Maybe I'm showing my age. Maybe the world has changed drastically and I didn't change with it. But I'd like your thoughts on this anyway.

What happened to the good old-fashioned thank-you note? When I was a kid and I received a gift from someone other than those in my immediate family, I had to sit down and write a personal thank-you note within ten days of getting the gift. I had to thank the person for the gift, and say something about how I planned to enjoy what they gave me. Like if they gave me a sweater, I had to thank them and say that I really liked the color, or it fit beautifully, or I was going to wear it a lot, etc.

I've been to two baby showers and two birthday parties. For the first two events, they were two different showers for people I work with. I had to go on-line to check their registries, select gifts they wanted, pay for them and arrange for delivery or go to the store, find the gift, and wait in line, buy wrapping paper and bows and attachments and cards, wrap the gifts, and bring them with me to work on the designated shower day.

Now, I do understand completely how time-consuming a new baby is. I'd be the last person on the planet to ever expect anything of a new mom (or dad, in one of the cases above). But here's where I show my age. Three months after the gift was given, the person returned to work and I was still waiting for that good old-fashioned thank-you note. Never got it. Did they not have just a few minutes in three months to write a note?

I would not expect a thank-you note if someone was in my immediate family. It goes without saying that we appreciated the gift, because we probably see the person more often and it's our family. But for an acquaintance who works with someone, to take time and spend money to give them something, and receive no written acknowledgement just seems rude.

I went to a birthday party for a 16 year old girl, hosted by her family. Same thing happened. This time I bought a cute card and enclosed a gift of money. Days passed, then weeks, then months. No thank-you acknowledgement; just my bank statement showing the check had been cashed.

I went to another birthday party for two boys whose birthdays fell close together in the same month, so their family gave one party. I bought two gifts and this time I did get a thank-you note. It was a card printed on card stock, colorful, with the words, "Thank you for the _______." All the kids had to do was write in the blank what I'd given them; just two words, one word for each gift. Saves time, that's for sure. So now these thank-you notes are being printed and are available at stationery stores, I guess.

What is it--are we so busy that we no longer have just a minute or two to sit down and write a note to someone who took time and spent their hard-earned money to get us something we wanted, wrapped it, and bought a card? This really bothers me. What do you all think?

Check your e-mail.

You are so right on this subject, no one nowadays seems to do this anymore.

My best friend has just had her second child and asked me if Thank you notes were expected from a new mother - told her in no uncertain terms that they were!

To cheer you though I did receive one today from her sisters eldest son, aged 10 to thank me for his money I sent for his birthday. Just as you say it thanked me and told me he had bought some bike gloves with it to go with the new cycle he had rcived also for his birthday from his Granma.

It is a shame it is a lovely habit that is dying out.

Amanda

Yes, I've noticed the same thing and I think it's more a sign of the times than anything else with the texting and Internet being the communication mode of choice for so many. I always enjoy getting a thank you and feel it's another level of kindness that has been whittled away from today's society..

I remember sitting my kids down as soon as they could print letters and had them do their thank-yous for birthdays and Holidays and as adults, they still do it (even to mom and dad which always bring a smile )

Maybe it will come full circle and our kids kids will re-discover this cool way of communicating by writing down words on lovely note paper and mailing them out!

Ahh, the things that go on the by and by as we get older.....

momz

No e-mails either, Armadillo.

I forgot to add that I went to a bridal shower; no thank-you note, and two weddings, no thank-you notes.

I really will think twice in the future before going to a lot of trouble to get gifts for people, especially if I don't really know them.

Well, I'm glad some of you received something. It just seems like bad manners to me when they can't acknowledge a gift.

I think it might be a sign of the times too. Email--Texting. Kids and young people just don't sit down anymore and write a good, old-fashioned thank you note. I've always insisted on from my children. Even the ones who are married. I hound them until I'm sure they have properly thanked everyone.

I have noticed that good manners aren't always a top priority with the younger generation.

Just by 2 cents worth Sugar.

I just had this conversation recently! In June I sent FOUR graduation gifts. I got one Thank You card. My neice did not send a card, and I called her on it! She said "oh... gosh.. I didn't know I was suppose to!" I said "let me talk to your mother! (my sister!)" My sister's response was "Do people still DO that??" Very disappointing!!

Unfortunately, I have to agree that it is a sign of the times. I agree that texting, emailing and computers making everything impersonal. I may be old...lol...but I have to wonder how many young people actually know how to write a thank you note? They spend so much time texting and using slang or shortcut words. I have to stop and decipher some of my myspace messages......
Any is shortened to "n e"........and the list goes on and on. Although I'm primarily speaking about the younger kids and teens, I do feel that with the advent of computers and texting most of them probably don't know how to compose a proper letter with the proper spelling. It's sad.
And it's rude. I get a bit annoyed when my nieces and nephews are in a conversation with me and all of a sudden get a message and quickly start tapping out a text while I'm just standing there waiting. To me, this is just bad manners. It's all bad manners. Any gift should be acknowledged and a thank you note IS the only way to acknowledge it.

I think it's really sad how technology is being used and abused today. I love computers and I don't know what I'd do without my computer, this site and all the friends I've met....but there should be a time and a place for everything and everyone that sends out an invitation and expects a present should at least have the dignity to respond with a small note of thanks. ON PAPER! SNAIL MAIL!


And we are not old.....we just have manners.

Sorry for my scatterbrained post above.....I'm not all awake today......... so excuse my typos and bad sentence structure.

"used to be a secretary"
Sue

guitarplayer touched on spelling...whoa boy, I work in an intermediate school and the kids have no idea how to spell thanks to spellcheck...

It drives me crazy when I'm working with students on a computer paper and I point out misspelled words and they **shrug*** and tell me "I have spell check..."

Spelling Bees will be a thing of the past along with the Thank You notes.....

Wow, do you wonder if a whole group of menopausal women ever had these conversations before our age group? Seems we have hit a changeover in technology and now, as the things we loved first begin to disappear, we feel sorta uprooted .........bet our foremothers didn't lament the disappearance of outhouses and wringer washers...

The older I get, the more things change....

Peace,
Momz

I have never given a gift that I did not receive a prompt hand-written 'thank you' note in the mailbox. Maybe it is partly due to small town life...we might be considered a bit old-fashioned! The parents here still teach their children to show respect to their elders, obey the rules at school, and write 'thank you' notes when a gift has been given. Good manners still matter here...at least for now!

This has been a sore spot with me for a while now. I've also attended a couple of weddings and baby showers just this year and have yet to receive a thank you note from any of them. I can only think, 'What did your mother teach you?!!!' or in this case, what DIDN'T she teach you?!!!

From the time my girls were old enough to write, they were writing thank you notes and we'd send them out within a reasonable amount of time.

People are just too concerned with themselves these days, in my opinion.

We reap what we sow.

Ooooh, sorry this turned into a rant! As you can tell, this subject really irritates me!



gyz

I have always made sure my daughters wrote thank you's for anything they received. I even had them take a small hostess gift if they went on a trip with a friend's family (not for just simple sleepovers, though). Their friend's families were always surprised.

They are grown now, and they still write their thank you's. After my daughter got married, her thank-you's were all done within a month of the wedding.

My sister sent me beautiful earrings for my birthday this year, and I called her AND sent a card.

The printed cards and letters will far outlast any email or text message. I still have the last letter my mother wrote me before she died - in 1986. She talks about how sweet my youngest daughter was, who is now 22. I cherish that letter and once in a while, take it out to read it. I feel linked to my mom still, who was always proper about manners without being stiff.

I once read that good manners were meant to make the other person feel at ease. I have to agree with that.

We started a fun tradition at Christmas that we learned from my sister-in-law who had 5 kids. When we received gifts from another branch of the family, instead of sending several thank you's to that family, we would send a thank you letter. We would each contribute a paragraph or two on our gift, and it all went on one piece of paper. Sometimes we included a picture of us holding our gifts.

There is no excuse for bad manners. Don't even get me started on spelling!

WriterMom

It makes me wonder if we should start stating in the accompanying greeting card with gift "Thank You Note may be addressed to: Name, Address."

If a gift is mailed or dropped off (if there is *anyway* the gift was somehow not received) we can always call and *casually* inquire if they received their gift. Response when they say yes, why? "Oh, I was worried you didn't get your gift when I didn't receive a thank you note. I would be so upset if you thought I just forgot you!"

I agree with you on this.
I still write thank you notes for gifts received. I even wrote a thank you note to the lady who let my family use her pool for my son's baptism.
I also require my kids to do the same thing whether it is family or not. I figure if they learn to do it now that they will carry it through their lives.
I do not understand why people do not do this as a normal behavior. But I watch some of the kids today and cannot believe my ears and eyes at how they treat family. Why should someone else be any different. Thanks for bringing this up.

I guess the thank you note has gone the way of the R.S.V.P. How about those? My students hand out birthday invitations and a parent will tell me that five out of maybe 25 responded.

SO rude!

Helen

I didn't see all the additional posts on this topic. Since I started it, I've tried changing my expectations. Someone told me to just give a gift from the heart and not expect something in return. I thought maybe that was what I should do, so I've tried to do it, without much success. The lack of a thank-you still bothers me.

WriterMom, that's a thoughtful idea--that good manners are meant to put the other person at ease. When I think about it, it's absolutely right.

The lack of a thank-you note just happened again. Another young mom-to-be with whom I worked; we had a baby shower in July before she left on maternity leave. Once again, I looked up her registry, selected two items she wanted, went and bought them after work, wrapped them in baby paper, brought them to work and gave them to her with a card. She wrote down on my card what I'd given her, and I remember thinking, "Maybe this time I'll get a thank-you!" I didn't expect anything while she was on maternity leave, of course, and thought I'd probably get a brief note here at work when she returned. She could save postage and just put the note in my work mailbox.

Well, again nothing. She's been back now for two weeks. I've never seen her baby; she visited here at work with him while I was on vacation. I have no idea if she liked my gifts, even though they were listed in her registry, and I have never seen her husband. In other words, I don't know her but took the time to get her a gift and present it with my blessings, yet there's no acknowledgement. So here I am again, trying to change my expectations in the world, but without success.

I'm glad for your responses; at least, I'm not alone here.

I missed this thread the first time around. This is one of my pet peeves too. I always make my daughter write a thank you note for any gifts or money she receives, but it hasn't stuck. She is 20 years old and if I don't bug her, she simply won't write a note. I sound like an old lady, but geez, what is the world coming to?

When my first husband and I got married, there were actually several guests who came to our wedding and didn't give us any sort of gift; not even a card. I just don't understand people anymore. The world gets ruder every day...

I agree! Young people today seem to be lacking in the social graces. I've always made mine sit down a write thank you notes----but they complain the whole time. I've asked them why they think it's such a bother when someone actually took the time to give them a gift and they really have no good answers.

I still write thank you notes when receiving a gift. But here is an interesting twist. My father-in-law actually gets livid when someone sends him and my mother-in-law a thank you note. His convoluted thinking is that it's rude to just write a note. He truly believes that a personal phone call is the only way to show appreciation. Now where he ever got that idea is beyond me. I find that a little over the top.

Of course, no one ever argues with grandpa. We just roll our eyes and let him talk.

dcamp, now that's an interesting perspective! I never thought of it that way, that someone should call instead of writing a note. I guess what bothers me most is the lack of any kind of acknowledgement; even an e-mail would be okay. But to get nothing at all will always seem rude. Robin, I cannot believe people would be so ignorant as to attend your wedding and not bring a gift! They always told me one should at least give a gift that is equal to what it cost to feed them; the cost of their "plate," so to speak. Maybe they thought their "presence" was enough of a gift (good grief!). But you are training your daughter well; in time as she gets older, she will appreciate thank-you notes and she'll probably be bugging her kids to write them some day. I spoke with another friend who has smaller children and she didn't have a clue about thank-yous. Said her kids never wrote them. So it's fast becoming what the last generation did. I'd like to know what the motivation is to give someone you don't know a gift, with all that is involved in doing so. I guess you should just have a warm feeling for doing it, or don't give anything if it bothers you not to get an acknowledgement. Sigh.....

Yeah, my sisters' kids (and my sisters' too) are the only ones I know who don't know enough to write a thank you note and/or pick up the phone and do it. I was in shock when my niece didn't acknowledge the baby gift I sent (and it was gorgeous too).

But I am too chicken to tell my sisters about it.

Even worse, last night my neighbor told me that her boyfriend of two years broke up with her -- in an e-mail!

Hi, I agree with your sentiments wholeheartedly. Even here in Oz, thank you notes have become a thing of the past. Even picking up the phone to say thank you after you have been out to dinner, is hardly done now! We need to use words (verbal and written) to demonstrate our gratitude more often. I am with you on this one!. Cheers Lizrose