Why????? just when things settle down emotionally does this ugly B*TCH resurface again and again? As of a week ago I am back to hating my husbands ugly face, can't stand to kiss or touch him and am accusing him of ALL sorts of things I know are not true! I KNOW I am doing this. I KNOW it is wrong. I KNOW it hurts him, but as hard as I try I can not keep my big mouth SHUT!!! I quit posting for a bit because I was in such a dark foul place emotionally and I chose to shut down so I hurt no one especially my husband but now he seems to be getting the full wrath and I don't know how to stop it! When I TRY to get close to him for some reason I want to recoil and I hate myself for that. I LOVE my husband and yes, I know this one will pass also, but dang it, it's really bugging me this time. Thanks for letting me vent.

Nobody loves me anymore??? Sniff, sniff!

Ladybugs,
We sisters here love you!!!

Ladybugs, you and I are in the same boat today.


Sometimes when I act that way towards my husband, I can walk by a mirror, stop dead in my tracks, and ask myself "Why are you treating him so badly?" It usually works to shut me up for a while. I hate it when things get so out of hand, then you have all these regrets for days............

Do you ladies by chance have room for one more in that boat?

I cut lose on my SO last night after what began as a decent conversation. All it took was what I considered the wrong comment and wham...it all came flying out! As the words spew from my nasty mouth my mind is telling me to stop, but no, no chance of that happening til it's to late and I spend the rest of the night crying and feeling like the worst person in the world.

Ladybugs, the SO & I are going for our first 'couples counseling session tonight so I'll touch base tomorrow and let you know how that goes and if it's worth the time, money and energy

dear'ladybugs'
Although I am very sympathetic to the way you feel,have to admit I find it rather interesting.I wrote once that I find my husband's face ugly and can hardly bear to look at him sometimes.Actually no-one ever responded.

Unfortunately we live as brother and sister and the stress is very hard.I think that is why I get repeated sinus infections.I did leave him once for almost a year and it was good.Returned to him when I was very depressed and would feel like a fool in going again as my children are just so delighted we are together.

I think,as you still love your husbabd,these negative feelings will pass.Talk to him when you are feeling calm and probably he will understand how out of control things can get during this Stage in our lives

I wish you well
God Bless
Elizabeth

Hey Ladybugs, We are HERE on PS because every single one of us have been or are going through exactly what you are going through!! I most always shut down when something is on my mind, but it WILL come out one way or another! Just this morning I unloaded on someone that I barely know. Wasn't anything he had done, but man I took the opportunity to let it rip! He probably thinks I'm nuts now! It felt so good while I was doing it, but when it was over, I realized how it made me look. I think he understood, but you never know.

I hope you feel better soon. Those nasty hormones, or lack of, sure do wreak havoc on our poor bodies!

Thanks girls. I am just amazed then appauled at myself sometimes. I can wreak so much havoc towards him then when it is over I look all around me and all I see are shattered pieces of my marriage. Sad huh? He just came back from the dentist and has a NASTY absessed tooth that has progressed into his ear, down his neck and his upper back. Super massive dose of antibiotics are now going. Think he ever complained of pain? Nope! I WISH he would fess up when he is hurting! Now I just feel like dirt for my behavior!

Guilty here....hope things improve for all of us!!

((((((((((ladybugs)))))))))))))))

I am coming aboard!!!

Hi Ladybugs. I've had some, (not alot of mood swings thank goodness). When I get hit with the anger/road rage stuff it is rather debilitating. I tend to isolate myself when this happens because I am so miserable and could "let it rip" on the nearest available person. I'm single but do date. Needless to say this is hardly conducive to the dating scene. lol A good friend, who is normally very mild mannered, described mood swings/anger this way: "When it (the mood swing and or anger starts, it is like a boulder rolling down a mountainside. It picks up speed and will NOT STOP until it hits the bottom of the hill." I thought this was a great analogy. Sad but true.

Seeing how shocking and debilitating this lovely peri/meno symptom can be I've done a little research. I have to revisit my written sources of info for more specifics but here is what I remember reading. Allow me some liberties in paraphrasing as my memory isn't as good as it once was. Here goes: Parts of the brain, (prefrontal cortex) are estrogen rich in estrogen receptor sites. This area of the brain is important in regard to impulse control. So as our levels fluctuate we can feel and act in all sorts of unusual ways. Think about it. Impulse control. No wonder so many of us seem to have non situationally drive emotions or uncontrollable hunger. (added the hunger because I've seen some posts where women have complained that "once they start eating they can't seem to stop eating no matter what the food is) Sorry I can't cite the individual sources of information but I've had a ******* crash course in peri over the last 2 years. Now that my cognitive function (brain fog, etc) has somewhat leveled off I'm rereading, retracing my peri research and working on writing about peri and menopause.

When I got divorced, many years ago, I started dating again. At the time I was in my early 30's but dated men in their 30's, 40's and early 50's. Looking back I find it interesting that most of the men in their 40's and 50's complained that their ex wives "were not the girls they married", "were moody, not loving, not interested in sex, etc." At the time I was naive and just thought "what's wrong with those women" these are such nice guys. Now, that I'm walking the fires of peri I truly have an understanding of what a "wheel of torture" Peri and meno can be for some women. Although I hate being alone, let alone trying to date while dealing with peri, I keep pluggin along with the help of my friends in my life and here on PS

I have someone who works for me and his wife has had a miserable peri experience. She moved him out of the bedroom 5 years ago, eats alone, goes out with friends (but not him) and basically lives a separate life under the same roof. When my employee saw me, and my life crumble over the past 2 years he initially couldn't understand (nor did I) what was happening to me. Since I work from home it became readily apparant that my life had "changed". When I reached the point of targeting my mood swings and rages at him it was an "a ha" moment for both of us. He suddenly started to see what his wife was experiencing in a whole new light and had numerous questions for me. (He knew I had been doing some research on peri also.)

Anyway, previously they had been to therapy (with the assumption that it was ONLY a situationally driven problem). It was after therapy she continued to mire in peri, continued a non medicated, non hormonal approach that she moved him out. He's been feeling bad because he's continued to think this is something that can be FIXED by just talking. Or that he had done something to cause all the problems. Now he understands that she is having a rocky road while her body is being depleted of hormones. (He especially understood the analogy of how emotional our teenagers can be when they are going through puberty.) I think therapy can be an adjunct to what is happening in our lives. However, you must explain that the some mood swings and other nasty stuff can be attributed to our CNS being depleted/variations of hormones. It will eventually settle down with or without hormone therapy. However, some studies have shown that estrogen given early enough and in sufficient quantities can be mood elevating. His wife is finally starting to get some relief although she still doesn't feel great. Time seems to be the great equalizer in all of this peri stuff.

Keep talking to him when you are able. Find ways of dealing with the mood swings. In my opinion it is not a cop out to explain alot of this is peri related. Remember, it was not too long ago that PMS, post partum depression, pmdd were finally recognized by the medical community. (I believe it was only in the mid 80's that PMS was acknowleded). It boggles my mind that peri and menopausal women are being kept in a separate league in regard to hormonally driven issues. I have seen way too many marriages and relationships fail during midlife. Peri and Meno needs to be more openly addressed by us AND the medical community Yes, its a natural life transition but it can be difficult for us and those around us.

I've explained to my friends, and grown children, that when the "road rage" type of mood swings hit I NEED to be alone. I MUST be alone until it passes. Sometime it's minutes or days. They all understand now that this is how I have to deal with it. However, if they don't see me for several days they will call and check on me. I am able to manage a few minutes during the difficult time to explain it's "road rage time". No apologies are needed because they understand that this is not how I've been normally.

Now for a laugh....................my mood swings can be so bad that in the middle of sex (yes fun, great keep going) suddenly the road rage will arrive (for no situationally drive reason) and I want to reach up and punch my SO in the head!!!! lol Yep, now I can laugh but at the time I was in a panic while trying to appear "normal".

Hope I helped and didn't offend. J

Jzz, thank you so much! I NEVER would of put the "munchies" in there. For the last two days I can't seem to stop eating once I start (and I am a VERY light eater). I even realized if I started I would be wolfing for awhile so I chose not to start last night but it's so weird because once I start i keep going until I've overate and that's not good for a diabetic who is a carb JUNKIE! The impulse control is right on target. I told my husband (Yessssss, now I'm ashamed of myself but wasn't at the time) last night that "I have NO problem taking care of you while your sick, but do NOT whine when you talk! I have two year olds at my feet all day whinningggggg and you doing it drives me nuts!) You want love and comfort then just ask but do not WHINE like a baby! Do you girls find your men get whiney when they are sick or is it just mine? For the record mine is RARELY ill so I wonder if he "milks" it a bit? I know he hurts and yessss, I will take good care of him but sometimes.....

One additional thought on the mood swings: My post menopausal 65 yo neighbor said she didn't bother to apologize after awhile during peri because it would be one never ending apology. lol However, I believe open, repeated communication about how peri is a huge part of these mood swings must be brought into ongoing discussions. Some apologies are still a good idea.

Also, my employee, as a result of seeing similarities in my peri experience has become educated to the fact that his wife did NOT CHOOSE to change. He has seen the impact of hormonal shifts. Recently he changed his approach and does not put self blame on himself or spouse. I am happy to report that they are together again. However, he now knows to give her space when needed and not take it personally. Although I am glad I helped him, I wish he didn't tell me about their "bedroom difficulties". (she's suffering from vaginal atrophy due to no hormone supplementation and no sex for 5 years). I suggested he get her to talk to her gyn. But, how does he tell her in a non threatening way that doesn't make him seem sex starved or needy?

Now, here's my question. Why does society understand the hormonal impact of pms, pmdd, and postpartum but not peri and meno? Why aren't we offered some understanding as is the hormonally driven teenager? You know what I mean. "Oh, my teenager is moody cause you know he's going through puberty. He's girl crazy. etc.." Why as adult women are we expected to "behave" when our hormones are causing us physiological distress? Why don't we get the same open culturally acceptable level of understanding? I know I addressed this in my prior response but I'd appreciate your thouughts.

Do you girls find your men get whiney when they are sick or is it just mine?

Yes, ladybugs, It is my expereience and I've had this dicussionwith all the females in my family that ALL men WHIIIIINE when they are ill. And it doesn't have to be anything more then a little head cold to take him out as if they were on their death bed. Can you imagine what they would be like if they had to endure peri or any of the other lovely things us women go through thoughout our lives!?!? Yet somehow we are still viewed/label the fairer sex...excuse me???? Just give him one week in my body and mind and let's see how that goes

JZZ, I honestly think it's going to be quit some time before we get the social understanding of the hormonal impact we endure. I am 40 yrs. old and honestly I didn't know much about it til i really started digging in and researching...it's just not out there in the public eyes and ears like everything else, but it needs to be.

Dear JZZ

Great question!No one -except on this Forum and one male Gyno.ever talked to me about Menopause.Not a word so when had early Menopause was put on Prozac as I had all the symptoms of a highly depressed,young woman.Later when I was given HRT and experienced such a great improvement,I wondered if I had ever really needed an AD in the first place

Unfortunately,I will never really know as I have never been able to get off them-however slowly I go-without terrible suffering.also had to use Xanax for very hightened anxiety.I rarely use it now but sometimes have to take a small dose as my marital situation is very unhealthy.

I wish you all the best.You were a kind an understanding friend to that man when he confided in you.At least he knew how much his wife was suffering and that he is not the primary cause

Seriously maybe this topic should be part of a University must take cause for all our young women and men.The impact on families is too hard to ignore

All the Best
Elizabeth

I really enjoyed reading your posts, especially how helpful you were to your employee!

I think doctors don't discuss it because it isn't something that they learn much about in school. From what I have read, only doctors whose wives go through it or who go through it themselves begin to focus on peri or meno...because at that point they have to...they are looking for answers! Some of us assume that just because the person is female that they are going to understand and try to help, that hasn't been my case. I think it requires a great deal of time and tweaking and tests to get women back to where they need to be and most doctors don't have that kind of time so they simply medicate! If this were men, however, there would be a cure by now...viagra comes to mind!

Best Wishes...

TJ