I didn't know where to post this...here or Am I losing my mind?

I can't believe I'm even writing this as an adult woman, but here it is...the last few times my husband traveled for business I was afraid at night. I'm talking almost paranoid. I live in a modest mid-town neighborhood and a lot of my neighbors are single women. As far as I know no one has had any real trouble and no one to my knowledge has had problems with break-ins while they've been home. I have securtiy bars and locks on everything - we didn't install them, they were here when we moved in and we've just been too lazy to remove them - I have a firearm that I know how to use and two large dogs that sleep in my room and guard diligently. And yet when he was gone...I laid in bed just knowing that someone was going to pick my house out of all the houses in the city and try to break in. How weird is that? I jumped at every little noise and I was awake until the sun came up. It was just nuts...and exhausting. My mother has been afraid to stay alone her whole life - a real shame since my father was gone most of the time. I used to feel so sorry for her and I swore I would never do that to myself. Well, never say never. I think, however, if I had learned this from her it would have surfaced earlier. Oh, and my husband, even when he is home, is no real protection or security. He just rolls over and tells me to go check when I think I hear something. So, why would I be so afraid when he's not there? Has anyone else developed this fear during peri?

She Beast, this stuff is in the news all the time, so sometimes I think we're overloaded with crime information sometimes. Not to worry you, but there have been break-ins in a certain neighborhood in town. But, the person has gained entrance through unlocked doors and first floor windows somehow. I heard one family who had their house broken into had left the door open for their teenager. Do you have some sort of security alarm? That usually is a deterrent--if a thief has a choice they'll go for the house that doesn't have the security system. Also, if you leave some lights on that light the outside of your house (is it a house?) no one will probably bother you. And leaving a light on downstairs or a TV a night would indicate that someone is up in the house, or some music playing.

I wouldn't leave anything visible near a window--sometimes people leave laptops in home offices that are clearly visible, or purses that are visible. Pull all your shades down if you can at night.

Men never worry about these things--I was just talking to a girlfriend last night whose boyfriend comes over and leaves the front door unlocked all the time. I'm always the one to "secure" the house at night, it seems, making sure the doors are locked.

Be careful about who you let into your house, also. That's one thing my husband is always afraid of, since he has some family stuff that he doesn't want taken.

And yes, I do think we get more paranoid as we get older. We can't help it, it seems.

You might just speak with your local police officers about this, to find out about any crime activity, if it will make you feel more at ease, and they'll probably have more ideas. Have you spoken with your neighbors to see if they've had any issues? I glance at our police log in the paper each week to see what's happening. Not everything is listed sometimes, though.

You sound like you're well protected, with your dogs. I'd be careful about the firearm, though--it's something I don't know anything about, though.

Don't worry--it sounds like you're very conscientious about safety.

Frisbee

she-beast: I don't think you are crazy. Between Lifetime Original movies, and the 24 hour news channel, I'm afraid of everything! How about talking to your neighbors and organizing a neighborhood crime watch? The best protection against intruders are a lot of ears and eyes.

Me too. I quit watching Law & Order for that very reason.

Yet I do believe that the anxiety of menopause makes us prone to paranoia. We have a thread of thought and we take that thread and weave it into a fabric of fear. We simply have to refuse the thought once it comes into our mind. Easier said than done sometimes but with diligence and firm self talk we can do it.

I am in total agreement with everyone. We get too much information all of the time. There are days when I watch and cant look away and then there are days when I just turn it off but am afraid that I am missing something important. Ridiculous but true.

I went through the being afraid at night for a while too. I would sit at the table and read my Bible at night until I fell asleep. Wake up there the next morning.

My hubby does not worry about this stuff and I always lock up before bed and keep a ballbat close to me with my dog. Some nights it is just not enough. When my hubby is gone I am worse.

Please dont feel alone, I did not start having this fear until I started peri.

((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))))

Thank you ladies for the replies. I know that my fear is irrational, but it just bugs me to no end to feel insecure in my own home. And to lose sleep over it when I'm already an insomniac just irks me to no end. There really is no basis for this fear, truly. I know a number of our neighbors and we all look out for one another. As I originally wrote, many of our neighbors are single women and they appear to feel perfectly secure - many have lived here decades with no problems. I'm definitely going to blame this on peri...it just seems to be one thing after another these days.

Getting a rather large dog, with a not so polite attitude to strangers helped me get over my fears of living alone for 2.5 years. The one and only time she barked in the night, I was scared crazy because I knew it was something bad was when my now 18 year old decided to climb through a bedroom window in the middle of the night. After that I knew if anything ever happened a muck during the night she would let me know ahead of time. If she could have eaten someone she knew, I wouldn't want to be a stranger trying to get in!

Maybe run a fan or something that will drown out noises and help you fall asleep better. The thing is you have to remember wiht the security bars up etc, you are probably safer than most of us!

As far as all of the bad stuff on tv, well I haven't watched the news in about five years. I think it helps to stay away from that stuff. It makes us a paranoid society no longer able to trust anyone because all we see is the bad news.

Hi.....my guess is that it's a matter of insecurity, not fear, and I don't think you should blame it on perimenopause. I used to feel the same way when I was younger and my husband travelled. Just ask yourself just what is it that you think you can't handle? It sounds to me like you could handle anything that came your way - you're very conscientious and intelligent. To get rid of the fear you have to face the fear. Have confidence in yourself and say enough of this b.s. I never lived alone until I was 50 years old and hey, I found out it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, in fact, I came to enjoy it. Face the fear...........

DD

No watching creepy things before bedtime. That includes the local news!! Buy some little night lights if the hallways seem too dark.
Get some motion lights for your outside back door/patio areas. Burglers / boogie-men hate the light!! A big baseball bat under your bed never hurts to have. (Course a double barrel shot gun in the closet is a bit much - but hey, whatever makes you feel safe!).

This is down another road and don't think I'm crazy, but I am seeing flashes of someone moving out of the corner of my eye in my home. It has been happening off and on since I moved in with my new husband. Yesterday, I took the day off and I was doing some cleaning and a flash of someone went by the room headed to the kitchen. I thought it was my husband coming home, but when I looked in the kitchen, it was empty.

This has happened on several occasions. I'm really not crazy. This is really happening. I asked my husband had he noticed anything and he said no. I asked him if anyone had died in his house and he said he didn't think so. He's been there 16 years.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

Bigheart

Bigheart: Do you have floaters in your eyes at all? It could be that if a floater is in the area of your eye that corresponds with peripheral vision, you perceive it as a figure darting through your house. I had a detachment of the visceral detachment in my right eye a few years ago that created an explosion of floaters and flashes right when it happened, and for a long time afterwards (though afterward just floaters, no flashes). One of the things that happened is that I would often get the feeling like someone was standing over me just to my right, particularly if I was sitting working at the computer or something. At first I would get startled and sort of turn to my side real fast in kind of defensive posture, but then I got used to it. It continues to happen occasionally, but not as much anymore; however, it did take awhile for my intellectual understanding of what was happening to modify my emotional response. Now, of course, anyone can sneak up on my on my right side with a big knife and I won't bat an eye. lol But seriously, I think this may be an issue with your vision. I doubt you have the visceral detachment, because for me that was kind of dramatic when it first happened. But this is the age when everyone gets floaters, and they can look like a figure of a person flitting through your house.

Nope, don't think you're crazy at all...some folks who read this will probably react badly to this reply, but I believe there are some things, real things, that we just can't explain. I'll leave it at that...and yes, I've experienced what you wrote about and so have many of my family and friends. That, however, is not the basis of my newly develped fear of staying alone at night. As another so rightly pointed out, it is an unfounded insecurity, nothing more...but it just annoys me to no end because I can't oust it.

I lived in a neighborhood years ago where a double barrel shot gun beside the bed, not in the closet, was not too much. Local news, horror stories...none of that is the problem...and I actually feel more secure in the dark, the darker the better. It's just plain irrational fear and I know it. There is no basis for me to think that out of hundreds of thousands of homes some psycho is going to target mine. If you think about it, it's funny in a morbid way.

You are exactly right. I agree 100%. I'm going to deal with it head-on...but I still want to blame it on peri...ha ha.

Install an alrm system or get a dog. It will help your state of mind and body.

I have to tell a story from back when I cleaned houses. One of the houses was a former funral home. Every time I vacuumed the main hallway, something or someone would run across at the end of it in the living room (former viewing parlor). I swear it scared the beejesus out of me! After several months of weekly visits I was right at the end of the hall and bent over to do something and my little friend ran past again.....only it wasn't my friend it was my own reflection in a french door! My point is we can scare ourselves into seeing and hearing things that just aren't there! You are already panicky about being home alone. Try to pay attention to where you see this figure and then begin to analyze just what you are seeing. Be it a shadow, a reflection or whatever.

I still say get a dog. We got home from a weeks vacation, my husband walked in with a ball cap and sunglasses on (he never ever wears a ball cap). Our dog nearly ate him as he made his way through the house looool. Finally when he spoke she was okay with him. We got home four hours ago and she is still laying at my feet. You would be surprised the company and security they give you.

Bigheart: How interesting. It could be any number of things, depending on what you believe in. Eye floaters, as witsend suggested, is high up on the list, IMO. Or it could be a ghost, if you believe in those things. I know peripheral vision is funky. Can't remember too much, but my first husband's doctoral thesis was all about they eye (it's actually part of the brain, only it sticks out...eew!) and I recall him telling me many times not to pay too much attention to stuff you see at the corners of your vision...if I come up with any more, I'll let you know...

Oh, no doubt about it, I can scare myself silly. We have two dogs...one is just a puppy, but the other is a fierce protector. My logical mind knows that he would sound the alarm. Thanks for your replies.

Don't feel bad. I live alone also, and as I have gotten older, I find myself panicking at the slightest sound. Sometimes there are no sounds but I am literally awake listening for sounds. I just moved into a new home and I am literally frozen with fear thinking someone will break in. Just last night I did not sleep a wink until aroud 4:30. Then I heard raindrops and that scared me and then I got up and looked out the window and realized it was just raindrops and of course I am hearing all kinds of noises. I don't like being alone anymore. Do we blame it on perimenopause, I don't know...all I know is that as I have been getting older all kinds of panic and anxiety situations are arising. I want to believe it is some form of perimenopause whether directly or indirectly. I think our nerves get wacky at this time of our lives. I was never like this when I was younger and lived alone.

As for Bigheart's post regarding seeing something out of the corner of her eye, it can be anything like the other girls said, depending on what u believe. I do believe in supernatural but I also won't get into that on this topic. Maybe if someone started a topic on that subject I will share my experience.

Take care

Agree totally since I startle and jump very easily.Have often thought I heard someone call my name and the house was empty.Can't stand loud noises,hate T.V. and don't even enjoy company anymore.So you are not alone.Try to relax,up the exercise.Yoga,twice a week has helped to center me but still get panicky very easily
Good Luck and hope you feel better soon
God Bless
Elizabeth

I refuse to watch Lifetime channels because I think the women characters are so victimized.

About eight years ago, I became very alone in the world. My parents died suddenly and my marriage ended. I don't have children or siblings. My mother's family was gone except for her uncle that is very elderly. I am not close to my dad's sister. A couple of very good girlfriends lived out of state. I worked for myself without co-workers. That's just the way life turned out at the time.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night and realizing that if something happened to me, No One would know for weeks. This was truly scary. This was by far the darkest time in my life. I have never felt so vulnerable and felt there could have been a huge sign on my door saying "Woman Alone - Enter At Will." I did move to a much smaller town and feel (knock on wood) much more at ease.

I was starting to have a lot of menopause problems that I think were amped up due to a tremendous amount of stress and transition. To me, this is related to struggles with relating to the world around us and finding ourselves in new and different stages of life. It takes vigilance for women to maintain their sense of identity. I hate saying this about myself as a female, it's so unfair.

By the way, the book, "The Gift of Fear" featured on Oprah is excellent. All women of all ages should give it a read.

To a certain extent many of us are alone, both females and males. I've often felt the same as you, especially when my husband travels...if something were to happen to me or him no one would know for quite a while. Thankfully, that tends to be more of a passing thought that I don't dwell on. Funny how we are all so similar.