Lately, I have read several posts from you ladies who are trying to take care of your aging parents--on top of everything else you're trying to handle.

The posts are scattered about the forums which makes them hard to keep track of. So I thought I'd try making a post where we can combine all those questions/answers and miseries/triumphs into one thread.

I just finished a wonderful book that depicts the sufferer's side of Dementia/Alzheimer's. It's title is "Still Alice" and I highly recommend it to any of you who could use the insight this book gives. It's available at most libraries. Hopefully it will help you to become more empathetic, sympathetic, more understanding and patient when you have to deal with this issue.

If you'll go to my Assisted Living Blog (link is below), I have written a short review about it there. Also, on the right side of the page--under Blogroll--you will find many helpful links about Dementia. Some are organizations and some are blogs written by women who are the primary caretakers of a parent with the disease. These blogs are so helpful in relaying the details of the day-to-day life of this process.

I'm hoping to help all of you the best way I can think of. Love you all!

---bump---

barbara,

thanks so much for taking the initiative in pulling this together. i know that the links & resources that you are providing will be very helpful for those of us just beginning to deal with these issues, as well as for those who have already been at the forefront.

i look forward to more discussion, support, suggestions, commiseration on these issues. & you have already helped so much by giving us these 1st steps.

hugs,
love,
ellen

Barbara, Thank you for taking your time to start this thread. I have not had time to look at the links you posted, but as soon as I have some free time, I will definitely read it.

My dad was diagnosed with Dementia about 12 years ago and subsequently Alzheimer's Disease.

My mother keeps him very active, so he really is doing very well considering the length of time that he has had this dreaded disease.

I would guess that he has the mental capacity of a 2 or 3 year old.

He can't follow directions. He can't carry on a meaningful conversation.

We have to watch him just as you would a toddler. What would be very nice is if we could put him in a stroller or a shopping cart when we go grocery shopping, cause he is very social and loves to talk to every person that walks by. We spend most of our time chasing him around. Or walking away and then going back to find him.

I think he knows that we don't like it, so he does it just for spite. You can see that big grin when he knows he's done something wrong, just like a little kid.

I've heard they revert back to childhood and if this was the way he behaved, I pity his mom, dad, brothers and sisters. He was the youngest of 10 living kids.

Oh btw, his mother was in menopause when he was concieved. She only carried him for 6 months. I think his purpose in life was to amuse everyone..............that's why he made it through.

Even today, he will stand at the edge of the driveway and wave at everyone who goes by. I'm sure some think he's nuts. He's just a free spirit and always has been.

I'm gonna miss my dad like crazy when he's gone. He was my very best friend growing up. I wouldn't let him go anywhere without me.

Barbara, Thank you for taking your time to start this thread. I have not had time to look at the links you posted, but as soon as I have some free time, I will definitely read it.

My dad was diagnosed with Dementia about 12 years ago and subsequently Alzheimer's Disease.

My mother keeps him very active, so he really is doing very well considering the length of time that he has had this dreaded disease.

I would guess that he has the mental capacity of a 2 or 3 year old.

He can't follow directions. He can't carry on a meaningful conversation.

We have to watch him just as you would a toddler. What would be very nice is if we could put him in a stroller or a shopping cart when we go grocery shopping, cause he is very social and loves to talk to every person that walks by. We spend most of our time chasing him around. Or walking away and then going back to find him.

I think he knows that we don't like it, so he does it just for spite. You can see that big grin when he knows he's done something wrong, just like a little kid.

I've heard they revert back to childhood and if this was the way he behaved, I pity his mom, dad, brothers and sisters. He was the youngest of 10 living kids.

Oh btw, his mother was in menopause when he was concieved. She only carried him for 6 months. I think his purpose in life was to amuse everyone..............that's why he made it through.

Even today, he will stand at the edge of the driveway and wave at everyone who goes by. I'm sure some think he's nuts. He's just a free spirit and always has been.

I'm gonna miss my dad like crazy when he's gone. He was my very best friend growing up. I wouldn't let him go anywhere without me.

TidalWaves, you are very welcome! It must be very hard for you to see your Dad like that. You must ask yourself, every day, "Where is my 'old' Dad? Is he in there anywhere?"
Now, you're having to take care of him as if he were a child. I truly encourage you to read, read, read! It not only helps you to understand the disease but it also helps you to relax and be able to take on this loving task without it being so stressful. You will be more accepting of this horrible disease's effects on your Dad.
Hang in there! Let me know if I can do any kind of research for you.
BBB

Well! I learned something new. A blogger friend of mine posted about how her Mother has, all of sudden, started cussing--something she's never done before. It wasn't aggressive in any way. They were looking at a picture album and her Mom said "I remember this f--king picture!" My friend about fell over! She said it has been happening more and more.

I read up a little on this because I've always learned that even though someone has dementia, they still have the same basic personality they've always had.

Later stages of dementia can cause aggressive behavior--pushing/shoving, throwing things, cussing, screaming. The reason for this is that they have lost the ability to control themselves. To be 'socially acceptable'. In our normal years, we know what we can and cannot do while in the presence of others just for wanting to be sociable. Those with dementia don't have that knowledge anymore.

They are more like toddlers having a temper tantrum. The advice from the Alzheimer's Association is to remain calm, take a deep breath, and change the subject or take them to another room and distract them with music, tv, a story from the past/reminisce about something in the past. This will usually bring them back to themselves.

I thought I knew a lot from working with residents who have dementia but I see I have a lot to learn!

Barbara - Bless you for what you do everyday!!!!

CIC

I don't have a problem w/ dementia or Alz re the parents, but dad is going through lung CA treatments. The one huge problem (besides the cancer itself) is the distance. My brother and I are up in Chicago area and folks are retired in Florida. Problem #2 is the language barrierl they are immigrants and have been in this country for 50 years and their English is really pretty good, but the medical lingo and truly understanding dad's condition is a challenge. Luckily his oncologist keeps me in the loop with phone calls so I am able to translate and explain things to dad and mom. My brother and I are going back and forth to FL since the dx and we also have relatives/good friends down in their area who keep in contact with us. We are truly blessed that they have such good friends there.......which brings us to problem #3: these friends are "snowbirds" and will start heading home in March and April!

Yikes! Is there anyone else nearby that can keep an eye on them? Is there someone, trustworthy/reliable that your parents could hire on a part-time basis to help them out? Maybe go to Dr. appts. with them and translate?
Is there a way you and your brother can take turns going down there for a couple weeks at a time?--I know, that's a hard one if you're working and your job won't let you do that.

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Barbara - as of today, things are going well. Dad has chemo once a week for 3 weeks and then he's off a week. This will go on through April. My brother will go down for a week during his spring break from school and then I will go in April. My aunt lives down there full time and they have two others couples they are close to who are there full time as well. They also belong to the Hungarian Club and the people there are very supportive.

It's just so frustrating to be far away

Great! They DO have help close by!

I'm sure you are very worried and frustrated by being so far away.
Keep your chin up and hope for the best. I'm doing the same for you and yours.

I just read the most amazing post in one of the blogs I follow. The daughter of a woman with dementia writes:

"Yes, I used to pray for this disease to go away because I miss the old mom so much. No more do I pray for that, because I am enjoying the pleasure of mom’s company, today’s mom."

It's like she has finally accepted this new quest that they are on together--accepted her mom for who she is today! Good for her!

I was on Amazon today, checking for books on Dementia and for Caregivers. There are over 600 books on this subject and many of them are personal stories rather than just the medical side of this disease. I have saved some of these books to 'faves' and I intend on reading all of them. The first one on the first page is already on hold at my local library and I will be getting it soon.

As I read each book, which will take months, I will post a review of it. I hope the reviews will encourage you to read and learn from those books. The link to the Amazon search page is below if you want to check out these books for yourselves.........

http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1234906546/ref...ntia&page=1