This site has a disclaimer, as most medically oriented sites do, that what is presented here should not take the place of medical advice from your health care practitioner. We're all intelligent people so this should be a given. Even so, when responding to the post of another ps sister, we feel obligated to preface our words of comfort and solace with this same disclaimer.

I want to say this as delicately as possible, because I don't want to offend anyone because, frankly, you gals have been more help to me than you could possibly know.

Sometimes, however, I think we get a little overzealous in our responses to others. There are people who come to this board, perhaps for the first time, who have been dismissed by their doctors with a pill & advice to seek an analyst with their problems. The sad reality is that MOST doctors don't have the first idea about peri menopause. They can talk all day about menopause, but they seem just as baffled by the changes and symptoms of peri. Some doctors have even dismissed women in the peri age range saying "It's not menopause". Therefore, sending our ps sisters off on another fruitless quest for answers. This site should be the life line--the oasis of sanity at a very confusing and trying time. A place where a woman can go and hear the words, "I understand" or "I have gone through what you're going through".

I have had symptoms for months and even though my doctor has cleared any ominous health concerns I had, I still tend to fret (and agonize!) over them. It does not help to speak with other women who then insist I get a second opinion or a third opinion and that if I'm still suffering from this or that that my doctor MUST BE WRONG. That added anxiety just compounds my already fragile sense of well-being and shakes the trust and confidence in my very good doctor and my holistic practitioner who actually DOES understand the hormonal challenges I'm facing. Some even go on to tell about the horrible experiences they've had and frankly, this does not help those of us who are already fearful and anxious.

I guess all I'm saying is, choose your words carefully. Some of us are really on the edge emotionally. We don't need someone to "fix" us, just to listen to us and validate us.

Bookworm, you aren't offending anyone and I completely agree with you.

Hummmmm.... this is what I think: This is a MESSAGE BOARD. It's a message board that has 35,000 members, and at time 35,000 different opinions.

This site has so much more to offer than just the message boards. If I don't want to read an opinion, or am not in the mood to hear about someone else's troubles, I stay on the info side of this site, and not on the boards.

I understand your point, Booky, and you stated your feelings well, but we can't dictate how others respond, nor can we dictate HOW they tell their story. Some of us want an understanding response, some of us want to vent. Sometimes it's both. There are supporters here, and there are those who need support.

This part of the website is for posting messages, whether we like the message or not.

JMHO

I wasn't dictating. I was merely suggesting.

It's all about being open to others and to their feelings.

Understood!!

Hey Book:

I had not thought about this before but will now temper my responses accordingly.

I am ashamed of myself to think I have hurt someone else by telling what has happened to me before especially if it sounds like the same thing that person is going through. I would never pretend to know exactly what someone is feeling or thinking. I certainly do not want to make someone more anxious than they are already.

If I have upset anyone in the past, please know that I apologize sincerely from the bottom of my heart. It was not my intention.

I agree that this is a "message board". As such, the written word can seem "flat"......you can't hear the inflections in the voice, etc.

I don't think anyone here needs to apologize. I think we all come here to help and to be helped and to relate to each other. We are a community of women all going thru the same thing (to different degrees maybe, but we are all in need to reassurance and relating). Maybe it would be a good idea to read each post while realizing the response was written to relate and to help...and if it seems to upset you then maybe move on and don't finish reading that post. Does that help?

It's not actually what is written...it's how we respond to it.

Choose what you can use and don't let the rest bother you.

I mean, think about it, we are VERY lucky to have PS. VERY lucky. I don't know what I'd do without it. We are all different personalities and it's very possible a well meaning post may upset another....so just move on. Maybe that same post will be read by someone and it will really help them!!

Just my two cents.

I'm off for my walk now..............the Christmas lights are so pretty at night!

Take care!
Sue

My couple of pennies. We can read what we want and not read what we don't want. Every day brings new emotions that we feel. Some days we are "strong" and can read anything; other days we are a "basket case" and can only read up lifting things. Then there are days we ourselves can share anything in hopes something will help even one person.

That is my take and believe me EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON THIS BOARD has pulled me through some of my darkest hours. A very heart felt THANK YOU!!!

Good golly, I didn't want anyone to apologize or take on guilt in addition to all the other feelings and emotions we must cope with day to day...

I love you all, I hope you all know that and I don't know what I'd do without you!

Sometimes I should just shut up!

Dear 'Bookworm'
Please do not shut up.You are validated and I think I understand what you are saying.

I too am so anxious to help my Sisters that maybe I give a bit too much advice.All I can say is that this Forum has given me so much support.More than any Doctor or Professional.

It is so great to share and realise you are not alone.I am Post Menopausal but some symptoms have a crafty way of hanging around.Sue,put it very well by saying we have the choice to read or not.

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

That is my take and believe me EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON THIS BOARD has pulled me through some of my darkest hours. A very heart felt THANK YOU!!!
[/quote]


AMEN!!!

Please Booky----don't ever shut up. That's what this board is all about----helping others. Everyone helps in a different way and that's another thing that makes us all unique despite the fact that many of us are going through the same things and looking for camaraderie. You spoke from the heart and please don't ever feel that you should apologize for that.

Hugs,
Donna

Hi ladies,
We are all in this mess together and I believe we all try to honestly help each other the best way we know how. I know I would be soooo lost without everyone here. I really mean that. I thank you all and appreciate all of you.

We also have the choice to state upfront what we want to hear or not hear. I see gals quite often that say, I don't want to hear "go to the doctor". This tells me that they just want someone to say, Hey I understand I have the same thing and here is what I do or don't do and this is how it affects me. Really don't believe anyone on this bored shares things to scare or make someone else worry more, it seems all are here trying to help in their own way.

Sometimes I can read a post and never respond and feel better. There maybe five responses within that post that I ignore, and only one that I take what I need from. We can't decide what to post to one individual that may or may not help them, they are grown women and also need to only take what they need from this site or the individuals on it. One person gives, one person takes and we each do that in our individual way and that is what makes this site what it is.

If we all responded in a specific form then what would be the point? Honestly we could shut down the comments and just read the wealth of information Dearest has provided us in that case. I think her intentions when she started this was for individuals to share their own experiences in order to help other women. Keep in mind that Dearest had different experiences than me and so on and so forth.

Yes the written word comes off as flat on any message board. This one is about caring and helping others and besides the rare duck that migrates through I think it does a fine job of showing the support it was meant for.

Bookworm-To be honest -I know I wanted to join this board to be told-"there is nothing wrong with you-don't worry." By and large that is what happened. I was terrified I had cancer of the uterus because all the symptoms I had googled pointed to it. Actually no-one here told me to get a second opinion. (My doctor had dismissed me as well) but I think endometrial cancer is such a common worry in peri-most often than not unfounded, so no-one thought I could possibly have it. I had lots of reassurance from some wonderful ladies that I was probably ok. But you see Bookworm-I actually DID have endo cancer! If any lady now posted here worried about the same symptoms I myself had, I would feel duty bound-without scaring her of course, to reassure but also say if you are not happy go back to your doctor!
I found this board wonderful for burying my head in the sand, because of course, we are all here to reassure each other ! After all if one lady has actually got a life threatening illness then what is to say that the rest of us won't get it? I am sure it must have freaked out lots of other members when their greatest fear became my reality!
Don't get me wrong. It is a wonderful site and I feel that I have had great support. Sometimes though you cannot always bury your head in the sand and in that case it is wise to keep going until you find out what is wrong. Sometime denial is not a good thing-it doesn't change the reality of what the truth is. I hope you follow?
Best wishes
janet c

I personally posted my cervical cancer scare just this week, to another poster who was having some of the same issues that I had at an early age (late 30's). I didn't do this to scare the doo out of her. I posted my experience in order to encourage her to visit the Doctor, even it it just seemed like normal peri symptoms. Of course along with posting my experience I also noted that it could well be peri symptoms and she had nothing to fear but that having other things ruled out first was the best step. Sure I have peri problems, but I also had a high risk lot of precancerous cells sitting on my bits that resulted in a hysterectomy. Not to mention they pulled out a hefty amount of fibroids that I truly feel aggravated the peri symptoms I had. The OP now has an appointment, and I couldn't be happier that she does.

If my story prevents someone from suffering, then I am going to continue to tell it. Well over 80% of sexually active adults have been exposed to some form of HPV, the rate of women with pre/cancerous cells is growing every year....so yah I will scream it from a mountain top for every woman to have a yearly exam no ifs ands or buts....menopausal or not, ovaries or not it doesn't matter we are all susceptible to female cancers.

Agree, don't bury your head in the sand sometimes there could be other issues going on and if we chalk it all up to hormones then we could end up worse off for it.

I kind of agree that is is irresponsible for us to say "you are okay", when someone's symptoms sounds doubtful. I would be one to say "Get checked out". Of course, we all HOPE we are ok, but some things shouldn't be written off as peri or meno....not without ruling out other possibilities first.

I agree we should never go out of our way to scare the pants off each other, and I really don't think that anyone here does that on purpose. But certain symptoms should be investigated. There is no questions about that.

Booky, I think you are awesome, but if you came on here and started complaining about an ailment that sounded like it could be something more serious than hormonal, I am afraid I would tell you so!! Perhaps I shouldn't read your threads anymore.....

Me too!!! (((((Booky)))))

[/quote Floater]
Booky, I think you are awesome, but if you came on here and started complaining about an ailment that sounded like it could be something more serious than hormonal, I am afraid I would tell you so!! Perhaps I shouldn't read your threads anymore.


I agree totally! I actually remember though how anxious I felt in peri ! I used to worry about every little health issue. I actually would have hated it if someone on here had said " GO TO THE DOCTOR-THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT ". You don't want to hear that. Sometimes now I read a post and feel quite concerned about the issue. What I usually do is subscribe to the thread without posting, to follow the progress of the lady with the worry. I can't bear to scare her unduly because I remember how I used to feel-that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and the ensuing panic attack! Thankfully so far I have posted on very few where I have had to gently suggest there could be a problem.

The only reason I got my cancer diagnosed in the end was when I pulled my head out from under the sand, went back and back to my doctor again 'til she would listen to me, and then paid privately to see a specialist without waiting on an NHS list for 16 weeks(I live in the UK). Even the specialist initially told me it was nothing but I had an instinct and was diagnosed after some proper tests.

So I would say to all ladies-if you think another poster really has a problem then tell her tactfully.
I would also say with respect, if you have a problem but don't really want honesty then don't post!

janet c

I personally went to my gyno and they lost my pathology report. So my first year of peri was spent bopping around to the Doctor trying to get some form of relief and answers. When I finally thought I was good to go after seeing my gyno a year into peri and being treated with bcp's, I got a call eight months later that they had misplaced my path report and that I had the big C word. So here I was taking BCP's that are known to have a risk of causing cancer while already living with it in my body for nearly a year without knowing. So two years to finally be taken care of! This is why I typically recommend seeing a Doctor no matter how close ones symptoms are to everyone else that are healthy women simply going through peri/meno. Thank goodness mine turned out to be precancerous with no residual cells left on the cervix or uterus. I would not wish this on my worst enemy and strongly suggest every woman see their Doctor and be persistent and stay on top of their care. You know your body better than any Doctor could ever do so don't always accept " there is nothing wrong" for an answer.

Janet do I ever understand the NHS problems. My husband has two of his three children having problems, one has needed surgery on his feet for nearly two years now. They finally have him scheduled for a March surgery. The other child has a form of juvenile arthritis that has taken a year to begin a treatment program. I am off topic here, but want to point out no matter where you are or what your health care system is like you have to follow through with these Doctors and demand to be heard!

I hope you are healthier than ever and continue to live cancer free Janet!

Bethanie

Thank you Bethanie

Because I was persistant, I caught the cancer at the ealiest stage and grade. I only had to have surgery and then did not require any further treatment as the op was considered curative. I am coming up to three years cancer free-I just recently had a 6 months check up and all fine. This is why I can see things from both sides. I was one of those ladies who suffered so dreadfully with health phobias and anxiety and could not even look at the possibility that I could ever get cancer. I am now on the other side of it and can see the sense in facing up to the fear and getting it properly checked -because here I am with a new lease of life and all well. It could have been so much worse if I had left it longer.

I hope you continue to be healthy also!

Happy New year to all ladies

janet c

Wow.

I'll save everyone the trouble...No more threads from moi

Booky!! I was totally KIDDING!! Don't you dare stop posting. You gotta hate it when humour gets lost in the translation, don't you!!!

I will be gentle with you in the future I promise!!

:koala: benzo basket goodies for all my PS sista's!!! Now...let's forget about meno and health anxiety for a few hours.