I am overweight, and know that my health will suffer because of it. I am totally fearful of Doctors and of getting my
blood pressure taken, or my cholesterol being tested. I know that how I live my life will only make me end up having to see doctors sooner rather than later.

I won't talk about my health or fears with ANYONE, not even my husband. Well within reason that is. If I have a headache or when I broke my toe recently, I mentioned that, but when it's to do with on going issues I will not risk hearing "you should go to the doctor and get it sorted out". I don't want to hear that.

I am on Antidepressants (ZOLOFT 100mg). I suffered from post-traumatic stress, after my husband collapsed after returning from an overseas business trip. (Dehydration and food poisoning). I had two years of intense therapy as I had a breakdown. I never had any problems before this happened 10 years ago (I was 39). Now I abuse my body, from overeating, and know that my quality of life is slowly deteriorating. It's criminal as we are living a fabulous life, with jobs we both love. In an emergency I am fearless, and have enormous strength in facing anything that threatens my family... but not if it's to do with me. I don't have children (by choice), so have fewer distractions than most.

So on top of everything else I feel so guilty but still avoid doing the very things that will make me feel feel better.
Yikes, I am so over all of this. I am bored with it but do you think that makes a bit of difference ? No.

I think your fears of Dr's and hospitals is very common. I share some of those same fears. I wish you had a better outlook on your life, though. We all know that depression can cause overeating. Being overweight can cause a multitude of health problems. I'm sure you already know that. I'm also overweight (50 lbs.) and I'm struggling to loose the weight. I recently bought a new treadmill which I've been walking on everyday. It's hard for me to walk more than 15 minutes at a time right now, but everyday it gets a little easier. I'm also eating a lot better and not going out to eat as much. You have to start somewhere, right?

Please take care of yourself.......there's only one YOU!!!

I understand your fear of doctors. A lot of women on this site do. You are not alone and I certainly feel for you.

Texasgirl is right. You have to start somewhere. But, don't beat up on yourself, take one day at a time, one thing at a time. If you can, talk with your doctor about your fears. Tell him how you feel about appointments, tests, etc. He is there to help you.

Take care, dear.

(((HUGS)))

Harmony,

I just had to reply to this one because you could be my twin as far as the doctor's and medical stuff is concerned. I am exactly like you, I wait and wait such a long time before I go to the doctor and I have known him since 1976, same doc. He knows me really well, obviously, and has seen me go through so much in my life and he understands my fears and why I have them. You could start off just by making the appointment, you can cancel it if it gets too tough for you to go on that day. Have you known your doctor for long ? I know exactly why I'm scared, and the reason is i'm worried they will find something wrong with me. Well, today, I went, because i have found out I have high blood pressure and I dont' want to keel over from a heart attack like my mom did. So, I went and blood pressure was sky high at the doc's office, BUT I DID IT

What i'm trying to say here is that if and when you go, you will be helping yourself, sounds like you can help others but find it hard to help yourself ? Am I right ? that's how I feel about myself.

The medical thing I totally can relate, believe me, ask anyone on these boards and they will tell you that just the thought of it sends me in a stooper.

Harmony....take the first step and call today.

Christine

I don't have quite the level of fear as some of you have...although I used to get panic attacks when I as at the doctor's office and have stupidly high BP! I managed to prove to the doc it is only high at his office! At home it is perfectly normal, almost on the low side.

BUT, I am afraid to get my Cholesterol taken. Now that is dumb. It was borderline high last time I took it, and the ratios were all off. I know the doc is going to try and force me to take Statins, and I don't want to! Other that dropping the numbers, it seems that statins are more dangerous than good. I know I am not eating properly to bring it down myself. Nor am I getting enough exercise.

Maybe we should become buddies and try and encourage each other???

The worse thing is that I am so grateful to everyone who has responded to my post, yet in the back of my mind I am saying to myself that 'nothing' anyone says is going to get me to go to the doctors to have the tests. It's all so bizarre as I never had this problem before.. in fact I almost think I was a bit of a hypochondriac in my younger days... go figure !! It was nothing for me to get tests done, and blood pressure taken ... nothing at all! Maybe it's because that now things could actually be wrong and that's what I am scared of. !! Yes of course I will be happy to encourage you and anyone else, yet know I won't do anything about it for myself. It's not the type of thing that is readily discussed here (in Oz) as we tend to be private about these sorts of things, but this has to change too.
To Texasgirl, moozie, BellaC and Floater thank you for listening.

I more than share your concerns, I live them. I am a nurse with a doctor phobia. I am also overweight, always have been. I think it all started when I was 3 years old. My Mom took me to the doctor, they tried to get blood. Screaming and yelling and crying, I was held down on the table by the nurses while the doctor tried to get the blood. I remember it to this day. My Mom drug me home, said I totally embarrassed her, and vowed never to take me to another doctor unless I was sick. I remember a fairly good experience during Junior High, when my parents thought I should get a physical before I went to High School. It was either that or the school required it. The next experience was a bad one. I had to have a physical to get into nursing school. All I remember of that encounter was this old doctor accusing me of lying. He asked if I had any children. I said "no". When he looked at my stretch marks on my stomach, he said, "are you sure you have not had any babies?" I wanted to strangle that man. I also won't mention the day my Mom barged into my bedroom when I was changing out of my swimming suit and said "You are fat". I think there is more than enough reason here for me to have a bad body image and be afraid of doctors. Shortly after nursing school, I got yelled at by a neurosurgeon for something I did not do. The experiences continue but I won't elaborate on those.

My phobia extended to Dentists as well. I would not let any dentist give me Novocaine when doing fillings until I became an adult. So now my body shakes at the thought of a drill. At any rate, I am slowly working on this. I go to the eye doctor (optometrist) without problems. I found a really great Dentist and have been there enough times that I no longer freak out when I go. He sent me to an oral surgeon to have my wisdom teeth carved out. That one really freaked me out, having IV sedation and being hooked up to the monitors. But he also was great. In the last three years, I have had lots of problems with my feet, various injuries etc. I found a lady podiatrist that is just as sweet as she can be, not to mention a darn good doctor. I can handle going to her now without problems. She has threatened me with surgery a couple of times now which has really freaked me out. But she has worked with me so things have healed without surgery. So you see, I start with the least threatening of the health care providers and am slowly working up to the more threatening "MD". In a couple of weeks I have to go to an MD Ophthalmologist. I'm hoping it will be a good experience also. He is very good looking and that does not hurt. I'm thinking the next physical I have will be by a nurse practitioner, that somehow seems less threatening than an MD. I'm also much more comfortable around women healthcare providers. I am slowly beginning to believe that many doctors are good, caring and don't cause their patients a lot of pain. I just didn't have good experiences growing up, so I have to experience them now. I suggest you take it one baby step at a time like I am doing. We both have to face the fact that the day will come when we will be forced into the care of an MD, or 2, or 3. I wish you the best. I am here for you. PM me if you want or need to!

Dear Harmony2K,
You and I are the same age. I know what it feels like to abuse ones body. When I was young I had an eating disorder. I healed myself from it. By the grace of God anyway. What I learned about myself was that I used food to stuff my emotions. For some reason, I could not process certain emotions. One of them being anger. I was always punished as a kid for talking back or showing anger. It's still something I deal with to this day. I learned to let myself feel emotions. It will always be a challange for me but this is something I must deal with constantly. I am wondering if your overeating started after your antidepressants or before. Antidepressants can cause a voracious appetite and it's very easy to over eat while taking them. You state you have enormous strength when facing anything that threatens your family. It's amazing how we as humans can turn that strength around and have it backfire on us personally. It's like what ever we set our minds to we really do it up right, don't we. Boy, when I put my mind to something I could really go for it. That included self punishment for emotions I had not dealt with in my life. I am wondering if in some strange way the avoidance of health issues and doctors is a way to feel somewhat in control of your situation. Just by my own experience, I feel there is something in your life in which you feel powerless over....I only say this because I have lived this myself. What may have tipped this off is the experience with your husband.........I suffered with PTSD for many years, I understand. Could it be that if you were to lose weight and feel and look great and have great health, you would feel more guilty? Sometimes we self sabatog because we fear success. You can get to a point where depression and fear and being in a rut becomes so comfortable that moving out of it can be scary as well. Not to mention, people would expect a whole lot more from us, and that in and of itself can be daunting. You are on the right track though, just for the fact you are now questioning and looking or answers, not just accepting your status quo. You are taking the first step by talking about it on PS and putting yourself out there for others opinions and that is a healthy begining. Debra

wow... I feel like I have been to a therapy session ! Gees I am a bit shaken up as you have touched on many issues that ring true. I am going to have to get my head around this, as it is quite confrontational. I guess no-one has really said it to me before, or had the courage to say it before.
Thank you (I really do mean it)...

Have you ever heard of EFT? It's a tapping routine that you go through while you think of the situation that is scaring you. It works on past traumas too. I have been using it for a couple years. I still get scared of all sorts of things, including doctors and especially dentists. But, it take enough of the edge off that I can face whatever I have to and know I won't lose control. I think that for most people, that's the foundation of the fear. Somehow we'll lose control and make a complete fool of ourselves in front of other people. Like jumping out of the exam chair at the dentists and running out of the office screaming while everyone stares at you. sometimes I imagine doing just that, and surprising it makes me laugh and relax. Because if that's the worst that happens, it's no big deal in the long run. You can always find a new dentist.

Harmony, sometimes the perspective from a stranger with no emotional ties can be very insightful. I have always found myself second guessing family and friends' well meaning advice because they care so much but can be so narrow sighted. Not to mention I have walked down the path that closely resembling your path. That's what life is all about, maybe reaching into ones self and pulling out the wealth of experience through pain to illuminate someone elses path so that they can have an easier time of it, or even avoid the pitfalls of our human experience. I would much rather hear how someone went through what I went through and how they successfully came out on the other end, then to sit and pay an overpriced therapist who let me do all of the talking with no personal insight to help me get to the otherside of that pain or challange. Been there and done that. I am all about cutting to the chase and telling it like it is. Give me solutions so I can start the work...... Hugs. Debra

I too have been using EFT for a couple of years now....with some success...especially my fear of flying, I have managed to calm myself down enough to not have a panic attack
when I get on a plane.

I do still have issues that I would love someone to help me out with though...I mean get someone to help me do EFT better. Just today I feel very low and somewhat depressed about my life and I so want those feelings to go away, but no matter how much I tap they aren't going away. I know they say you have to work on all areas from the past, maybe I haven't got the right one's yet!,....I will keep persevering though.

Good to know someone else who does it.....maybe you can give me some tips?!

Caz

I just wanted to say how much reading this thread meant to me. So much of the original post could have been written by me. I have been terrified of all things medical for years, having had too many horrific experiences with doctors in the past to go into here. It was just last Nov. that I worked up my courage to go to an eye doctor for a routine exam for the first time in eight years. Then later last Nov. I finally worked up my courage to go to a dentist for the first time in 11 years.

Fortunately I had a clean bill of health at both exams. Now if I can just work up my courage to visit the new doctor that I was assigned via Medicaid. I truly feel for everyone here. I send hugs to all and wish everyone the best.