I'm not sure how to ask this delicate question, other than has anyone experienced an INCREASE in libido during peri? I won't elaborate. For those not so happily afflicted, I will try to bottle it and PM it to you.

Not me.
... waiting for my bottle...

i can just say i still have it in me lol

I still have the urge, but it's the physical, er, issues that keep me from participating in the sport.

Spotting kind of takes the wind out of my sails, if you catch my drift.

From 40 to about 45 I about wore hubby out... wont go in to details, but they involve elevators, stairwells, log cabins, and rooftops He was the happiest guy alive!! So... my answer is YES. I had an increased libido. Now a year post it's still pretty good... but.... oh those elevator days LMAO

I would have to answer YES!! I can't believe I'm answering this post so the chance I'm going to go into details is SLIM!! All I will say is for about 6 months it was to the point that my husband would run the other way. Thank goodness that did calm down because to be honest it wasn't fun I would say more frrustrating then anything. I'm 43 and I would say my sex drive is higher now then it ever has been!! I keep telling my husband to enjoy it now because everything I read it could be over SOON.

Gracie,
Please send me a bottle of that stuff! My hubby would bow down and thank you forever!!!
Needless to say, I have the opposite problem...

Hugs,
Di

[ ]
( )
[ ] Here is a bottle of the magic libido. You all will have to share!

dear'Gracie'
I demand a bottle too.Am fed up of sharing!
Lucky you
Elizabeth

Yep my sex drive is better now than it was in my 20's
AMAZING!!

Definitely- there's been a real upward spike in my libido and I can't stand it! I'm not a very outgoing person and am not in a relationship or had one in a very long time. I'm 51 years old and had a hysterectomy several years ago so I will never really know when menopause will begin for me. Only that I am around the right age and there are women who report feeling the same. Most women report quite the opposite. Wish I was one of them. After doing some on-line searches I found an old discussion thread from this website posted in 2002. Women were talking about increased sexual urges due to perimenopause. It gave me a little sense of relief because at least I feel that I'm not alone. Does anyone know if there is treatment for this? Or do I have to just ride it out like my sisters from 2002?

Yes, painfully so...

It was an incredible ride...

I felt like a guy for awhile...(imagined )

For about two years I went through the long periods, heavy bleeding and spotting, not so sexy. The last 8 months or so I have had only about 4 periods which were either "normal" or light. What a difference. I also have lost about 10lbs. I find that it is better than when I was in my 20's and with my first husband (maybe there is a connection there?) . I am now with my 2nd husband for the last 18 years and he had been with me through the headaches, bleeding, feeling generally lousy periods. So I am enjoying the "new me" and feel pretty good about myself for the first time. Yea I still have the aches, pains, cramps now and then, but much better than two years ago. I like the new me (and apparently so does he)

I'm afraid I couldn't be further the opposite Gracie...need an extra large bottle please...actually make that a truckload of the stuff!!!!

Caz

I'm afraid I couldn't be further the opposite Gracie...need an extra large bottle please...actually make that a truckload of the stuff!!!!

Caz

I have the sex drive.....just no one to drive with me. Hubby lost interest years ago.

I need a bottle, in fact, my hubby was going to write a note to my gyn and ask him to fix it! I hit my "PEAK" in my early 30's and havent seen it again since. I keep hoping it will come back soon though??!

HUGS

Kim

I've posted previously. It seems I am one of those rare people who report an increase in libido. I just got off the phone with my Gynecologist and he told me for every 99 people who report a decline he gets a complaint like mine. Its been years and years since I've had sex and reaching out and connecting with a man is very hard. I am invisible. The people I talk to say that getting sex is easy just go to a bar but I've never been one for that. I've taken to posting an ad on the internet and yes did get some replies - some nice ones - not at all nasty - oh and yes there were some real "nasty" ones that I found myself most attracted to. I contacted a three. Received two Reponses. One of them is married and that's a definite OUT for me. The other guy a may contact once I get back from my trip.

The point is at times I say to myself - I just posted a sex ad on the internet - what am I thinking? It depends on who you talk to. One older woman at work says there's nothing wrong with it. My mother, on the other hand, would be on her knees praying for my redemption. And by the way I've prayed also. I don't want to be in this position at 51. Nothing is getting done I am so preoccupied with this personal issue.

My Gynecologist says that once I hit menopause I won't feel as sexual. Since I've had a hysterectomy I don't know when that would be. Wish I had a definite time frame.

Dear'Texasgirl'

You really made me laugh.My husband is either having a bout of depression or suffering from his Prostate.
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Embarrassing as it is, sex is always a hot topic. I'd like to hijack this post for a few minutes and redirect.

Anyone out there married to a guy older than they are while going through the pause? I am 48 and hubby is 55. About two or three years ago he began to experience some minor problems with impotence. Not as hard, not as easy to get it up, etc. But then it suddenly got dramatically worse. His father died and he went completely impotent for a year.

Here is where it gets significantly worse. Toward the end of that first year after his dad passed, he decided he wanted to be his old self again. After a year of being a sort of nun, "none," this was a wierd jumpstart. Only, the trouble was, he couldn't do it. Ok, I have a good figure for a gal my age. I think I could stand my own against alot of gals half my age and except for some sagging and those stretch marks...its all right. I may have the gray hair but my skin is tight even on my face...I use a cream I make myself and its wonderful. But the thing is, there was NOTHING I could do to get him excited enough to get an erection. Nada. He would insist I spend what seemed like hours playing at it and the longer it went on the softer he got. This was so hard on my female ego I couldn't stand it any more. It became unendurable. He just kept insisting I was trying hard enough, I wasn't giving enough. I would think, "dear GOD, all I had to do was show up in the same room twenty years ago and that was ENOUGH. Now I could dance naked (and have) and couldn't get a rise!" I got angry and told him, no more of this!

That's when I realized his problem was physical. I told him to go see a Dr. I should have gone with. I dunno what the Dr told him but what he told me was the Dr could care less and just gave him a bottle of cialist. His blood pressure is running like 170/95 and he said the Dr didn't think it was important enough to put him on BP meds. Then later he confessed the Dr WOULD but HE didn't want them. This from a man whose father had a six way bypass at his age and lived the rest of his life debilitated with heart problems and finally died of CHF - granted, he made it to 80 by the grace of God. So, I am in this tugofwar. Going through the hell of menopause, hubby is impotent but insists on trying to have sex when the mood hits him about once every two weeks. When we do have it, its like my old friend from work used to say, "like stuffing a marshmallow into a piggy bank." Its the most frustrating, least fun thing I can imagine do outside of dental work. He can barely keep it in and yet he seems to find it all just as satisfying as ever. IN the meantime, I get NOTHING out of it. There is NOTHING to get. When I discuss this with him he is ANGRY. Wounded. ANGRY. Defensive. When he uses the pills, which is scary with BP like that, he can just get it hard enough to do the job but can never last. Never could really but its worse now. So where is the fun in that? I feel selfish in wanting to make it fun for me too when its always ALWAYS been about HIM.

Like most men, he never cared what I thought of sex only what he wanted for himself. 25 years of that. Me just grabbing what I could when the moments allowed. Had my sexual peak mid to late thirties, at the identical time he was going through his MANOPAUSE and went into serious depression. They put him on ADs for a year, Zoloft I think and he was zombie man. No sex then. So its like my whole life has been about missing out on whatever it is that makes sex so great for everyone else. On top of which, I was very ill alot of my youth and he was extremely demanding about HIS needs being met regardless. It certainly helped me turn that part of my life into others areas of counter productivity though. Still, it would have been nice to have had that area work out for both of us. I say this as a not quite 50 yr old gal who has no hope for any sexual future at this point. In the long run, I have to ask myself, how important is it REALLY anyway? In the big scheme of things, how important is sexual satisfaction compared to the other things? Health, security, spiritual fulfillment, loving family. I guess in reality, its not so big. You just wonder, that's all...

If he had actually taken care of his body the last 30 years, would that have changed things for me? I kept a good figure, for him and YES, for me. It was important to me but it wasn't important to him to do that for me. If I gained a little weight I was losing my figure...well, I still weigh only 4 lbs more than when I graduated 30 yrs. ago. He gained forty pounds and it all went to his middle. Lost his arm strength from not working and upper body went to pot. He had a plate put into his neck because of a bad disc ten years ago and from then on insisted he could no longer do physical work. He could do it when he wanted to but not any other time. Now when he works he really hurts or strains himself. About two years ago I quit doing my daily physical routine of exercise when meno hit. I stopped caring, too. I know I need to condition my body but its like where is the incentive? I guess its just trying to avoid the nursing home or something. Thanks for listening to my meandering, self pitying whining.

OMG, you sound just like me other than I am 48. I think I had a bit too much wine on New Year's day, signed up with one of those online dating services as well. I'm kind of shy and don't like the bar scene. I find I can be a lot more open with people writing than I can talking in person. Anyway, got lots of perverts, one guy that I think will be a friend, one I'm flirting casually with and one I think might turn into something. So, you never know. I hope to have an outlet soon!

I'm so sorry for you, but at the same time I'm laughing so hard I'm about to wet myself, and at my age that's not so hard to do! Seriously, sex is nice but not critical. Think of how many women have good sex but have a guy that treats them like crap. I would trade sex for my best friend any old day.

My first year in peri my libido was off the charts, since it has went down hill to zippo!

Dear Frozentundra,

I have been in a similar situation in my marriage. My husband has had long term chronic pain, cervical spine surgery and suffers from really bad depression. All of this started in the early 90's. At one time we had a very normal life, great sex and good communication. Once health issues, depression, medications and surgery came along, out went the great sex life and most of the communication. He became a shell.

For most of a decade, I just wanted to be wanted again. He could not be there for me. The pain of that period of my life was all consuming. It seems that "sex" is most important when you "can't" have it.

During the last 3 years, he stopped working due to his health, 2 of his brothers died and his depression was constant. It's weird because he's a great guy, yet so many constant things were happening to him beyond his control. I felt guilty for thinking of running away at times, it was such a pity party in my head.

He's been finally taking better care of himself, and he started exercising daily ( he was completely out of shape). He eats healthy now, jucies daily, supplements with vitamins etc. He is off all medications. The depression seem's to have lifted in the past 2 months (keeping my fingers crossed), he's come full circle in many ways. We are once again having sex and enjoying each other, but we lost over a decade of our lives to serious health problems and depression.

We are older now, I am 50 and he is 56, so of course things are different. I have to accept it. I hope that you can work things out with your hubby, at least being able to communicate some feelings in a way that doesn't put him down. I feel for all that you are going through and yet hanging in there, my prayers go out to you.

Juliann

Thanks.

As we all know, sometimes just letting off a little steam helps.

My hubby was not a great guy when he was young. He was bad tempered, mean and abusive so just having sex with him was a trial emotionally. If you've been there you know what I mean,

He was an abused, neglected child so there is plenty of reason. Wounded children sometimes don't grow up or they just crawl into an emotional shell and stay there acting out behaviors from whatever age they crawled in.

But around the late forties he had like a conversion experience, a sort of spiritual epiphany and began to realize what a real jerk he had been.

It's strange but that was harder to absorb than the cruelty. The cruelty was constant and you get used to living in your protected warzone state. When you can finally take off the armor you get dizzy from the weightlessness. Then again, they don't stop all at once. You find yourself looking around weeks or months later for where you stashed that armor for those relapses.

But that was then. This is now. It's like his anger was his strength and his sexual appetite. When the anger left or at least died down from gale force to occasional breezes, so did his vitality.

Now I wouldn't trade the nightly back or legs rubs for a vivacious sex life. The soothing gentle touch is what the woman soul really craves anyway. But the problem is that when he feels sexually neglected he cannot find it within himself to touch or to touch with love.

Yeah, its a conundrum.

I think though, considering what I've been through in my life, its' been a very strange combination of warzone and survival mode...you know, all in all, God has kept me pretty square. I don't mean that in a bad way but in a good way.

Well, thanks for listening ladies. YOu are all treasures.

Side note; I think about you gals on the dating scene. I feel for you. I've watched my brother go through this after his divorce in his mid forties. I've watched my son go through ten years of this online dating scene...its beyond scary. Young women sending naked pictures of themselves to prospective what - lovers? Potential husbands? What do they think they will get? I think if you fail to show respect for your body and thus, yourself, you will not receive any in return. You can dangle a bucket of oats in front of a horse loose in a pasture but he may run you over in the process of getting it. Maybe its wiser to get the halter and lead rope on the horse before you feed him.

Unless being chased is the only thing you're really after....in which case, you had better practice running awhile first and hope the horse you encounter doesn't have a mean streak.

I too have experienced a dramatic increase in libido for about a month now. First some background... I have never been a sexual dynamite! I have been on HRTs for about 12 years (I am 40) since my full hystorectomy. I have been taking Cenestin since I was 28 and had always done well on it (even moods, not too angry) but always with the low sex drive. I had also been using the Estrogen cream Premarin for vaginal dryness. I haven't used it in a while and I'm not sure if it is directly related to my increase in libido, but it's something to consider.

About a month ago I woke up one morning and was a complete horn-dog... much to my surprise. Now it's all I can think about (which is not a bad thing.. especially if you ask my husband). I have even found myself in the erotica section of the local bookstore! Although, I much prefer feeling this way than the way it was before, I have also experienced "no O". This leads me to wonder if I have been over-stimulating myself and wondered if anyone had thought the same thing?

I'm not sure how long this hypersexuality will last, but my hubby and I are enjoying it while it lasts. He even had to tell me "No" the other night!

To all the ladies who suffer from vaginal dryness before or during sexual intercourse, we found that using KY's line of lubricants have made a huge difference and have definitely spiced up our love life.

It seems I have the interest but not my husband.
I know I have gained a bit of weight since we got married but it isn't a horrible amount.
He just always says not then.
Because of the Peri I am tired early and I tend to go to bed about 10:30. He says that is the
reason that it doesn't happen quite as much.

Yes i have experienced an increase and i believe there is another thread on here for women with that situation. My hubby tries to keep up but likes it. I still need to post my story because this is still new to me but enjoying it very much.

As many of the other crazy peri symptoms I've had, loss of libido is not one of them. At 49, I'm still as "amorous" as I've always been. I only wish I had someone to share it with...sigh...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, gals, for bringing this up. I was beginning to feel like I was alone when I first noticed how revved I've been lately. It's like pregnant relations lately-- no, I think even better than that! LOL This doesn't seem to get addressed on other menopause sites, though, so I felt a little like a freak before I came across this site. Thanks for making me realize I'm not a freak in this!

One word TESTOSTERONE!

For the gals with hubby's that want to but cannot They need to get a PSA and Testosterone and Estradiol test. As men get older T goes down and E goes up and even if they can do it it does not feel like it used to feel so maybe not as motivated. work outs don't do what they used to do either unless they supplement T and some P and if they are really motivated hgh.

I am enjoying it more now but like a lot of you my husband can take it or leave it(more often then not) I too worry that at any time I could lose it!! At the moment it is my only pleasure