http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-...-menopause.html

I have to agree with this article for the most part - except I think it could go a lot further.

Men may not be so upside down with the wives in menopause if they knew or understood anything about their mother's experiences in menopause.

My first husband's mother claimed she never had one moment of discomfort - just stopped her periods one day (bullsh*t)
My second husband (quite a bit older than I am) remembers his mother locking herself away in her bedroom for a few years and letting 7 kids basically fend for themselves. It wasn't pretty. But, he realizes that menopause took down a very dynamic woman. She did rebound and went on the do some pretty impressive things with her life.

The difference in how these two men treat me (in menopause) is like day and night.

I squarely put the reason for the break up of my first marriage on the fact that my husband would have rather died than admit the changes in me were physiological - he insisted it was weak character - a favorite family phrase.

I think the article is right on the money also. Thanks for sharing it EP.

we may all complain about our menopause symptoms,but obviously going through the "change" makes us stronger,smarter and we no longer put up with crap.....

I also agree with this article. My tendencies to "mother" my husband are all but gone, and he misses that. I barely even cook for him anymore. I just feel like I'm "done' with waiting on people. I'M ready to be waited on. Also I have had many thoughts of walking out the door and never looking back. Sometimes I feel like he "stole" my youth, and I want it back. The thing is, these feelings come and go like night and day, so I do realize that it's my hormones. Right?

oh boy,.....HOW TRUE THIS IS!!!!...lol..

OK, I read this article and initially I was thinking that I agreed with it .... until I thought about my own situation. I was in full peri when I met the man who is now my husband. I estimate that I'm less than a year from full menopause. I feel completely loving and caring and nurturing with my husband. I have never felt so strongly about any other man I've been with (I'd been single and had lots of relationships).

I think that peri and meno bring to light problems in a relationship. If I'd been married since age 25 or 30 or even 35, and my relationship with my husband wasn't so great, I suspect I would have little tolerance of the relationship problems now that I'm dealing with the frustrations of peri.

I dont think so and I certainly dont agree with your generalisation. There are many happily married couples who STILL feel the strain of menopause. Try reading the mens board.

I agree. I think if a marriage is strong going in to menopause, it will make it through the rough times. If there are already problems going in to it, then I think it can be a deal breaker.

I got divorced after 21 years of marriage. I was unhappy for most of them. Menopause gave me a reality check. This was my life, and if I had any chance at true happiness, I needed to go for it NOW. I made the right choice for me, and in an odd way, I'm not sure I would have had the courage to make that step without menopause. Man, I never thought I would say anything GOOD about meno... LOL

I do not believe that menopause alone breaks up marriages. But that's JMHO

thanks for the post, ep. i would highly recommend brizendine's book, 'the female brain.' i know that it has been referenced in other discussions here. it is one of the few books that i have managed to read in the last year (i am happy to report that i am on a cognitive upturn in this area, at least. fingers crossed...). it's a very fascinating read that has really helped me to understand my own self & my experience better. & i think it is part of the new movement in understanding & respecting the differences between men & women.

My husband is 9 years younger than I am, he seems to be putting up with it all but the lack of my sexual desire is his biggest complaint, (can't say I blame him, I miss it too)...He has been very patient with my disinterest in cooking, and mothering in general, kids are out of the house and we have multiple pets, he has even picked up on the caretaking of them!! he is no saint - he gets frustrated with me and my anxiety and anger - but since he has been laid off of his employment since July and not even been able to get one job interview I think he is grateful to have me around. I think i agree with the comment that if the marriage is strong, it can live through menopause, it is more like can I live through menopause, I miss the old me, I miss sleep, sex, and peace of mind. I just want it to stop....

I'm not saying that all married couples in which the woman is peri or meno are unhappy.

I'm saying that if the marriage has existing problems, adding peri or meno on top of the problems likely brings those problems to light and the woman might feel that those problems in addition to the frustrations of peri/meno is just too much to deal with.

Sandra,
I agree. In my previous marriage of 19 years, I realized early on that we had serious problems. I was not happy, but since I had children, I was determined to stay, plus at that time had no job skills. But when I had major PMS (sort of a mini-menopause once/month) all those suffed emotions and anger came out full force and I would let him know that I was fed up and what needed to change. He'd just nod his head, thinking it was the PMS talking, and then nothing would change. What he failed to realize to his ultimate detriment was that yes, the PMS triggered my outbursts, but they had a very real basis.

Finally, when I started peri, I suddenly decided I'd had enough, went to college, got a degree and left him even before finishing the degree.

When our hormones are balanced, even if we're not happy in a marriage, it's possible to live our lives and distract ourselves enough so that we don't have to think much about it, but when those hormones go haywire, our ability to continue living in that situation goes out the window.

I see you live in Chicago. I live in a south suburb.

Sariah, what a great post ! Love the "mini menopause" reference. :-)

Even without peri and menopause, I don't know how couples who married in their 20's or even 30's can remain happy into their 40's, 50's and beyond. Human beings are so complex and relationships are very tricky, it seems that the chances are really low that both people would develop in the same direction and at the same rate, continue having the same goals, etc.

I have become acutely aware of my remaining time. I used to think I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want to eventually do. Now I have faced the brutal realization that some number of years I might not want to travel because travelling, especially flying, has become such a nightmarish marathon requiring great deals of energy and mobility that I eventually will not have. That scares me ! So I am much more into weeding out what doesn't work in my life and trying to make my remaining time as peaceful and stress-free as possible, which is of course very difficult because these days it requires so much work just to do fundamental life administration.

That reminds me, I got some kind of long census-like form from the government to fill out, which I didn't, and then they sent another with a threatening letter that I MUST fill out the form. And my thought was "I'm not filling out this f*cking form unless you're going to pay me for it." Like I've got 3 extra hours. I never filled it out.

I read the book (Female Brain), saw her speak and really liked the article EP.

I have one word - Respect. If I can continue to respect my partner then we continue to grow and change and also stay together. Of course the same is said for the other side. He must continue to respect me . Sometimes the hormonal changes just make me want my way and to h**l with everything else. If I can remember respect I can usually find the peace but sometimes is sure isnt easy!



Thanks for this conversation as I do think hormones make a very big difference in our choices in life. Te article just help explained why for me.

Yeah, the government control over our lives is out of control and only going to get worse. Love your rebellious response to it.

Hi Ladies,

Ep what an interesting article thanks for posting.

As one of you ladies posted ealier if there are problems in the marriage early on then Prei may make it worse.

One thing that I know is that not all women suffer the same symptons od Prei as some breeze through and others have a hard time dealing with it.

I will be 43 next month and have been going through Prei for 2 or 3 years and prefer to do it naturally and use health products as it suits me too do that.

Some women prefer to go to a Doctor for things that ail them and I say you do whatever you want to do and if need be ask for help as there is help out there and all you need to do is ask.

Take care Ladies and Evening Primrose thanks for posting this great article.
from Deb

Oh ladies, this article hit me square between the eyes !!!!! I have, for years, felt like a trapped bird and dreamed of the "what ifs"....I was preggy at 19 married and a mother at 20 and today, at 50 wonder sometimes what was I thinking

Yes, I have wonderful kids and yes I have a wonderful husband, although I do sense that times when we are alone, we are missing something in our relationship, like the fizzle has gone out and now pure boredom has replaced it....

I remember years ago, reading a similar story about a women who lived the quinessential life as the perfect mother and perfect wife and when the kids grew up and moved on, she hit the floor running: got a divorce, ran off with a younger man, and began living the life she dreamed of for all those long years and had never been HAPPIER....

Our lives run a road that we have little control over but I feel when menopasue hits, all bets are off. Once this "condition" runs it's course with my body, I figure the women who comes out the other side deserves some happiness

This is a bit hard for me to reveal my thoughts on this as it makes me sound like a witch of a woman but I know, heart of hearts, there is another side to me no one has ever seen, including myself. And although I will cherish the years I was the full-time Mom of 4, I feel it's time to let the genie out of her bag and make some magic

We will see, we will see

Momz