Every little pain, twinge or ache lately seems to raise the spector of a terminal or chronic illness in my poor head.

I cannot seem to shake the fears and I hate that I've become this way.


Can anyone relate? How do you cope short of running to the doctor every five minutes???

Hello Bookworm, trust me...you are not alone in this. I have been doing this for what seems like forever now but am slowly starting to get it under control. I take Buspar but my anxiety/hypochondria is definitely worse when I am ovulating and during my period. I have a few days to go before I start again and I can feel it creeping in and trying to take hold. I just have to keep telling myself that this is hormonal (everything else has checked out ok). I have been dealing with the dizzies the last few days and they totally drive me insane! Hang in there, we'll get through all this together!

I am there too. But I have had it so long that now I convince myself that everything is nothing. Then I panic even more because my overactive brain starts in on the "this time you really are having a heart attack/stroke/any other fatal malady you want to insert. " Where I used to be at the MD all the time, now I try very hard to think of reasons not to go - even when I should.

I also am on Buspar, and find it helps most of the time. Heck it may help all of the time, who knows how bad I would be when I am bad if I wasn't on it.

I don't really know how to tell you to cope. I guess what I do is try to convince myself that I have had that pain, nervousness, twinge ... before and it was nothing then so it must be nothing now. What is difficult is when it is a new symptom. I added lightheadeness and dizzy to my symptoms last week and it threw me into one of the worst panic attacks I think I have ever had. But I still didn't go to the Doctor - I refused.

In my case,i have a fear of going to the doctor....

Hi Bookworm,

I can totally relate. Being Canadian it's even easier to run to the doctor because I don't have to pay for it. My biggest fear is cancer. It runs rampid on both my mother and father's side. I have had more exams and ultrasounds in the last year. It's gotten to the point where every little ache or pain works me up into waves of panic. I try to stay calm and feel calm when I go to the doctor's. I get my results and feel fine for about a month until I'm on the internet or television and come across a cancerous symptom that coincides with how I'm feeling. Then I'm off to the doctor's again. My doctor understands my anxiety and always says that my exam or test may be unnecessary but if it puts my mind at ease he will run it. I have a physical coming up Feb. 4 and will be getting my blood work done for about the ten thousandth time. Whenever I feel really really fatigued I'm getting my blood count checked. Sometimes I feel like a human pin cushion! LoL Oh well I guess it par for the peri course!

Take care
Tara

OOps that's rampant!

I was just diagnosed with hypochondriasis by my new therapist. My theory is that those of us who are body-focused for whatever reason (for me, it's at least partially physical and sexual abuse, but I think it's possible that some are just more sensitive than others) get hit harder with peri/meno/hormonal issues. There is so much change in the body during those times. If you're body sensitive you sense that things are going on, or you actually feel them, and get worried. In my case, I've become hyper vigilant about my body.

This new therapist seems to think he has techniques that will help with this, one of them being hypnotherapy. We shall see. I tried buspar but didn't have success. I have Lexapro but haven't taken it yet. It's hard for someone who's so body-focused and hyper vigilant to take any drug. Or vitamin. Or even food sometimes. Heck, I get scared of eating chocolate for fear of a reaction.

That said, I am taking megadoses of Vitamin D because I just discovered I have a deficiency. I'm hoping that will help with something. I also have been taking B vitamins with inositol. If you google inositol, you will find that studies on it have shown that it's as effective as SSRIs in treating anxiety and depression. The studies are small and so most would not be ready to proclaim it as an effective measure, but I figure B vitamins can't hurt. And I think they're helping. I just threw in Vitamin E, too, as I have balance issues and I read it can help with that. I'm also trying hard to get some exercise. As much as I hate it and as hard as it is for me to do it, it really does help.

Missy

I started a diary a year and a half ago and that seems to help. I look back at all the symptoms that I have, i can see that I survived it then, so I can ok now. It doesn't always work and I am googling away but most times, it helps. Also, I come here daily for support and to see what's going on with everyone and that helps too. I hope this helps.

Thanks for all your responses.

It's funny. I think I inherited all this from my Mom. There may be a genetic component, but I really think it was me--an impressionable child--watching my mother get panic attacks and always saying she thought she was dying. My Mom had me at 40, and now I realize she was probably in the throes of peri menopause at the time I became aware of her behaviors. She was a good mother overall, but sometimes would fly into terrible rages which were terrifying or else she would say verbally abusive things. She really was pretty unstable emotionally. My father died when I was 8, and hearing my mother constantly saying she thought she was dying would scare me so much. I was so afraid of being left all alone.

At 15, I started getting horrible and ultimately debilitating panic attacks. Health concerns started at that time, too. I felt like I couldn't breath at times.

Maybe this is the key to the mystery of why I'm so obssessive. Oh well, back into therapy...

hi Booky

I was also in my mid-teens when all this anxiety drudgery started. It's taken years of therapy and at times medication to get it under control. I am pleased to say I am not on meds right now and haven't had clonazepam in about a month. I've found that deep breathing really helps. I also get the hard to breathe feeling. I would get a dry mouth and that horrible fuzzy feeling in my head. Like I said it took years to overcome. Alas peri menopause is not for the faint of heart like myself. However I learned that you have to kick anxiety in the butt. I now say to myself..."No I am not letting anxiety hold me back and what is the worst thing that can happen? Try this. It's scary at first but once you get used to being in the driver's seat the attacks should come less and less... As for my hypochondria proclivities....well let's just say it's still a work in progress.

All the best
Tara

Bookworm, I know exactly what you mean. I am so sick of being hypervigalant to every ache, pain and garden variety illness.....such as a simple cold or virus/flu. Nothing is EVER simple with me. If I am not doubled over with severe stomach cramps (due to my colitis) Im worried it's colon cancer, things like an ear ache turn into suspicions of a tumor or anorism. I hate how this pulls me into a long drawn out vortex of fear and foreboading. I was in Wallmart today picking up a few items and I felt that stupid low level anxiety/fear thing coming on. I looked at all of the other ladies shopping not giving a care to the world realizing that they were truly present in the moment shopping and doing what normal people do....getting on with their business....Not like me who is stuck in my own head of swimming fear, having a hard time concentrating on buying something simple such as dish washing liquid. I just wanted to get out of the store and run for my car and drive home so I could get onto PS and feel some sort of reasurance.............

Oh, store panic is the worst!! I used to love shopping, even window shopping...No more! If the store is even slightly overheated or crowded I begin to panic--things start swimming in front of my eyes and then I start feeling nauseous. Ugh! And you're right, I do look at other people and wish I could be that care free again.

On a lighter note, I remembered something about my grandmother. As the story is told in family circles, she once went to the doctor because she thought she had prostate trouble. ROFL I guess I'm just a victim of genetics after all.

Bookworm, LOL thanks for the good laugh......funny thing is on this hypochondriacal journey of mine, I am certain at one point something like that has crossed my mind, even if it was just sympathy pains....lol

Oh, I can relate so well. I am a slave to every twinge, pain, ache and sensation. Right now, I can only concentrate on a sensation going on in my right breast. Not a pain, not an ache, a sensation. I can't stop thinking about it. A panic attack started to come on just about an hour ago so I took a Xanax and headed here for help and reassurance. I am so sick of seeing the magazine headlines at the grocery checkout - you know the "five sure signs of cancer" or the "silent killer symptoms". IF that's not enough, there is always someone willing to share some story about a friend or family member who was experiencing some ache or pain and BAM - they only have weeks to live due to some deadly disease. Right now, I am worried sick over these ever constant aches, pains, twinges, sensations. Last night both of my big toes hurt, for what reason, who knows and I had myself convinced of death. I've returned most of my Christmas presents because I tell myself, I'm probably dying so why bother enjoying it, just get the money back, my family will need it. This is no way to live. I can't take it anymore, it makes me feel physically sick to my stomach. I know I have to face this fear, but honestly, I'm afraid to have any tests done for fear of the results. I want to be happy and normal and carefree. Most importantly, I want to live life not worry about my death.

Please give me reassurance and help.

Tracey

Dear'Bookworm56'

Have to love your grandmother!So cute.
I had trouble with the shopping Malls,crowded spaces etc.Thankfully thish has gone away but it is a horrible feeling.However,I really think they really overheat a lot of stores

God Bless
One day you will know true happiness but of a different kind.So stay positive

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Hi,

The past week has been dreadful for me. Thankfully my doctor increased my medications so I can get back on track again. I am feeling better already. There's nothing worse than that constant voice in your head that tells you you're dying. My biggest accomplishment one day was making my daughter's lunch for school. It was difficult to try to remember what steps to take to get everything together e.g. get two slices of bread, take the meat and cheese out of the fridge, don't forget the mayo and mustard, etc. It was hard. Luckily my neighbour is a counsellor so I gave her a call (she wasn't aware of my history with anxiety) and we had a nice conversation that got me back on track. The thing with anxiety is that it isn't a day-by-day problem, for me it's trying to make it through the next minute or the next hour. For the past two weeks I have had every ache and pain and I should have seen this as a sign that things were deteriorating. As well, my sleeping pattern fell apart among other tell tale signs that the anxiety was back. Another problem is that I have two hard lumps behind my ear. The doctor said they're probably nothing, but I am going for an ultrasound this week. I told her that there's nothing worse than finding a lump when you have issues with anxiety. It's almost crippling. I am grateful for a loving husband who is putting up with my nonsense.

DearMacD

Sorry this has been' one of those weeks 'and I do hope the increase in your Meds. will help.

As for that voice of dying,it is such a nusiance and really cannot switch off with willpower.I try that Tecnique of acknowledging the Thought and then kind of letting it float on .This does not always work but my Yoga Practice and occasional use of Xanax,as needed,can be pretty helpful.

Thank God you have such an understanding neighbour and aloving husband.Try not to worry about the lumps,as I had a very swollen hard one during my heavy Sinus infection.It went away after the antibiotics

Good Luck with the Ultrasound

Please keep us posted
Elizabeth

Tracey,

I know what you are going through. I can't even stand to watch these commercials on TV put out by the Almighty Pharmaceutical companies. They're horrible! First they give you HOPE for whatever disease or malady you have then the next second they're telling you about the horrible side-effects! One commercial even says, "possible side effect is death". OMG!!!

Actually, I'm making plans to find a therapist in my area. Supplements and meds are fine, but I think my worry is getting so that I need to talk it out with a professional. Here's hoping it is someone who truly understands.

Keep coming back here for support, Tracey, and you're welcome to pm me if you like. Somehow we'll all get though this!

I did extensive and comprehensive physical when this crap started, outruled major issues with digestion, cardiovascular, etc.
Now, I just live with the symptoms, no longer visiting drs. unless it is routine check up.
I also take xanax, that helps me not to lose my mind and stopped "googling" symptoms on the web.

It is like "what is going to kill ya, the disease or the cure, LOL. I would take disease, at least, it does it slowly, LOL. I think drug and food commerical should be banned too, WTF is it : Tell your doctor about ......(insert a name of new drug)"! Should not be the other way around? When your doctor tells you about new medication, this really cracks me up, why would we need doctors if we have to tell them about medications and read WebMD.
On a serious side, they obligated to tell you of possible side effects based on the clinical data.
I just think ALL DRUGS work on one problem, and cause other 10 health issues, no exeptions.
They say, our body has ability to heal itself, but somehow ppl live longer thanks to nasty drugs and medical procedures.
I am thinking to try acupuncture, I know women had pretty good results, perhaps looking like a porcupine will make me feel better instantly, LOL.
Cheers,
I.

My nephew is a doctor and he did say they are obligated to post side effects even if just ONE person reported it. So...

As for acupunture, It has worked for me for a few different issues. I avoided a foot operation by doing acupuncture & it also helped me with knee inflamation. I wish I could go now, but I don't have the money & my medical insurance doesn't cover the treatments...

Yes, it is true, and thanks to this. The older drugs at least more than 10 years, have better safety record, than newer and not well studied drugs. Some drugs may cause short terms side effects, so even studies were conducted, it may be long terms issues that showed after 5+ years.

I will give it a try, I am better than before, but curious to try it, as it is as old as this world.
Happy Chinese NY everyone.

Go for it Ira! I used acupuncture to help me thru meno and it did help!

BTW - it does not hurt at all - the only time I ever sorta felt it was when I fell ice skating andliterally had to crawl to the treatment with an injured back - I felt the needle a bit at the injured site but 20 minutes later was able to leave the office with almost no pain. It's worth a shot!

I am thinking of going again too....I get tense muscles in my shoulders from hunching over this darn computer!

I highly recommend accupuncture Ira. It helps me a lot although I don't go as often anymore.

Tracey, I too had a complete physical, gyn exam and bloodwork done. After that I just sighed at my symptoms and tried to cope as best I can.

Hope you feel better soon!

[quote name='tdf770' date='Jan 25 2009, 01:26 AM' post='262819']
Oh, I can relate so well. I am a slave to every twinge, pain, ache and sensation. Right now, I can only concentrate on a sensation going on in my right breast. Not a pain, not an ache, a sensation. I can't stop thinking about it. A panic attack started to come on just about an hour ago so I took a Xanax and headed here for help and reassurance. I am so sick of seeing the magazine headlines at the grocery checkout - you know the "five sure signs of cancer" or the "silent killer symptoms". IF that's not enough, there is always someone willing to share some story about a friend or family member who was experiencing some ache or pain and BAM - they only have weeks to live due to some deadly disease. Right now, I am worried sick over these ever constant aches, pains, twinges, sensations. Last night both of my big toes hurt, for what reason, who knows and I had myself convinced of death. I've returned most of my Christmas presents because I tell myself, I'm probably dying so why bother enjoying it, just get the money back, my family will need it. This is no way to live. I can't take it anymore, it makes me feel physically sick to my stomach. I know I have to face this fear, but honestly, I'm afraid to have any tests done for fear of the results. I want to be happy and normal and carefree. Most importantly, I want to live life not worry about my death.

Please give me reassurance and help.

Your story is my story. I feel if I do not keep vigilance on my fears then I will be blindsided by something unexpected. I too feel sick to my stomach. However, it is not all the time just specific situations. Currently I found a mole that I don't remember having and I freaked out. It looks like several other moles I have, they are called cherry angiomas (I think), but, for 2 days I hyperventilated and cried, thinking I had skin cancer for sure. Then I had my mammogram to look forward to on Friday, but, I was so freaked out I went yesterday...hyperventilating the whole way through it, depressed and acting as if I had been diagnosed with something. I have had 2 other mammo's one was fine, the other turned out to be fine, though, they called me for a recheck ultrasound, which ended up being cysts. Still since that last time I have a major panic attack about mammograms, haven't had a mammo for 2 years (no insurance), felt perfectly fine not going. I'm thinking if this one is okay, they aren't going to see me for another 2 years, lol. But, now that I have insurance feel like it would be stupid of me not to do my due diligence and get one. Frankly, if I didn't have Xanax I would be a bigger mess.than I already am I feel like an idiot being so insane. At least I should save my insanity for something I know for sure, not what is in my head. But, it is something that takes hold of you and there truly doesn't feel like there is any escape from the fears in your head....so 2 Xanax and my mind turns off and that's that. My friends and my husband just listen to my rantings and try and make me laugh at myself. I do, but, then as I'm laughing I think, don't you laugh, you aren't keeping guard if you are laughing. It truly is terrible being so afraid of illness and death. Ughhhh!! I wish I had answers, all I can do is emphasize with you and if it helps knowing others feel your pain than know that I totally understand where you are coming from.

Mich

It's been a week since I fell apart and I almost feel back to normal. I must say that I feel like a big failure because my anti-anxiety medication had to be increased. I was stable for two years, so my goal was to wean myself off meds this spring. Now that I am thinking rationally, I'm feeling a bit ashamed at how unglued I was. It was like I had a secret I kept from many people and now they know I am flawed and not the confident professional they know through work and various committees. I see this problem as a weakness and, having grown up in a dysfunctional family with lots of mental illness, I am furious at myself for not being stronger. Damn. Having high expectations of myself contributes to my anxiety problems. I have an appointment with a counsellor on Friday so maybe I can start working on some of my many issues and start putting things in proper perspective.

It's such a relief to come to this site and see other people with the same struggles. Thanks for listening to me.

I have OCD and so does my Mom and so did her mom. I notice traits in my youngest son. It is a life ruiner. I am on Luvox, which is the gold standard for OCD. I don't think I am taking enough and since my obsession is health related, I am going to make an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss upping the dose (which I won't do cause I am a chicken). The compulsive part is the searching for info on the internet and seeing doctors where I begin the visit by telling them what a nutbag I am. Geez. what a life. I saw a great therapist for years, but she passed away. It's not that I am afraid I will die, I know that heaven awaits me, so OCD is hard toexplain. Menopause is making it SO MUCH WORSE

Hey ,honey
You are not flawed.Just an incredible sensitive lady tring to handle her problems the best way you can.For the record I have been on Prozac for many years and attempts to come off,albeit very slowly,have been un-successful.

I was sexually abused as a child and raped as a teenager so I was flawed by others so do not hold myself accountable.I have forgiven all concerned.It was forgiving myself that got me stuck.

Xanax,as needed,helps with my anxiety which can be very high sometimes.

So let us work together.

God Bless
Elizabeth

Dear'lgoldie'
I actually believe that there is an inheritance factor in mental and emotional illnesses.My mother was always in a constant panic.She would never have visitors and if some turned up I was thrown into taking care of them as she couldn't face it.

I have very heightened anxiety and tension and use Prozac and Xanax to treat it. I too have noticed similar traits in my daughter who suffers from social phobia.

I wish you well,my friend
God Bless
Elizabeth

Although I have suffered from panic attacks since the age of 29 (i am 51 now), I got them under control with the help of Claire Week's book Hope and Help for Your Nerves. What I find incredibly difficult is the constant anxiety that seems to keep my focus on my body sensations.

You've all described my new life, the one that doesn't feel like my own.

I am a normal person, with a full-time job, a beautiful home and a great husband. I love to entertain and cooking is a passion. For the last 3 months I have been a different person; no grand entertaining and barely can plan a meal.

It all started with a feeling of a lump in my throat - sudden onset. Was diagnosed with LPR (acid reflux that comes up into the throat - no heartburn) after undergoing numerous sinus/throat scopes and a rather unpleasant FEES test. Possible that peri caused this since it affects the muscles and the esophagus is whats allowing the acid to come up.

Since January 10, I have been a different person. I don't sleep through the night, waking at 3:00 (I get back to sleep within 45 minutes) and 5:30 (usually lay awake til alarm goes off at 6:30). I have constant anxiety (seeing an anxiety specialist and just saw a shrink for med consult and started Lexepro 5mg three days ago). I am constantly worried about every ache and pain in my throat and neck (this is no doubt the worst place for me to have an ailment as it causes great anxiety).

I fear food and what it will do to my throat, and have lost 25 pounds since 2.1.09 by eliminating all acid-trigger foods (I have 40 more to go to get back to the right weight for me). I have high BP from the anxiety and am monitoring it for my next Dr visit, and I can see clearly how my BP reading correlates to the anxiety level at the time. if I weren't in a constant state of anxiety, my BP would be normal. But i am not, and it is not, so perhaps BP meds might have to come into play if the Lexapro doesn't take the edge off.

I have palps but didn't take a chance and had a full cardiac workup (24-hour holter, echo stress, carotid sonogram). Because my BP was high on the second visit, Dr put me on Cardizem. I stopped (with his approval) after 10 days because I felt dizzy. Even meds make me nervous. Geez, I even hesitated to take a multivitamin.

I've had an endoscopy to see if there was any acid damage and a colonoscopy because I should have had one when I turnes 50.

This is problably the hardest time in my life, but I am not going down without a fight. I have to practice to stop the negative patterns, no matter how hard it is. We have to block the negative and replace with positive. sometimes I know I am just giving in and letting it sweep me away. I have to change that.

I saw a book 'It's NOT all in Your Head' on Amazon. Its for people suffering from health anxiety. I am NOT going to get it because I am not ready and as my therapist would say, there are usually some things in these types of books that my suggestive mind might find scary, and its best left to when I am less fragile. Perhaps this might help some of you though.

I know this is a bit disjointed, but I just wanted to show that ME, a very NORMAL person just like many of you, has turned into a health-obsessed, fragile, scared, and depressed loon because of what I suspect is perimenopause.

Its either that or my thyroid, which is being checked tomorrow. Now I just have to find out which doctors I haven't seen yet to see if I can make it into Guiness Book of World records for most variety of doctors visits within 3 months!

All the best, Sue

This is so me too. Particularly the "take the Christmas presents back" thing. I used to love shopping (probably too much). But now, I have lost all interest.
Even though I may want something, I don't feel it makes sense to spend any money on myself, as my husband and son will have to go through all my excess clothes, perfume, etc. if I "depart." I seem to transition from one symptom to another. I'm 54 and still having sporadic periods. For the last two years I have been doing nothing but tests--everything started from an abnormal pap. After an endometrial biopsy and an internal exam, thank God that was OK. But ... the anxiety before was so bad and it has never left me. I then developed UTI's that even though cured, felt as if they never went away. Two urologists later, that is better after about 8 mohths. Then I worried about the mamogram because I had some bad experiences with cysts in the past. That was OK, but now I am getting these heart poundings in my chest. Off and on I feel like my chest is aching. I have asthma too, and went to see that doc last week. Now I made another appt. with a GP, but I am afraid to go and even mention the heart pounding. I have myself ready for open heart surgery. The sad thing is the EXTREME anxiety. I really don't think doc's ever really listen. I went to 3 gynecologists and not one could really relate to any menopausal symptoms. This truly is no way to live. I constantly look at older adults and wonder how they are even walking around or smiling. I could go on forever.
Oh yes, and I also wake up in a panic with sweating. Bottom line though, I don't think everything is attributable to menopause and there's always some fatal thing I will get and be gone in a week after diagnosis. I truly don't think I will ever feel well again and have a clear mind.
Thanks for writing your story, at least I don't feel so alone. My husband thinks I am nuts. Marie

Sisters:

I'm crying right now as I read this. How much we all suffer. This is hands-down the most difficult thing I've ever experienced.

I, too, experienced many, many health concerns. Went to doctors. Would get an almost euphoric sense of immediate relief upon learning that I was cleared (for whatever I was testing myself). And within weeks, I'd be onto something new. My anxiety become so intense and so unmanageable that I finally admitted myself for treatment.

Fast forward six months. I've been doing better. But started to wean off of Zoloft (hair loss) and just this week, it hit the fan. I bought a condo (first time home owner). I did very well through the whole process. But when I went to sleep there (still a mess and no furniture), I had a meltdown. I had been staying with friends for the past six months and suddenly I was in a small studio alone. I felt myself crash internally. Literally felt the depression set in.

(Part of what was triggering it is related to the anxiety we're talking about. The hypochondriasis. Except this time it was a housing concern. My new place is directly above the laundry room. I hadn't noticed the awful, perfumey chemical smell before. But then I realized it was fabric softener sheets. Very strong smell coming up through my floors and past my window (from the vents below). I had asked my inspector if living above a laundry room was dangerous and he said, "no." But at that time, we weren't smelling those sheets. Of course, I looked it up and they're toxic as h***. So now I'm worried about the constant exposure to those fumes. (See how it's similar to the hypochondriasis?)

Anyway, the combination of being alone so suddenly after being in this safe nest for six months and the fear of my new condo being an unhealthy place to live has put me over the edge.

Like so many of you (MacD and others), I was once fearless. I loved living alone. I loved taking on difficult projects.

But now I'm reduced to a fearful, quaking, anxious mess.

I never thought I would require drugs! Never thought I'd see the day when I actually thought I was losing my mind. But I Have so many of those days now and it's soooooo depressing.

Anyway, just wanted to send out a squeeze to all of you for your bravery in sharing here.

Without your stories, it would be even harder to find the light.

Love to you,

Sukie

p.s. I am sleeping at my friends' place until I am feeling up to dealing with the new place.

I have so many allergies and sensitivities, I can really relate to your concerns!

I don't think it would be wrong to request a sign be posted in the laundry room requesting people to use UNSCENTED drier sheets and laundry detergent. You may even want to post on your own the studies you found that indicate the fumes to be "toxic". Maybe that would be a wakeup call to your neighbors, too!

I always use unscented detergents & sheets. Not only the smell, but they were irritating my skin!

My neighbor next door (their house is right across my driveway) always uses strongly scented things to wash her clothing and it's so annoying! I can't even sit out on my deck when she's doing her laundry--and she has three kids so this is a frequent event.

Another thing. Splurge and buy yourself a really good air cleaner with a hepa filter and ion generator and be sure to use it while you're at home!

Good luck!

Thank you for understanding, Bookworm56.

I have told my friends my concerns and they tease me. (They mean well.) But I am sensitive to some smells. There is a certain restaurant that I go to and they sell incense. And it bothers me. They're not even burning it! But the mix of those chemicals with food smells seems so wrong to me!

I will have to deal with it. I am thinking of donating chemical-free dryer sheets to the laundry room and asking that people please use them--with a note about the dangers of standard ones.

Again: thanks for understanding my hypochondriasis via clothes dryers!

p.s. I just went out and bought the Dr. Weekes book that many of you have recommended.

Dear Sue
Thank you for your very frank and honest Post.Yes I too was fairly normal till Menopause struck and turned me into a sweaty,anxious,depressed insomniac with a total aversion to food that I too lost loads of weight.Things did get much better when I started Prozac 20mgs,with Xanax to use as needed,very small dose.

Good Luck with your Thyroid Tests,that Little Devil can bring symptoms that mimic depression and hightened anxiety
And no it is is "not all in your head" or why would there be so many intelligent,competent women suffering the same dreadful symptoms.?

I really wish you well.
Keep us Posted
God Bless
Elizabeth

Dear'Sukie'
Congratulations on your new Condo!First time home owner-way to go.

However I am really sorry that you are having such a difficult time.I do have the hightened sense of smell too and can smell things that no-one else seems to be aware of.My noise tolerance is very low,sometimes the singing of birds and the barking of dogs in the distance make me feel crazy.

You,however,are not crazy but going through a journey which has proved so un-believably crazy for most of us.If anyone had told me in my twenties that I would need an AD for depression in my late thirties,or Xanax for anxiety I would have laughed in their faces.Now the laugh is on me.

I do wish for better times for you.
God Bless
Elizabeth

What a sweet note.

I'm feeling a little bit better today. When the anxiety/depression takes hold, it really rattles me. Takes a few days to come out of it. I appreciate your saying that you'd never have believed it if someone had told you that you'd be on meds. That's how I feel. I actually went out and got the Claire Weekes book and it is proving to be quite helpful. I think I need to stop trying to "get back to who I was" and accept this ride for what it is. Look ahead, not behind.

Thank you for your encouraging words and compassion.

Sukie

Tracey,

My dear, i had to respond to this post because it's a post that I would of written. My heart really goes out to you because I have spent so many years thinking the way you have, like why bother making plans if I'm going to die anyways. Listen, all i can say to make you feel better is that there is nothing we can do to change, it's just the way we are, dont' force anything, just let the thoughts come and eventually you will have them less and less. When i'm peaking with anxiety I know for sure it's going to be the end of me...and...it doens't happen. These feelings for me got worse when I lost my mom suddenly. Although i have had anxiety since I'm 27 and I'm 50 now, it made me realize that we dont' live forever. Having said that, are you seeing a therapist ? are you depressed ? As you can see, from all the gals posting here, you are not alone with your fears of dying. It seems like it hits us around this age. Both you and I have to enjoy are days and not waste them on sad thoughts. Dearest, our fearless leader told me once, there are women our age in the hospital with breast cancer wishing they could have a just a few more days with their children/families so enjoy every minute you have. I hope I have given you some hope, from one PS sister to another. I'm here if you need/want to chat, or pm me, i'm always around and hope to be for a while

Hugs,

Moozie

Hello Ladies: First time responding on this forum although I have read it for months. Don't want to take up too much of your time, but have peri issues (I think) as well as anxiety and I can so relate to you all. Have had a bad six months in general; lost our home, financial troubles, etc., etc. Was on paxil for 6 years then got off for 6 months, now back on. Have always been regular on periods (45 age) and now they have gone from 6 days to 4/6 days, terrible cramps, then last month was 19 days late. I sweat all the time; not hot flashes I don't think; sweating. Ick! Panic is awful; sometimes constant. Got a part time job at a department store and would have 'head tilts' lasting a few seconds, some dizziness, feeling like I need to run out of there; had to quit. Ridiculous! Was a very strong independent 'go getting' woman in my 20s and 30s. Then my mom died, (I was her caregiver; she was my grandmother by blood), the two older kids moved out, four are still at home. Had marritial trouble and I went nuts. Literally. Had blood work up, high bp, on meds for that, overweight by 30 pounds, cholesterol high, on meds for that, taking paxil and vitamins.I also take 2 mg of valium every 6 hours as needed but doc now says it's addicting.. Anxiety so bad; just want to sleep but on the other hand want to be a good mom; have no interest in anything I used to like to do. My friends have moved on with grandkids or hubbies and laugh their way through life. I feel like an old shoe. Give grocery lists to my teen daughters; wouldn't dare go to the store. Feel like a crazy old lady. Get weird feelings in grocery stores or school meetings; feel faint; heart palps, have had thyroid checked; that's fine. Went to ER thinking I was having a heart attack (wasn't) they really thought I was crazy. Then I really felt crazier than I already did. Have you ever seen a dog chase his tail? That's me. I started with anxiety when I was 27. Hit me out of the blue. Docs thought I was nuts. Went on paxil after 10 years of battling it. Then off again now on again. Doc gives me 15 minutes of his time. Seeing the gyn in May. Hopefully he can help. Great doc but busy with delivering babies; not sure how he will be about perio. Don't know much about it other than what I have read here; as well as internet but not much detail. I also homeschool a few of my kids. I don't want them to remember how crazy their mom was. My 16 year old is in college and thinks I am a loon. My 13 year old thinks I am a hypochondriac. My 11 year old son is turning into one (like me) and my youngest; (8) wishes I would get up off the couch. I just want to feel good again. Thought the paxil would help more than it is. I am afraid to go back to the regular doc as I don't much like him; must go for more blood work (vampires) in June. Scary. Also mammogram in May. Scary. Went to eye doc last week and was terrified as he does the MS scan (my natural mom had it) but got through that. He said I should take fish oil. Love reading your posts. They help me alot each day. Blessings

Oh I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I dont' have tons of info, just take one day at a time. It sounds like you are trying so hard and it doesn't seem fair. You want to feel good and have gone to all the docotrs to get help. Maybe the gyn will be more helpful. Make a list of your concerns and have them addressed. Explain it to him, just like youhave to us, print this out even.

I hope you find relief soon.

Hi Bookworm,

I know what you mean about avoiding the grocery stores. Do you find that you get woozy or foggy headed with the bright lights. I noticed you say that you had trouble in your department store job. Flourescent lights have been bothering me for years. Photophobia maybe? I am dizzy lately as well. My mom was very dizzy when she was going through this. I also dont want to do anything that I used to. I make myself do it but dont enjoy it. And sex forget it. I would rather do anything but that. I sweat easily also but dont get hot flashes. I also still have a pretty regular period for the most part. I can definitely relate to you. I mentioned this to my new obgyn and all she said was yeah your headed toward meno, not worth doing any testing. Also didnt recommend anything.

Kathy

Dear'Bookworm410
My heart goes out to you.Many of us ,including myself have walked this road.And no you are not crazy and neither are we.The Hormonal changes that we go through affect us mind,body and souls so everyone naturally tries to find something that helps them through this transition.
I went onto HRT and it certainly helped me a great deal but it may not be the answer for you.I think you need to try to find a Gyno. who specialises in Menopause and is willing to give you as much time as you need.Someone who will asses your Thyroid and Hormone levels and see what course of treatment like Herbal supplements may be good for you.

You have the right to a good quality of life and there are many things that can help.Exercise is great even just a daily walk.Also cut out coffee and sugary foods as they do highten the jittery feelings.

I wish better days for you
Please keep us posted
Elizabeth

Bookworm I feel for you anxiety is the pits. As joyceveronica said get out and walk this I found hard at first but enjoy it again now. Try and go to your shops and do your shopping even if it's going for an item at a time. You are not afraid of the shops your afraid of the sensations that anxiety causes you to feel when you go there. I had full blown panic attacks in our hardware shop several times and felt like I could either run or freeze on the spot (the flight or fight response) told hub and he said did I want to go and I said no I have to see this out and eventually the feelings subside. If you go there make sure you know where the exits are and take someone with you, when there take note of your surroundings and things that are happening around you, take in the smells and all the sights, this is to mainly to keep your mind busy so that it can't wander off and cause you anxiety. You will have to bring your mind back to whatever you are concentrating on because you can guarantee it will wander off!! Google Mindfullness this is what helped me cope with panic, breathing in my stomach not my chest helps a lot. If you can see a good Clinical psychologist they will show you these tools that will help you.

Anxiety is such a debilitating thing every ache and pain, dizziness your convinced your dying of some disease. I thought I was going to have a heart attack or stroke, then it started on cancer! Your episodes when you were working is probably your anxiety and nothing else but it made you so uncomfortable you had to leave your job.

I know what you mean when you say you feel like you are chasing your tail, I thought I would never get rid of the anxious feelings that were with me all the time but now I am "normal" again! Sometimes I still get anxious but know how to cope with it.

I hope you can find help for yourself, also I found you have to really work hard and constantly to beat anxiety. (((Bookworm)))

Cheers choco