I have been struggling with night panic attacks. At least that's what I think they are. I jump up and it starts in my stomach and then everything shakes and my breathing is off. Well now it's in the daytime too. I'm fine walking around the mall and busy and amongst people. But lately when the sun goes down I start to get "the feeling" and it feels like a panic attack that wants to happen but stops short. I get this fear and fast hearbeat that comes with fear and just like I'm jumping out of my skin. My legs get like jelly and I could hardly carry a conversation with hubby or son because I am just plain and simple so, so nervous. So I was looking forward to today to start my xmas cooking. Keeping busy keeps my mind off of being nervous. I'm cooking and going along fine then out of the blue the cold fear starts in my stomach and I'm shaking inside. Just so very uncomfortable and anxious. I try to take nice calm stomach breaths but I find my stomach muscles are so tight. But I now realize that I thought in my mind for a second that maybe I should be making more dishes. My daughter lives in NJ with husband. They just got married past summer. They will stay at my mom's since who is about a mile away. she has the xtra space. They are taking off xmas eve and coming over and I'm having a big hero, salads, dip, dessert and I my specialty Hawaiin meatballs for something hot. So I guess that once again I'm trying so hard to please them and be perfect cause she only comes home every couple of weeks and then has to go to his parents (that's a story in itself...MIL from the hot place who my daughter always sticks up for no matter how horrible she is.) My daughter is already starting that "grandma has to cook early" cause we have to get to his parents house early. I said well grandma always likes to have xmas over her house and cook and it is very hard for anyone to get every thing done by 12 even with my help. Who wants to eat that early. so maybe we should switch and you MIL can have xmas earlier and then you come back for late afternoon and we'll have Christmas. Well that did not go over because her MIL runs the show or she gets nasty. It's really a very long story and my husband and I have tried over 6 years to be warm and friendly but she does have problems. If I listed the things that this women has said and done you would not believe it. Anyway maybe the anxiety if from trying always to make my daughters life easier but it's always at the price of me feeling not cared about and not good enough. I guess the more rotton you are the more you are cathered too and then if you do one thing nice it's talked about forever. Sorry this is so long and rambling but I'm just trying to work out why at this time in my life (I'm 50) I'm becoming a basket case of anxiety and fear.

This is an especially difficult time of life and to top it off the time of year. Everyone;s anxiety goes up. It is so hard trying to be perfect, but give yourself a break and try to let go of some of it. Your daughter will still love you and if you are more relaxed, so will you. I am very good at saying this, but I sit here recovering from a wicked stomach/panic attack that hit around 12:30. I am better, but not great.

What to you do to try to relax? I had a xanax and it hekped a little, but I feel it won't do the job completely since I let it go too long.
Is there someone you can talk to or do to get help?
Go easy on yourself, it's very normal even though it doesn't feel that way.

Good luck.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so off balance and fearful at the moment. You are the perfect age to have fairly serious menopausal issues. When those silly hormones get out of whack your ability to control anxiety issues and fear will be wrecked. Sadly that is very 'normal' for ladies of a certain age. The problem is that we have spent our lives rushing round like headless chickens being all things to all men, fast peddling underneath the surface and suddenly at this time of life we seem unable to create our usual miracle no matter how hard we try. The energy and reserves are just not there. I think that, that comes as rather a nasty shock to many of us. This is brought into sharp focus at stressful times like Christmas. The danger is that if you try to carry on as normal, it is not unusual to go into meltdown. I think that it is important to understand what is happening to our body and mind and to try and avoid meltdown. I feel that you need to be gentle with yourself. Your family need to realise that you need help at this time and they need to stop taking you for granted. I had to learn to say NO very firmly when I knew that something was going to cause stress and aggravation.
For some women transition into menopause is fraught with difficulty and they need help to get through it all. Two years on and I am feeling better able to cope with Christmas this year.

Do you think that it would help if you were more assertive and started looking after yourself for a change?

Kind regards,

XIII

Sweetie,

These are adrenaline surges... They are horrid, they often come in the middle of the night for no reason, and they scare the bejingle out of us!

The adrenal glands can produce small amounts of estrogen, so when the ovaries start "giving up the ghost," the adrenals try to kick out estrogen to help the body restore balance. The PROBLEM is that along with the estrogen, we get ADRENALINE, which makes our arms tingle, our head light, our hearts pound out of our chests, and a sense of terror in our brains!

So many women have described these on the boards, that it's clear for some of us they are a COMMON feature of perimenopause, even if they make us feel we are going nuts! I remember falling asleep, only to wake sitting bolt upright, scared out of my wits.

Do your best not to fear the sensations. These are merely chemicals coursing through the body - nothing to be afraid of, and they won't hurt you. It feels AWFUL to endure adrenaline rushes, but they are "safe," and they do pass in time. As best you can, breathe deeply, and let the sensations pass through you - you'll see that after awhile, they begin to ebb.

(((BIG HUGS))) to anyone contending with these horrible things!

JJ

Pattimay,

I also want to add that it sounds like you are trying to do TOO MUCH for the holidays. I know you put a lot of pressure on yourself based on your complex family situation, but probably the best thing you can do for YOUR OWN HEALTH is to say the hell with it, do only what you can ---- buy cookies from the store, for heaven's sake!

You don't deserve to be beating yourself up like this. "Perfect" dishes and lots of lots of homemade food is not what makes for a good Christmas. If you can see your loved ones while feeling more relaxed, realizing you are a good person with limits, I sense you'll have a much better time.

Bless your heart - I only give this advice because I spent the first 50 years of my life running like a d*mn fool, trying to keep everyone happy. No more of that!

(((BIG HUGS))) Pattimay!

JJ

Hi

As everyone has said, you are the perfect age for the anxiety to be hormonal. I am your age and I experience these too!. Take care of yourself. I didn't even put up my tree this year because I am the only one that does the decorating and I didn't feel like doing it this year. I put up only the decorations I felt like putting up.

For our Christmas Eve dinner we are doing a honey baked ham and store bought pies. Works for me. I am out of energy this year.

Hope you feel better.

Thank you everyone for your help. I had my husband read Jolie's post about adrenal surges so he understands that I'm not the only one going through this. I think because I have worked at least p/t since my son was in 4th grade and before that full time until my daughter was born and now was laid off I feel like I should be doing more. I used to get all the Christmas shopping, cooking, decorating, cards ect.. done when I worked. So now it really was much easier actually that I'm home. So it's not that I feel stressed about doing it all. But I probably am putting all my thoughts into my daughter coming for a few days and know that she'll also be meeting up with friends and going to her inlaws and then it's all over. So I probably very tense just waiting for her to come and everything is perfect. It's also new and a change to me that I am trying to get used to her being married and the whole dynamics of our relationship feels changed. Just not being there everyday or coming home on weekends from college(she dormed but the University was only 20 minutes away) and always knowing everything about her week and life. NOw it's a fast phone call because she's working full time with a long commute and I sometimes feel like I'm bothering her. She also seems stressed when she comes to visit because I think she would rather be at her home and getting stuff done there. It's hard to get used to her just visiting and not part of my day to day life. I know of course that this is how it should be but going through this menopausal roller coaster and so many changes with my life makes things harder. Well I'm off to make my camomiele (sp?) tea and sit with hubby on couch and relax before my son goes out with friends. I hope he comes home early so at least I don't have to keep looking out window if his car is back yet. He is a very good kid. Well, he's 20 already and working and going to college but he's still my baby. Okay..I will remember..just an adrenal surge from hormones and it will pass. Happy Holidays to all of you.

I forgot to add that I think I'm feeling anxious because I'm afraid I will have these feeling of anxiety surges when my daughter comes. I won't be able to enjoy her visit and feel like she will notice my anxiety. My mom assures me that she can't see it on me but it's a horrible feeling to feel the stomach tenseness and so uncomfortable with the heart pounding. Maybe I will just tell her I'm having these and that will help. I feel trying to hide the way I feel makes it worse. When I'm with my mom I let her know that I'm feeling the anxiety rush coming and she understands and just letting it happen instead of controlling it makes it better. Maybe letting my daughter know Im having anxiety will take the fear away of having this happen her whole visit.

Pattimay, what you're going through is NORMAL...just because you feel the way you do or have panic or anxiety attacks does not mean you are abnormal. I've heard that whatever stress we go through during this dee-lightful period of time is compounded by hormones being out of whack. If it happens while your daugher is there, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are okay, this is normal, and at this point in time there are hundreds of your peri-hormotional sisters having an anxiety attack right now and we know how you feel and we love you anyway! Draw from the strength of knowing that you are NOT alone, everyone gets stressed by family garbage around the holidays. I can't stand anxiety attacks and panic, tremors...I despise when it happens around my family but you know what...I'm surviving and every time we deal with it, we get stronger and stronger...we just forget to give ourselves that credit. Look at how much you're dealing with all at once...then add in peri...come on...you're one strong woman...pat yourself on the back and go get a massage!

You deserve it sister!!

Dear'Pattimay'

You have had great responses from all the ladies,as usual.They are an awesome bunch.

We all empathise as we know that feeling of wishing to be perfect and to continually please.Some part of us realises this is ridiculous but 'old habits die hard'

When I told my daughter about my anxiety she was very understanding.She knows that I take the occasional Xanax,if needed.

Enjoy your holidays and be as kind to yourself as you are with other people.

Seasons Greetings
Elizabeth

Whew Pattimay no wonder you have anxiety!!! I know it will be hard but maybe when everyone comes for dinner just keep your cooking to a minimum. If you feel like you need to do more cooking take time out say every hour to do a bit of deep breathing and relaxation, but a cd on that's relaxing and sit for at least 10mins. Your so stressed out about making everything perfect and so your body is protesting.

I found when I had full blown anxiety/panic....it seemed to work it's way around the clock. By that I mean I used to have panic about 8am -12 lunch then it became early afternoon then towards night. This I found quite odd but normal, I think it's the anticipation of having anxiety. Don't worry about feeling panicky and anxious when your daughter is around because if you anticipate it it will happen. This is another time you need to do relaxation and convince yourself that everything will be fine and you will have a good time. If you make sure you have a lot of conversation it takes your mind of your anxious feelings because your mind is away from the worry of panic and anxiety.

Plus please don't fear the sensations of the breathlessness and shaking it's "normal" anxiety and it won't hurt you...we say we can't breath, because of the hyperventilating, but infact we are breathing, just a bit more rapid. It becomes a cycle of fearing the symptoms of anxiety and the fear makes anxiety worse. You break that cycle with relaxation and using the breathing techniques, it takes a lot of practise but believe me it works!!

Hugs to you......choco

Dear Pattymay:
I myself was having these great panic attacks, anxiety, and I too was trying hard to maintain my strong motherly self when my girls and grandkids came to visit. But when I knew they were coming I could feel it coming on and I would get week and all that goes with it...So I said hey this is really happening to me and I am going to sit and tell my girls exactly what is going on, at first I did not know it was hormonal, menopause, but now I do....
So I told them and what a relief it was, they as how I am doing now...they listen when I talk about my symptoms...I dont feel any less the strong mom I use to them...They are supportive..They too know that an occasional xanax helps me out. But now I am keeping a journel of this meno journey, just in case they need it and if they go through anything like I am...I sure hope they don't..But I want them to know. I even let them read some of these threads to help them know what is happening to me...I am 51 and am going through this BIG TIME>>>>> yup no christmas cookies at my house this year...Lucky to have a tree up, cant wait to take it down. Going to the big family christmas dinner is not what I am looking forward too, like I do every year. But with the advice and love from all these PS sisters, I know I will look forward to it eventually...
Good luck to you....
Love
Sishaircut
Karen

Thank you all so much ladies. You give so much support and made me feel so much better. . It just feels like a scary time for me and now I read these posts and feel not alone in this and that others have these same fears and symptoms. I was laying in bed last night with my husband snoring away and my heart was palpitating and then of course I feel like I'm not breathing right and before I went for a xanax I turned on my back and forced myself to say a prayer and smile. It actually worked to calm me down. Maybe cause I was concentrating on trying to actually make my very tense mouth move into a smile that it took my mind off my breathing fast lol. Maybe I just tricked my brain into thinking that since my mouth is in a smile that all these panics must be fun lol. Maybe if it works again I can write a book on "The power of smiling in menopause", and make a million. Okay ladies I'm really losing it now. But thank you all again and have a Happy, Healthy Holiday and I hope we all feel peace in the New Year!

Am I ever so glad that I have found this site!! I have spent the last year (I'm almost 52) with so much nervousness sometimes I feel like I am about to explode! I have a wonderful doctor, who actually "gets" all of this and has assured me many times that many ladies experience this. But, with all of my friends and inlaws just seeming to sail through menopause, it has been hard sometimes to believe her! I feel like everyday is a challenge to keep busy enough and try to let the nervousness go. I walk everyday, do some yoga, try to eat healthy, take my supplements and yes, even tell myself to smile! I try to live in the moment and not think too much about events that are coming up, because then I am sure to have a surge of panic. Oh my, I will be so glad when this subsides and I can get my old sense of well-being back!!! Thanks again, for all of you ladies being out there and giving so much support. I don't know how people got through this before the internet!!!

inthemoment
I know exactly what your going through. Everyday IS a struggle. I also try and keep busy. I can't sleep so well so I'm up at 4am and lay in bed and think. I had to cut out coffee so mornings are horrible. I can't even get myself to eat until late afternoon. I have to take a xanax in the morning and afternoon. I feel like a different person in the evenings. I feel better and relaxed. It's really hard for me not to think about what's in the future yet alone tomorrow or even months from now. I've been to many doctors in the last 5 months and they all say anxiety and to relax. I have bouts of panic everyday and try to work through them. And I don't even know why I have them! I'm 45 and been through meno 5 years ago with no problem. My thyroid and adrenal glands are low so I'm sure it's due to that. Keep posting so I know how you are doing...
happy holidays ladies....char

Nice to hear from you Char. I know exactly what you mean about feeling better in the evenings!! I am so much more nervous in the mornings. I was seeing a counselor for awhile and she told me that it was partly due to higher cortisol levels first thing in the morning and decreasing as the day progesses. I asked my doctor about that and she made a couple of suggestions. She told me to sit under a full-sprectrum light first thing in the morning for 30 minutes and to take 200 mg of 5-htp at bedtime. (I'm in the Pacific Northwest) I too, was having a terrible time sleeping and it is so much improved since I started the light and supplements. I also, found that eating protein right before bed helps keep me asleep. I had to give up coffee as well!! What a drag- I loved my morning coffee, but as soon as I hit 50 it no longer loved me. Jeez!!! It seems like our systems our so sensitive with these hormonal upheavals! I can barely tolerate sugar anymore either, and that is really going to be a drag with all of the Xmas goodies! It is so terrible to have panic attacks for no good reason. I'm sorry to hear that you are 5 years past menopause and suffering. It is not fair!! I had terrible nausea and no appetite for about 8 months. It was so bad that I lost 35 pounds without even trying! I have people tell me I am lucky to have lost weight- but believe me, no one wants to lose weight feeling like this!!! However, even through the lack of appetite, I forced myself to eat a healthy snack every couple of hours and breakfast first thing in the morning. It was so, so hard to do. The last thing I wanted was food! I do think, however that forcing myself to stick with it and eat healthy, finally built my immune system back up to where I at least had an appetite again and could sleep better. It is such a viscious circle: if you don't eat well and exercise, you can't sleep and if you can't sleep you can't heal and you don't feel like eating well and exercising! It really helps to find a support system that understands!! So hang in there and let me know how you are doing.
inthemoment

Hang in there ladies, we are all in this together. Thank you to dearest for letting us open up here and get to help each other. I would be totally lost without all of you and thank her every day for this site.

The panic attacks are awful and this week has been esp. rough for me. Why? I have no idea, but I do know it comes and goes, some weeks no panic, I feel very calm even without a xanax, other weeks, even after taking one, I am not totally calm. My minds races with all the thoughts of a dreaded disease all the doctors have missed, and other days, not a thing bothers me. I have to believe it is hormonal. These ups and downs, never happened to me before this all hit.

It will get better and good times are ahead, I just know it.

Be well and have a happy holiday. REst when you have to, take what you need to get through and peace and love to you all. Joan