MIL goes Monday and have a surgically place fistula place in her arm and then wait for it to heal before dialysis begins.
I know nothing about dialysis! Info would be greatly appreciated.

Where 4 hours away and with my husband being an only son and them without a support system I don’t know what they are going to do.
Really sadden me she has to go this alone. But yet they never nurture a relationship with their only son (my husband).

Spent hours on the phone talking to eldercare, doctors etc, my in-laws have too much money in their saving account to qualified for anymore state assistant. It’s not much but over the limit. Even if they gave the money away the state will put a lend on their home and upon their death it either has to be paid back or the home is sold so they can get paid. Some state law.
For now the lady that comes in twice a week has agreed to come an extra day and will be paid out of pocket. Not going to be cheap.
Plus how will mil get there 3xs a week there is no public transportation.

We thought about moving in with them, BUT do we want to commit to that? They live in a state I really don’t want to live in! Where stuck with a house here we can’t sell!
I will feel guiltily if we don’t help them but do I want to give up our life to do it?
What choices do we have? There is no other family!
Really overwhelm right now! FEEDBACK PLEASE!

I don't know about their area, but we have local medical taxis that go in and out of the dialysis center all the time.

Maybe a better option have in laws sell their home and move to you?

My youngest daughter was diagnosed with kidney failure when she was 19. Ten months later, she had to start dialysis. She would go to school then straight to dialysis for four hours. She tolerated it pretty well. The center had comfortable chairs, each with a small tv. Most people would watch tv, take a nap and eat something while going through the procedure. You could be unhooked to go use the bathroom if nessessary. Usually there were about 10-15 people in there at one time. You could choose the morning or afternoon shift. Anyway, she finally got a kidney transplant two years ago and is doing great now at 23 years old. BTW...she made some lifelong friends while going to dialysis. They had birthday cakes, christmas parties, etc. for the patients.

Also, it's important to eat a diet low in sodium and potassium while on dialysis. She could no longer eat bacon, ham, bananas, limited peanut butter, chocolate, orange juice, tomatoes, anything made with tomatoes. After her transplant, she could have anything she wanted. There should be a dietitian at the dialysis center that manages each person's diet and helps with choices. At least there was at my daughter's facility.

Something else I thought of, if at all possible, have the same dialysis nurse set up your mother-in-law every time. That way, they will get to know her needs. It's especially important for that nurse to learn her ARM, HER FISTULA, HER NORMAL VITAL SIGNS, AND WHAT IS ABNORMAL FOR HER. Some patients suffer with side effects during dialysis, nausea, blood pressure problems). But most people do just fine.

I was a nervous wreck and cried the whole four hours the first time my daughter had to be "hooked up." Just watching her blood going through those long tubes freaked my out something terrible. Each time got a little easier. And when I would walk in and find her sitting there doing homework or eating Taco Bell, watching tv, and laughing with the the staff, I knew she was ok.

I hope this helps you somewhat. Everything will be alright.

My sister and my daughter both work in our local dialysis unit. My sister is a nurse, and my daughter a service aide (she looks after the machines, not the patients).

It is a very relaxed place, because these patients aren't "sick" exactly. They carry on normal lives with the interruption of 4 hours, 3 times per week to get their blood cleaned. It really is very remarkable we are able to do this, dialysis has saved millions of lives. Some people feel tired afterwards, but almost everyone walks off the unit when they have completed their run. And yes blood pressure dropping and nausea can be a problem for some, although often times those people have other health issues.

My sister and daughter both love their jobs, and the patients do get close to the staff, as does the family members of the patients.

I agree with Dav, that if they require help, they should move to you.

Snowmoon, I'm sorry you are having to make these decisions. I can relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed with the care of in-laws and the guilt of not doing enough but wanting to have your own life. It's difficult. I don't have any experience with dialysis but TexasGirl, Davinci, and Floater have given beautiful testimony and good advice.

I'll keep your MIL in my prayers and I'm sure it will all work out.

Well shoot I thought I wrote another post here or thought I did > maybe I added it on somewhere else?
Thanks for the idea about staying with the same nurse!

Snowmoon, my mother was on dialysis for years. She first lived alone, and my siblings and I would take turns driving her. The dailysis place was about half an hour away, and it would be about 100 miles for me when it was my turn. We got her to move closer to the dialysis facility with a lot of prodding, and then she was able to take a bus for elderly people there, and one of us would pick her up. My mother was 80 when she started dialysis.

If your FIL is unable to drive her, you may have no choice but to move her closer to a facility, where possibly there can be some public transportation/or elder services. Before you move them, I would check out the elder services that are available in the town they move to. It's tiring having the dialysis done, and then adding a long ride on top of that is draining, also. It took a long time for my mother to understand that she absolutely had to have the dialysis to live--she was in denial for a long time, thinking she could go along without it.

Goodl luck with everything,

Frisbee