Okay, deep breath. Here goes. Any comments would be helpful.

I'm 54, in menopause one year. No libido---and I'm not sure if it is 100% menopause related---I guess I've felt like this for a while.

Husband and I have always been emotionally close---so maybe that leads to feeling more like brother and sister?

Fifteen years ago, he had testicular cancer. One testicle was removed. That didn't bother me---I was just thankful he survived.

But he has a genetic skin condition that has gotten much more severe lately. He gets these bumps and growths all over his skin. I am not at all a shallow person, but this condition is definitely not a turn-on. (Okay, so lights off when we have sex.)

And a couple of months ago...the icing on the cake! He now has Peyronie's disease (plaque in the penis causes it to be crooked/bend). Again, not a turn on. Makes intercourse difficult---and he is having some erectile dysfunction as well.

I know love should transcend all this. And he is a very loving person. But after 31 years of marriage, I'm realizing that I have a lot of resentment over things he has done in the past (when he's been controlling or looked out more for himself). The final straw that is breaking the camel's back (or my close to nonexistent interest in sex) is that we are retired. Much of our net worth has been lost with what's going on with the stock market. So sex is the last thing on me! And because I wanted to get out of the stock market over a year ago and go into stable investments and my husband didn't, I'm now angry at him about that!

So---a number of reasons why sex is appealing to me. Any thoughts? Suggestions? I don't have a close female friend to talk to: DH is my closest friend!

If I were you I would try to fix the problems in my marriage and not even think about sex right now.Love and stability are much more important.Start talking,tell him how you feel and go from there.Try to love and be friends-sex is a plus,but it is not necassary.GOD-bless

LadyE has given you some wonderful advise. I will pray for you and your husband.

((HUGS))

Dear JazzCat

First of all I am very sorry that your husband has had so many health problems.It must have been very emotionally draining for you.And as much as you love him,you are only human so the resentment and anger you feel is quite normal.We are at a time in our lives where we want to think of ourselves a little more and feel secure on every level.

Menopause is also a time of re assesment in all our relationships.Perhaps you have never before face up to the anger you feel towards your partner.What about couple's Counselling?You would be in a neutral environment with an objective listener which will make it easier for you both to express your feelings.You sound like a kind and loving lady and it is obvious that it is not so much the physical imperfections of your partner that are irritating you but many un-addressed emotional issues.

I left my husband at one point for a year until he got his act together.Now I am not suggesting you do that but do not suffer in silence.

We are all hear to listen and support

Keep Posting

Warm Wishes
Elizabeth