I am feeling kind of depressed today. My oldest daughter, who is bipolar is back in the mental hospital. She has been off her meds for about 7 months now, and was self medicating with booze. She managed to get fired from her job a couple of weeks back...and she didn't even see it coming. She has been partying pretty hard, when she wasn't working. So she decided she needed to quit drinking, she went to a therapist...who immediately put her on medical financial assistance.

BUT....because she is not self medicating anymore, she is living a manic high without any kind of meds...be it booze or pharma drugs or even street drugs! It occurred to her today that she really is feeling crazy, her mind is racing a million miles an hour, and a lot of the thoughts swirling around in there are crazy (so she tells me)...she is feeling very angry and aggressive (which is a new thing!!)...and she is borderline suicidal. Great, just great.....

She lucked out today and phoned for a Dr appt and got one for 20 MINUTES after she called....fluke or WHAT!!! usually it takes 2 WEEKS!! So....the doctor immediately had her COMMITTED to the mental hospital. This is the 5th or 6th trip for her....and the 2nd committment. The other times were voluntary.

I do love this young woman to death, but my goodness she is exhausting. Her life is one crisis after another, there never seems to be any normal times....you know, where she just lives like a regular person. I am glad she is locked up for the moment, as I know she is SAFE and will be watched very closely, and will get medicated properly....for that I am grateful and I can relax and let some of the worry melt away.....for now.

But then what??

((((Kathie)))))) It's tough dealing with a child that has so many issues, doing that at the moment myself. I guess she can't see the self medicating only makes things worse! Hang in there girly she might get the help she needs and learn to deal with her diseases over time. All you can do is continue to love her and I know it is easier said than done to try not to stress over it all. As you say she is safe for now and will be getting some help!

((((((((((((floater))))))))))))))

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Jeaninne

Kathie,

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family again. You have been through enough already. Try to take care of yourself and try not to listen to all the negative garbage that seems to come out at times like this, whether it's in your own head or coming out of another's mouth.

I hope to talk to you soon.

Love,

bev

((((((((((((Floater)))))))))))))))) I am so sorry this has happened. I can not imagine how difficult this must be for you, loving your daughter as you do. My heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself. I am holding you in my heart. Kathleent

(((((Kathie))))) - talk to you soon.... - hang on girl, hang on....

((((((((Kathie))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry to read this. I will keep her, you and your family in my prayers. Take it a step at a time, a day at a time.

Hugs again,
Karen

Kathie,
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time....Thinking of you.

(((Hugs)))
Di

Kathie,
So sorry to hear this. It is so hard for us moms to watch our children go through such trials and suffering. I've dealt with many bipolars that come into to the ER, either voluntary or involuntary, one of whom was the son of one of our charge nurses, and I've seen the upheaval the loved ones are always going through and feel so sorry for them and also for their bipolar family member. Although I intellectually knew the ins and outs of bipolar, until I had to actually deal with them (many were repeat ER patients) and their families, and my co-worker told me what they had been through for many years, I really didn't have a clue of the extreme stress it inflicts on the patient and their families.

At least your daughter had enough sanity left to get herself help. Many refuse to believe they even need it and are brought in involuntarily by police or family. Hopefully once she's under control again with counseling and meds everything will settle down. Keep us posted.

((((((((((((((Kathie)))))))))))))
Millions of hugs and prayers,
Jonie

Floater,

My heart and prayer goes out to you and your family. I too have a precious daughter and I would just die if something awful happened to her. I worry never ends...

All the best,
Plumeria

(((((((FLOATER))))))))

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs and gets better soon!

Thanks you ladies for the kind words and encouragement. Almost choked me up, and I am not the type to GET choked up easily!

The battle with girl has been going on since she was 13 years old. I was the one who finally figured she was bipolar when she was 19!! For 6 years I just thought she was the "child from hell". Her teen angst was so over the top it shocked me, over and over and over again. I could not fathom how I had raised this child so WRONG. I spent many an hour hiding in the bathroom sobbing my heart out for what an abject failure I was as a mother. It took a lot of years for me to realize she was actually ILL. Since she was 19, so for the last DECADE, it has been a battle trying to keep her in the "normal" zone. She didn't help by become a meth addict!

She has made so many bad choices in her life, I couldn't even list them all. She is mother to 3 kids, none of which she (thankfully) has custody of. She was married, and her marriage ended by her husband dropping her off at the psych hospital and phoning me to tell me he had left her there and she was not welcome to come home.

Even though she needed to be in the hospital at the time, she has never forgiven him for dropping her off and leaving her there. He was willing, back then, to take her back if she got well.....but she would not even consider it.

It is a long long long story, and a pretty sad one. Even the family (her siblings, aunts, uncles, father) are tired of the never ending drama that is her life and they keep their distance. I understand why they do, but I can't. Not entirely. I do try and keep her and the disease separated in my head. I try not to judge the person by her illness. But it is hard, oh so hard.

She has told me she really just wishes she was normal. She hates being "crazy". But then why does she go off her meds????? She says cuz she feels "normal" and doesn't think she is sick, so consequently doesn't NEED the meds. And around and around we go!!!

Again ladies, I can't tell you how much your kind words and hugs mean to me! I need them bad!

Hugs back to you all!!!

Oh, Floater, I'm so sorry. You must be a very strong woman to deal with this for all these years. I have an uncle who begins to think he is well and will go off his meds.. it's such a vicious cycle for everyone. I'll be keeping you in prayer. Wish there was more I could do.

(((Hugs)))

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

Mopsy

(((((Kathie)))))

just saw this post - i had no idea the struggles you've had with your daughter!! my heart goes out to you, her and your family!! you are so strong, it amazes me!

hang in there... we are here for you!!

love you,
gyz

I'll keep her and you in my prayers. (((hugs)))

(((Kathie)))) Am just seeing this! I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. The hardest clients' I worked with in voc rehab were bipolar and schizopherenic who were not med compliant. In fact, my first client at university was bipolar, unmedicated, and wanting me to place her in a job. This is a very tough mental illness you are dealing with, and it's hard to be objective when it's your child. I feel for you Kathie!!

Please know we are here for you and are pulling for you!!

Love,
SusanC

Kath,

Man ! do I ever feel for ya girl. As you know, my life has been turned upside down for years because of my son. He is 17 and not bipolar but living the life of a gangster. So hard , like you said, to watch our kids make horrible mistakes. Like you, i'm really the only one that hasnt' turned my back on him. Drugs, Cops, jail, court, you name it, iv'e been there. She is safe right now, just live for today, tomorrow is in the future. I know it's hard, but you have to keep your ' sanity' somehow, to go on for yourself, for your son.

me and the girls and are for you, we love ya, so hang in there, your not alone, okay ? Trust me

Hugs and Love

Moozie

(((((Kathie))))),
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this again.
I understand completely as my sister has been hospitalized twice in the past 10 months . She is also bipolar and won't stay on her meds.
Please know that I am thinking of you.
Big (((((Hugs)))),
Arla.

Hi Floater: I was so sad to read this is happening to your daughter. I hope that they get her well and that you are able to take some time to get yourself rested up. Big hugs.

Kathie, I'm so sorry to hear this. Feel heartened by how many of us have or are currently dealing with something similar. My mother, while no techincally bi-polar, presented very similar behaviors. The meds helped her but she was too addicted to the highs to be consistant. Alzheimers has been a blessing to her and us as the desire to go off her meds has finally faded and I can, for the first time in my life, enjoy being around her.

We're all here for you.

Kathie...I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

My dear Floater

It must be very exhausting when you have to deal with your beautiful daughter who suffers this disorder.The problem is staying on Medication.I think a lot of young people have a problem dealing with the fact that this a life long condition.My heart goes out to you.

I know you love your daughter.she is your child but that doesn't stop you from being exhausted,exasperated and forever thinking What Next/Do you get enough support from the rest of your family as this should not all fall on your shoulders?

I am saddened that she is locked up but I do understand that this is very necessary sometimes.Are you able to visit and keep a track of what they are giving her etc.I only say this because I care about you Kathie,and would be terrified that they are sedating her very heavily.

You are in my Prayers,my love.Your sweet daughter too.

Please let us know how things go on

Warm Wishes
Big Hug
Elizabeth

Dear'rendy'
My heart goes out to you my dear friend.How very sad that you can only now enjoy your Mother as she has Alzheimers.I am a believer but have to wonder why there is so much suffering.

You and Your Mother are in my prayers
God Bless
Elizabeth

I spoke to my daughter last night, and she had not yet received any medication whatsoever. She said she was feeling a little calmer though, and managed to get some sleep and to eat. I think she is feeling a sense of relief being in there, like all her responsibilities are on hold for the moment, and this has given her some peace.

She isn't upset she is committed, she knows she needs the help. She is trying to get into the hospitals 6 week rehab program, which is an inhouse program. That way she can get stabilized AND learn some coping skills at the same time. She says (now at least), she wants to go into a long term rehab program after she is finished the 6 week program in the hospital. This would be a great thing, if she can follow thru. Only time will tell.

Floater~
I'm keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and sending you positive vibes. I'm so proud of your daughter for knowing that she needs to do this...there are so many people that won't deal with it the way they need to.
Take care of yourself while she's there so you'll have the strength to help her when she comes home.
(((hugs)))

Sorry to hear that float, I know exactly how your feeling , my brother was released a week ago from mental hospital for cutting both his wrist. i hope your daughter gets the right treatment and stays on her pills. Hugs to both of you. Terry

Again I appreciate the kind words, and it is so sad that so many of you also have had or are having to deal with similar issues with family members. My daughter's paternal grandmother has had a few "episodes" where she has had breaks from reality, has been psychotic.....I wonder if that is where her mental illness comes from. Nobody on my side of the family has had issues with mental illness, well except my uncle had terrible alcoholism, which ended up killing him. Maybe she inherited the worse of both. My other kids are pretty normal, although daughter #2 does take 10mgs of Paxil every other day to control a panic disorder. Again, she is from the same family as the oldest one. One can't help but wonder where these things come from. Were they born with it?? Did it develop over their lifetimes? Was it from a head injury? My #1 daughter did sustain a head injury when she was 6, she slipped on the ice and went down hard on the back of her head, was hospitalized, had a bad concussion and she developed migraine headaches from that day to this.

My daughter has requested that nobody outside of the immediate family know she is in there, so I can't talk about it too much with anyone. I am finding that hard. And I am not feeling well today, upset digestive system....not sleeping for long enough....can't seem to shut my brain off (and usually I can!!). I am pretty stressed out. I try so hard NOT to let it get to me, but it sure is.

She is in the middle of a divorce, can't afford a lawyer and now she can't even appear on her own behalf!! If she isn't represented in some way, then she is going to be so screwed over by the courts. They are going to see her as nothing but a loser. Her behaviour has been that of a "loser", no denying that....but it is because she is ill.

I wonder if I can intervene on her behalf? Represent her myself?? Or write a letter, and attach letters from her Psych doctor? How is she going to pay 2 years of retroactive child support, when she can't manage to hold down a job?? She doesn't even have a driver's license because of fines she has to pay. She is planning on declaring personal bankruptcy because she can't pay for anything, because she can't hold down a job, because she is sick. I don't think she should have to pay that child support, when she has been ill. Her husband has a great job, makes good money, has a girlfriend living with him who also has a full time job. It is not like they NEED the money, this is just a way to punish her for being crazy.

Anybody have any ideas?? And don't tell me it is her mess and to stay out of it. I have even been considering getting a power of attorney from her, and possibly declaring her incompetent...so I can have a little more say. At least until she is stable again.

I am so sorry you and your family are going thru this.....

First, I do believe that head injuries can cause mental issues down the road. But I think it is more likely hereditary or a fluke of nature more so. Either way, there is no way to "fix" how it happened. Now its time to deal with today and tomorrow. I will pray for you to find peace that she is at least recieving help right now. And pray that God will lift her up and help her thru this time.

Secondly, have you spoken with her ex husband? Maybe you can work something out with him. Maybe just knowing she is finally getting help will soften his heart and let her off the hook on child support. Its worth a shot. And any parent, should try to do right for their kids sake. Her getting better is best for her children, not the money......

I hope you find some peace, and I pray she finds the strength to get better.....

Oh Floater,

I feel so bad for what's going on. First of all, you are a a great person and a wonderful mom. It must be so difficult. I dont' think her husband should try to get any money from her, she can't possibly work right now and when she can, she will be playing catch-up form all the time off. HIs first thoughts should be to leave her be and let her get healthy again. Going after her for money and adding that stress will only make matters worse. I dont' know the first thing about legal matters, so I am not much help in knowing how to proceed, but I think a letter to the doctor is a great start.

Are you doing anything for yourself to keep you balanced and healthy? I worry for you as well. Being the mom is just as tough as being the patient. Please keep coming to us to talk it out since there arent' too many others you can speak to.

We all care so much about you, you have been such a great source of strength for me over the last two years, and I hope we can help you through this. Hang in there.

(((((kathie)))))

wow - i am so sorry that you & your daughter & family are going through this. i can't imagine how difficult this is & i wish i had some concrete suggestions around any of the areas that you addressed. i know that someone here will be helpful in that way.

i just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you & sending out love & prayers. take good care, my friend.

hugs, xo,
ellen

Kathie - you know what it is like when you feel better? You may consider stopping taking the anti-biotic, vitamin or I don't know, anti-depressant. Well that is how your DD is feeling/felt. She needs to be always reminded that she is like a diabetic or person with a thyroid or heart condition. She must take the pills to remain feeling healthy.

To be frank with you, unless and until she becomes mentally more stable, perhaps it is in the (grand) children's best interest to have the court intercede on their behalf. You have to look at it from the ex husband's perspective too. I know it must be hard to do that of course, but he has been through alot as well. Also, I think attempting to get a Power of Attorney is a good thing and she may be willing. My friend has this for his wife. It works - alot better! No more unnecessary spending.

You know I am here for you. Someone told me today that she just doesn't worry about stuff that she has no control over. She is going through an awful lot in her life and just takes it as it is; a step at a time. She says there is nothing else that we can do. It sounds very simple but it is true. It's like here, where I live, there is so much gangster violence going on and it can affect you at any time. On the way home last night as an example (I will explain later) anyways, I was saying to her that after the incident, it just occurred to me that something violent could happen at any time. She reminded me that it was always like that, I just didn't really think about it before. It is true. Chit happens...we just deal with it as it comes along. It feels overwhelming too at times I know...I have to withdraw sometimes! I did that last Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Eventually I pick myself up and started all over again. Sigh.

Love,
Suzanne

Kathie,
Have you tried a local NAMI chapter? National Alliance on Mental Illness http://www.nami.org/ . They are a wonderful group. A friend of mine had a son who was bipolar and her local chapter told her all her legal options and where to get help. There were so many resources she was able to use and the parents in the chapter who had been down that road before were so supportive. You don't have to reinvent the wheel, these people can tell you what help and resources are available, medical and legal. The chapters are listed on their website.

Kathie- I just now found this thread. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I'm sorry for your daughter, I'm sorry for her children, and I am sorry for you. I cannot even imagine. I have no advice... just know we are all here for you!

My prayers are with all of you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((KATHIE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

oodles of hugs and prayers floats! lean on us anytime, sister! ANYTIME!!!

xxxx
_(((angel)))

Kathie. I'm so sorry you and your daughter have to go through this illness. I can relate as my mother was bipolar and I suspect my daughter is as well. It's really tough trying to deal with their changes in perceptions and their lack of judgement when they aren't well. The reluctance to take their pills is pretty common in bipolar. My mother liked getting high, it used to make me mad at times. It's hard trying to seperate the person from the illness, it really is. I understand what you're going through.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.


Hugs,
Jalyn

You guys are just the BEST!! What would I do without you!!

Jalyn, I am so sorry you are going thru this too, it isn't easy at all. I can only say I feel you pain!!

Angel & Leanne, thanks for the Hugs!! They really do help!

Sariah, thanks for that link, I went there and read tons of stuff, it was very informative. It is an american group though so no chapters near me, but still lots of great info!!

Suz.....my friend, I know you are there for me, and I thank you for that!!

Ellen...thank you for the lovely words, you are the sweetest!

Enough, thanks for your concern about me. I think I am okay now, I had a rough morning but since I talked to her again I feel better about everything.

Armywife...you are right of course, HOW she ended up this way really isn't important, getting her well IS. I did speak to the ex today, told him he would be dealing with me regarding the divorce now. haha!!!!

Lizzie, I am so sorry about your brother....I hope he gets stabilized! Mental illness is so difficult for the sick one and for those who love them.

Unsure...thanks for you prayers, I hope my daughter will stick with it this time. This isn't the first time we have been down this road, sadly.

Elizabeth thanks to you for your words, my daughter is content to be "locked up" for the moment. She knows she needs to be there and away from real life. Her problems always start when she starts living in the real world. She does well when she is institutionalized, but she can't stay in there forever.

Joan..thanks for the prayers and good thoughts!

rendy...I am sorry your mother was "difficult", how sad that she had to get alzheimer's to be compliant and bareable to be around.

Wits, thank you my friend.

Arla, you are another one with a bipolar relative, what a shame. It is hard, trying to be supportive and yet being frustrated at the same time!! I am relieved that mine is wanting help right now. I hope your sister realizes she NEEDS the help soon.

Mooz, I know well what you are going thru, although I wish I didn't. It does make me wonder if your son has some mental health issues though. I mean his behaviour seems...out of the ordinary. This daughter put me thru the ringer during her teen years....we didn't know back then that she was ill.

Susan, thanks for your understanding. I appreciate it.

Booky & Gyz....your hugs are so appreciated. thanks buds!!!

Mopsy & Carol...thanks to you both too!!

Man, it is HARD to respond to each person...whew! But now I have to finish!!

Nancy, a big thanks for the prayers.

Plum...thanks, and I am sorry you are going thru your own scary time. I am sure all will work out for you! Stand strong, you will overcome!!

Jonie, Di, Kar...you are all such sweet wonderful ladies, I am glad to count you as friends.

Crazy & Bev...I know you two are there for me, my special ladies, I am so lucky to have you!

Kathleen...your compassion for others is beautiful, considering your own pain and suffering. Thank you SO much.

Stitch and Bethanie, thanks to you, the first two to respond to my thread! 8) I was checking it often the first day, as I was sort of overwhelmed and the words of comfort were very soothing.

I wanted to mention each and everyone of you, as you are all special and have gladdened my heart. It really is amazing how the written word, on a computer can help one feel better.

Hugs

Floats, I am just crushed for you; you have already been through so much. One of my sons is bipolar, and until he was stabilized, life was a living hell. I really empathize with what you are going through.

I am thinking about you always. Please continue to let the wonderful community here support you. You are so loved.

Marcy

Sorry, Kathie, forgot you were in Canada. Maybe there's a similar organization there?