Hi all,
I should introduce myself a bit first. I'm 44, of german nationality and have missed two periods so far. I have been through hell and back since 6 months or so.
that led me to believe after varoius googling(realized), I am going through menopausal symptoms of the worst kind.
I'm a mom of three wonderful sons, 24,21 and 16.I have been married to my husband for a happy 25 years, who is now completely confused and doesn't know what to do anymore.
When it first started happening to me it was very scary. I get in such rage/anger/depression, noone can really deal with me then (I get ready to destroy stuff). I have cut off most of my friends already, cause they don't see things the way I do anymore. I feel out of a month, I may have one "normal" week, where my family thinks I'm half way sane.
The other 25 days I'm a totally unpredictable, self-destructive,dangerous- to- myself, violent, unreasonable, unlogical ,angry mess (sometimes to the point of thinking I should not even be here anymore).
This "stuff" has completely taken over my lfe, logical thinking, positive emotions and pretty much everything that I once held dear to me and enjoyed ,have vanished now.Nothing, absolutely nothing seems to make me remotely happy anymore, nowadays.(The fact that I think I'm super fat now, doesn't help it either)
When I had a major breakdown before, I told my husband I felt like I'm already dead inside........which is the truth, cause I don't feel like the same person I was a year ago. Everything I was once known for (cheerful, cuddly,always joking,forever patient, agood listener) have turned into the complete opposite. I honestly feel, the person I once was has died and will never return. Like someone put my old, good self inside an old closet to rot and brought out a monster instead.
I'm so sad, confused and depressed, that I'm bringing such darkness over my family. I cry every night and can't find an answer at all.All I want is my husband to keep loving me, but he said it's become so hard,
cause I'm so unpredictable every day. That saddens me so much, I cannot even say.I don't have anough tears for that.
Unfortunately I have no health insurance and can't do much about this situation at the moment.
I know you might say that sounds like a major depression, but let me reassure you it's not. (I was depressed many times before, none was like what I go through now) It's like I looked in the mirror one morning and all of a sudden realized I'm now old, fat and unattractive for good.However, It empowered me somehow not taking **** from anyone anymore, but it also made me the most unhappy woman in the world.
I really don't know where to go from here.........I really want my old self back so badly.
I'm so glad you found this site and glad you are here.
I so know what you are going through as I went through something pretty similar for almost 2 years, 1 of which was the worst. I felt sluggish, very irritable, full of anxiety, and then swamped with self-loathing and guilt for the way I was acting. I won't go into all the gory details, but I say this to let you know I can relate.
I have been into alternative health for many years and was determined not to use hormones. I tried various remedies and many worked up to a point, but then my hormones would shift again and then I had to find another remedy until it got to the point where I was worsening and nothing helped.
During that time I researched heavily and suspected that not only was I in peri, but probably had a thyroid problem which is becoming very common in women going through menopause. I have awful insurance with 5K deductible and we had lots of medical bills just from me running to the ER with panic and heart racing, so I couldn't run up more bills if I could help it. So I ordered my own thyroid labs online (cheaper than a doc visit and what her lab charges) and sure enough, not only was I hypothyroid but I also have an autoimmune thyroid condition. And my estrogen was low, as was my adrenal cortisol levels.
So after starting bioidentical hormones for all those issues, I am MUCH improved. No more anxiety, panic, or palps. I'm more even-tempered, I have more energy, and I'm finally feeling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
At age 44, not sure if you would need estrogen or progesterone, so it would be helpful to get those tested online if possible.
Don't give up! There is an answer. Meanwhile, take a high-dose b-complex and magnesium every day, they both can do wonders for your moods until you get this straightened out.
I so know what you are going through as I went through something pretty similar for almost 2 years, 1 of which was the worst. I felt sluggish, very irritable, full of anxiety, and then swamped with self-loathing and guilt for the way I was acting. I won't go into all the gory details, but I say this to let you know I can relate.
I have been into alternative health for many years and was determined not to use hormones. I tried various remedies and many worked up to a point, but then my hormones would shift again and then I had to find another remedy until it got to the point where I was worsening and nothing helped.
During that time I researched heavily and suspected that not only was I in peri, but probably had a thyroid problem which is becoming very common in women going through menopause. I have awful insurance with 5K deductible and we had lots of medical bills just from me running to the ER with panic and heart racing, so I couldn't run up more bills if I could help it. So I ordered my own thyroid labs online (cheaper than a doc visit and what her lab charges) and sure enough, not only was I hypothyroid but I also have an autoimmune thyroid condition. And my estrogen was low, as was my adrenal cortisol levels.
So after starting bioidentical hormones for all those issues, I am MUCH improved. No more anxiety, panic, or palps. I'm more even-tempered, I have more energy, and I'm finally feeling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
At age 44, not sure if you would need estrogen or progesterone, so it would be helpful to get those tested online if possible.
Don't give up! There is an answer. Meanwhile, take a high-dose b-complex and magnesium every day, they both can do wonders for your moods until you get this straightened out.
Welome!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this,but as you can see you're not alone.When my symptoms first started, my gyn told me to try some herbal products. The one that helped me most was black cohosh.It helped me with the physical and mental symptoms.There is alot of info out there about different products that can help you.Do some homework and hopefully you will find something that helps.Along with all this peri menopause stuff I have type 1 diabetes,and I was without health insurance for awhile, and let me tell you it was rough.You will be fine.This to shall pass.
RhondaP
I'm so sorry that you are going through this,but as you can see you're not alone.When my symptoms first started, my gyn told me to try some herbal products. The one that helped me most was black cohosh.It helped me with the physical and mental symptoms.There is alot of info out there about different products that can help you.Do some homework and hopefully you will find something that helps.Along with all this peri menopause stuff I have type 1 diabetes,and I was without health insurance for awhile, and let me tell you it was rough.You will be fine.This to shall pass.
RhondaP
QUOTE (CrazyFloridaOrange @ Jan 24 2009, 08:37 AM) 
Hi all,
I should introduce myself a bit first. I'm 44, of german nationality and have missed two periods so far. I have been through hell and back since 6 months or so.
that led me to believe after varoius googling(realized), I am going through menopausal symptoms of the worst kind.
I'm a mom of three wonderful sons, 24,21 and 16.I have been married to my husband for a happy 25 years, who is now completely confused and doesn't know what to do anymore.
When it first started happening to me it was very scary. I get in such rage/anger/depression, noone can really deal with me then (I get ready to destroy stuff). I have cut off most of my friends already, cause they don't see things the way I do anymore. I feel out of a month, I may have one "normal" week, where my family thinks I'm half way sane.
The other 25 days I'm a totally unpredictable, self-destructive,dangerous- to- myself, violent, unreasonable, unlogical ,angry mess (sometimes to the point of thinking I should not even be here anymore).
This "stuff" has completely taken over my lfe, logical thinking, positive emotions and pretty much everything that I once held dear to me and enjoyed ,have vanished now.Nothing, absolutely nothing seems to make me remotely happy anymore, nowadays.(The fact that I think I'm super fat now, doesn't help it either)
When I had a major breakdown before, I told my husband I felt like I'm already dead inside........which is the truth, cause I don't feel like the same person I was a year ago. Everything I was once known for (cheerful, cuddly,always joking,forever patient, agood listener) have turned into the complete opposite. I honestly feel, the person I once was has died and will never return. Like someone put my old, good self inside an old closet to rot and brought out a monster instead.
I'm so sad, confused and depressed, that I'm bringing such darkness over my family. I cry every night and can't find an answer at all.All I want is my husband to keep loving me, but he said it's become so hard,
cause I'm so unpredictable every day. That saddens me so much, I cannot even say.I don't have anough tears for that.
Unfortunately I have no health insurance and can't do much about this situation at the moment.
I know you might say that sounds like a major depression, but let me reassure you it's not. (I was depressed many times before, none was like what I go through now) It's like I looked in the mirror one morning and all of a sudden realized I'm now old, fat and unattractive for good.However, It empowered me somehow not taking **** from anyone anymore, but it also made me the most unhappy woman in the world.
I really don't know where to go from here.........I really want my old self back so badly.
I should introduce myself a bit first. I'm 44, of german nationality and have missed two periods so far. I have been through hell and back since 6 months or so.
that led me to believe after varoius googling(realized), I am going through menopausal symptoms of the worst kind.
I'm a mom of three wonderful sons, 24,21 and 16.I have been married to my husband for a happy 25 years, who is now completely confused and doesn't know what to do anymore.
When it first started happening to me it was very scary. I get in such rage/anger/depression, noone can really deal with me then (I get ready to destroy stuff). I have cut off most of my friends already, cause they don't see things the way I do anymore. I feel out of a month, I may have one "normal" week, where my family thinks I'm half way sane.
The other 25 days I'm a totally unpredictable, self-destructive,dangerous- to- myself, violent, unreasonable, unlogical ,angry mess (sometimes to the point of thinking I should not even be here anymore).
This "stuff" has completely taken over my lfe, logical thinking, positive emotions and pretty much everything that I once held dear to me and enjoyed ,have vanished now.Nothing, absolutely nothing seems to make me remotely happy anymore, nowadays.(The fact that I think I'm super fat now, doesn't help it either)
When I had a major breakdown before, I told my husband I felt like I'm already dead inside........which is the truth, cause I don't feel like the same person I was a year ago. Everything I was once known for (cheerful, cuddly,always joking,forever patient, agood listener) have turned into the complete opposite. I honestly feel, the person I once was has died and will never return. Like someone put my old, good self inside an old closet to rot and brought out a monster instead.
I'm so sad, confused and depressed, that I'm bringing such darkness over my family. I cry every night and can't find an answer at all.All I want is my husband to keep loving me, but he said it's become so hard,
cause I'm so unpredictable every day. That saddens me so much, I cannot even say.I don't have anough tears for that.
Unfortunately I have no health insurance and can't do much about this situation at the moment.
I know you might say that sounds like a major depression, but let me reassure you it's not. (I was depressed many times before, none was like what I go through now) It's like I looked in the mirror one morning and all of a sudden realized I'm now old, fat and unattractive for good.However, It empowered me somehow not taking **** from anyone anymore, but it also made me the most unhappy woman in the world.
I really don't know where to go from here.........I really want my old self back so badly.
Dear CrazyFlorida Orange
It is so amazing how ones life can literally be turned upside down almost in the blink of an eye.Suddenly everything we loved and held dear,personalities,looks,friends etc.come under under a lot of scrutiny.I think this is a sense of 'loss'caused by vulnerability as we realise we are getting older.
I have been through the spectrum of these feelings but believe me there is an end in sight.You may not get back the 'old you' but the new version will be maybe wiser!Am so glad you found this site.The ladies are awesome and the information you will get is great.Not to mention the empathy.
All the Best
Keep Posting
Elizabeth
Hi CrazyFl,
When my peri started it was with the same rage and anger. It was so bad I couldn't stand myself and it was destroying my home life. I was put on some low dose BCPs and they worked wonders. If you can get the generics they aren't usually that expensive, maybe $20 a month and if you are a non-smoker most doctors will prescribe them.
Otherwise, eating a very clean diet and adding soy products to your diet and flax oil etc along with exercise will help lessen the symptoms.
Best of luck to you,
When my peri started it was with the same rage and anger. It was so bad I couldn't stand myself and it was destroying my home life. I was put on some low dose BCPs and they worked wonders. If you can get the generics they aren't usually that expensive, maybe $20 a month and if you are a non-smoker most doctors will prescribe them.
Otherwise, eating a very clean diet and adding soy products to your diet and flax oil etc along with exercise will help lessen the symptoms.
Best of luck to you,
Hello and Welcome!
I think that this be an example of what is meant by the "better or worse" part in the marriage vows.
Your husband needs some support - maybe tallking to other men would help. In a safe environment of course...I am not talking about bashing at the bar type of support!!
I realize that he may be feeling that it is hard on him right now to love you. This is about something we do - thie giving of self, loving the unlovable at times When ti is hard we must become the verb love...just is that way. You have done the same for him too...it's give and take.
Just my opinion - bless you.
Suzanne
I think that this be an example of what is meant by the "better or worse" part in the marriage vows.
Your husband needs some support - maybe tallking to other men would help. In a safe environment of course...I am not talking about bashing at the bar type of support!!
I realize that he may be feeling that it is hard on him right now to love you. This is about something we do - thie giving of self, loving the unlovable at times When ti is hard we must become the verb love...just is that way. You have done the same for him too...it's give and take.
Just my opinion - bless you.
Suzanne
Thank you all so so much for your help and kind words.................
I will definately try and research for some herbal remedies or supplements.
As for my husband, he's much more understanding now as when this first started, but he's still not sure how to handle me at times.
He said "I've been knowing you for more than 25 years and thought I knew you really well"," now all that knowledge seems to be worthless, because I don't know what person I have in front of me sometimes.
The old one, or the new crazy one........."
he asks me if I cannot control these feelings, or stop them through willpower or what not. I tried explaining that most of the time, I don't even know when I'm in "that" mood to begin with.
I'm glad I'm not alone with this crazy STUFF
I will definately try and research for some herbal remedies or supplements.
As for my husband, he's much more understanding now as when this first started, but he's still not sure how to handle me at times.
He said "I've been knowing you for more than 25 years and thought I knew you really well"," now all that knowledge seems to be worthless, because I don't know what person I have in front of me sometimes.
The old one, or the new crazy one........."
he asks me if I cannot control these feelings, or stop them through willpower or what not. I tried explaining that most of the time, I don't even know when I'm in "that" mood to begin with.
I'm glad I'm not alone with this crazy STUFF
CrazyFloridaOrange, if you are open to HRT you sound like the perfect candidate for Bellevue's Patient Empowerment Program. If you are going to spend money on herbals and supplements which probably won't do much for you, you might want to consider spending money on BHRT. It's not as expensive as you might think. My ProGest packets cost me only $9 month. EstroGel is more expensive, but I think Bellevue has compounded which is less expensive. You should contact them and get the costs. Think about it ... if a few creams/gels can help you feel more sane and happy and stop any unpleasant symptoms you might be experiencing, don't you want to spend the money ? Just a thought. Bellevue has a link on Power Surge's main web page.
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