myself to much of it. I will, as I said, be cordial, I will be pleasant, but I'd like to make myself more scarce in that specific setting than present.

Thoughts?

Keep your eyes,mind and heart on your precious daughter.Let her be the complete focus,the center of attention as it should be.If you feel the urge to say something negative-force yourself to replace it with a positive-your daughter will benefit and so will you.GOD-bless

i've followed this story from the beginning and have to say that i'm almost speechless... almost.

as for the actual day of the wedding, why would you let this woman allow you to have to go hide out on the most important day of your daughter's life? if i were you (and yes, i have married off one dd and will probably be marrying off another next year) i'd make it a point to be there, taking part, making memories and all that beautiful stuff that happens on a wedding day. remember, after the wedding day is over, you no longer have to deal with the groom's mother!

as a photographer who has photographed more than my share of weddings, i can tell you that the tension will show in the pictures so you might also want to keep that in mind. just food for thought.

so, you asked for input. don't let this day become all about the groom's mother. only you can control that. if situations come up that are less than desirable, deal with it like a lady or just walk away. it is, afterall, your daughter's special day. make it about her and she'll be so grateful for that later on.

best wishes to all of you for a wonderful (and uneventful) wedding day!

btw - can't wait to read the update post post-wedding day!

Wedding day is end of the month, but hopefully there will be nothing to report, other than how beautiful it all was.

Oh I plan on not allowing her to pierce the bubble of happiness over all this, anymore than she already has, which is considerable. But I plan on, on that specific day, I won't let her get the best of me. My daughter, I guess, because she LOVES her fiance' SO MUCH (as it should be), she wants to try to do what she can to get along with his family. Inspite of how the woman is/behaves. As it should be.

I won't be in the middle of any problem though. For my daughter's sake, and for my own.

Dear'doaker'
Good for you. This is the sensible attitude.She is your beautiful,wonderful daughter and nothing can spoil that. I hope you have a fabulous day. Tell us all about it.

My Mother-in-Law hated me from the word go. She changed over the years and prefered my company over her daughters.I bathed her and changed her diapers when she was ill.She used to cuddle me tight.I was with her when she died,and ,although she was in a Coma,she squeezed my hand several times.

Sometimes people do realise all the silly harm they have caused,usually out of unfounded jealousy.I feel sorry for this woman.She must be one sad,angry lady.

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

LOL. Now that you mention it. My very own mother did not like my youngest brother's wife. They became *expectant* as teenagers. My mother felt, from day #1, that my youngest brother was "trapped", as they say. This was back in the day (as the young'ns say), back when young men who impregnated a gal, would more often than not, marry her. And that was the case with my youngest brother.

Forever, my mother did not like her one bit, and for a long long long time. I loved her to pieces all along (the older sister to that brother, and her now my sister in law). I thought she was as sweet as could be. And a terrific mother.

My mom grew to love her very much through the years. My youngest brother, ............ were it not for the love and boundaries of the gal he married so long ago, that supposedly *trapped* him, we all shutter to think where he might be. He was a wreckless teenager that grew into an even more wreckless young man. But always he had a strong-willed wife, who ran a tight ship.

So there is hope that the woman who will be my daughter's future mother-in-law will grow softer, I suppose. My daughter is not pregnant and hasn't "trapped" the woman's son. And the woman "claims" to think the world of my daughter. Her actions however, speak to the contrary.