My wife, 52, and I are going through a real ruff spot in our marriage of 22 years. Over the last summer I noticed that she was distant, but we had no squabbles and even went on a camping trip together and had a nice time. In September she came to me saying she was unhappy in the marriage and that we needed to do something about it. I thought that maybe menopause might be the reason for her unhappiness, but that was the worst thing I could have said. Anyway, she still gets her period regularly and I don't know if is consistent in everyway. No hot flashes at all.
These are the things I have noticed. Most of the time very grumpy, but days when she seems quite happy. Sense of smell like superman. Absentminded to the point where she has forgotten to blow out candles and then left the house and has left things home she needed for work. Has lost a ton of weight and is worried than she will lose too much, but puts a bird sized proportion on her plate at dinner time. Seems to sleep alright, and is doing something not done for a very long time. Moving across the bed a nudging up against me. I love it, but it seems strange. She is pissed at me because of a lacking sex life, but doesn’t seem in the least bit interested in any advances I might make.
Is this the start, or are we really in trouble.

He Devoted- welcome to Power Surge! This is what I believe...

If a marriage is in trouble BEFORE menopausal symptoms, it makes the marriage even more stressed.
If a marriage is strong going into menopause, there will be some challenges, but it wont mean the end of the relationship.

I think a lot of it is timing. As we get older, we re-evalute our choices. We recognize that all our dreams did NOT come true. We sort through the things that are working for us, and we try to get rid of what is not. For many women, menopause is a wake up call. As pysically trying as it is, there is almost an awakening.

As for your particular question... is this the start, or are we in trouble, will only be answered in time. Either way I would recommend focusing on you, and being the best YOU that you can be. Don't lead her through this. She will find her way. Love her from a bit of a distance. Be close, but not in her face, and whatever you do, don't even WHISPER the word menopause, and if you do, duck!

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Welcome to power surge:
You sound like a concern and caring man. Has your wife been to the doctor to see what might be going on? I am 51 soon 52 and sure enough I am in menopause and yes I am still having periods.
My husband is my greatest sourse of help, as well as power surge.
He is there for me, he knows that I am a strong person and he keeps telling me that I am going to get through this, He says he wishes he could take it away, boy don't i wish, but I feel like your wife, dont get to close but why are you so far away? I am happy then pow I am crying and depressed and down right don't know what to do with myself. I am on HRT which has helped but I still have my bad days....This is such an adventure, something that I wasnt prepared for. But I do know one thing if my husband was supportive and loving and kind and as good as a man as he is.. I would be gone.....
Take care of her and yourself.
And yes it will all end,,,
good luck.
sishaircut

Hi Devoted:

I can see from your name and post that you are truly concerned about your wife. It does sound like she is in peri/meno. The symptoms you describe, describe all of us here at one time or another. As the others have said be the best you can be and be supportive. Her going to the gyno is an excellent place for her to start to get help. Maybe you can encourage her to sign onto this board and she will see that she is not alone. That helped me ALOT!

Blessings to you and her,
Jeaninne

Thank you all for your replies. It makes me feel better that maybe it is something affecting her that she, at this time, is not willing to accept. We had a good weekend, spending ½ of Sat. and all day Sunday together, and she even said that she enjoyed the time we spent together. I tried to show some affection when she went to bed and she allowed me to give her a hug, but in a one way kind of hug. I changed my shift recently so that our time together is much increased, and after a readjustment period, maybe it is showing signs of working. The pop song, Hold on loosely, but don’t let go, seems to be the rule at this time. As we spent our time together this weekend, she would move towards me and even lean against me as we looked at thing and talked, but if I put my hand on her shoulder to guild her through the crowed, she pulls away. It really seems that she is a contradiction in wanting me to show affection by not showing affection in any kind of physical way, but to just spend time and try to be as caring as possible. It is a real tightrope walk. The battle is am going to be fighting is to try to get back into a emotional connected place with her by observing, paying attention to details, and trying to help keep the stressors in our lives down to a minimum. I just wish I had been paying attention to the danger signs before when statements like, “I feel like a single parent”, or, “I can’t stand having to think about food all the time”. I just put them down to she must be tired, or, just feeling sorry for herself. I wish I could transport back a year and mend those fences I ignored.
If you all have any suggestions, please let me know. Devoted

Hi Devoted

I would just like to say what a wonderful husband you are~so caring. I feel I am in peri and all I can say is its hell. I too am lucky I have a wonderful husband but things are strained at the moment. We have our best times when we go out for a walk. It gives us time to talk to each other. We often laugh about the menopause which is tonic !! For me I am happy when my husband doesn't expect me to behave as I did 15 years ago.....full of life and vitality. I too have lost interest in cooking and household chores. Just be patient accept that no two days will be the same for a while. Some days I feel as though I can conquer the world and the next I feel like I have taken ten steps backwards. I have thoughts that my husband would be better off without me somedays and other days I love him to bits. Something has knocked our bodies sideways and there is no logic involved. I love the way you are handling this and really cant advise you except to say keep talking on here to vent you feelings and try to talk to you wife about the menopause. Dont let it become a closed subject between the both of you.

Good luck
Jazz