Ok,so today I took two of my kids and my hubby to a used book and cd store.We wanted to get out of the house for a little while and I had some books and things to trade in.Well my son and I turned in our things,recieved a number and waited.My sons number was called,he recieved his trade credits but mine was not.I stood and waited and waited all the while I felt this rage building inside me to the point where I actually felt violent!! I became so angry and irritated I thought I would explode.Finally after leaving the store and coming home it went away and was replaced by this pressing sadness.I just wanted to cry my eyes out.I am also very tired,just want to take a hot bath and go to bed.Has anyone experienced anything like this??It scared me to feel that mad over something so incredibly stupid.I am still ashamed and saddened by my feelings and the way I went from a good mood to a rotten one so fast.Please let me know I am not crazy or alone in this.Thanks.GOD bless

Lady E,

I can sure understand how you feel! I can run either cold or hot in my emotions lately. I can be in a great mood all day at work, but when I get home, sometimes it seems like I have no more patience available for my husband, or sometimes the kids. I always feel so badly when I get angry or downright mean spirited at them. What a rollercoaster we're on, huh?

Take care, and God bless you, too!

Deb

I'm right there with you Lady E.....almost everyday for one reason or another. Something always ticks me off and it doesn't take much anymore.

oh man this reminds me of the time i went to exchange some jeans at a sporting goods store and teenagers worked there and they said they wouldn't exchange pants or refund me my money. I was mad and as i walked out of the store i looked back and they were laughing at me i turned around give them the finger and said a few choice words and they laughed more so they had a table outside the door with shoes on it out for display i actually kicked the table over shoes and all. I am so lucky i didn;t get arrested. And to think of it i was only like 38, now could i have been in peri then? I still get regular periods. weird but you are lucky you didn;t go any further in your anger you did good. I had rage from late 30's to middle forties i calmed down a lot. It all hormones i wish you the best hugs Terry

Lady E,

Rage is a normal part of peri, and I often would feel exhausted after having rage. Rage takes up a lot of energy so it is no surprise. Even surpressed rage is exhausting. I don't get rage often anymore, thank goodness, as I really didn't like it. It is good you maintained your self control, as Liz pointed out above, occasionally we can lose control of that anger. It is never a nice feeling when one loses control. So you did good!! And remember, try and smile when you are getting angry...they say you can't maintain anger while you are smiling.

Thanks everyone.I felt so bad for allowing myself to boil like that.I have always been one to hold things in,but with the early peri sometimes I just can't and I blow up.I hated feeling like I was ruining our day out as a family.Keep me in your thoughts.GOD-bless

This reminds me of a story I heard on the news one day years ago.... A lady in a BMW was coming upon a parking space in the mall parking lot but before she could pull in, a young man in a pick-up truck pulled in first. She was so angry, she rammed her BMW into his pick-up truck and then got out and said some choice words to him... I just know she must have been in Peri. So... no.. you aren't the only one. In fact you may be one of the few that doesn't explode. :-)

I was in a rage today... but I blame it on the dose of T that I took. I had stopped taking it for a week and today was my first attempt at restarting it. I think I'm going to let that go by the wayside. It doesn't help my libido nor my energy levels so why bother.

Hope you are feel better today Lady E,

Yes much better today! I felt so drained after the anger!I felt as if I had ran a marathon-too bad it didn't burn off some calories!GOD-bless

I think you all have perfectly good reasons to just be ANGRY, and anger is unfortunately a part of living. We should not say it's peri just because we feel irritated or angry in a frustrating situation! Lizardlover, that was downright enfuriating! You had every reason to be mad; it makes me mad to read about it! At least you did something in return; I used to just let people treat me like that with no reaction from me, only to later on be unable to forget about it because I kept rehashing it, wishing I'd shown them how angry I was! And Carol, that story is also understandable. Maybe the woman should not have rammed her vehicle, as that only results in all kinds of repairs and insurance grief. But her anger was perfectly understandable, the jerk taking her intended parking spot, and I would not think she was in peri. She was just human! We sometimes think we cannot get mad, and if we do, we blame ourselves, saying it's our hormones. If the situation warrants anger, and we get angry, we are NORMAL!

Grocery stores, exchanging items, lines any place, bad service in a restaurant, .......

My anger is triggered in all of these places, so I can't say it is a solution, but I try not to eat out, I am unable to go into a grocery store unless I am desperate, and I make my husband do the exchanges. Not solutions I know--avoidance & phobia.

Recently, before I decided on a restaurant fast, I had bad experiences at two different restaurants; my 21 yr. old daughter was with me both times. She said,"Gee Mom, you get to meet all the managers don't you?

I have found asking for the manager is one way of giving myself some breathing room before the complaint.
Sometimes I express my anger too loudly and in a verbally abusive manner. I am working on it, I am learning that if I want my way, being sicky sweet gets me what I want more often than anger.

I am trying to handle it. It makes me physically ill, zaps my energy, and yes--there is shame.

Rambling on Rage,
meg

I'm feeling today like I could hurt someone... Why is this so dang difficult!!!

TJ

I know,it comes and goes-that's why I try to really enjoy the good days.GOD-bless

The rages are the worst. I've had them for awhile, but once I started the bio estrogen or estrogel I have noticed not that many. Other than that, the bios haven't helped with my other symptoms.

As for rage, I remember a case years ago of a woman who was considered mild mannered by her friends and neighbors, almost downright shy and quiet. Well one day at a movie she stabbed and killed a woman in the bathroom. Turns out her lawyer (I think a woman) realized she was suffering from a hormonal imbalance and was having huge drops in estrogen or something and used that as her defense. I think the lawyer noticed her personality changing at times and had her levels tested when he was acting agitated, etc. It came back she had an imbalance type of thing going on. I think she got off. I remember thinking at the time (very young then) that it was very weird defense, but I used to get PMS so I figured maybe that does happen later on. They used to send woman to sanitariums once too, right? And I believe Francis Farmer (actress) may have had hormonal issues too and she got a labotomy and it ruined her life.

So, yes, rage can really get us down for sure. For me it was like what happened, what have I turned into? And then the depression and sadness after.

For now, I still can get a bit hot under the collar, but much better with the estrogen.

A friend of mine was really suffering through peri, really, really bad. She was a very sweet, loving person. However, it got so bad that my friend, her husband, decided that she was a danger to the kids and filed for divorce....they have three daughters! He got customy and she could not see the children without being supervised. One day when she had the children, the social worker was there with them. The social worker was pregnant and my friend was premenstrual. The woman said something to her and she lost it on the woman and started beating her. The woman was six months pregnant! They sent my friend to the psych ward lockup. She was there for about 6-8 months... She is an ACCOUNTANT!!! Perimenopause ruined her life!!! We are the same age 48! This happened two years ago... I'm telling you that when anyone that knows her hears this, they are speechless because she was a SAINT REALLY!

It is insane what this does to some of us...just insane!


TJ

There are times when the most insignificant thing will get me to cursing under my breath like a drunken sailor. I agree. The mood swings are the worst.

I've had such a horrible weekend, barely eeked by. I woke up this morning my body charred from fighting the demons all weekend and trying not to go to the hospital....my mind scarred from the insanity of it all! To say that I am tired of this would be an understatement! I'm really not sure how much longer I can endure such pain, such a menial existence... I'm besides myself with grief because I'm not sure this is worth it!

TJ

TJ,
I'm so sorry you are feeling so horrible. Please don't despair, the answer has to be out there for you somewhere. What kind of symptoms did you have? Were you able to sleep at all?

TJ, you must HANG IN.

I am not trying to call attention to myself... But I urge you to read my posts to learn about my story. I believe that if I could make it back from hell, we all will get to where we want to be. For real.

Take life in veeeery small increments. Reward yourself for each and every thing you accomplish. As I have written before, I would give myself a huge pat on the back for putting a dish into the dishwasher. And there were days when that was all I did.
Other than staring at the walls.

Don't think as life as menial. Think of it as extremely simple. The simpler the better.

I promise you that you can make it. We are all here for you. Unconditionally.

Hugs,
Marcy

Hey Sariah,

I barely slept until I decided to drink a whiskey sour...that put me out since I hardly ever drink...more lately though... Symptoms are major depression, mood swings, breasts tender to touch, headache, feeling like I'm going to throw up, bloated, crying constantly, inability to get out of bed, feeling like I'm going to start my period but nothing, anxiety, rage, etc. I woke up this morning and lay there thinking I made it through...then I got up and started balling again! The thought has crossed my miind to just get in the car and drive to the river...

TJ

TJ,
I just went through some of your recent posts. You've been taking Vit D for a long time. Some people do not do well with it. My friend started getting horrible pain everywhere and depressed until she totally stopped it all. Every time she tried it the same thing happened.

It may have nothing to do with how you feel, but it's something to consider.

I am concerned about this new bandwagon of Vit D being the cure for all ills and in high doses. While I take it myself and acknowledge it can have benefits, I am concerned that there are no long-term studies on people taking such high doses for such long periods of time. And I am also worried because anytime we take large doses of one nutrient, we can cause imbalances of others. The majority of the studies are coming from one source--Cannell--and he is also telling people now that taking Vit A with D will decrease it's effectiveness. Yet Vit A exists with D naturally in fish oil. There are others who say this is dangerous advice, because it's necessary to have all the fat-soluble vitamins together (A, D, and K) and in balance so as to prevent toxicity of any of them alone.

And then there is the whole subject of L-form bacteria which many of us may be carrying around that is only detected by specialized testing. They are starting to think that these CWD (cell wall deficient) bacteria are the underlying cause of many chronic health problems. And those who do have these find their condition worsens when taking Vit D due to an aberration of the Vit. D receptor.

This website is fascinating reading by Amy Proal, who has a degree biology and suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome by following the Marshall Protocol, which itself is controversial. But there is no doubt that many people have gotten great relief from following it, and it involves cutting out all sources of Vit D as part of the treatment.

http://bacteriality.com/2007/09/15/vitamind/

There are critics of the MP approach, but there are also critics of the current Vit D recommendations also. I personally do think the CWD bacteria are a bigger problem than anyone realizes and that Vit D can adversely impact those who are infected with them. And separate from that, I think that one day we will find that these high dose Vit D recommendations, without addressing concurrent deficiencies in Vit A and K, will worsen or cause deficiencies of those other vitamins which will have adverse effects on health.

More studies are needed in all areas.

Thanks I'll check out the article... I have been taking it for years but haven't noticed one bit of difference, actualy!

TJ

Okay, I'm trying to wrap my brain around this article and it is difficult today... I guess what I am getting is that there are two active forms...and that 1,25D is the form that should be tested. According to what I've read, 1,25D is not the form that most doctors are testing...and requires the sample to be frozen...

I've been trying to figure out why my body is not converting the vitamin d that I've been taking for years...so perhaps the 1,25D levels are high which means there is a conversion problem. That said, for some reason my body isn't converting any of my hormones to the "active" form properly... That is why I was hesitant to take this Vitamin D prescription. According to an article that I just found excess forms of vitamin 1,25d are linked to chronic fatigue, lymes disease, and other autoimmune disorders... Now to figure out how to get the 1,25d tested...


TJ

If you can get byour blood tested for the 2 D levels, also request a parathyroid testing level and calcium levels too. When the body is decreasing it's vitamin D stores it sometimes means there is an underlying cause, possi bly parathyroid or hypothyroid, or hypopituitary. The D decreases to keep excesses of other things from building, I think calcium in the blood is one important one. Also get tested for thyroid and pituitary, adrenal and cortisol too, vitamin B's C, A, E, K, Ferritin, Iron, too. I'm finding that I have some of these deficiencies at the same time as going through peri/meno and I believe they are linked in many women's cases. I'm 48 and have been suffering with this for 5 years now and I'm just now dipping my foot into the thyroid/adrenal meds, but not much luck yet as I'm on such a low dose and going very slow.

But check all that out. D lowers sometimes for protective reasons for underlying diseases. Or you could have malabsorption issues too.

Thanks Corky... I see an alternative doctor next month and I'm going to ask him to do a nutritional profile on me... I already know that there is a issue with the thyroid, low potassium, low iron, low d...and female hormones... The vitamin d situation has me baffled since I have taken it for a least 5-6 years! There has to be some reason why my body isn't converting it...and the other hormones to their "active" forms...

Good luck to you on the journey... I'm the same age and have been at it for 8 years!

TJ

Dear TJ
Am sorry for what you are going through.It is so awful sometimes but do not give up hope because we are all hear to listen and support.Your life is valuable and though you may not believe me,it does get better.

Marcy wrote very wisely and she is one lady who really had it tough.
Hugs and Blessings
Elizabeth

Thank you Elizabeth for your kind words. It fills my heart to know that there are other people who care about my well being which is why I'm still around...

Have a great day!!!

TJ