Do I or should I have said, 'umm, thank you for noticing?' I mean seriously. Does it depend on who the person making the comment is in relation to who they say it to. She was not a friend and it was in a semi professional setting.
The exact words were-'you've put on a few pounds haven't you?'
Rude. I am a little sore. For one reason it's the truth. The other is, I wasn't in a position where I could respond the way I wanted to, but that would have been to stoop to her level.
Oh well, stuff happens.
Senecaguns
Full Version: What to say when
wow, what a nice person to say that to you -- NOT! I get "when are you due"? now how rude is that -- at my age, I don't think being preggers is really a normal occurrence. so I just say "no, I am just fat".
My grandson, whom had not seen me in over a year, runs up to me and says, "Grandma, Are you gonna have a baby?" SHEESH!!!!
Well that WAS rude.
But the story reminded my of my grandmother. She said those exact words to my brother a few years back!! And she was not real thin herself! Sheesh!!
Another funny story, when my sister was very young, like 3...she went up to my GRANDFATHER and patted him on the big belly and asked HIM....Is there a baby in there??? HAHA!!!
But the story reminded my of my grandmother. She said those exact words to my brother a few years back!! And she was not real thin herself! Sheesh!!
Another funny story, when my sister was very young, like 3...she went up to my GRANDFATHER and patted him on the big belly and asked HIM....Is there a baby in there??? HAHA!!!
What an unkind thing for someone to do... 
I find people who say things like this are often very insecure themselves.
I've always been thin, but was never a pretty girl, and I can't tell you how many people in my life have found it necessary to point that out. It was painful when I was a child, but in later years, I notice that they themselves are growing old...
Ignore them, Sweetie. There are many, many people who can look beyond surfaces, and will love us for our goodness.
(((HUGS)))
I find people who say things like this are often very insecure themselves.
I've always been thin, but was never a pretty girl, and I can't tell you how many people in my life have found it necessary to point that out. It was painful when I was a child, but in later years, I notice that they themselves are growing old...
Ignore them, Sweetie. There are many, many people who can look beyond surfaces, and will love us for our goodness.
(((HUGS)))
(((((Senecaguns)))) HOW RUDE!! I liken it to when someone tells me I look tired....translation....You look horrible! Next time someone tells you that you have put on some pounds...tell them...."yes thanks for noticing....it has taken me awhile to put on much needed weight"..... By the way...you look emaciated are you not well"? That Outta throw them for a LOOP! .....Seriously though, JJ is right on the money with her observation of WHY people feel the need to comment on your wieght gain. It just makes THEM feel better about their pathetic lives. 
JJ I have met you in person and I am shocked that anyone would EVER tell you that you are not beautiful. You are stunning!! Seriously!!
What is wrong with some people?
Why must some people make cruel and false statements about other people?
Clearly it JUST serves to make themselves feel better....what sad, little, little, little people they are....you almost want to pity them....almost.
Senecaguns.....have I told you lately how ....simply MAHVELOUS you look lately?
((((((Hugs)))))
Dottie
That Outta throw them for a LOOP! .....Seriously though, JJ is right on the money with her observation of WHY people feel the need to comment on your wieght gain. It just makes THEM feel better about their pathetic lives. JJ I have met you in person and I am shocked that anyone would EVER tell you that you are not beautiful. You are stunning!! Seriously!!
What is wrong with some people?
Why must some people make cruel and false statements about other people?
Clearly it JUST serves to make themselves feel better....what sad, little, little, little people they are....you almost want to pity them....almost.
Senecaguns.....have I told you lately how ....simply MAHVELOUS you look lately?
((((((Hugs)))))
Dottie
The next time someone makes a remark like that...just look right into their eyes and in all seriousness and without any anger in your voice just say..."What an insensitive remark, I wonder what would make you say something so potentially hurtful?".....and don't say another word, keep looking at them.
I agree with another poster in that most remarks like that are made out of another person's insecurity with themselves. Personally, at times I just want to smack the cr*p out of people like that...but in my more evolved moments I'll say the above to them or nothing at all because I know where it comes from.
I agree with another poster in that most remarks like that are made out of another person's insecurity with themselves. Personally, at times I just want to smack the cr*p out of people like that...but in my more evolved moments I'll say the above to them or nothing at all because I know where it comes from.
How about "Yes I have, but I haven't lost my manners."
Okay, I have to respond to this. GRRRRR.
I've not had weight issues, but my daughter has always had a different body shape from me, and is so beautiful.
One day when she was young, and absolutely adorable, I met up with a woman I worked with years earlier, and I introduced her to my child who was about 4 at the time, (she's 21 today). And the gal said, "Well, if you hadn't told me she was yours I would never have guessed it."
And I said, "Really, why is that?"
Well, the woman was dumbfounded, I know she meant because my child was chubby, but because I acted indifferent to my child's size, she felt like an a-s-s, smiled and walked away.
Another time, when my daughter was in jr high, a writer friend of mine said, "It must be hard for her to have a thin mother." And I said, again, "Really, why is that?" I was aghast that my child would have a hard time because I was of a different body shape.
Now, my daughter and I have talked about it, but we both understand that we each have had our challenges, some that others can see, some that others can't. It's not the challenges we face, it's the fortitude in which we face them.
Next time someone says something as insenstive as that ask, "Why do you ask?"
We'd all like to know the answer to that.
Be strong!
Peace and Love,
Brinks
I've not had weight issues, but my daughter has always had a different body shape from me, and is so beautiful.
One day when she was young, and absolutely adorable, I met up with a woman I worked with years earlier, and I introduced her to my child who was about 4 at the time, (she's 21 today). And the gal said, "Well, if you hadn't told me she was yours I would never have guessed it."
And I said, "Really, why is that?"
Well, the woman was dumbfounded, I know she meant because my child was chubby, but because I acted indifferent to my child's size, she felt like an a-s-s, smiled and walked away.
Another time, when my daughter was in jr high, a writer friend of mine said, "It must be hard for her to have a thin mother." And I said, again, "Really, why is that?" I was aghast that my child would have a hard time because I was of a different body shape.
Now, my daughter and I have talked about it, but we both understand that we each have had our challenges, some that others can see, some that others can't. It's not the challenges we face, it's the fortitude in which we face them.
Next time someone says something as insenstive as that ask, "Why do you ask?"
We'd all like to know the answer to that.
Be strong!
Peace and Love,
Brinks
hi, thank you DotCalm2U and everyone. I really wasn't able to respond and it's good. This woman has always been heavy set as far as I have known her. She added more to the comment than I care to get into-but now that I think about it I should have been able to shrug it off.
It just made me miss the more slender me-who is in there waiting to come out. ltm
Take care yall,
Senecaguns
It just made me miss the more slender me-who is in there waiting to come out. ltm
Take care yall,
Senecaguns
QUOTE (OnTheBrink @ Sep 13 2008, 05:07 PM) 
Next time someone says something as insenstive as that ask, "Why do you ask?"
BEAUTIFUL!! ~ PERFECTPuts the proverbial BALL right back into thier .....insensitive, curt, rude, ignorant and self absorbed idiotic comment ........court.
LOVE IT!!
Feeling Fiesty----- Dottie
I was at a club a month or so ago and a man I dated very briefly was there also. He looked at me and immediately blurted "You've put on weight, huh?" I was mortified.
I think this happens to everyone, in some way, shape or form. People say stupid things and we get our feelings hurt. There is no good way to respond; it's awful all the way around. I think it is just part of being human and so terribly vulnerable.
S'not easy.
I think this happens to everyone, in some way, shape or form. People say stupid things and we get our feelings hurt. There is no good way to respond; it's awful all the way around. I think it is just part of being human and so terribly vulnerable.
S'not easy.
QUOTE (RoundRobin @ Sep 14 2008, 03:09 AM)
I was at a club a month or so ago and a man I dated very briefly was there also. He looked at me and immediately blurted "You've put on weight, huh?" I was mortified.
I think this happens to everyone, in some way, shape or form. People say stupid things and we get our feelings hurt. There is no good way to respond; it's awful all the way around. I think it is just part of being human and so terribly vulnerable.
S'not easy.
I think this happens to everyone, in some way, shape or form. People say stupid things and we get our feelings hurt. There is no good way to respond; it's awful all the way around. I think it is just part of being human and so terribly vulnerable.
S'not easy.
anyone so insensitive,won't understand.best not to answer.not an easy think to do.
Well I know what I would say " well, you've fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!"
Or the classic saying, Well you're ugly and I can lose weight
Or the classic saying, Well you're ugly and I can lose weight
Just tell them to p i s s o f f - and that's that!!!!!!
I think they'll get the message.
xo pooks
I think they'll get the message.
xo pooks
There is a famous story of Winstson Churchhill at a party...he was quite inebriated and some woman came up to him and said "Sir, you are drunk," to which Winne replied "Yes, M'am, I am. But tomorrow I will be sober. You, however will still be ugly."
QUOTE (RoundRobin @ Jan 8 2009, 09:18 AM)
There is a famous story of Winstson Churchhill at a party...he was quite inebriated and some woman came up to him and said "Sir, you are drunk," to which Winne replied "Yes, M'am, I am. But tomorrow I will be sober. You, however will still be ugly."
You gals crack me up when I really need a good laugh!
JJ - you are gorgeous - both inside and out!!! OMGoodness I just can't believe people!!! I have said something hurtful back to someone that commented on my weight. I said well you are bawled! How does that feel?
I think that we are what we are - for different reasons too. Sometimes we just can't help being heavier than we once were. It's so hard and I think it is a shame that people want to intimidate others by saying hurtful comments.
Sorry to all of you that experience this.
Suzanne
I think that we are what we are - for different reasons too. Sometimes we just can't help being heavier than we once were. It's so hard and I think it is a shame that people want to intimidate others by saying hurtful comments.
Sorry to all of you that experience this.
Suzanne
QUOTE (joliejacq @ Sep 13 2008, 07:50 AM)
What an unkind thing for someone to do...
I find people who say things like this are often very insecure themselves.
I've always been thin, but was never a pretty girl, and I can't tell you how many people in my life have found it necessary to point that out. It was painful when I was a child, but in later years, I notice that they themselves are growing old...
Ignore them, Sweetie. There are many, many people who can look beyond surfaces, and will love us for our goodness.
(((HUGS)))
I find people who say things like this are often very insecure themselves.
I've always been thin, but was never a pretty girl, and I can't tell you how many people in my life have found it necessary to point that out. It was painful when I was a child, but in later years, I notice that they themselves are growing old...
Ignore them, Sweetie. There are many, many people who can look beyond surfaces, and will love us for our goodness.
(((HUGS)))
I cannot even believe I heard you say this!!!!
JJ, you are gorgeous!! Absolutely adorable!! And a total sweetheart on top of all that!
I, on the other hand have struggled all of my life with my weight. You would think I was born this way!
Even when I wasn't fat, I felt fat!
I'm at my absolute fattest right now and I have decided that those who are going to be my friend, will be my friend whether I am fat or not and I will have no trouble in forgetting the others.
Not that I don't care, cause I do, but I'm not obsessing over it like I have done my ENTIRE life!!!
Besides, it is none of my business what anyone else thinks of me!! hehehe
There's another side to the coin that most people don't realize.....it's getting comments on being too skinny...
people may think that saying "OMG you are so skinny" is no big thing,but it is.It hurts peoples feelings just as much as being told they're fat or have gained weight.My whole life i have heard comments from complete strangers and it has always bothered me and i have never known what to say.Just a few months ago i was at a church dinner with my mom and to pass conversation my mom told the pastor that my stomach had been growling all through service.He looked at me and said "well it should be growling,look how skinny you are,you're too skinny"....i cried my eyes out when i got home.I knew he was just joking but it still hurt.
people may think that saying "OMG you are so skinny" is no big thing,but it is.It hurts peoples feelings just as much as being told they're fat or have gained weight.My whole life i have heard comments from complete strangers and it has always bothered me and i have never known what to say.Just a few months ago i was at a church dinner with my mom and to pass conversation my mom told the pastor that my stomach had been growling all through service.He looked at me and said "well it should be growling,look how skinny you are,you're too skinny"....i cried my eyes out when i got home.I knew he was just joking but it still hurt.
If I have learned on thing in this life it is this: (and this is coming from a woman who weighs 204 ok?) EVERYBODY and I mean everybody has their own "image" issues. They are all different but everybody has at least ONE that they would like to change (and if they don't they are lying!). At 42 I am finally accepting who I am bodywise. We are ALL beautiful on the inside and out. In my opinion I simply have more for people to love!
To quote Stephanie from Full House..."How rude."
I've always had a weight battle. I take that back....when I was a small child, I was quite thin, but since around age 12 or so, it's been an issue with me. I've been thin, chubby and now I feel downright "matronly."
People always say look at the mother if you want to see what you'll look like. I could only wish. My mom is tall and thin. (Even after 5 children, she was about 119 lbs at 5 ft 9 in.)
Me....I take after my dad, lol.
Perhaps you could have told her that one day - if you continued to put on weight - you and she could share wardrobes
I've always had a weight battle. I take that back....when I was a small child, I was quite thin, but since around age 12 or so, it's been an issue with me. I've been thin, chubby and now I feel downright "matronly."
People always say look at the mother if you want to see what you'll look like. I could only wish. My mom is tall and thin. (Even after 5 children, she was about 119 lbs at 5 ft 9 in.)
Me....I take after my dad, lol.
Perhaps you could have told her that one day - if you continued to put on weight - you and she could share wardrobes
If someone says something about my weight gain, I just say, "Wow, I can't imagine why you would say something like that...Oh, by the way, have you seen that new movie with Johnny Depp..."
Basically, it's a nice way to say MYOB. It puts them on the spot and immediately changes the subject.
Hint given, and hopefully, hint taken.
Basically, it's a nice way to say MYOB. It puts them on the spot and immediately changes the subject.
Hint given, and hopefully, hint taken.
QUOTE (ladybugs @ Jan 9 2009, 10:22 AM)
If I have learned on thing in this life it is this: (and this is coming from a woman who weighs 204 ok?) EVERYBODY and I mean everybody has their own "image" issues. They are all different but everybody has at least ONE that they would like to change (and if they don't they are lying!). At 42 I am finally accepting who I am bodywise. We are ALL beautiful on the inside and out. In my opinion I simply have more for people to love!
Amen, sister!
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.