Hi ladies,
I was just taking a trip down memory lane. I had my first panic attack in 1977 at age 17. I believe it was caused by an eating disorder out of control and amphetimines my girlfriends mother gave us. (she worked in a pharmacy and took them herself) Funny, she is 80 years old and raised her grandchildren and is in great health and NEVER had a panic attack! I was so thin I pretty much stopped having periods. After having nearly destroyed my health and going cold turkey off of them I had HORRENDOUS scary and nightmarish attacks that would last all day and night. I wonder to myself, if I had not been such a STUPID IDIOT with my health, would I ever had developed an anxiety disorder? I think to myself about the women who did NOT abuse their bodies but still developed panic attacks. It is a guilt I carry with me always. I was wondering maybe even if I had not done all of that to my body, I could have still developed them at some point most likely in Peri/meno. My question is how do you believe your anxiety started, what age were you and did it develope into full blown panic attacks. Also, if you had them before Peri/meno, how are they different now your going through the hormone upheaval? Debra

Hey Debra,

My first panic attack was in my 40s. Probably 43, we took a long hike at this beautiful spot and I'd been on a diet so I didn't eat much for breakfast. The hike was unplanned so we didn't bring food. On the way back I got dizzy and just lost it. It was my daughter who just told me get up and get moving! I didn't think about it again for a year. At 44 I got dizzy again at a restaurant and panicked. This time I went to the ER where they were a bit suspicious of my age , but since I still had periods they didn't make any connection for me.

Three years later it is finally, slowly, getting better. So for me, I think it all started with peri. I just sure hope it ends with meno.

I've also heard many women with panic disorder say it is different during peri but I'm not sure how.

My first real panic attack happened two years ago at age 54. My entree to perimenopause. Mostly I'm ok, but I'm still dealing with it.

However, at 13 I had my first stress-related migraine. I didn't have another til about age 22, when I was stressed out and exhausted. Finally about 28, a doctor diagnosed me with post-stress migraine. I cope fine through a crisis, and then my body wants to check out - go to bed, dark room, complete quiet. I haven't had one in years because I've learned to pace myself. I also avoid aged cheese and red wine - triggers for migraines.

But, it's all stress related.

WriterMom

Mine was at 41, and I thought for sure that was it! In fact, I remember when the ER doctor told me that I was having a panic attack, I SCREAMED back at him......."I swear to God, if I die tonight because you misdiagnosed me, I will haunt you for the rest of your life!". I have fond memories of that night;)

Hugs,
Karen

Hi rendy,WriterMom and Karen,
Well, at this point, all of you seem to be healthy, balanced ladies who had no past history similar to mine. I think it's safe to say that Panic Attacks are no respector of persons. I am learning people of all ages, with different health histories can have Anxiety attacks regardless of anything they have ever done in their lives. Somehow it helps with the guilt.........Thanks ladies...Debra

My first panic attack was when i was around 22 i worked in a nursing home as a nurses aide we had lots of stress seen quite alot of death and lot of patients to care for. I was walking down the hall i felt so weird my eyes felt weird i feel dizzy i got heart palpitations, I walked to my supervisor and told her i don;t feel good.She let me go home i called doctor and seen him and for sure he said it was panic attack and prescribed Ativan. After that my panic and anxiety came and left sometimes for years sometimes weeks.

Hi Terry, I am so sorry to hear you also had the misfortune to have your life altered by panic attacks. I swear, if I had not had to deal with panic attacks at such a young age I would have gone much further in life. I always felt that by the time I turned 40, I would have built up so much confidence that I could have pursued my dreams. Instead, the panic attacks took a horrible turn for the worse and I have ended up dealing with all of the peri/meno symptoms on top of out of control panic attacks. Thank goodness we have a place here to compare notes and not feel so desperately alone.......... Debra

Hi - I win! I was much younger...about 16 - but that was probably more drug related - it was a trigger for sure. They are awful arent' they? I cope the best that I can but talking about them with people can sometimes trigger one for me as well. I start feeling anxious anyway. I feel that there is quite often the potential to have one, but I do things mentally to help ward one off. The most prominent time for me was after the birth of my first son. That first year, I had quite a few panic attacks. I attribute this now to hormones mostly.

Interesting thread.

Take care,
Suzanne

I was around 10 or 11. For years I thought it was because my brother had died suddenly. But since starting peri I realized that it was probably puberty. The only other times I've had panic attacks, were after the birth of my first daughter, and when I went on the pill in the late 70's. I guess my body doesn't like any shift in my hormones.

Hi Gals,

I was diagnosed with panic attacks and generalized anxiety disorder in 1989, I was 33.
Saw a psychiatrist for about two years. Took klonipin and nortriptyline back then. Spent
more time than I ever care to remember thinking I was going to die and who would raise my
two daughters? At times, the P/A and GAD has gone into hiding and I function quite well.
Other times (like right now), it rears it's ugly head and affects my quality of life. Last year,
I ended up taking lorazepam twice daily for two weeks to stop the cycle of anxiety. I may have to
resort to that again. *sigh*
I tried buspar, but had nausea 24/7 and decided that I liked to eat much more than that horrid
feeling.
Peri has pushed me into the P/A and GAD again. Trying to deal with the mental health
issues and physical/mental changes with peri really is difficult. I see women coping fabulously
with peri and then there is ME, dealing not so fabulously.

To continue this conversation, have any of you been successful utilizing spirituality to deal with this?
I went to a bible study last week, and some of the ladies there said, "you should just tell God you don't
want this." How does one tell God you don't WANT panic attacks, anxiety or peri menopause? I am puzzled
to the point of wondering if this is the bible study for me. Just food for thought.

I echo Suzanne, interesting thread.

janeann

1st panic attack (without knowing what it was) - probably around age 13. got a few up until age 18 or so, still not knowing. guessing they may have been triggered by hormonal changes, since external factors were pretty ordinary.

had a bad bout of them in my late 20s while on prozac & then undergoing major life changes. they stopped when i went off the prozac.

get adrenaline surges now & then since peri started, but no full blown panic attacks.

My first DIAGNOSED panic attack was in 2004 at age 44. But I had a few much earlier experiences that, looking back, I think now were at the very least extreme anxiety.

In 6th grade I was assigned an oral book report. On the day of the report, I got up in front of the class and completely froze. Couldn't remember the name of the book, what it was about or anything else...I couldn't even speak. The teacher was asking me questions about the book, and I just stared at her like a deer in the headlights. Never did complete the report. She let me sit down, and we moved on to the next report.

The next time...by this time I had developed Social Anxiety Disorder, although they didn't call it that then...was when I was changing schools during 11th grade year. My mom had me call the school to transfer my records from one school to another. I was so petrified to talk to someone on the phone that once again my voice froze. I stayed on the phone for what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably a couple of minutes, before I could get out what I needed to say.

The last time was in 1999. I saw a horror movie that scared me so badly that I laid in bed in absolute terror from dusk until dawn for 3 days, sweating, shaking, never closing my eyes, with every light on in the apartment, absolutely convinced that if I wasn't on constant vigilance, I would definitely die. I finally had to take a sleeping pill for the next few nights so I could break that spell and get some sleep.

In the last 3 years I've had dozens pf panic attacks, and am now on meds for it. I don't like that I'm on meds, but better that than the feeling of dying I get with panic attacks. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anybody!

I was 36. I had never had one before. I continued with panic attacks for about 10 years. Now at 49 they have subsided. I rarely get them, and when I do it's under stressful conditions. For ME, the panic was all about peri.

I was about 15 or 16 just walking back home after meeting a friend and I thought I was going to die. I ran home and felt instantly much better - had no idea what it was until I was much older and read about it in a magazine. Just spasmodically did I feel a bit panicky after that, under extreme stress, until meno. Guess it was hormonally triggered originally - Hey Ho!!

Sky

Dear'DebraD'
My first of many panic attacks came at age 39 when fully Menopausal.I was a Teacher at the time and I could feel my head going all funny,my mind racing and a horrible urgent need just to get out of there., the Staff Meetings I mean.When I was started on Xanax,the relief was enormous.I never abused or upped the dose but the calm was wonderful

Anxiety attacks are very common amongst all groups of people regardless of all the factors you mentioned.Guilt is nothing to do with it honey.None of us have led blameless lives but would you be more compassionate with some one else who had a similar history to yours?I bet you would be totally forgiving

So let it go Debra.You are only human and should know that past history is just that "The Past"Have you ever thanked yourself for all the kind things you do?.

Stay Well
God Bless
Elizabeth

I was always an anxious child, probably due to family dynamics mostly but perhaps we are just born with the "anxiety" gene. Who knows for sure? I suffered separation anxiety from my Mom which was amplified by my Dad dying when I was only 8.
For the first two years of school, I threw up every morning. It finally eased up as I got older.

My Mom suffered from panic attacks as i grew up and so I'm sure it pre disposed me to them. At 15, I suffered my first full-blown panic attack. I remember it distinctly. I was in school and we were between classes. As I walked through the crowded hallways to get to my next class, my heart started pounding fiercely. The faces of the people walking toward me became a big blur and it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I started sweating, getting short of breath and I became overcome with horrible nausea. I pushed my way through the crowd until I got to the bathroom. I ran into an empty stall and just stood in there, shaking and fearful that I was losing my mind or dying. I waited for things to quiet down in the hallways and slowly made my way to the nurse's office. She asked me what was wrong and all I told her was I felt sick to my stomach. She took my temp and made me lie down. I asked her to call my Mom who came to pick me up. When I got home I was fine. She asked me what was wrong and I was afraid to tell her--plus, I didn't even know how to put it into words. I just thought I was crazy. The same thing happened a few times more to me. The panic attacks & racial tensions at my school resulted in me finally dropping out altogether. I was fine for a while but then the panic attacks started happening other places like stores or in the car. I finally became agoraphobic and refused to leave the house at all. A therapist I saw was totally useless, so basically I finally overcame my "problem" through prayer and sheer intestinal fortitude. I went to a special learning center and go my GED and went on to college.

Sounds like a success story? Nope. At certain points in college and in my later years I have had episodes of panic, anxiety and depression. I still suffer from it from time to time. I recognize the panic attacks and most of the time can head them off before they become out of hand. My doctor tried me on some meds, but they always have horrible side effects. I try to handle it naturally through prayer, deep breathing and vitamin supplements now. It's a tough fight. I have the utmost respect and admiration for all who suffer from this distressing malady!

As bookworm said, I was always an anxious person due to my life situation. I had my first panic attack shortly after my son was born at age 36.

I thought I would die right there next to his crib. I remember running to my uncle and handing him my son and sitting on the floor and balling out my eyes. It went downhill from there for about a year until I spoke to my doctor and she put me on zoloft. Now that I know this stuff, most of my anxiety and panic is related to stress and peri.

I had my first panic attacks fairly young. I can remember disabling panic when I went to junior high from a small local school. Another girl was kind enough to show me what to do. Then in my late teens, like you Debra, I had an eating disorder and was being given "diet" shots by a dr. which obviously were amphetamines. One thing led to another and panic set in. I remember seeing the Exorcist and feeling absolute terror at night. I lived alone in an old farmhouse and would actually get in my car and leave, feeling safer just driving around. I could go on, so many stories of how panic disabled me. And now? I take .5 mg of Ativan at night. In my cupboard are bottles of lexapro, prozac and paxil. I'm too afraid to take them, but I really should be on something.

I had my first panic attack probably ten years ago around the age of 16. At the time I was taking quite a few antidepressants (zoloft in particularly high doses). To this day I attribute my excessive anxiety to the prescribed use of SSRI's. At the time I had a friend who was taking similar medication to me, and she also began experiencing panic attacks shortly afterwards.
I won't deny that my over the top partying habits when I was younger certainly couldn't have helped, but I really believe that the SSRI's were a major factor in the manifestation of my panic attacks.
I will never forget sitting on the sofa with my best guy friend, when I suddenly began having trouble breathing and started grabbing my chest. My heart was absolutely racing faster than I could have ever imagined possible, and fluttering, I was just absolutely gripped by fear. I woke my mother up that night and begged her to call an ambulance, I was sure I was going to die. Sure enough, I ended up fine, but the attacks just escalated from there for a long time. Doc tried putting me on heavier medications, but the attacks just got worse until eventually I decided I was quitting the medication cold turkey. It was a rough patch for a while, but over time they started to be more sporadic, until I stopped having them pretty much all together.
Only a week ago, while under extreme stress, did I have my first (albeit minor) panic attack in several years.

They are horrible horrible things, I'll say that much.

Mine happened at different points in my life. When I was little about the age of 10, I remember laying in bed at night and thinking about death and dying and then I would get short of breath which I realized later I was hyperventiliating. These only happened at night and were triggered by certain thoughts. Later in middle school I developes migraines. I had them pretty bad for years. I would get floaters and then tunnel vision and I would hide in the bathroom and sob until I threw up and then the headache would dissapear. I attributed all this to a bad relationship with my Father. He made my everyday life a living hell and I was always on pins and needles. Later in my teens I had periods of hyperventilating and my hands would draw up and I would shake uncontrollably. My teeth would chatter. I saw a doctor who told me to stay away from caffiene and sugar. I took up running which helped tremendously. These episodes dissapeared for years and years while I was busy getting married and having kids. I was fine for almost 20 years.
Suddenly when I was 36 I was sitting at a friends house having a wonderful time and my heart began to flutter very strongly. This had never happened before. It happened again and I ended up in the ER that night and was certain I had a heart condition. I was shocked when the ER doctor said it was "panic disorder". I thought "wow, if that's all it is.. I can handle that". Was I ever wrong. This attack as the beginning of the worst 4 or 5 years of my life. I had constant attacks and went for test after test convinced I was dying. I became a recluse and never went out. I developed agoraphobia. It was terrible. This all came to a peak when my son nearly died. I really crashed then. My nerves were shot.
I believe now that it was the begining of perimenopause that caused this sudden return of terrible anxiety.
After that I slowly dug my way out of the anxiety. I realized I was living everyday waiting to die. I may as well have been dead already.. I wasn't living at all. I was hiding.
Now when I feel the panic coming on, I talk myself through it. I still have attacks, but not full-blown ones. When I get the heart flutters I tell myself it's peri, or stress, or not enough sleep and it's not going to kill me. I have been able to get over them without medication at all. I wish I could use the medication. I believe it really helps if you have panic often.

Elizabeth,
Thank you for your reply. After reading what you wrote about being more compassionate with someone else who had a similar history, I just had a flash of 3 years ago. My beautiful son was 19 years old. We had always been very close. He got involved in drugs and drinking. Even after years of my trying to guide him in the right direction. I remember he disappeared for months and It was during the begining of my worst peri/meno and anxiety/depression/divorce/custody battle and fighting an auto immune disorder. I searched everywhere, day and night. Finally I found him. He was so skinny and sickly. I brought him home. I prayed God would save him. It nearly destroyed me. One night he went to visit a friend and I was really scared to let him go. He was a grown man. I got a call at 3:00 am from him crying and freaking out that he was going to die. I took my little boy who was asleep and 3 years old at the time and I drove to the next town to pick him up. I stayed up with him assuring him he was not dying. Of course I made sure he was not on drugs. His mouth was full of open sores and he was running a high fever. I recognized this as Trench Mouth. I had seen this while I worked in the Dental Field. A College student came in presenting the same symptoms and the wonderful Doctor I worked for explained it was from too much stress, not enough sleep and poor diet. It exposed him to this virus. Thank God, because the Doctor I took him to couldn't figure it out. I took him to a Dentist and I told him what I thought. The head of all the Clinics had just happen to be there. He took one look and said he had never seen an actual case but this was textbook Trench Mouth. He prescribed high doses on Antibiotic and antiviral meds. My son had a HUGE anxiety attack right there in the office. He started hyperventalating and crying and telling me he was dying and begging for my help. To hear your own son begging for his life was TOO much. The mom in me kicked into high gear and I put my hands on both sides of his head and made him look at me. I told him that I had these attacks so many times and that is why I never wanted him to experiment with drugs. I assured him he was going to be OK. It would just take time to get him healthy again but that this was just like a Barking Dog. It will bark and bark but that's it. Your safe. I also gave him a xanax. He calmed down within 10 minutes. He moved in with me and I am so happy to say that he only has occasional attacks. He takes xanax when that happens. He has been drug free for 3 years and has a wonderful fiance and baby boy who is a year old. He is a responsible and loving young man and for that I thank God. It still grieves me to know that this will be something he will deal with for a very long time......

Hi Lorischroed,
I think you summed up my whole experience with Panic disorder.........."I realized I was living everyday waiting to die. I may as well have been dead already.....I wasn't living at all. I was hiding. Wow. You have read my mind.......
I hope you find all of the peace and happiness life has to offer. But to all of us on here in the battle, I wish you double the years back that Anxiety has taken from your lives.............God bless........

Dear TheOnlyNeffie,
I can truly relate to AD's giving you anxiety. I had been plagued with so much anxiety that it finally turned to depression on top of anxiety. It was then I had my first experience with AD'S. That my friend was a horrible nightmare that put me in such a tailspin of HIGH anxiety that I wanted to go to the Hospital and stay indefinitely. I finally cut the dose way down to a baby dose and started over slowly. I was so desperate. After about a couple of weeks I started to see the light of day. I never want to deal with that again. Hang in there. Debra

Hi BellaScarlett,
I am so sorry to hear you had to go through something like that. I also tried lexapro, effexor, wellbutrin, busbar and who know what else. Right now I just take about 5mgs to 8mgs of Prozac. I know thats an infants dose but I don't care because my system is so sensitive. I have a prescription of Xanax. I take it when things spin out of control. I would love to hear more about what you have gone through. Please email me here. I remember seeing the Exorcist and having a horrible time with that too. I don't ever let myself watch anything now like that because I am so freaked out as it is. Wow, diet shots...........were you overweight? I can't imagine a doc giving a teenager shots like that. How did we ever survive? lol

Hi Jeaninne,
I am glad you were able to get a handle on it before it took control of your life. I hear the same phrase from every panic attack sufferer. "I feel like I am dying." Can anyone here describe how they feel like they are dying if they have never died? I think I might start a new topic on this one. Even as a young 17 year old. I have described panic attacks in just that way...............

Karen....lol....lol......That sounds like something I would have threatened!!!!!!

WriterMom,
I like your description. Thats exactly how I feel. I can hold my own really strong during a crisis and then shortly afterwards, BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my body wants to check out...........instead of migraines.........Panic Attacks..........

Hi Sky Blue,
It makes me sad that at 15/16 you felt like you were dying. At least you seemed to rebound quickly with minimal impact on the rest of you life. Sometimes just reading a logical explanation can change your perception of these attacks drastically. Thats what helped me for many years. I found Dr. Claire Weekes books in my late 20's and she helped me up until my 40's when it just blindsighted me and came on like gangbusters. I have to go back and reread her book........

Oh Bookworm,
Your reply brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you lost your dad at 8. I think it hit me so hard because my son turns 8 Dec 18 and I have been so scared that I might die and leave him. It just tears me up. Plus, your mom having panic attacks.....wow, I know I passed mine on to my 22 year old son. Even though my children NEVER EVER saw me have an attack and they only saw me as a SUPER strong mom, it was not until I was in my mid 40's I told my kids. That was very embarrassing. I never wanted my children to know my weakness. I guess because I have always seen my folks as super strong, I didn't want to be the weak link. When I went through a terrible divorce at 32 I became agoraphobic. It was pure hell. I too prayed and said the 91 psalm everyday. I have been a christian for years and I still have problems with guilt due to my failures in life but I also have to accept that those mistakes are covered by His work on the cross. The Lord has held me up and somehow I have made it this far. I commend you for finishing school and pressing onward. You know, Paul had a thorn in his flesh.....I wonder if he had panic attacks..............lol My favorite scripture is 2 Timothy 1-7 "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of Power, Love and a SOUND MIND."

Hi leanne,
I am glad to hear you have finally gotten relief. Are you still having regular periods. I am going to be 49 in a few months and I am as regular as clockwork. I keep thinking they will subside soon...........

rendy, I still get attacks if I wait too long to eat. That's another complete hassle. Having to eat every 3 hours. Geeze..................I am so high maintenance anymore...................

Dear Debra

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of hope and the true meaning of Motherhood with us

I am so very happy to hear that your beautiful son has turned his life around so well

God Bless all of you

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth